What was your bottom ?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: London, UK
Posts: 92
I don't really think I had one rock bottom but rather looking at all the things alcohol had destroyed and all the awful and dangerous situations made me realise going back to drinking isn't an option.
The day I realised just how back things had got was when I was taken into hospital with alcohol withdrawal (although they didn't believe that's what it was for quite a while because I'm a young female) and they wheeled me into resus. I thought I might die and I still didn't want them to call my mum because of the shame of drinking.
The day I realised just how back things had got was when I was taken into hospital with alcohol withdrawal (although they didn't believe that's what it was for quite a while because I'm a young female) and they wheeled me into resus. I thought I might die and I still didn't want them to call my mum because of the shame of drinking.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by Nuudawn 
For some reason, the word "bottom" is not resonating with me today. I was scared and broken and freaked out and helpless after an incident at 22. I went to AA a few times but I didn't find an answer then. I felt similarly defeated at 39 and again went to AA. Put together 7 or 8 months of sobriety.
25 days ago I woke up...unafraid, not broken, not defeated but instead just plain old fed up with who I had become (or not become) and the lifestyle I was living.
It didn't feel like a bottom..it felt like "the end".
25 days ago I woke up...unafraid, not broken, not defeated but instead just plain old fed up with who I had become (or not become) and the lifestyle I was living.
It didn't feel like a bottom..it felt like "the end".
Member
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: California
Posts: 81
Had a few..crashing my car into a telephone pole, passing out in the shower waking up bleeding from a headwound..etc..but the last one stuck..
missed a dinner with family cause I started drinking my poison (vodka) in the a.m. as I always did. Sister and Step-mother were worried so they came to my house found me passed out naked on the living room floor. I was unresponsive so they were hitting me, pouring cold water on my face. Just as they were about to call the paramedics I came to of course having no idea what was going on. I screamed and yelled at them to get the F**K out of my house. I continued drinking that night. The next day as little bits and pieces of what happened came to mind I was so ashamed and disgusted but the worst part was knowing that I put my family through that..that they saw me at that point, the pained worried looks on their faces..i felt horrible. I wanted to die and I knew I would if I didnt stop. i stopped that day almost 9 months ago.
missed a dinner with family cause I started drinking my poison (vodka) in the a.m. as I always did. Sister and Step-mother were worried so they came to my house found me passed out naked on the living room floor. I was unresponsive so they were hitting me, pouring cold water on my face. Just as they were about to call the paramedics I came to of course having no idea what was going on. I screamed and yelled at them to get the F**K out of my house. I continued drinking that night. The next day as little bits and pieces of what happened came to mind I was so ashamed and disgusted but the worst part was knowing that I put my family through that..that they saw me at that point, the pained worried looks on their faces..i felt horrible. I wanted to die and I knew I would if I didnt stop. i stopped that day almost 9 months ago.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Scottsboro, AL.
Posts: 81
Waking up realizing that I got so drunk the night before that I had been looking at porn and texting strippers. That is not who I am but it is who I was that night. My wife looked at my phone and saw what I had been doing. She saw me as a drunken pervert price of scum.
I began to see reality:
My intentions and my actions were opposite. My intentions were based on my love for my children (4 year old boy and 7 year old girl) and the love for my wife (a truly great woman) but my love for alcohol had moved past them and I was dishonest to my family because of it.
My wife hated me and Wanted me out of the house. She later told me she wanted a divorce.
The diodes soon of not seeing my beloved wife and wonderful and adored children every day was so intense the I thought I would suffocate. I could not controls the tears and sobbing anytime I had a mental picture of my kids or my wife. Any memory of a milestone like the birth or our kids or the future we could have together if I was sober made me want to die.
I called out to The Lord asking why I was experiencing so much pain and the answer was ... Think of how much more intense it would be if you were going through this behind bars because you killed someone drinking and driving??
So I decided that I am going to take one day at a time to make THIS my rock bottom and not the latter.
My wife may still leave me. I see some progress but I can't controls how she feels. I can controls one day at a time in my recovery and I can have the Lords forgiveness through my true repentance. The rest is up to God! I have to accept the consequences for my sins.
