fallgirl613

I desperately need some advice. Today was my first class ever in an outpatient program and I was incredibly disheartened by the rude and disrespectful people in my group. The counselor asked us all to talk about how long we've been sober, what we're feeling emotionally at the moment and things that we're struggling with that may have led us to our addiction.
When it was my turn, I said I'm nervous and a bit uncomfortable in the group (being my first time there) and that I'm struggling with the death of my mother, and the grief made me turn to alcohol. I started crying a little when I was talking about it, and two women started rolling their eyes, laughing and whispering across the room. The counselor addressed them and told them to be quiet.
I wound up leaving the room and sitting outside in the waiting area where I really let the tears fall. During this time there was a short break and one of the men in the group noticed me crying and went back in the room. It was obvious he told the group I was crying because the next thing I hear are people making loud fake-mocking cries.
I gathered up the courage ten minutes later to make it back to group. At this time the counselor asked us what our goals are. When it was my turn I was said my goal is to make it to the next session tomorrow. She asked me why and I was honest and said I'm having a hard time dealing with the personalities in the group. Of course there was more giggling so the counselor said that everyone needs to be respectful, especially to newcomers.
The man who saw me cry earlier piped up and was incredibly rude to me. He started asking me how I'm gong to get anywhere in life with different personalities. Is this why I'm out of a job and so on. The counselor stopped him from talking and said to knock it off. I told him he was being very disrespectful. I told him I was a teacher for four years and got along with people fine, but this is a new experience for me and it's a different setting.
Suffice to say, my first session in a treatment center was horrible. I've been trying since Friday to talk to my assigned counselor (left 5 messages) and I've yet to hear back from her. I talked to the class counselor briefly after class today and she acknowledged that the women were making fun of me and the man was out of line but too take the positives and leave the negatives behind in group. I asked her, were there really any positives?
I just don't know what to do. I am not trying to find excuses, really I'm not. I want to get better. However, I'm not going to get better with disrespectful people who are making fun of me and stunting my progress. I cried the whole way home. I'm so sad and frustrated.
Any words of advice? Thanks.

caboblanco

wow. they sound like real jerks. please don't take it to heart. group therapy for addiction is full of people like this. I would recommend trying a 1 on 1 therapists. I'm really sorry you experienced this. Don't lash out at those people though. It's not worth it. By a therapist I mean outside your current program.

hypochondriac

I am sorry you had such a bad experience fallgirl, but well done for coming here and telling us about it. Not all places will be like this so don't rule out other group sessions. Personally my first AA meeting was a very positive experience so that might be worth trying. I hope your assigned counsellor is able to address these issues and that you are able to get one on one support as well as it is important to have support where you feel comfortable. I suspect SR will be a good place for that too x

babycat

That absolutely infuriates me. How completely heartless of those assholes! I don't see how laughing at you pouring out your soul can accomplish anything, for you OR them. I would not give up on it tho. But if those people can't stop acting like immature jackasses, you will need to find different venture for your recovery.
Don't give up. Please don't let these jerks deter you from your goal. Feel better, I hope your day improves.

honeypig

Yes, this!!! ^^^^

And who sounds like they have a better chance of actually listening, learning, taking things to heart and recovering? Hmmm, my money is NOT on the D***heads who are mocking you, that's for sure!

Hang in and check into other options, as others said. Wishing you well.

fallgirl613

Thanks for your responses. It is an addiction treatment center. Not all treatment centers can be like this. This isn't the norm though, right? I'm assuming from the responses that it is "no." So disheartened. How can I go tomorrow? I talked to a nice woman next to me today in class and she said to ignore the women who were mocking me and it's "just what they do." I hope this not indicative of all the locations that the treatment center provides. Maybe it's just the location? Who knows...

BadCompany

Remember that their bad behavior isn't about you, so don't take it personaly. Everyone in treatment is going through detox and they are going to be jerks. If they are not hard to deal with on some level they are probably using.

aasharon90

I spent 28 days in rehab which was the
beginning of my road to recovery in August
1990. That is 22 years ago.

I was 30 yrs old at the time and learning
about my alcoholism was very new to me
as I had no idea that that was the main culprit
to most all my problems. Anyway....

While in rehab, and because I was in the
beginning stages of recovery and going a day
at a time without alcohol in my system, my
mind, body and soul was beginning to go thru
changes. Mentally, physically, emotionally
and spiritually.

At the time, I was into self. Self absorbed. Self-
centered. It was all about me and how I looked,
how others looked at me, thought about me,
talked about me and so on. As I reflect back on
those first 28days inpatiant, I was amongst many
other sick people, going thru similar circumstances
as I. Of course I didn't realize it then, but I certainly
do now that you are sharing about it.

I tried to treat others around me the same way
I wanted to be treated. Treated with respect and
curtesy. I eventually became known as the mom
of house so to speak as I kept things neat, clean,
and poped popcorn for the ones who returned from
outside meetings.

I recall one time it was lunch time and I was
in my room dealing whatever was going on
with me, when I heard others walking in the hall
heading to the cafeteria. I was waiting for someone
to poke their head in and let me know they were
going for lunch and come along.

