MattyBoy

Okay this may be in my imagination... But I've noticed there seems to be an awkward moment when I'm in a pub or out for a meal with friends and I ask for a coke or ginger beer. It's really getting to me and I'm sure some of you guys may relate to this... I know it's easy to say "who cares about what others think!" etc. but I always feel like I'm the odd one out when I'm out with friends and they all have a pint of beer and I'm there with a soft drink (well actually I don't feel like the odd one out I AM the odd one out..) but yeah it's just getting awkward. I don't want to go around with a label on my forehead saying "recovering alcoholic coming through, don't judge!" but sometimes feel it would be much easier! Am I making too much of this? My counsellor said its just my alcoholic brain at work making me think that alcohol is the centre of everyone else's focus and not just mine and people really don't care what's in my glass, but the reality is it seems people DO care. Even those who don't have a drink problem seem to look at me as if I'm from an alien planet when I order a soft drink. I sometimes feel long term recovery would be a thousand times easier if giving up drinking was received with the same reaction as those who have just given up smoking but it just seems to alienate one further...

Anyway, thoughts anyone?

GoodbyeJose

I have found that the bartender likes me when I don't order alcohol. They recognize that I'm the designated driver, and usually give me my coke for free.

Designated drivers prevent potential liability problems for the bar owners, so everyone is happy in the end.

Truth is, normal people also have DD's come with them... people take turns not drinking. When I don't drink I don't assume I'm branded as the recovering alcoholic, but that it's just "my turn" to not drink that night.

Then I get free soda and get to tell my friends stories about how ridiculous they were the next day.

EndGameNYC

Don't know what to recommend, really.

Instead of feeling "awkward" about ordering a soft drink, would you rather join the crowd, ending up back in your own personal living hell?

MattyBoy

Good point. I suppose I just wanted some affirmation that this isn't all in my alcoholic head and that others have experienced something similar when they find themselves surrounded by drinkers.

lorelei

MB try not to mind read, just remember each time you order that soft drink, you're answering back your av, try not to make it a big thing, be proud of your sobriety x

Yankee73

I get disappointed looks from waitresses, but remember, the higher the bar tab/bill, the higher their tips are- so my $2.00 soda is nothing compared to several alcoholic drinks at like $6.00 each. And I'm not sitting there slamming back soda, lol.

Otherwise, I really don't care if people look at me cross-eyed. Not my problem what they think.

doggonecarl

I say it's in your head and no one really cares what you drink. But if it's not, and your friends can't support your decision to not drink, you might redefine your friendships.

DoubleBarrel

As a former waiter, i can tell you that they do care, for the aforementioned tip issue.

As for the bar, seriously, no one cares.

Ive been astonished at how few people drink actually, and those that do, how little they do.

Its commonplace. The awkwardness is all in your own perception.

Doug39

A few weeks ago, when I was 6 weeks sober, was my first get together with family and friends since I quit alcohol. Most of them didn't know I quit.

When it came time to order, everyone got an alcoholic drink and I ordered a coke. My stepson made a comment (he has watched me get liquored up for years) and I then had to explain myself to everyone.

Like everything, people will get used to you not drinking. If they have a problem with it so be it. You have to do what is best for yourself.

FeenixxRising

Maybe it's different in the States, or maybe my experience is different. During a past sober period I went to a rough, bikerish bar to hear my cousin's band play. I was apprehensive when I went the bar to order a Diet Coke. I assume that ordering a Coke in that type of bar would get me laughed out of the place. While I was waiting for the bartender to get my Coke, a huge, burly biker guy came up to the bar. The bartender gave me my soda and then asked the biker guy what he wanted.

Guess what he ordered? A Coke.

So it's been my experience that a lot of different types of people are in recovery, and that not drinking is pretty much accepted, usually without question. I think the "awkward" feeling is mostly unwarranted--in time you will feel completely comfortable not ordering an alcoholic drink.

jkb

MattyBoy-
I completely understand. No one at my job ever knew I had a problem and now.... at work events its.. "oh your not having a beer?" whenever I order a nonalcoholic drink. My friends know I don't drink anymore but, only a few know why. VERY few. Usually when it is brought up though I say I gave up my unhealthy lifestyle. It helps that I have been cutting down on smoking since I quit.

But, at any rate all I can do is relate to you and tell you my lame excuse I use. Feel free to borrow it anytime....

Jess

Bostonsportsfan

You never beat around the bush, nice point. A soft drink sounds better then drinking to me how awkward you might feel.

Acheleus

We live in a sick, selfish, drug infested culture. I think we should feel proud of our strength and sobriety.

EndGameNYC

Actually, more often than not I don't express all my thoughts and feelings on any particular thread that pulls me in. I try to balance what I may want to say with whether or not my comment will be helpful to the OP or anyone else. I don't always make the best choice, and I'm certain there are some people who experience me as abrupt, perhaps even dismissive or mean. But as long as my heart is in the right place -- trying to help someone else -- then my conscience is clear.

MattyBoy

Interesting responses.. I suppose I wasn't really looking for advice just confirmation that this awkwardness is all my own perception. At the end of the day I know I'm not going to drink and that's the most important thing. A wise man once said "what other people think of you is none of your business" and I suppose that can be applied here... I guess it's all just my alcoholic mind thinking that other people care as much about who's drinking what as I do. When normal people go to a bar, they do so to socialise and see friends - the alcohol is merely an enhancer of this experience thus what other people drink doesn't matter to them. When I used to go to bars my intention was solely to get as drunk as possible ... I now see that is an important difference in the thinking of an alcoholic and a non alcoholic...

karate

No one actually thinks anything about it -at all .

I have lots of friends that don't drink ,and were never alocholics ,they just don't like alcohol .

Don't overthink it .

Doug39

Great advice for this and most things in life.

veryready

This summer I was in a bar after a large dinner with my wife's family. I went to the bar and ordered a coke. The bartender brought my coke and I went to pay him. He then kind of waived me off and I wasn't sure if it was a 'don't worry about it' wave or a 'you loser I don't want your money' wave. His expression was odd either way. I just thought to myself, yep I'm a loser, but I don't drink and that is cool. Made me happy to realize I just didn't give a ****.

LadyBlue0527

Your question was about feeling awkward. I identify with that. More in the beginning though. As I get further along it's becoming more natural. It takes some getting used to that's all.

Renarde

Maybe stop going to bars if it is messing with your head? Easier said than done, I know, but might be a good decision for now.