Badga

I have just come back from a holiday in Germany where all the breweries produce their own alchohol free beer and no one bats an eye if you order one. I suppose I am lucky that having a non alcoholic variant of a drink, either wine or beer, does not seem to be a trigger for me. The smoking thing I find interesting as you quite rightly point out, if you tell your friends you are going to give up smoking everyone is supportive, encouraging, wishing they could do that, whereas if you say you want to stop drinking, even if you are not an alcoholic, they do not get it.

I am a warfarin patient so can always use this if someone asks why I don't drink alcohol, but part of me always thinks that whatever you eat, drink, or do should be accepted and not questioned, so I quite often say "I just don't drink alcohol" and leave it at that.

MattyBoy

Haha wish I got free soft drinks in bars! Maybe he just liked the look of you if u know what I mean haha

Ampsmarie

Honestly, the first few times was weird... but after that I made it my little joke. I order a double water on the rocks. I had work employees as well as many other people ask me "you don't drink?".... my response is no, I have drank enough to last me a lifetime. That usually works for me. At 4 months sober I was handed champagne at a work event even though I said no thank you. I carried it until I saw a waitress cleaning up a cocktail table so I slid behind the group and put my glass where she could clean it up. No one noticed. At this point in my sobriety (14 months sober) I could care less if it looks weird or if I am being judged; simply because its not worth giving up my sobriety to make a waitress or bartender happy about what I am drinking.

Ending my ramble now. Lol

hypochondriac

How long have you been sober Matty? I definitely felt that way at first, but I agree with your counsellor. My focus has changed dramatically as time has passed. But I do wish I hadn't tortured myself early on by hanging out at too many bars! I was determined to not let it effect my social life but I should have given myself a break and time to adapt. Carrying on the same behaviours makes the transition that much harder. Try doing something different for a night out x

MattyBoy

I'm sober 140 days.. So I probably should've gotten over this by now! I suppose I've deliberately avoided exposing myself to situations in which I am with people who I don't know very well in a pub or bar... I've told close friends that alcohol sends me loopy so I've stopped and have told one of my friends when he asked why I wasn't drinking that "I'd probably drunk more than he would drink during his lifetime" to which he laughed. I suppose bars etc. are unavoidable as I'm a university student who has an active social life and I don't want to ostracise myself. I'm going back to university at the end of the month and have told the people I'm living with that I'm not drinking and they're fine with that but as a student in the UK it is certainly very unusual to be completely teetotal. People often say 'go on, just have one ' without realising that it is the 'one' drink that does the most damage!

hypochondriac

There's no 'should of' about it, you'll feel comfortable about it when you feel comfortable about it... I have a family friend who is a recovering alcoholic who is a musician and out there all the time with drinkers so I knew it was possible but I'll be honest and say I am still not entirely comfortable about being in drinking situations. People are very casual about it and jokey about alcohol issues. Like you I have made jokey allusions to my drinking days and people laugh, but sometimes I feel like being entirely honest and say that it very nearly destroyed my life and made me suicidal. Don't want to be a party pooper though On the university front, I am sure there will be clubs and stuff that you can join that aren't drinking orientated. I remember my best mate at uni did stuff like that all the time and I always thought what's the point if you can't drink... so I know they exist...

hypochondriac

Btw, massive congrats on 140 days! That's awesome x

LadyBug66

Mattyboy, it's not in your head. I get funny looks as well when I don't order alcohol with everyone else. I have found that if asked about it I just say... Oh, I'm not drinking today and that seems to set everyone at ease. I don't go into the story of my alcoholism.

Doug39

Most drinkers don't want to hear about alcoholism, AA, etc. anyways.

My wife is still a daily drinker and she thinks that AA is a cult of sober alcoholics and dry drunks that are pissed off because they need a drink.

Dee74

I dunno - I find I don't get half the funny looks I used to when I was stumbling around, being loud and obnoxious, falling over, being sick or soiling myself and generally making a drunken dick of myself...

It's in the eye of the beholder I think

D

Spinach

Mat, perhaps your just growing out of bars or rounds.
Remember going out on the lash is very difficult sober as well as boring, at your age you have a fantastic opportunity to build an image of a non drinking you, someone who just doesn't drink. Turn up have a few drinks then head of to a film home meal anything , you will be enigmatic and easier to get on with.
John.

karate

One thing I did learn in anger Mgt . is most people are really too busy going on about their daily lives , to take and intrest in making us mad ,Or seeing if we get a beer or a coke .

Most people that have seen me drunk are more than happy im not a drunk now -I was an ANGRY drunk .

Warhawk

I paired my sobriety with a health kick. I started dieting and exercising the day I got sober. So no one really took to notice that I was having water or diet soda.
I'm at 121 days today and I have never been really tested or tempted by anyone. Of course, I don't frequent pubs anymore.
Normies don't obsess about drinking like us drunks do. You're feeling awkward because you're obsessing over the booze. The waiter couldn't give a flip less if you drank a brew, a whiskey drink or a cup of spit. He's thinking about his own world. You're just a minor character in his reality.
But, booze is the leading man/woman in us drunks' worlds. If not, none of us would be in meetings or on this site.
Hang in there, chief. Congrats on your dry days.

trail257

Went to a bar with friends. I was the only one who ordered a Shirley Temple. Odd ? Awkward ? Maybe. But I know it's also odd and awkward making an ass of myself drinking, sleeping with strangers i cant remember, shattering my ankle when i fell and didnt know cause i was numbed to the pain. Also odd and totally awkward needing to have a double vodka in order to function in the morning or going through withdrawals I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. I will take my Shirley Temple odd an awkward as it is any day before going back to the life I had

longbeachone

Lots of you guys know that my husband was critically ill and lost most of his pancreas. He can't drink alcohol, orders whatever non alcoholic beverages he wants, and never seem to feel the need to share his medical history with anyone. Shouldn't we all be the same? When I go out with people who don't drink I'm more inclined to think that they are healthy people than think they are alcoholics.

FBL

I used to think everyone cared what I was drinking. Kinda goes with the selfish alcoholic mindset. Now I have no problem going to a bar and ordering a soft drink. Every bar I've ever been to has them available.

TDInstall

Yeah, not an issue at all. I often find the cute barmaid likes it. Must be a nice change to interact with a man who is displaying self control, rather than getting blind drunk.

Uninvited

I think it depends on who you are hanging out with and where. If you go out with a bunch of friends to a bar specifically to drink, yeah you are going to be the odd person and I wonder why you are even putting yourself in that.

GhostFace

Forget if you dont fit in, be happy you stand out. I go to bars and walk around with a bottle of water and stay amused at my drunk friends. This was months back.

Boleo

I am "recovered" and can be around people who are drinking... if I have a legitimate reason for being there. I stay just long enough to show respect for those who want to be there. I do not stick around to see how bad things will get nor do I view it as entertainment.