alphaomega

I thought I had it.

Then I thought I had it again.

What was the absolute final straw that made it stick ?

GracieLou

I surrendered. I was powerless over alcohol.

There was always something or someone that caused me to keep my head just ever so slightly above booze but when that was no more I started drowning.

I had to sink to the bottom and pull the plug. By pull the plug I mean get help and accept that help. I could no longer trust myself so I placed my trust first in AA. Then in my sponsor. Then in a HP. Now I have all three on my side of the playing field along with some pretty special and amazing people that I have met along the way. I am grateful for them all.

I have to do the work but they are there to support and cheer me on. I would not be were I am now without them and my HP.

doggonecarl

Don't wait for the absolute bottom. It doesn't make it easier to quit. And the bottom might be too late.

You can quit. Just decide you've had it.

GracieLou

Very true Carl. I am sure I had plenty of more falling to do if I had not grabbed on when I did.

WhiteFeathers

I've had several bottoms during my drinking career. I don't really want to post them here, but they were pretty bad.

My most recent bottom, the thing that made me really want to quit now, is probably not even that shocking. But it was a definitive "aha moment." Up until now, I've mostly abused myself with alcohol, but lately it's started affecting my kids and has been threatening my standing in my community. I just can't afford that and my kids do not deserve that.

Soberpotamus

The concept of the "rock bottom" is misleading and potentially dangerous, imo. I could name a few incidents that were pretty awful. But they didn't occur at the "end" or as things progressed... they were happening all along.

Anna

My children were barely speaking to me.

My husband had given up all hope.

My health was disastrous.

Thank god, I had a moment of clarity.

hypochondriac

I don't believe in bottoms. There is always somewhere lower to go. The trick is to get off before you reach the bottom, which is when you're 6 feet under...

I always remember someone in AA telling us all of his awful 'bottoms' and then saying that he finally reached the point where he had lost the will to live. Well I felt like that was where I started. I was surprised that other alcoholics had wills to live and had actually tried to quit because of consequences.

Don't worry about the particulars, just keep trying til it does stick x

Soberpotamus

Hypo, I can relate to your surprise about the will to live... I think I'd come to the conclusion, on a subconscious level anyway, that I was accepting my fate or giving up... maybe in some sort of oddly constructed defiance?! Lol. So yeah... I get it.

Nuudawn

For some reason, the word "bottom" is not resonating with me today. I was scared and broken and freaked out and helpless after an incident at 22. I went to AA a few times but I didn't find an answer then. I felt similarly defeated at 39 and again went to AA. Put together 7 or 8 months of sobriety.

25 days ago I woke up...unafraid, not broken, not defeated but instead just plain old fed up with who I had become (or not become) and the lifestyle I was living.

It didn't feel like a bottom..it felt like "the end".

2granddaughters

I was sitting in the driveway of the recovery home in 1989 with a gun to my head and it was all I could do to NOT pull the trigger.

I am 100% sure that rock bottom was the next step down.

I am blessed to know that there is a rock bottom and I don't have to return to it if I stay close to AA.

All the best.

Bob R

least

My bottom was waking up every damn day feeling like sh!t and wishing I were dead.

Justfor1

I've had 55 bottoms. Just some of the "low lights" include: attempting suicide, blacking out for days, waking up in bond court for a serious crime, attending AA meetings drunk, attending my 20+ detox ect...

Dee74

Many people insist on seeing a bottom as an event.
I think it's a decision.

you can make that decision today

D

Justfor1

[QUOTE=Dee74;4039685]Many people insist on seeing a bottom as an event.
I think it's a decision.

I agree. I think a persons bottom is usually a long process not a single negative event.

ADS20012012

I have had a couple bottoms. 1st getting a DUI. 2nd Getting blackout wasted at my job while working, and getting fired because of that.

2granddaughters

I had to make the decision to surrender ... not to try harder. I had tried as hard as I could.

I let go and AA caught me.

All the best.

Bob R

silentrun

It just hit me all at once. I just couldn't contain my drinking anymore and I didn't even want to. All I really wanted was to be drunk. That scared me because I knew I was about to surrender my last bit of free will. Then it was like someone pointed at the door and said "It doesn't have to be that way." So I took off running out that door. There is nothing good left there for me. That's not to say I don't want to get drunk anymore. It's just I know I can't win so I stay away. After all that I did try to relapse at 90 days. Guardian Angel blew up my stomach on me.

chrissp

A panic attack/breakdown in front of 50 people, while giving a presentation on my PhD work. The shame was indescribable. I was sober, in between binges, and that was the problem. The next weekend I spent comatose drunk while my girlfriend was at her brother's Police Academy graduation. The day before she got back, I broke down and came out as an alcoholic to those I cared about, dragged myself to a crisis counselor, consented for my records to be released to the counselor, my therapist and psychiatrist, so everyone would be up to speed. Then I rode in an ambulance to detox. That was March 25th, 2013.

alphaomega

I'm legitimately concerned that the damage I have done to my brain is permanent.

know drinking caused my anxiety and driving phobia, but the 25 days sober didn't seem to eradicate it. While of course I was feeling much better physically, and mentally as well, I was not a far as I had hoped. That was not the case the last time when I was sober for 3 months. I was driving all over. That was 2 years ago.

I suppose I just had a F it moment...where I just didn't see the results quick enough.

After all, I AM an alcoholic...