GreenEggsAndHam

I'm 42 and feel the same way. In fact, I was more of an adult in my early 20s when my alcoholism was still young than I am today. I honestly have the emotional maturity of a teenager. I would completely crumble if it weren't for my husband handling most of my affairs, and I even own my own business. It's so sad.

I hope to get control of my life through sobriety and with the help of AA. This was actually touched on at my meeting yesterday. This is common and it does get better - so I'm assured.

FeelingGreat

Hi jvice, thanks for your post, it made me think about my own life.
I guess if you can recognise that you are a 'sneaky liar' and the rest you must have a moral compass and your mission is to align your life with it. Why not write out a portrait of the man you would like to be, and some ways you can get there? Don't try to do it all at once.
But first things first, stopping drinking is the priority.

dabrewsky

thanks for your post, a day at a time

Mountainmanbob

HopeFloats12

I am 55 and what you just described is a part of how I have been feeling lately. I got sober for the last 4 years,,,and have 'woken up' in a 55 yr old body and life and am still 33 emotionally and in terms of life experience.

It's scary and often depressing for me. Growing up is hard work and I suppose part of it is dealing with where we are, like it or not.

However young or old, but especially the young ones here, I just urge you to dig in and find your way out. You will never regret getting the years back.

I wish us all peace and progress...

Bostonsportsfan

Thanks jvice09 for the post. It sounds like you started to drink heavy about the same time I did and this website does help me too. Makes me feel like someone is here for me, when no one really is in real life. I do the same thing, hide my beer or vodka when my friends are around and drink alone at night to just pass out happy. If I have beer on my floor, I full 30 I wont give any of them away and my friends get mad at me. I just started to hide my beer so they wont bother me. Your only 27, get the help you need. This lifestyle isn't worth it.

robgt350

there is a theory that when a person becomes addicted to alcohol and or drugs, they may age physically but mentally, they stop growing. so if you stopped drinking at 20 years old and became an addict, and you stopped at age 27, well according to this theory, you are mentally a 20 year old. sorry i forgot whose theory this is, i just remember it from college. but good job on being sober

Fallow

The first thing that jumped out when I read your post title was the honesty.

I have learned that for me I have to be brutally honest with myself, and about myself...to have any chance at recovery.

Other than honesty I had to find the will to shatter my ego and truly ask for help. Its never fun to admit I cannot make it on my own. Especially face to face.

I understand having a fear of AA but frankly I think I might actually be dead without it. If not already then very soon. Its so hard to walk in that door but its quite a relief to walk out of it.

If you haven't already please get yourself a copy of the Big Book or read it online. I think if you relate to what's in that book you will be relieved to find out that there is a solution for you. Best of luck.

MrChainsaw

I feel you on this one. I'm 24 but feel emotionally 18. I can't relate to people my own age. I'm so ashamed of myself.

EndGameNYC

It's a good thing when a person can feel shame; living in shame only erodes our better selves. The best remedy is to make yourself right. Acknowledging that you have a problem is a good start.

pinktee18

I'm 24 and today I pay my first visit to a rehab treatment clinic to see if I qualify for outpatient. Outpatient rehab may be something you want to consider if you qualify you go for treatment during the day and go home at night.

dharmakat

I'm so grateful to have found this thread! I'm in my 50s, sober just over 2 & a half years, and I continue to struggle with feelings of absurd immaturity. I started using pot daily when I was about 17, but only discovered that alcohol was my "true love" after a 30-day stint in rehab. I proceeded to drink obsessively for more than 30 years, knowing in the back of my head that I had a problem. But I was soooo in love with my booze and couldn't begin to allow myself to consider living life without it. It made life possible damnit! I also thought my life was pretty good -- I had what looked like a great career, friends seemed to think I was intelligent, witty, and fun, and I had (and mercifully still have) my soul-mate for a spouse. Oh it looked like such a pretty life!

But I was totally and completely empty. Because of my intense delusion about my drinking, it was only through a moment of grace that I was able to finally admit defeat.

And now, as my sobriety lengthens and I work on myself and my gazillion issues with the 12 steps, I continue to uncover all the crazy ways that I never grew up. I so often feel totally inept at this business of being "A Dult." And to tell you the truth, a lot of the time it just makes me laugh.....

Come to think of it, I'm less interested in "growing up," and more interested in just learning to allow myself to be "happy, joyous, and free" -- whatever age I happen to feel.

Wowee, check it out. Life IS better without booze!!

pinktee18

I'm 24 but stunted at like 20 and I need to get it together starting by getting treatment for my sickness. I have a ways to go but im getting there.

bliss12

Jvice,

Firstly, I want to say, please don't feel like you are alone and understand that nobody is truly normal as everyone has issues in life they are dealing with, sober or not sober. With that said, there is a level of unstableness that comes along with being an alcoholic. I am in your boat. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that our drinking has numbed us and hindered our true potential to live the way we always want/ed to.

I am 33 years old, and although i'm still drinking, I have recently moved out on my own and started working. I have lots of friends and a good potential social life but it suffers due to my decision to stay home and drink, which in turn makes me eat unhealthy, not work out, not able to have meaningful conversations, and just do the things I love. I have never even had a relationship longer than 6 months (and it's not like I have not gotten offers). I can't even tell people that because it's so weird for them to even begin to grasp to understand something like that. On the outside, I look like a normal looking gal, but on the inside my confidence level continued to shrink and its gotten to the point where I have gone from my early 20s to towards my mid 30s trying to undo what I've done to myself psychology.

The positive thing is that all of this can be undone but have to stop drinking. I'm drunk as I type this but I can still say I know my sober days are the best.

wvuwhat

This thread basically describes what I am going though.

From the anxiety when I try and sober up to hiding bottles. I'm at a dead end. My student loan is now paid off, but have yet to find decent employment. As a juvenile diabetic it's pretty terrible to get coverage.

I came back to a new city after college, been trying to make my way back to where I'm comfortable. I literally have no one to confide/talk with.

I've often thought about just getting in my car with my Golden Retriever and getting away. Charleston, Myrtle, Austin, San Diego, doesn't matter to me. I just want to find a job and be able to live.

Sorry, just pouring out what I haven't been able to.

Gottalife

I came to AA aged 22 and emotionally stunted intellectual midget with a mental age of about 12. One of the things alcohol robbed me of was the opportunity to grow up. One of the many opportunities I recovered through AA was the opportunity to grow up, and a lot more besides.

The solution though, was not just going to a few meetings. It has meant learning a whole new way of living through the 12 steps.

john44

Don't let AA scare you. I, personally, always feel welcome and comfortable at an AA meeting. Before I went to one, I was very nervous but I relaxed immediately when I realized how caring these people were. I've recently been going to meetings where a lot of the people look different from me. Many look like tough bikers...I think I may be the only one there without a tattoo. And you know what? I laugh with them, joke with them and am enjoying that place immensely! We all share common experiences and pain. We're all finding our way toward a responsible, happy, sober future.

jvice09

thanks for the support and advice guys. i just got let go from a 5 day detox after i checked myself into the er on sat and am going to a 5 day inpatient facility tomorrow morning. i attended every meeting available while there..aa, na, pa and all the group therapy. all the same sort of model but everybody swears it works. its starting to grow on me. ive been home alone for only a few hours and found my hidden stash..been reading the big book a lot during detox. i am literally powerless to alcohol. i am so sad, this sucks. you could tell me not to do anything in the world for one day and i could easily do it, tell me not to drink alcohol for one day and i would tell you no way ever. i am powerless