LexieCat

Ex,

I believe you when you say your situation is complicated. One of the key aspects of alcoholism is that our lives become unmanageable. Not that our alcoholism caused every problem in our lives, but it sure impairs our ability to deal with it.

I'm not sure why you think AA is not an option. It costs nothing, exists everywhere, and most of all it has good, practical suggestions for learning to deal with all the crap that comes our way on a day to day basis without picking up a drink.

Whatever your situation, there are others who have had it just as bad and have recovered. I'd suggest you keep an open mind. So far, it seems like you are just focusing on why nothing will work.

exauhsted

I don't believe that nothing will work I just believe that what I think will work for me will not happen right NOW I believe it will but can't right now.

I believe for me I just got to unload what is inside me and I just can't find a place to do it. I've said for a long time I need a therapist to just unload on I just can't find that one place that I can unload it all..regardlesss of how frivolous it may seem to some I just got to let it go somewhere......and now I understand that it's not going to happen so I'm OK it's OK I will deal..................

LexieCat

Well, maybe the therapist route can't happen right now, but the Steps in AA are designed to help you unload, quite literally, the stuff that is eating you up inside. Granted, a sponsor isn't a therapist, but a sponsor is someone who has used the Steps to clean up her own life. So she can act as a mentor and a guide through the process.

If your preferred mode of recovery isn't possible right now, but another, possibly very effective one is, doesn't it make sense to at least take a look at it?

exauhsted

I have looked at the AA over and over it is not happening!! There IS NOT ONE IN MY TOWN!!!

I live in the middle of NOWHERE!!!!!! Sorry but it is what it is that's why I am here..

Look.. we just got high speed internet a year ago....LOL

I'm not trying to be rude even though ..I know that it may seem that way..I'm just trying to say...I'm here... except me or cut me loose. I'm cool with it.

This is why I took a look at SR...is it effective? I thought so but now I just don't have a clue...and it's OK with me that you don't have an answer. I will figure it out. I really don't even expect you to have an answer just wanted to give it a shot.

BackToSquareOne

Exhausted, when I was going thru depression most of what anyone said to me went in one ear and out the other. I can still remember the advice, "Just pick yourself up by your bootstraps", go do this, that or the other thing. You might just as well have told me to take up sky diving or mountain climbing for all the good it would have done.

Many people use alcohol to self treat depression which can get even worse when you try to stop the alcohol. I don't know if you have depression issues going on but the tone of your posts sure seems kind of like I felt going thru it. If this is an issue just remember that depression is very treatable and you don't have to let it take full control.

exauhsted

You are most likely right but I don't know what to do at this point but drink.
I really am sorry for all the post that cause everyone to feel bad that they can't help. I don't mean it to be that way and I really do care. I'm just looking for help and have no other resources at this time. What a mess I've gotten myself into.......It's OK I'll be OK ....

LexieCat

No, and I'm not trying to push AA down your throat, either. You said it was "not an option" but did not say why not. Lots of people consider it "not an option" because they don't like the sound of it. There ARE online AA meetings, and there are online meetings here at SR as well. I know of people in remote locations who have found a sponsor to work with online.

SR isn't a "program" like AA or some other groups (SMART recovery, Women For Sobriety, etc.) so it's not something that is, in and of itself "effective" (or "ineffective", for that matter). People come here for support. Some do it in conjunction with AA or another program or recovery method, some people just quit drinking and rely on the support of people here. But there is no unified way of addressing the problem here, as you would find in a formal program.

If you are interested in AA, there is a Twelve-Step forum here at S.R. that could help you get started. That's the only thing I know, personally, to suggest. Maybe someone here will have other suggestions. Maybe we should start with this question: what are you willing to do to get sober?

soberlicious

There are many ways to quit. Some have had success with Carr's Easyway, some with AVRT, some with SMART, some with a combination approach.

You are fully capable of quitting drinking if that is what you want to do. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you can. Read all around and see what others have done. There are many many paths.

I know you think drinking eases the pressures, but it is in fact creating a burden on your body and your mind that it is indeed making your already stressful life almost unbearable.

I'm going to suggest to you research the ways to stop drinking. Pick a forum and read it, chose the Carr book or the Rational Recovery book and read it. Pick something and do it. It's a start.

exauhsted

So...thinking back how many of you woke up and said "Today is the day, I quit" and then find yourself reaching for that drink at the end of the day?

Is this not a reality? Am I fooling myself in thinking that I can and will quit?

Did you all just wake up and do it the very first time you said this..I'm sure that some did but I'm also sure that all did not and it took some time.

I guess I'm just looking for the hope that it can be done ...by whatever means it takes for each individual.

I say this because I try every day to make it my day but fail miserably.

LexieCat

Why do you have alcohol in your house? That might be a place to start. Get it out of the house and do not buy more.

What have you done so far to quit, beyond making a declaration to yourself in the morning that you will? Do you read recovery literature? There's a lot of stuff online. Have you planned something you could do during the time you might otherwise be drinking? Take up knitting or something? (I'm serious.) Have you joined in any scheduled chatroom meetings to talk to others who are also in recovery?

There is WORK involved in recovery. I don't know anyone who just got up one day and decided not to drink any more and went on to have a happy alcohol-free life.

As I asked you before, what are you willing to do to get sober and stay that way?

exauhsted

I joined SR.......that was a BIG step for me.

funny you would mention Knitting because I "used" to when I had time for me...LOL

I have alcohol in my house because I wake up and say NO not today but by 3:00 I'm going Oh no I can't do it today..to much is going on..I know it's an excuse, I just don't know right now how to aliviate the pressures. I am working on this one but just not there right now I keep telling myself after this or that is figured out I can focus on me.

