dreamr

I don't know, I kind of thought that's what happened when I finally realized I could never, ever drink again. I know that God wipes away the desires in an instant for some people, but I don't believe it happens to everyone, otherwise there would be no temptations in life. It would be awesome if I never had a wrong desire for anything in life, but unfortunately it doesn't work that way. That's why I have to rely on the Holy Spirit to be my strength when temptation comes. To drink again for me is a sin, just the same as any other wrong action I could choose to do. I don't expect not to be tempted, but I do expect God to provide the power to say no every time.

chicamilo

For me the memories of drinking has always been the thing that pulled me back into using. All the good times that I had with alcohol. The memories of addiction are imprinted in our brains, and I've learned they will always be, but the longer we go with being sober, those old memories fade, and we replace them with newer, sober, truly happy ones. Now when I get those memories I remind myself that they are just that. Just a memory, and in time they will fade.

dreamr

Thank you, I agree with you, and I believe mine will fade, too. The memories were my downfall as well. As bad as some of the memories I have are, I still have more good ones than bad ones because my bottom was not as low as it could have been.

Boleo

That's exactly what I spent years trying to find. When I failed to find it the first year, I tried harder the second year, then I tried even harder the third year. It was by far the hardest struggle of my life.

When I finally gave up chasing sobriety, it turned around and chased me. At first I was resentful because it was not exactly what I wanted, it was not how I wanted it and it was not at the time I wanted it. I even cursed God for ruining all of my plans. It took awhile for me to see it but then I realized, it was better than anything I could have planned for myself.

"All expectations are seeds for resentment"
(Chuang Tzu)

"Sought after virtue is not true virtue."
(Laozi)

dreamr

Lol, I've been frustrated with God many times for not saving me the way I wanted Him to. I'm glad it all worked out for you better than you thought it would. I hope I can look back and see it that way too.

Ruby2

When I think about drinking and then the thought gets too much I start doing something physical and mundane. Washing the dishes, folding laundry, raking leaves, scrubbing the toilet. It helps get me on a different track and I feel better knowing I have accomplished something with my day.

Ornithology

When I find myself daydreaming about drinking, I find it helpful to change my environment immediately. If I am sitting on my sofa, I'll put my coat on and go for a long walk. The exercise, fresh air, and change in environment is enough to stop my romanticizing drinking.

dreamr

Thank you for the suggestions, Ruby2 and Ornithology!

KateL

I missed it for ages, but fortunately for me, the thought of it now makes me feel sick. I think it does after a while. Just give it time.

dreamr

I hope that will be the case for me too. Either way, I'm sure I'll forget what it's like, just like I can't really imagine what it's like to smoke weed anymore. (I used to be a pothead too. )

Threshold

Many of us have shared feeling like we are grieving the loss of a friend or partner. So, we go through the grief stages, and things get better IF we let them. Getting caught in fantasies, memories, and sorrow can be as addictive as the substance/relationship itself. Acceptance is the key that lets us move on, and when fantasies come up, accepting that grief is part of the process, accepting that now it's time to have new hobbies, interests and sources of fun in our lives, accepting that booze was once fun..but now it's not...allow us to move on.

When fantasies of anything that is harmful to me come up, I can choose to court them, lose myself in them...or catch myself and redirect my thoughts in any number of ways. Form a new habit. Not beat myself up over the thoughts that arise, but when they do choose to turn my thoughts towards something rewarding. Prayer, a walk, cleaning, calling a friend, writing out birthday or holiday cards, trying a new recipe, groom the pets, clean a closet, watch a movie.

I honestly have not found forcing myself to think of all the bad times drinking led to as helpful as redirecting my thoughts towards something else entirely. I can sort of get off on wallowing in how miserable I was, and that can turn into some twisted fantasy in it's own right. Better if I just don't go there at all.

dreamr

Thank you, Threshold! I do think acceptance is the most important part of quitting for good, and that's what makes this time different for me. Took me a few times to learn to accept it, but I can say with certainty that I do now.

I'm finding that what's working for me is to just ignore the thoughts while they're playing instead of trying to fight them. I don't necessarily try to think of something else, I just don't give them my full attention. I don't even notice when they go away, until long after.

I'm also learning that if I just let myself feel sad, it doesn't last long. That goes for all the negative emotions I've been feeling. I've spent so long trying to escape my feelings or push them down, but when I actually let them out, they last for a little while, then pass. I wish I had known a long time ago that the way to feeling better was to let myself feel bad first.

keithj

You know, dreamr, you could just recover from this thing, instead of trying to distract yourself from it. Lots of us have done it, and would be happy to share that with you.

dreamr

What do you mean by "this thing"? My alcoholism, or the thoughts that come to my mind? Are you saying that lots of people recovered by now (day 6) and stopped thinking about alcohol? I'm not trying to be sarcastic, I really don't understand what you mean.

keithj

I meant recover from alcoholism. At 6 days, everyone is still a little wigged out, but you've probably been thinking about not drinking for quite a while now. I spent years 'trying' to not drink. It was some of the most wretched years of my life, and my drinking only got worse. Over and over, that was the result of me trying to not drink.

It wasn't until I actually did what others had done to recover that I found lasting sobriety and an end to all those insane thoughts and cravings.

dreamr

Oh ok, gotcha. I think my problem wasn't so much trying not to drink, as it was trying to moderate. I really, really wanted to be a moderate drinker. Any time I quit and started back, it was because I convinced myself I could still drink moderately.

It's different this time, and I'm not actually trying not to drink. I'm making the choice to never drink again. I never made that choice before, at least not in my heart. The thoughts don't make me want to drink, they just bring on a feeling of missing something.

I posted the topic because I was curious if others just let the thoughts run their course, or if they did something to get rid of them quicker to end any unnecessary discomfort while they're in their early days of sobriety.

I hope that makes sense, sometimes it's hard for me to explain what I mean.

dreamr

Forgot to add: I'm thinking you might be trying to recommend something along the lines of surrendering to a Higher Power? If so, I am relying fully on God to provide HIS power to overcome temptation if or when it arises.

Joe Nerv

I remember one particular night in early sobriety that I felt the alcoholic thinking was going to win. I called a friend, and they walked me through, in great detail, how I believed my best case scenario would play out. I would start with a quart of beer in the house, then head to my favorite club... Everything would play out perfectly.... I'd wind up back alone in my bed around 7 or 8AM, fall out... And wake up around 4 or 5Pm. My friend asked me to tell in detail how I'd feel then.

Really picturing all that wiped out my glamorization of the whole thing. Truth is it wouldn't have played out nearly as well as I'd have wanted it to, also.

I knew I wanted to be sober. I knew that any urges I gave into I'd have to just face again, and probably even more intensely. Just wanted to be done with the urges, and get them out of the way.

dreamr

Me too.

bleary

I feel ya, Dreamr. I am new here and I fantasize about wine a lot. The longer I go without drinking the duller the bad memories get and the brighter the good memories get. WHY!? I have not had a drink in 7 days. I miss it so much and I feel like thinking about a life without alcohol is like a life without a leg. Serious. I am also like you, I did not have a very low bottom and I did not drink everyday. I drank maybe 2x a week and when I did I would usually blackout and go into a week long depression. Sometimes I convince myself that I am not really alcoholic too. I can really, really relate to everything you wrote.