I began to see reality:
My intentions and my actions were opposite. My intentions were based on my love for my children (4 year old boy and 7 year old girl) and the love for my wife (a truly great woman) but my love for alcohol had moved past them and I was dishonest to my family because of it.
My wife hated me and Wanted me out of the house. She later told me she wanted a divorce.
The diodes soon of not seeing my beloved wife and wonderful and adored children every day was so intense the I thought I would suffocate. I could not controls the tears and sobbing anytime I had a mental picture of my kids or my wife. Any memory of a milestone like the birth or our kids or the future we could have together if I was sober made me want to die.
I called out to The Lord asking why I was experiencing so much pain and the answer was ... Think of how much more intense it would be if you were going through this behind bars because you killed someone drinking and driving??
So I decided that I am going to take one day at a time to make THIS my rock bottom and not the latter.
My wife may still leave me. I see some progress but I can't controls how she feels. I can controls one day at a time in my recovery and I can have the Lords forgiveness through my true repentance. The rest is up to God! I have to accept the consequences for my sins.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 146
In the past year I've had many of what normal people would call "rock-bottoms",
but I look back at them with fondness and a chuckle; it was a big adventure! My last night of boozing, last Saturday, was 2 bottles of wine and 2 hours of dancing, then a short walk to the parking garage and had a great sleep on a memory foam mattress in my truck. Woke up early the next day and got to work on time. No regrets at all that night. It was FUN! At least I ended my drinking on a high note, rockin' to Daft Punk!
But lately I've been getting a slight pain in my abdomen when I drink and, well, apparently we really need our liver. ;-) I guess my rock-bottom is finally realizing that cirrhosis is serious business.
There's a bar in this city called "Rock Bottom".
but I look back at them with fondness and a chuckle; it was a big adventure! My last night of boozing, last Saturday, was 2 bottles of wine and 2 hours of dancing, then a short walk to the parking garage and had a great sleep on a memory foam mattress in my truck. Woke up early the next day and got to work on time. No regrets at all that night. It was FUN! At least I ended my drinking on a high note, rockin' to Daft Punk!
But lately I've been getting a slight pain in my abdomen when I drink and, well, apparently we really need our liver. ;-) I guess my rock-bottom is finally realizing that cirrhosis is serious business.
There's a bar in this city called "Rock Bottom".
Re-Tread
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Meditation
Posts: 1,300
The day I quit was not rock bottom. I just woke up after another blackout and knew my drinking career was over. I tossed in the towel. Gave up.
I couldn't wait for an event to happen like I knew it eventually would. How many events did I ignore before quitting? I can't even count em all.
I couldn't wait for an event to happen like I knew it eventually would. How many events did I ignore before quitting? I can't even count em all.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Rockford, Illinois
Posts: 36
A person only changes when they want to no amount of suicide attempts, rehabs, breakdowns, blackouts, arrests will help unless you make the decision to change. It is addiction after all. Sobriety is no joke, it is a daily process, a daily battle. I make it a point to pray for the addict/alcoholic that may die every night.
Last edited by LiveforToday22; 06-28-2013 at 10:45 PM. Reason: Typos
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 443
Thought this excerpt would be interesting to those reading this thread.
Prognosis for Don Draper: Not Good. On Getting Help for an Addiction.
"A 2007 study published in the journal Drug and Alcohol Dependence questions the commonly held notion that 'hitting bottom' is a potent catalyst for getting one’s act together.'Our findings suggest that motivation to change was negatively, not positively, associated with greater emotional distress and problem severity,' writes a research team led by Craig Field of the University of Texas School of Public Health. The results 'do not support the bottoming out hypothesis,' the researchers write. They found 'negative associations between motivation to change and current distress,' suggesting that addicts who are in the depths of despair are often unable to summon the will to make the necessary changes in their lives."
Personally, I do not agree with this conclusion...
Prognosis for Don Draper: Not Good. On Getting Help for an Addiction.
