Elisabeth888

I was at lunch yesterday at my new job and I passed a liquor store. I did not stop. But I thought about it. Because that is what I did before and that is how I lost two jobs. Drinking at lunch. WHY do I have such STUPID thoughts?????

It was like a magnet trying to pull me there.

Anyone know what I mean??

Pedro1234

That is your AV (Alcoholic voice) inside your head. It knows every trick in the book to entice you to drink. Unfortunately, we all have one of these

Dee74

I dunno Elizabeth - we can all have crazy thoughts - doesn't mean we're going to give into them.

I don't even think it means there's necessarily anything wrong with our recovery.

I drank for 20 years - you better bel;ieve it took a year or two before the inner addict finally shut up.

Don't beat yourself up or make this into something bigger than it needs to be ok?

You didn't stop, you didn't drink - those are good things.

D

fantail

Sometimes my eyes track to people's drinks! Someone will move a bottle or something and my eyes go along like a cat watching a mouse.

I just chalk it up to habit... I think we all probably have little "tics" (literally in my case!) like that.

Justfor1

There is a liquor store and two bars in my old neighborhood that I avoid. I will literally get a stomach ache when I drive past them. I think cravings are just the "nature of the beast".

whiskeyman

i know the thought well.
But youre awareness is key.
drive a different way if you know youre focussing on it.
cuz next comes parking in the lot just for old times sake, not going in.

CharlieNoogan

Good for you and great job recognizing your AV! Chalk this one up as a victory!

As confident as we can become with our recovery, our AV is always lurking and waiting to pounce in moments like this.

In fact, I have an alcoholic uncle (not recovering) visiting from out of state right now. He left his bottle of scotch sitting in a small cooler in my kitchen the other night. Late at night when I was preparing a snack, something compelled me to look into the cooler. Sure enough, there was the scotch (my favorite liquor). I had a similar moment, a fleeting thought of how great it would be to pour a neat glass and sip it down. Then, like you, I played the tape forward in my mind and defeated the AV when I realized what consequences would follow.

Keep it up! You're doing great!

Greensleeves

I had a similar episode in the grocery store...blithely cruised down my old favorite aisle at the grocery store and was nearly floored by the display of wine. Lesson to self: take a different route next time.

In our daily commutes, that's not always possible, I know. Perhaps have something mentally ready for those AV thoughts when you drive by? Memorize an inspiring quote, play a favorite song, stick your tongue out and make a raspberry noise? Anything to get you through those few moments.

Elisabeth888

This time was extra scary because I could visualize it and taste the alcohol. I keep hoping this is going to go away!!! I will have nine months on July 5.

Nuudawn

Brains develop neural pathways where thoughts travel (think of water continuing running down the same spot..forming a rut, then a stream...eventually a river after enough duration and pressure. It takes awhile to change course..as it wants to go down the same rut).

I once returned to an apartment building I had lived in 10 years before. When I returned I got a new apartment on a different floor..and a new parking spot. Even after a decade of not living there, sometimes when distracted..and obviously on "auto pilot" I would park in my old parking spot...or find myself looking for my keys in front of my old door on the old floor. It was always an odd feeling ..when I came to..so to speak.

Johno1967

Hi Elisabeth,
The cravings get less frequent. I'm nine months and still get then. In fact last night I dreamt I was at a social gig at work and having a pint of jacks with coke on crushed ice ( my favorite ) and could still taste it when I woke up.
I catch myself peering into liquor stores as I stroll past but never go in. Drinking was a big part of our lives and the associations take a long time to go away. I sort of view it as a form of spiritual, physical and mental PTSD. I've not smoked for 11 years and can't stand the stink of smoke but occasionally I catch myself recalling the taste and sensation of taking a draw on a cigarette.

john44

Hi Elisabeth. I did the same exact thing. I used to rotate among a few liquor stores so the clerks didn't think I was drinking every day.

You can't totally control a thought that pops up but when it does, you can try to distract yourself by deliberately steering your thoughts to something else.

And remember: a thought is just that...a thought. It's the actions/behaviors that get us into trouble.

john44

Wow. That's really remarkable. To tell the truth, right now, I can not honestly say that I would've had that kind of strength. I'd like to think I do but as you describe that situation....I just honestly don't know. This kinda bothers me.