silentrun

No it's not permanent. From what I have read those paws symptoms at the 30/60/90/120/180/1yr/2yr mark is your brain reversing the damage or adaptation whatever you want to call it. There is some good info out there. Take some b vitamins. chamomile is good cumin, ginseng. I just went through the 120 and after it was over I got a lot of what I once had back. You have to abstain for the brain to reverse though.

Nuudawn

Why do I feel like I've missed something here Alpha? How long have you been sober? Okay..I think I'm feeling my own brain damage right now..lol. I feel a bit lost in trying to figure what you're trying to say...or are saying and I'm missing it.

Dee74

Think about it tho - you've drunk for years right?

25 days is great but you've barely left the starting point.

I don't want to depress anyone but it took me 3 months just to feel normal again and most of the first year to really get my shizz together.

It's not all trudge, struggle and resistance, mind - but this is not something that's going to resolve itself overnight.

this is a long game - a marathon, not a sprint.

D

john44

I thought I found my bottom a few times. I was amazed at how unbelievably bad things could get. I finally realized things could just always get worse and worse until a horrible death and decided to stop digging to reach some unnamed bottom. I surrendered. Totally, absolutely and without reservation.

chrissp

Yup! If I had a rock bottom, from an outsider's point of view, it would have almost certainly been February, 2011, when I had what I now know were the full blown DT's, that I was lucky to have survived.

Nope. I didn't chose to have that be my rock bottom/last straw.

alphaomega

Nuu - prior to slipping on Friday, I was sober for 25 days. Two years ago, I made it 3 months.

Nuudawn

Thanks for that Dee. I'm feel fine as far as resolve and decision..but man, I am just so darn tired all the time. I sleep plenty..probably too much..no insomnia. I feel like I'm battling fatigue and sloth all the time.

I tell myself it probably just my brain and body healing from years of alcohol abuse ...but I'm kinda concerned.

Nuudawn

Thank you Alpha. I didn't know you slipped. Glad you're still here..very glad.

silentrun

Dee74

I not only recovered from years of alcohol abuse, but several mini stokes from my last detox too.

It took a lot longer than I would have liked, but it happened

D

john44

Hi Nuudawn. Hopefully, this thought makes you feel a little better about this. Try thinking about your fatigue this way: Your body has been through a lot. Actually, it's been injured and now is healing. Sleeping is what your body and brain are craving now and you are BLESSED to be able to sleep! Embrace it, it won't last forever and you will start feeling better.

Nuudawn

Thank you John..that does help. I guess it's somewhat foolish to NOT think that some level of devastation has occurred after over 25 years of abuse and that one's brain and body is in process after repetitive, daily poisonous injury.

I actually have real evidence of my body healing. I have battled psoriasis after a severe injury in my early 20's (as a result of drinking) for over 2 decades. I had heard smoking exacerbates psoriasis..but in previous nicotine quits (not alcohol) my psoriasis actually worsened. I have tried so many different prescription ointments and supplemental remedies..with little success.

After 25 days without alcohol and cigs...my skin smooths daily..it's almost miraculous. At this rate, I expect my skin to be completely clear of psoriasis within the next couple weeks. I'm gobsmacked actually.

EndGameNYC

My bottom was a slow and painful process of accumulating mundane failures, culminating in my no longer being able to function. Had trouble making it from my bedroom to the bathroom. I was done.

. . .

When I first got sober, it took some time for all the fogginess in my mind to clear. After that, my mind was working better than ever. When I relapsed five years ago, it took some time for me to think straight. I've always enjoyed keeping my mind intellectually active, and I'm certain this made a big difference.

GroundhogDay

I really don't know why I quit when I did. I woke up hung over on May 1, 2013 after drinking a bottle of wine the night before. I didn't black out. Nothing bad happened. As hangovers go, it wasn't that bad. It's just that I knew that if I wasn't strong enough to quit then, I never would be.

otter

I can say mine pretty easy: Woke up to go to work after a bender and my truck wasn't in the driveway. My career was on the line that day for a couple reasons and had to call my boss and tell him my truck was stolen.

Eventually found the truck (it was at the last bar we visited), drove to work and had to down 2 pounders of natural lite in the bathroom stall that I found in my truck so I would stop shaking and be able to think clearly enough to make it through the 3 hours left in the day I had left to get done my job.

Sitting on a toilet drinking beer, at work, shaking so bad with anxiety that I had no business being at work was the "I have a real problem".

I forget who to give credit to this quote to but I do remember I read it on this board: "It's not when you want to drink, it's when you have to drink that things are bad".

I paraphrased that but yeah, that was mine. Yuck!

fantail

I also didn't quit at my lowest points... which had to be due to the damage I did to my stomach in the final year. I got to a point where I would puke bile in the shower before work every day. Nothing worse than shaking, sick, and sticking eye drops in trying to look like I wasn't on death's door.

So it was like six months that I kept saying, next month, next month...

Then I had to go to the hospital because I was vomiting blood. I was uninsured so the bill went to the city.

And it was like my rational brain clicked on and was like "well it's all well and good if you want to have this private soap opera, but now you're actually taking resources away from people who need them." And it was just so clear that it was time to call it a day.

AudreyAna

I don't believe in a "rock bottom", because you can always dig yourself deeper.

Mine was more of a realization, after my first treatment center I relapsed. I was so desperate I drank mouthwash and vanilla extract, I never ever thought I would do that. I barely had any will to live, and the pain would not stop. I was about to lose my job, I couldn't afford my apartment, and my mom wanted me out of her house in a week. So I completely flipped out and then I realized that I needed residential treatment, so I got my **** together and got a spot the next week at a great place.

My mom flew with me to the rehab place just to make sure I wouldn't drink on the plane. I have no idea how I am almost 6 months sober... That is something I thought would never happen.

Grungehead

My lowest bottom was my most recent one. I would wake up and step outside for a cigarette. The conversation in my head went kind of like this.

"I can't take this anymore. I'd rather be dead than to go through another day of this." Then I'd just stare blankly at the bustle of everyone else getting in their cars and heading off to work. Then it was back to my conversation with myself. "I can't keep living this way, either I need to quit drinking or quit living". Then I would go inside and crack open my first beer. Within an hour the thoughts of suicide were gone until the next morning when I would go through the same process all over again.

I had a routine checkup to see my family doctor that was scheduled 6 months earlier, and while I was there I blurted out that I needed help to stop drinking. 2 weeks later I started outpatient treatment (drank 3 beers on the way over to see the counselor for the first time). When I left I went home and drank up all of my beer that day. That was April 16th. I haven't had a drink since then.

Something was taking care of me during that time because I had no plans to say anything to my doctor or get into treatment, but something pushed me to blurt out to my doctor that I needed help.

Tamerua

I am like others, there were small things that led up to a decision. I was a weekend binge drinker. I don't know for how long prior to quitting it was, but I would dread the weekends. I would have serious self loathing going on and honestly, I was waiting for my son to graduate so I could drink the way I really wanted. That is no way to live.

RaiseAnchor

A bit TMI, but... waking up and realizing I had pee'd all over my bathroom floor. :I