"A 2007 study published in the journal Drug and Alcohol Dependence questions the commonly held notion that 'hitting bottom' is a potent catalyst for getting one’s act together.'Our findings suggest that motivation to change was negatively, not positively, associated with greater emotional distress and problem severity,' writes a research team led by Craig Field of the University of Texas School of Public Health. The results 'do not support the bottoming out hypothesis,' the researchers write. They found 'negative associations between motivation to change and current distress,' suggesting that addicts who are in the depths of despair are often unable to summon the will to make the necessary changes in their lives."
Personally, I do not agree with this conclusion...
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
We're very good at adjusting and readjusting what we'll tolerate. Family/relationship conflicts are bearable. "Every family/marriage has problems." Add to that warnings at work about tardiness, absences and failing production. "Okay so far, as long as my partner doesn't leave me and I still have a job." Increasing illness. Check. "Everyone else gets sick. No big deal." Serious Illness. "Problems with my liver, pancreas, whatever...as long as this doesn't get too bad, I'm OK." Behind on my rent/mortgage. "Well, as long as I'm not evicted/foreclosed, everything is fine."
A lot of people would take stock and be moved to action when "just" one or two of these things disrupt their lives. For many of us who struggle with alcoholism, the sum of all these malfunctions only represents something along the lines of "doing the best I can." And how often, when someone asks us "How ya doin'?" do we answer, "Everything's good."
So then my wife leaves, I get fired and I'm homeless. "Well, what should I expect? I AM, after all, an alcoholic."
If subjective distress alone predicted motivation for recovery, we'd all get -- and then stay -- sober a lot sooner than we do.
A lot of people would take stock and be moved to action when "just" one or two of these things disrupt their lives. For many of us who struggle with alcoholism, the sum of all these malfunctions only represents something along the lines of "doing the best I can." And how often, when someone asks us "How ya doin'?" do we answer, "Everything's good."
So then my wife leaves, I get fired and I'm homeless. "Well, what should I expect? I AM, after all, an alcoholic."
If subjective distress alone predicted motivation for recovery, we'd all get -- and then stay -- sober a lot sooner than we do.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 126
Originally Posted by Deckard
Thought this excerpt would be interesting to those reading this thread.
Prognosis for Don Draper: Not Good. On Getting Help for an Addiction.
"A 2007 study published in the journal Drug and Alcohol Dependence questions the commonly held notion that 'hitting bottom' is a potent catalyst for getting one’s act together.'Our findings suggest that motivation to change was negatively, not positively, associated with greater emotional distress and problem severity,' writes a research team led by Craig Field of the University of Texas School of Public Health. The results 'do not support the bottoming out hypothesis,' the researchers write. They found 'negative associations between motivation to change and current distress,' suggesting that addicts who are in the depths of despair are often unable to summon the will to make the necessary changes in their lives."
Personally, I do not agree with this conclusion...
Prognosis for Don Draper: Not Good. On Getting Help for an Addiction.
"A 2007 study published in the journal Drug and Alcohol Dependence questions the commonly held notion that 'hitting bottom' is a potent catalyst for getting one’s act together.'Our findings suggest that motivation to change was negatively, not positively, associated with greater emotional distress and problem severity,' writes a research team led by Craig Field of the University of Texas School of Public Health. The results 'do not support the bottoming out hypothesis,' the researchers write. They found 'negative associations between motivation to change and current distress,' suggesting that addicts who are in the depths of despair are often unable to summon the will to make the necessary changes in their lives."
Personally, I do not agree with this conclusion...
I believe that the reason I've found it relatively easy to stop drinking is because I stopped before I hit "bottom." Every day I read here about people struggling to stop drinking. Almost every on to them had a worse drinking problem (bottom) than I did.
Thus, "addicts who are in the depths of despair are often unable to summon the will to make the necessary changes in their lives" seems to be true.
I didn't see any benefit to wait until I hit bottom to stop drinking.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Central America/Florida USA
Posts: 4,064
Waking up in an ambulance after my 3rd withdrawl seizure, crapping my pants in the hospital bed, then spending a night in detox with a Fidel Castro look-a-like who kept on raving about how excited he was that it was "taco night" at the center....but that's just personal stuff that affected ME. I could have gotten over that.