No one came and I copped a HUGE RESENTMENT that
no one cared enough for me to come get me. That
pizzed me off to no end. Why? Because I would
have made sure everyone was accounted for if
I was going ahead myself. The fact no one cared
was a major realization that I had to take care of
me and not worry about anyone else, because they
sure as hell weren't.

Anyway.....at 28 days upon leaving I was still sick
within myselfishness but did return home to resumme
my life as a mom and wife, except I now had tools
and knowledge of a recovery program to incoperate
in my everyday life.

People are going to be people with all sorts of
problems in life, health, etc. and I have to remember
I cant change people, places and things to suit me.
I have to accept them just as they are, take care
of me and what's important to my recovery and
continue on in my own personal journey in life.

It's hard not to take what people do to me personally
because I do. I still cant understand even today in life
why when you treat others with kindness and consideration
that they snub their noses or just plane rude.

I try to remember that its not me but rather its them
with a problem and its none of my concern and say my
Serenity Prayer.

Mark75

Do you have to attend this center? If not, go to AA. People there will love you until you can love yourself and pass it on to others...

That was mean.

heathersweeds

Hi Fallgirl
I was mandated by the state, to attend my outpatient program. My first time there, a fight broke out between 2 of the girls, I then called it "FightClub"
I put in my mind, I am not there to make friends. I fought tooth and nail why I should not have to go, but lost (a good thing really) I surrendered to making the best of it. I did learn alot and graduated. A few months ago, I got a call from one of the leaders. She wanted to know how I was doing. I told her I was still sober and work my program of AA. At the end of our converstaion, she asked me if I would like to come share a few words with the new people.

If the people there are mocking you and doing things that high school kids do, then they aren't there on their own will. If you are, learn as much as you can. Share as much as you want and don't let anyone especially people that are not serious about recovery ruin it for you. You might end up having the last laugh, that is staying sober and learning how to be the best person you can be.

Oh, and that conversation I had with the leader of my program, turns out another woman and myself are the only 2 that remain sober. It's sad, but this is what they mean by "walking over the bodies" or move forward from ANYONE not serious about recovery. Lots of luck, and don't pay attention to their B.S

john44

This makes me angry but you are there for you. Don't give these people any room in your head, they're not worth it. I do wonder about the so-called counselor though. In any of the groups I've been involved with, this kind of behavior wouldn't be tolerated at all.

sugarbear1

Those people seem to want to avoid their own growth.

You are there to heal and to get sober. Focus on you. What others say or do is not a concern for you.

We are sensitive people, so it's hard to let others do what they do without thinking it's us; it's not you, it's them!!

I wish you a successful sober journey!!

With love & hugs,
~SB

bigsombrero

Geez -

Hey, quick question - is this an out-patient program only? Or are the others part of an in-patient treatment and this is a mixed group? I ask because I was an in-patient, and we all kind of bonded and became really close because we were in "lockdown" together. The out-patient people who just joined us for groups from time-to-time didnt' get the same respect because, deep down, we thought they were faking the whole treatment thing. It's a mob mentality, but it does exist.

Carlotta

Those people sound like low lives. They always say to stick with the winners. I don't see how having very sick people make fun of you is going to help you. Do you have to attend this thing or can't you go instead to AA or NA?

fallgirl613

No, I'm going voluntarily in an outpatient setting. No detox needed. The reason why I wanted to go to a treatment center was for the accountability (urine tests and attendance). I also need structure in my life since I don't have a job right now. I love AA. It's such a positive experience, unlike the treatment center. I don't know. I can't imagine going back tomorrow. By the way, now it's going on 6x that I've been trying to contact my counselor since Fri and so far I've heard nothing. Blah.

caboblanco

fallgirl..i can relate to your problems trying to get a 1 on 1 session. That is why I recommend going elsewhere for therapy(if that's possible) It took me over a month to get a therapist

fallgirl613

I know I may sound naive, but they have 1 on 1 therapists strictly for alcoholism? How many times a week do you go? (If you don't mind me asking).

Carlotta

The only positive seems to be the money that those running the "treatment center" are putting in their bank accounts. I truly do not see how associating individuals who behave like street people in active addiction can help.
Caboblanco has a good d point: get one on one counseling and since you like AA and are not working, just schedule a couple of meetings every day and show up.Good luck and hugs ****}}

bigsombrero

I have to admit I am arching my eyebrows a bit at your story. Hmmmm.

1. You go to outpatient and everyone laughs at you when you tell your heartfelt tale
2. You go out in the hall to cry, and hear more people making fun of you
3. You are being a good soldier, you just want to do the right thing
4. You go back in the room and you are mocked
5. You try and contact your councilor 6 times and get no return calls

I think you're perception could very well be out-of-whack. No treatment facility in the Western Hemisphere that would allow or condone that kind of behavior. It's almost impossible to believe. You clearly don't want to go back, and maybe you're perceiving things that don't exist - you want to bail and are searching for reasons. Maybe you need to take off your gloomy goggles and give it another shot. We alcoholics lie to ourselves all the time. Start telling yourself the truth and maybe things will get better.

john44

That would be it for me. The "counselor" sounds unprofessional at best.