At the same time there is ALWAYS something else that comes into play... so I am finally realizing that it's not going to happen the way I want it to. I do not have control over the situations that arise but I have to get control over ME and how I handle them.

soberlicious

Every day for years.
Yes, it is the reality that you are currently caught in the cycle of addiction BUT no, you are not fooling yourself to think it can end and that you are capable of making it in. You are fully capable. Do not dwell on past failures as proof that you will fail in the future. That is your addictive voice creating doubt.
There is absolutely always hope...always. I am telling you that in no uncertain terms.

For me, it was helpful to understand that there were two parts of me...ME and IT (the addicted part). Basically in addictive addiction, IT is in control. That can be turned around. You can end this. I have complete faith in you, even if you don't yet. Read about AVRT and see if it makes sense to you. It is a technique for quitting though, not a design for living. First you must quit, then you can go about learning to live any way you wish.

Do not give up.

soberlicious

Our posts crossed so I didn't see your last one when I posted. I wanted to point out that the bolded part is an example of how your addictive voice is creating reasons for you to keep drinking. There is nothing you need to figure out at the moment except one thing and one thing only and that is putting the bottle down. Nothing else can be solved until you do that. And you CAN do that.

exauhsted

I'm not giving up I'm not... even though I have moments of this thought I'm not regardless of what ...I will not... I know I've said it but I will not!!!!!

I just hope that everyone can put up with me until I get there...and I'm sorry that I cause so much confusion I really am.. I just don't know what else to do right now, so I'm doing what works for me. I can't even find a place to be me right now.

See I want to delete that because I don't want to be whiney. I don't know... I'm just so lost in it all.

Anoronha

Exhausted I want share with you another program of recovery some of my friends use called www.smart recovery.org. It is treatment center approved and legally approved. I know several people who have been sober for a long time using smart recovery. I use AA I just wanted you to know I am rooting for ya and that there are other options.

soberlicious

There are some SMARTies here at SR too. OnlyTheTruth has info, you may want to PM her.

You're not causing me any confusion. Consider making a short term goal of not drinking for a week. During that time you can focus with a clear head on learning about your options for quitting for good. I know you feel lost, but with a bit of clarity, you can get a foothold.

LexieCat

Yeah, it would be great if we could wake up one day and it would be easy. It just doesn't work that way.

Quitting drinking is hard, no doubt about it. It is uncomfortable, and it stays uncomfortable for a while. Sobriety, though, gives you real freedom.

Nobody WANTS discomfort. So you are just like everybody else. Alcohol does good stuff for us--until it doesn't. That is pretty much where you're at. It's like the guy who's too awful to stay with but too good to kick out. But you know if you stay with him it will only end badly.

It feels easier to keep treading water, because you've gotten used to it. The known, even the crappy known, feels less scary than the unknown. Read the posts of the people who have been sober for a while. You don't hear them mourning how they used to be able to drink. You can trust them to tell you the truth. That early sobriety is difficult and often uncomfortable, but the result is worth every penny of the price of admission.

So good for you that you joined SR. Now you have to take the next step. Work up your courage and take the leap of faith. Decide that no matter how difficult it feels, you are going to do whatever it takes to succeed. No more excuses.

That's what it takes to get sober. Absolute commitment.

BackToSquareOne

I kind of think that old saying, "Better the devil you know than the one you don't know" is what keeps many of us stuck on the merry-go-round. We know that alcohol gives us that brief period of release and relief and that option often seems better than nothing. That's really the grand delusion of it all tho, the very thing we think is helping is actually making everything much worse in the long run.

Think about how alcohol works, it sedates the brain and CNS for a short period of time, then when it wears out of the system the brain goes into a state of hypervigilance. Everything that was there before is still there only now you have alcohol withdrawal stacked on top of it all! You actually end up with a brain + CNS trying to normalize and that's the part that gets very uncomfortable, the natural reaction is to use more alcohol to calm everything down. That's how the cycle works, kind of like an endless loop, we keep going back to "The devil we know".

A lot of great advice in all the other posts. The main thing is that you get off the merry-go-round one way or another. Stay strong Exhausted, it's a battle you can win!

spidy

Don't give up exhausted! Smoking and drinking and doping are really good ways to avoid problems. We think drugs are helping us cope with problems or give us a great escape from our life, but the truth is they are trap doors that we all fall into and are near impossible to get out of.

They don't really help us deal with problems. Better to just suffer and fail and be sad and lonely for awhile. Let the worst fears happen. Then you realize that your worst fears are not so bad after all and if we were still doping, we would still be scared forever

I live by myself and get real lonely at night, but trying to teach myself to go thru it sober and to be honest I absolutely love waking up the next day without feeling sick to my stomach. Its much much better way

Keep trying

exauhsted

I’ve been very irritable today and this is a new thing for me ….trying to deal with so much at once.

I want go into detail (since I guess it’s not what we do here )so I’ll just focus on my goals of trying to get in the right space and frame of mind.

I know what I have to do… I know what it will mean.

I appreciate your responses..

I just need at this point to find a place or someone to unload on . No one here (I mean my home) wants to hear it… no one wants to listen. I think it is because I’ve always been everyone else’s sounding board ….I’ve always been the one to listen and help…so at this point they don’t know what to do or say to me.

It’s OK I get it…I got to do this for ME and I got to let the rest go ..otherwise I will be useless to anyone else…

I will find my salvation because at this point I have dedicated myself to finding it no matter what.
If nothing else this is the one thing that I have come to a conclusion on...I have to do it by myself.
I cannot expect that anyone else can or will do it for me.

It’s OK, I’m OK…………………