Discovering how my alcoholic lifestyle had affected my friends, family, and colleagues was the true rock bottom for me. I was hurting others. Learning that I had become a terrible burden for others to carry was simply the last straw.
Discovering how my alcoholic lifestyle had affected my friends, family, and colleagues was the true rock bottom for me. I was hurting others. Learning that I had become a terrible burden for others to carry was simply the last straw.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: Colorado USA
Posts: 35
The biggest motivator for me was physical discomfort. I could rationalize the social, occupational, or legal problems, but feeling like rubbish was hard to ignore. So 'bottom' for me, when I stopped spiraling down and started the process of climbing up the other side, was when I found myself waking up every morning feeling pace-around anxious, and then spending the rest of the day paralyzed with brain fog until I drank. And then after several days of drinking, developing a hangover that felt like death for about 36 hours. I couldn't stand it anymore.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,635
I just decided I was done. I had many consequences prior to being done that did no good. It had to be my decision. I don't want to go through the agony and guilt of drinking again. I think about it quite frequently, but it is just not worth it.
Now, if I could have the buzz with NONE of the negatives- bring it on. But it is just not possible for me.
Now, if I could have the buzz with NONE of the negatives- bring it on. But it is just not possible for me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 332
It was a series of events that led to what could be called my personal rock bottom. The last one was starting drinking at 11am and going all day. Then, I walked over to the corner liquor store and boughsix-pack and hid it in my closet because my mom is visiting me for the summer and I didn't want her to see me drinking so much. I went to bed, then got up to sneak beers from my closet all night. The next day I knew I'd reached the level of insanity and I needed to quit forever. Before that day I'd thought that I could just moderate but that day I accepted that I've gone past that point, if it ever existed for me. I don't think there's a "rock bottom" per se, just a moment when the person decides it's the last straw for them. I certainly have heard worse stories than mine, no DUI's or job loss or detox or jail here, but a lot of damage nonetheless and a healthy fear of where I would end up if I didn't get off the elevator going down to hell that is alcoholism. It was getting pretty hot for me...
Best to you,
June
Best to you,
June
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Chicago
Posts: 13
My rock bottom wasn't ruining a great vacation that I took my wife, kids, inlaws and parents on because I was drunk 24/7 and mean.
My rock bottom wasn't doing the same thing on Christmas day making everyone leave by noon because I was hammered.
My rock bottom was when I knew I was going to die because my body was shutting down and I have too much to live for. I own a multi-million dollar business, great wife, kids, home, cars, toys, friends, cash, etc. All for nothing if I die.
I look at a beer or bottle or wine or booze and tell myself, "To most people, it is fine but to my body it is poison. Would I drink gasoline if it made me feel good?" Of course not. For now anyways, it is that simple.
My rock bottom wasn't doing the same thing on Christmas day making everyone leave by noon because I was hammered.
My rock bottom was when I knew I was going to die because my body was shutting down and I have too much to live for. I own a multi-million dollar business, great wife, kids, home, cars, toys, friends, cash, etc. All for nothing if I die.
I look at a beer or bottle or wine or booze and tell myself, "To most people, it is fine but to my body it is poison. Would I drink gasoline if it made me feel good?" Of course not. For now anyways, it is that simple.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 864
Blackouts far to many, strangers cars, violent outbursts, drug houses … having no memory of years of your life…
Back then, at age 18 is was a lust/loath decision. I loved it all, and didn’t hate a damn thing not in a way that would seem sane anyway. At the time I was more aware of how I was hurting myself. In my head I knew somewhere that if I didn’t stop right then, as I hung out a window, tweaked out, trying to figure out if I would definitely die if I jumped, then I might not ever. Knowing you can’t live in that insanity, but then how the hell do you live without it.
I really have no lost love for any high…
The second go around, 20 plus later, wasn’t as dramatic or insane in my head. It just made sense and drinking just wasn’t necessary anymore. I had been working on myself, even if I picked the drinking up as soon as I dropped the codie crazy stuff in terms of my husband …It is warped and so strange but in many ways I don’t know if I would have made the progress I have in my recovery without picking them bottles back up and relearning what I really had already but choose to not remember. But then was it about the drinking and the drugs because the in between might have been the most important, the time not using, didn’t necessarily mean I was ok. I had a lot of work to do on myself.
