FeelingGreat

Hey Spartan, I came in late on your thread. I'm so sorry for your loss. I suppose you know that it was mental illness (even if temporary) plus substance & alcohol abuse that was why your friend suicided? I'm not discounting your feelings though; you are right to want to be there and sober for your friends. I went through a period where several people I knew committed suicide and it made me realise how much mental illness there is in the community.

If you believe in making amends to the universe, or even to your friend, can you use this as a promise to yourself to get sober, and maybe support an organisation that works to prevent suicide? We have a brilliant one in Australia called BeyondBlue.

Although I'm in a completely different demographic from you, I too had very few consequences from my drinking, but I knew it was harming my long term health. That was my main motivator. I did a lot of online searches on how alcoholism progresses, and the side effects, and it scared me silly. My final trigger for quitting was to support my DIL in giving up smoking, by proving to myself I was strong enough to quit something I was addicted to. Are you strong enough to do it in memory of your friend?

If you can't give up completely for now, start with not drinking on the way home from work. It's often habit that causes us to drink at certain times so I suggest you have some cans of soft drink at hand. That will make it much easier.

I really admire your honesty.

RobbyRobot

Don't be hard on yourself, Spartan. Most of us had already suffered enough to have quit, and yet we kept using and sometimes even got worse strangely enough. Quitting can be either/both an event or a journey depending on how we view our experiences - looks like its becoming more a journey for you - so far anyways. For myself, I quit many times before I was finally able to stay quit - took years actually - and you know what? - I could have done it sooner if I knew then what I know now - but of course hind-sight is always 20/20.

Suicide is always tough to deal with. Been there myself on the edge. And I've lost friends to suicide too. Sorry for your hurts. Like I said before, you take care of YOU, SpartanGreen.

Good to see you posting.

foolsgold66

Try, try again, sir. Be the best you can manage for yourself and others in this hard time. If life didn't hurt sometimes, we wouldn't ever find our way.

BlueSkies1

I am sorry about your loss.

Please do not drink on your way home from work. Selfishly, I ask if you are driving the 696/96 corridor anywhere between Howell and the east side. I will avoid it, just tell me when, what hours.
I would like to continue to live, thank-you.

TrixMixer

Hey SG,

Losing someone you care about to suicide is always going to shake your world. Adding to that your feelings of guilt (which by the way is normal), this may not be the best time to get sober. IMO you need some time to digest what has happened and to know that if someone is intent on suicide talking to them 12 hours before isn't going to help. They will find a way --this life is just not viable for their way of thought any longer.

So on that note take the time to grieve and mourn the lose of your friend. Cry as much as you need to, and find the strength to get through Friday, but know his suicide was inevitable with or without you. I would imagine everyone around him is feeling a little guilty --I suppose it may even be normal in this type of situation.
.
Once you have gotten a chance to process this grief , let it allow you to heal.
....and the healing just may be your sobriety. Timing is everything, and this week just may not be the right time for you to address alcoholism.......and that is ok as long as you make a pledge in your friends memory to allow his death to help you live---sober.

Talk here as much as you like --it is 24-7.

Good luck,
TrixMixer

RobbyRobot

I think any time no matter the situation works for quitting but I do understand where ((TrixMixer)) is coming from with her empathy- some situations certainly can make it more difficult to quit then others and these kind of situations where one feels responsible for perhaps not being all they could be in helping a friend stay alive - these kind of situations are difficult drunk or sober.

Still though, any tomorrow is never really the best day to quit - today (or yesterday) is always a better choice, imo.

Have courage, Spartan.

SpartanGreen

Well I'm very much trying.

Been sober three of the past six days. It's every other day. I just can't seem to finalize day two and begin a streak. The withdrawal symptoms, well only when trying to get to sleep really, are extremely crappy.

I've been learning about AVRT, studying it and trying to execute it.

The biggest hurdle I have to get over is accepting that I can't drink on a work night, no matter how busy it will be, despite the fact that I will be sweating and waking up all night. This weekend should allow me some leverage to build some days up without worrying about how much sleep I get.

EndGameNYC

Perhaps without even being aware of it, you're placing conditions on your drinking. What you're saying here without actually saying it, is that it's okay to drink on your nights off.

SpartanGreen

It's easier to not drink on the nights off. I'm saying its very hard to not drink on work nights because I flip and flop and sweat and wake up every 30 minutes and then the alarm goes off at 5:45.