regeneration

I've heard stories where people aren't treated well in group therapy sessions (not alcohol addiction treatment). It happens. I've been badly treated by one on one counsellors.

Just because someone is an alcoholic doesn't mean their radar is completely off. Now I've got some sobriety behind me I now realise there are some situations (not great AA meetings) where I should have walked out off based on what was going on. And others I should have gone to.

fallgirl613

Wow! I came to this forum for support, not to be put down further. I'm really quite taken aback from your comments. You really cut me down to the knees. I have absolutely no reason for me to lie, nor do I have to sit here and plead my innocence. This happened to me. Plain and simple. You can believe or not believe. I have no reason to lie. There's another location I can transfer to if need be. But please, be more respectful on this forum. I thought this was a supportive community. Thanks

caboblanco

fallgirl, I go to therapy once a week for 40 minutes. It's not specifically for alcoholism. I know there are therapists that are exclusive for addiction and recovery. I believe your story about your group program. I've heard that from other people as well. There is bad treatment out there with sloppy case workers that are just there for a paycheck. If you want to stick out...do it, but don't put up with too much bs...what for? There is more help out there

Tammy47

Sorry you went through all that Fallgirl, at a meeting where you need support. Personally I'd be outta there. Not one reason to go back there. If support is what you need, it doesn't seem to me you will find it there. I don't understand why one would go back. I cant think of one reason why one would need to fight this and persevere. I lost my father 2 years ago, and the pain of grief is unbarable. I could not handle that reaction. I would make me want to drink. Stay away would be my advice. But best wishes in whatever decision you make. Here to support you girl.

deeker

As I look back at treatment I often felt like an outsider and even left treatment. I know early on my emotions were raw. Very sensitive. I was so easily offended and thought everyones eyes were on me.

As alkies and addicts we are very immature, we stopped growing emotionally the day we started using alcohol and drugs. So Though I was 45 years old emotionally I was only in my teens.

This goes for you and them. Sounds like they were behaving like school kids and being insensitive, but also sounds like you could be a little over sensitive. But it's all normal and a part of recovery.

And that is what you are going to find in treatment. The unhealthy ones you talk about have been there a little longer than you it sounds like and have latched onto each other, like a click. I am sure each one of them felt very uncomfortable when they were new too. They may have even had the same experience you had and decided if you can't beat them , join um.
But you can rise above and be an individual.



They are not your life, the people that matter will treat you kindly and with compassion. Sometimes compassion is something we have to learn too in recovery. Everyone one of you in treatment is like a kid in the kindergarten of life, relearning new ways to cope and sometimes sarcasm is a way to cope for some people. Don't let it prevent you from doing what you need to do for recovery. Look at them as sick individuals who need to get well and just are not there yet.

Remember that you also are still ailing and need to get well emotionally. It takes time and you will learn new coping skills and so will they if they are serious.

God Bless you! Tomorrow is a new day!

wellwisher

Hi fallgirl:

I went the 90 day inpatient, six month outpatient, AA route to get sober many years ago. In that journey, I've certainly kissed a lot of toads; mainly in the outpatient treatment group counseling venue. Heathersweeds is correct; many in those programs are mandated, and in my experience, they drop out like flies after they complete their mandate, and end up doing what they do best - using and abusing. Not everyone there is mandated, though, and that one woman was right to tell you to ignore them. That being said, I DID get value from outpatient group.

One thing I was taught during counseling is that it is always best to seperate people from the behavior. If what was said was hurtful, disrespectful, and upsetting, it was the "behavior" that sucked - not the people's personalities (although it may seem like a fine line). The important thing is to recognize what YOU felt, not what others did, and to give it voice.

All in all, I'd say you had a rough start, but if therapy was a one-stop shopping experience, we'd all need only one session.

I began drinking at 14, was a bona fide alcohol abuser at 15. I had problems with alcohol before my mother passed. At 21, I lost my mother and continued on my progressive slide for a full 13 years after that. I didn't handle the loss well, and during all those years, I found that I would drink and perserverate on the loss. It was the old chicken or the egg routine: did I drink because of the loss, or did I continue mourning the loss because I drank?

The only way to find out was to stop the drinking. Once I got the drink out of my system, I was better able to deal with the loss, and able to speak of it without the ethers of alcohol permeating my brain.

Grief is such a personal thing; and for those who never experienced, it is only a concept; until they experience loss themselves. My recommendation - do what you have to do to get the alcohol out of your life. Sometimes after that, acceptance comes more easily. It did for me.

Mountainmanbob

Hollyanne

I would write a nice calm letter describing your first day experience and send it registered mail to the boss. Give short concise details and the name of the counsellor.

Then, I would return, share what you feel like sharing and if you get the same response, up and leave.

Go to AA meetings instead.