5 years this Sept?
It has been one interesting ride…I wouldn’t change a thing.
Back then, at age 18 is was a lust/loath decision. I loved it all, and didn’t hate a damn thing not in a way that would seem sane anyway. At the time I was more aware of how I was hurting myself. In my head I knew somewhere that if I didn’t stop right then, as I hung out a window, tweaked out, trying to figure out if I would definitely die if I jumped, then I might not ever. Knowing you can’t live in that insanity, but then how the hell do you live without it.
I really have no lost love for any high…
The second go around, 20 plus later, wasn’t as dramatic or insane in my head. It just made sense and drinking just wasn’t necessary anymore. I had been working on myself, even if I picked the drinking up as soon as I dropped the codie crazy stuff in terms of my husband …It is warped and so strange but in many ways I don’t know if I would have made the progress I have in my recovery without picking them bottles back up and relearning what I really had already but choose to not remember. But then was it about the drinking and the drugs because the in between might have been the most important, the time not using, didn’t necessarily mean I was ok. I had a lot of work to do on myself.
5 years this Sept?
It has been one interesting ride…I wouldn’t change a thing.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 453
I hit many bottoms and I can honestly say I haven't hit rock bottom yet. I know if I were to go back to drinking, I could go much, much lower and it would end in death.
I used to believe in the concept of "hitting bottom"--I think what I hoped for was a consequence, a result of my drinking that was SO BAD that I would never, ever return to the bottle.
I had plenty of those moments, or at least many times when I said, "If this isn't bad enough to keep me sober, I don't know what will."
I think the only thing that changed when I truly became willing to be sober was the realization that I truly couldn't quit on my own and I became absolutely willing to do whatever it took to stay sober for the rest of my life, no matter what.
That day wasn't particularly terrible and I hadn't got as drunk as I've been in the past and I had had years that were worse than that one day.
I think I got sober when I realized I didn't have to hit bottom. I could choose to pursue sobriety. And I became willing to do whatever work it took to stay sober, instead of expecting an event to be so bad that it alone could change me.
Not sure if I'm expressing it well, but I still make the decision every day to stay sober, because I know d** well that there are much worse places my drinking could take me. As I've heard in meetings, every bottom has a trap door.
No longer interested in tempting fate.
I used to believe in the concept of "hitting bottom"--I think what I hoped for was a consequence, a result of my drinking that was SO BAD that I would never, ever return to the bottle.
I had plenty of those moments, or at least many times when I said, "If this isn't bad enough to keep me sober, I don't know what will."
I think the only thing that changed when I truly became willing to be sober was the realization that I truly couldn't quit on my own and I became absolutely willing to do whatever it took to stay sober for the rest of my life, no matter what.
That day wasn't particularly terrible and I hadn't got as drunk as I've been in the past and I had had years that were worse than that one day.
I think I got sober when I realized I didn't have to hit bottom. I could choose to pursue sobriety. And I became willing to do whatever work it took to stay sober, instead of expecting an event to be so bad that it alone could change me.
Not sure if I'm expressing it well, but I still make the decision every day to stay sober, because I know d** well that there are much worse places my drinking could take me. As I've heard in meetings, every bottom has a trap door.
No longer interested in tempting fate.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Toronto
Posts: 7
It should have been waking up in the drunk tank.
It should have been the blackouts
It should have been the horrible sickness I felt
It should have been when recalling the drunk dialling and e-mailing
It should have been all the times I made a fool of myself
It should have been when I was shown videos of the horrible arguments I would start with loved ones when drunk and the terrible things I called them
It should have been the inappropriate passes I made
It's obvious I should have stopped long ago when I type these things out.
It should have been the blackouts
It should have been the horrible sickness I felt
It should have been when recalling the drunk dialling and e-mailing
It should have been all the times I made a fool of myself
It should have been when I was shown videos of the horrible arguments I would start with loved ones when drunk and the terrible things I called them
It should have been the inappropriate passes I made
It's obvious I should have stopped long ago when I type these things out.
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