dreamr

It's starting already, not sure how to properly address the thoughts. Do I let it run it's course and say oh well, boo hoo for you, you still can't have it? Do I struggle to force it out of my brain with thoughts of something else? It's harder this time because I know for sure I can never have it again, and I'm grieving my loss. What method do you use to handle this?

alphaomega

Are you familiar with AVRT ?

Thepatman

Grief is the right word I find. The acceptance of loosing our friend is key I find.

Sudz No More

You've got to learn to hate it and all it has done badly to you. Don't romance it, throw it away as irreverently as possible and forget it. Don't sit there and white knuckle, more often than not you will cave under the pressure. Just leave it alone and find something to occupy yourself with.

jbsoriginality

This^ It has been bad to you, so drop it. I know that's easier said than done. But if something causes you harm then well, it's causing you harm.

dreamr

Yes, but I can't get myself to see it that way. My addiction may be trying to convince me to drink, which I won't do, but it's still me as a person that misses the buzz.

dreamr

I'm not meaning to romance it, the imagery is just playing in my mind nonstop. I don't actually want to drink, I just don't know what to do when the thoughts are overwhelming. I do hate what it has done to me, but I don't hate the memories of the times I stopped with a nice buzz. I know it eventually leads to more, but it doesn't change the fact that those particular memories are still pleasant.

jbsoriginality

Do you have any other interests such as exercising, motorcycles, cars, that you could be occupying yourself with? I know its cold right now and I can't do too much gardening but I enjoy raking up the leaves and composting them to add to my gardens soil in the spring. I even rake up the neighbors leaves just so I can have more compost. Its tough work building up clay soil! There has to be something else you are interested in, and if not then maybe you can take on a new hobby?

dreamr

Well, there's not a lot for me to do at night, which is when I used to drink. I do want to get into drawing but right now I'm at the stage where everything is dull and I have no interest to do anything, even watch tv. I tend to daydream while I'm doing things anyway, so not sure if activity would take away the thoughts.

Avra

Hey Dreamr, you and I share the November 2013 class so I am at the beginning of recovery too. I have no great advice, being new to this to, but I think its as simple - at least at first - of riding it out. Question yourself, if it brings you so much misery, do you really think its something you truly want to do, or is that the addiction speaking?

I have found in early days that if I ride it out and say "no" the cravings soon pass. And if its anything like quitting smoking - which I do have long experience with - one day you look back and realize it was never you actually wanting it at all. Or if it was, it was some crazy part of you that has since died. Don't give up something as important as sobriety for something not integral to yourself.

dreamr

Thank you Avra, I think you're right about riding it out. I didn't do a very good job of explaining myself, but I'm not actually tempted to drink by the thoughts, because I have no doubt that I will never drink again. It's the fact that the thoughts are making me sad, kind of like remembering someone that died. I will just let it make me sad, and wait for it to pass. Right now it's not bothering me because I just stuffed myself at McDonald's and am in a junk food coma, lol. I even saw wine at the store and didn't think much of it. It was margaritas I was imagining anyway.

I quit smoking a long time ago too, so yay for us!

Avra

Good to hear you aren't tempted Now I want a Big Mac....

dreamr

Lol, oops!

cardoon

When I find myself obsessing over something I literally say, " Stop".

dreamr

You know, my mom was just telling me yesterday that it helps her to talk to herself out loud to deal with stuff, I might give it a try. I feel weird talking to myself, but I'm willing to try anything.

doggonecarl

I don't think it's a "method" but once I accepted I could never drink again...ever, I quit missing it. Perhaps you truly haven't accepted you'll never drink?

dreamr

Perhaps it's more of a reluctant acceptance. I know I won't drink because I have the power of choice and I plan to use it to honor my commitment, in much the same way as I plan to honor my marriage by not cheating on my husband. I hadn't reached the point where drinking was all misery for me, I just went as far as I was willing to go before I said enough was enough. If I didn't have God to begin with, it might have taken a lot more for me to get to that part. I actually think the very reason it makes me sad is that I no longer have that tiny hope that I can one day drink again, like I did the other times I attempted to quit.

deeker

This helps me, I hang it up on my bathroom mirror!


We drank for happiness and became unhappy.
We drank for joy and became miserable.
We drank for sociability and became argumentative.
We drank for sophistication and became obnoxious.
We drank for friendship and made enemies.
We drank for sleep and awakened without rest.
We drank medicinally and acquired health problems.
We drank for relaxation and got the shakes.
We drank for bravery and became afraid.
We drank for confidence and became doubtful.
We drank to make our conversation easier and we slurred our speech.
We drank to feel heavenly and ended up feeling like hell.
We drank to forget and were forever haunted.
We drank for freedom and became slaves.
We drank to erase problems and saw them multiply.
We drank to cope with life and invited death.

dreamr

Thank you, deeker, I love that! I will have to save that for later.

Boleo

That was me at 5 months abstinent. Then I had a "Spiritual Awakening" and in less than a heartbeat, the thoughts left me root and branch.

Now is a good time to ask "What does it take to get a Spiritual Awakening?"