Go to one to one counselling if you can afford it.
This is about you.
This is not the time to be learning to deal with idiots.
At no time in my quest for sobriety did I laugh at someone's pain.
I would be appalled at that behaviour.
As someone above previously stated, we are not complete idiots just because we are alcoholics/addicts.
Unacceptable behaviour is just that, unacceptable.
I may have rolled my eyes at a few shares, but seriously, there are some really boring old farts at some meetings!
Best of luck, and never give up the fight.

miamifella

When I was in rehab there were a number of people who had traumas that supposedly led them to drink. There were dead parents, suicidal siblings, loss of career, bouts with cancer, etc. But with time we came to realize that these were all just excuses. When new folks came in, we wanted to roll our eyes too. (But because we had all made foolish excuses ourselves, we were tolerant.)

What you describe sounds to me more like what I found in AA. I find it hard to believe a professional would let such things happen. But if they did, I think you owe it to your recovery to take action as described above. Get moved to a different group with a better therapist.

Nirvana1

It sounds like you got a group of people who were forced to go to out-patient, as this is an easy route the get the courts, spouses, or employers off their backs. You would think they would just sit back and be respectful, but I can see how this could happen in this kind of setting.

I would also 2nd on going to AA where you will be far less likely to see anything like mocking or disrespect. Ditch these meetings if you feel things won't get better, as you don't need this group to bring you down.

fallgirl613

I do think a lot of the people in the session were mandated. There was a big discussion before class about how to cheat an 80hour urine test.

fallgirl613

I did wind up talking to someone about the counselor and I told her how appalled I was that this type of behavior is allowed in the program. She told me she would look into it, but who knows.From what I've gathered here, it happens from time to time, unfortunately.

fallgirl613

I will be looking into the one on one session; however I could only afford one session per week. I want to continue going to AA sessions (like you suggested). However, I also really want to continue in a treatment center though. :/

bigsombrero

My post was phrased insensitively. I apologize.

legna

Bigsombrero said, "I think you're perception could very well be out-of-whack." That is not putting you down. Every alcoholic and addict in early recovery has a perception that is out of whack.

If you have no reason to lie, than you are unlike every alcoholic/addict I have ever met - including myself.

Personally, I believe that you believe that this happened to you just the way you described it.

Telling you that I doubt you or that I entertain the possibility that your perception is out of whack is not disrespectful if I belief that to be the case. It is the epitome of respect - telling you what I really think instead of sugarcoating it and saying what I think you want to hear. Support doesn't mean co-signing. There is an old expression in AA: If I baby you I bury you.

Taking one parties perception of reality as gospel without even hearing from the other side or being presen to experience the situation onesself is folly.

I sincerely hope that the situation gets resolved and you are able to feel safe and secure in your journey. That said, I have learned the most in mine through the rockier, more uncomfortable moments.

fallgirl613

Sorry for all of the annoying separate replies and posts. There is just so much wonderful advice that I want to respond to you all! Is there way to multi-quote people from different messages?

Anyway, to sum up what I wanted to say...
When I talked to the head of the facility tonight about what went on, she said she was aware of the issue and she apologized that I had to go through this on my first day of treatment. She recognized that I was treated inappropriately after talking to the counselor of today's session. I requested a transfer to another facility and she will be calling in the morning to set things up. She really wanted me to stay in their facility. I hope she doesn't think I'll say negative things about her facility when I go to the next one because I would never do that. I think it's for the best though. I mean, I haven't heard back from my one on one counselor yet and I've contacted her 6x since Friday. So, something tells me that maybe this was not the right facility for me. I know that treatment centers are not 'perfect' and I will have to deal with difficult people form time to time, but this experience was beyond disrespectful.
So, hopefully if all goes well I will be attending a new facility soon. I'm still on shaking feet until I actually get the appointment set-up. I will keep you updated. Thank you all so much for your thoughtful advice and words of comfort. This site has been my savior since coming home to my session today. I feel like I've been on it non-stop! It's that or going out and getting alcohol and why do that? I've come too far. What a wonderful group of people you all are. <3

fallgirl613

No worries. Thanks.

raku

Those people in your "group" sound very sick...get out asap ! Find another supportive group...talk to the lead counselor, talk to the administrater later (after finding a new support group) about how mis-treated you were !
I wish you much support !

Cindy

Someguy23

It's highly unlikely that your perception of the situation, your counselor's perception of the situation and the perception of another woman in the class would all be faulty in the exact same direction.

It's safe to say that your assessment of the way you were treated was correct.

We can't expect to be treated with gloves but it IS reasonable to expect not to be mocked publicly for expressing sadness over the loss of a parent...

I don't think you were over-sensitive, but you may have been a little naive or too trusting in opening up so quickly to a group of strangers.

Hopefully it will be for the best.

However, a group of people is like an organism: there's always at least one a**hole. Have you thought about how to deal with insensitive people in the future?

raku

TO SOMEGUY, LAST POSTER
My feeling is this vulnerable person does not to be worried about dealing with insensitive people in the future....it is a "now" kind of thing, a present real trust issue.......one extremely sensitive confrontation.

Hello fall girl...I hear you !

Cindy