TrixMixer

Happy to see you have come back to the forum. Maybe I am wrong, but it seems like you want someone else to take responsibility for your drinking. Like the "maybe I will get a ticket for DUI " and that will be the thing to make you stop drinking. You are looking for the catalyst to come from outside yourself, and that is not how it works.

So lets say you(and everyone else on the road) is lucky to just get a ticket for DUI--do you honestly think that "Ticket" will be the catalyst to MAKE you stop? How about if all of a sudden your entire family realize that you are an alcoholic. What do you want them to do to MAKE you stop drinking, lock you in the attic with just food and water? Guarantee if YOU do not see the need to get sober , the first thing you will do when you get out of that attic is buy a six pack a beer and drink them while driving home from the liquor store.

YOU AND ONLY YOU can be responsible for your own sobriety. You have to see that the need to drink, so the earth won't swallow you up, is a hell of a way to live.
Look all of us have driven drunk thinking we could handle it--but that is the mind of an alcoholic at it's most divisive. To willingly get in a car and drink while driving 9 pints of beer to get a DUI so that will somehow stop you, is beyond the alcoholic rule book (if there was one). I hope you see where I am coming from, and it is only my opinion but you need to get to a doctor or counselor first before you even get to re-hab. You need accountability for these destructive actions and they can help you at least begin to see how irresponsible your thinking is.

I sincerely hope YOU know how much this behavior is destroying your live and maybe the lives of others.

TrixMixer

SpartanGreen

Things have not been going well.

Since my last post, one of my best friends, a long time childhood friend, a fellow alcoholic and a heroin addict, hung himself. It's a very shocking thing to me. It's the first time in my life I've experienced the death of a family member or close friend. I feel responsible in a lot of ways. I feel like I could have been a better friend and my alcoholism prevented me from doing so in a lot of ways.

I resolve to use this experience as my motivation to get sober. A life ending is a very real thing. I guess I have a better reason than trying to get in shape for a girl now.

foolsgold66

I'm sorry for your loss. Many of us find different motivations. Perhaps we were hypercritical of your original one, all that really matters is that a person with our problem finds a way to solve it. I wish you well.

RobbyRobot

Sorry for your loss. Death is always difficult. Like foolsgold already talked about, we all get our own motivations in our own ways. Take care of you, Spartan.

DayTrader

There's some good recovery in the Lansing / East Lansing area. One of my sponsees is from there (he's actually from Holt, MI but went to State, lived in Lansing ...etc). If you want some names or some good meetings......shoot me a PM.

Renarde

Since your lack of severe withdrawal is leaving you questioning your addiction......

Reading this made me think about my baby and made me sick to my stomach. It terrifies me that someone would do this. What if you killed someone's child? You are definitely an alcoholic!

You definitely need help. Getting a girlfriend 3 days in won't be enough to stop this disease.

SpartanGreen

I am about 60 miles out from E.L. but I appreciate it. I am thinking of finding a meeting though.

I've only ever been to one, a couple years ago. I went with my friend who just killed himself... heh...

Danae

Please do try a meeting, or two, or three. Even if AA turns out not to be the way you get sober, it certainly surrounds you with people who will take your problem seriously. Don't immediately discount it because it makes you uncomfortable either. It is an amazing resource, and free.

We here do understand how hard it is to be sober. But if you try, you'll find a lot of support right here. Keep posting. And sorry about your friend.

DecBaby

I'm very sorry about your friend. That's the kind of thing that happens to addicts and alcoholics. My father was alcoholic and shot himself in the head. When I read about you saying a dui may make you stop and others saying you'll end up in jail, I just think to myself that not may even be enough. Lots of US, addicts/alcoholics have been through lots of big events that should have made us stop. But we kept going. It was only when we reached some internal thing that we decided to stop. You're getting hit with a death close to home right now and I'm sure you're hurting like crazy. You did not cause his death by any means. Remember that. But imagine how it would feel if you did directly cause someones death by drunk driving. I hope this tragedy with your friend has a positive effect on your drinking.

ronf

How nice to see a few positive posts for S.G. Everybody on this thread who has never drove drunk raise your hand....... That's what I thought.
S.G. Chill out, sounds to me like you're ready for a bright life instead of the darkness you're in now. It's out there! You just need to decide you want it.
It IS worth the effort!!

All my best,

Your friend, Ron

kittycat3

Sorry about your friend. Wow this post is full of emotional stuff!

I too feel saddened by the detachment I sense in your first post. Please stop checking out with booze while you are behind the wheel.

Get sober for you. Even if nobody in your life has held you accountable, YOU can hold you accountable! Don't detach from yourself like everyone else has. Maybe in grieving your friend you can commit to doing better by him. We care about you here even if it's just behind the screen.

kittycat3

And PS take it from me.... You do NOT want to have a DUI as a wake up call. Save yourself the legal woes and $$. If you can't afford rehab you cannot afford a DUI.

Regretter

Never have, never will. ^^raises hand^^.

Dee74

I'm sorry for your loss Spartan Green.

D

TrixMixer

Well it is good to see you back on the forum SG! Thought we might have lost you.

So very sorry to hear about your friends death. Perhaps this will be that wake-up call you have been needing. Your friends death happened for reasons we will never understand. This was something you had no control over, so please, no reason to feel guilty. I sense you may realize your cavalier attitude in your first post was not the way to go.

So you see SG ,this forum can help you see things you never thought about. That is where the experiences of people here can help. Please keep coming back especially during these difficult times .

Stay strong,
TrixMixer

TrixMixer

Hi Ron,

Please know that I for one have driven drunk thinking I could handle it. Of course many of us have driven drunk. I would think that thinking we are good to go is part of why we are ALCOHOLICS!

What SG was explaining was something totally different. He willingly knew the ramifications of how 9 pints would affect him and he got behind the wheel with the intention of drinking those 9 pints on the way home. I for one think that is "alcoholic roulette"....which one of the nine would take another life, his own, or get him that DUI he thinks he needed to stop drinking. I do not believe for one minute SG looked at it as a way he might actually kill someone.

IMO alcoholics drink and drive AFTER the alcohol has clouded their judgement and honestly think "we're not alcoholics, we can handle driving our own car home". For me , to think someone actually gets into a car to drink 9 pints of beer and thinks getting a DUI ticket is the worse that can happen, needs help NOW! I hope I have explained this well enough for you to understand my reason for being harsh with SG. I cannot speak for others, but if SG partakes in this type of behavior ----well, think he might understand the harsh words?

Just Sayin,
TrixMixer

Mentium

I have NEVER driven drunk. Somehow.

..and I suspect this guy is a troll.

tomsteve

yup, I drove drunk...a LOT. that doesn't me I approve my behavior then nor to I think its ok for people to do it today.

karate

Just trying to save SG the trouble .

If he must drink 9 beers ,wait till he gets home ,That's all im saying

SpartanGreen

I went two days sober. I was trying my best to juggle it with what is going on in my life right now. Between the lack of my expected depressant and thinking about my best friend hanging himself, I've basically gotten no sleep. I've been constantly beating myself up about the things I could have done different and how I could have been a better friend. There were a lot of ways. I ignored a phone called from him less than 12 hours before he committed suicide.

I'm in the darkest place I've ever been in my life and I can't stop crying. I thought I would immediately use this as a slingshot to sobriety, but that hasn't worked out so well as the reality of the situation and the sadness has set in.

He will be buried on Friday. I hope to god I can find closure and forgive myself and begin finding sobriety.