freshstart57

NobleCause, I will admit to some uneasiness while reading your post as you described the setting, because I think I remember reading similar posts from you in the past.

I share in your relief and your triumph, NC. Wonderful news! Congratulations to you.

Ollie909

You are actually doing what you know has to be done. Knowing your abilities, from this site.I am seeing a true champion. Life, work,the dealings with success.Your still
going strong at the work place.
However overcoming what we at SR know your overcoming is monumental.
GOOD JOB. This is the only way to live. You know the alternatives. Best to you NC

SoberIrishman

Inspirational post man... I'm slowly following the same path. It was pretty much an open bar at my moms house tonight and it brought me comfort knowing my water would keep me level headed and away from calling out my ***** stepdad when he makes a drunken comment to my undeserving mom. Tonight we laughed at him as he stumbled away, similar to your success story. Amazing what happens when your brain isn't swimming in alcohol. Those clowns are much funnier when you aren't part of the circus! Lmao good job on the big three O. part of me Can't wait to feel that pride but finally I'm living for each day, and I cant wait to wait now!

Live2Run25

great job!!!

ReadyAndAble

Just giving this thread a bump. I'm a sucker for happy endings.

NobleCause

40 days now. tho what's perhaps even more remarkable is the fact that i am writing this in an airport after a week in a hotel in a remote city with a disproportionate amount of old timey whiskey bars and little else to fill the nights. but even that was ok - i managed fine with iced tea when out for drinks with colleagues, and banished myself to the hotel gym when i sensed the nights getting late and rowdy. not sure i've ever boarded a long flight home with such a clear head before, sort of nice to not have to drag along extra baggage this time.

BackToSquareOne

Wow NC, I know the Doors are probably before your time but that "Whiskey Bar" made this old song pop into my head. : The Doors - Alabama Song (Whisky Bar) - YouTube
Anyhow, congrats on the 40 days!

instant

Good direction. Good work.

RobbyRobot

Noble, so good to hear you're now allowing yourself to keep your own good company, lol. When we appreciate ourselves no matter our immediate surroundings, we surely prevail, and so sustain our better purposes going forward. 40 DAYS. AWESOME!

How unforgettable are those early singular moments, when we *know* life without booze makes practical sense, and we *see* the light at the end of the tunnel, and we honestly come to realise it's not just another awful trainload of misery coming our way. Freedom from self is its own reward.

Nothing beats winning. Losing is so overrated... heh.

NobleCause

by the end of the day today, i was on shaky ground. i've spent a few days now warring with (and so far beating) a work nemesis in an absurd power struggle and watching family members fall apart from thousands of miles away. it's the kind of frustration that's indistinguishable from despair. it parks itself in a fiery lump at the top of the throat, and has previously been known to be dislodged most effectively by singe malt scotch.

so by the end of the day today, tired of fighting and tired of helplessness, my mind started to wander to that old familiar place, and soon enough it was right there in front of me - i could smell it, i could taste it, i could feel it raise the hairs on the back of my neck. there's this deal that i made with myself that involves running 3 miles before i act on any urge that arises, so i dug out my shoes and went despite the weather and my tired body. by the end of it i was a sweaty, sore mess, but my mind was calm and even. i started to lighten up a bit and remembered that i might not have control over what i'd like to have control over right now, but i have choices. just choices. and i'm beginning to think that not following that urge back into a bottle tonite is the best choice i've made all day.

instant

Noble I found over time my ability to deal with the $^^* that gets dished my way has increased. I think every time you get through an event like this and it is handled successfully it is another stage in the journey.

Alcohol promised me stress relief but I now find I am less stressed, and do not feel the need to seek that kind of instant melting of arousal.

Dee74

I think it was a very good choice too MC well done

D

freshstart57

Well done, NC. I have been up against some perceived wall, and done something like gone for a run, just as you described, instead of diving headfirst into a bottle of Macallan 18. Afterwards, of course, I feel whole and steady again, and I wonder this: maybe this is what normal people do in this situation instead of drinking? Hmmmm.

soberlicious

True...there is much in life that I have no control over. Recognizing and even embracing that has really changed my life. One thing I do have complete control over, though, is whether or not I put alcohol in my body.
LOL...I wonder the same. I think you're on to something.

NobleCause

ah yes, the normals… their healthy, well adjusted reflexes honestly amaze me. it's funny that my silly jog seemed like such a radical, revolutionary approach last night. some real outside of the box thinking. but that's likely because my first idea, my reflex, was to storm out of the office and drink until i could drink no more. that made absolutely perfect sense to me in the moment. it took real effort and the focus of a 3 mile run for me to remember, and admit, that i love my job and, to a degree, my life. choices. it's all about the choices.

wheresthefun

So simple, and so true.

Ollie909

I thought what you did was radical, revolutionary outside of the box action myself.
You could have gone back to the same duh. Good Job NC

soberlicious

This is funny to me because I have often been perplexed in the past as to how people deal or cope without substances.

I have a son with autism. I've learned many things about life from him over the years, and one important thing relates to this. Because of his autism...even the simplest interactions with others were difficult for him. The everyday social exchanges and the reciprocity that goes along with those is lost on him. The skills that typically developing children develop innately...almost magically, must be broken down into skill sets and directly taught to him. For example, it wasn't impossible for him to make eye contact when speaking to others, he just had to learn how, then practice. Now as a young man it's more natural for him, requires less thought...it's almost automatic.

So same for me. Healthy, constructive ways of coping were not second nature to me. I had to learn them and practice them. Now, to do something destructive like drink seems foreign to me. I shudder to think I might be almost close to "normal"...but running instead of drinking is what I do too. Super normal LOL yikes...

ReadyAndAble

Who are these normal people? I'm not sure I know any, but they sound really boring. Can you imagine a movie or book about one? Yawn.

A life without adversity means there's nothing to overcome. There's no achievement, no triumph. A three-mile run becomes nothing more than a workout. Eye contact becomes nothing more than a look. Routine. Ordinary. Perfectly normal.

Way to be, NC.

NobleCause

the neighborhood that i grew up in, the neighborhood where my family remains, was badly thrashed in the storm. after it hit, i waited for word thousands of miles away, my patience eventually giving way to panic. by the time i'd gotten the call - they were all ok, alive and intact - i was sixty days sober, it was halloween, and i was two days without sleep. the ptsd roared alive. bad decisions were all but inevitable, so it makes sense that i thought it was brilliant to take some time off from work to jump on a plane to meet an ex when he got in touch to see how my family had fared. i began drinking mid-flight. a couple days passed, some of my old ways returned, and the fruitless rehashing of 12 year old arguments became a constant until suddenly i found myself within a dense moment of clarity. it arrived as i waited alone in his car in the middle of the night in a shell of a neighborhood while he scored in an adjoining alley. 'if you hear shots…,' he'd started before jumping out, leaving the engine still running… while contemplating that thought, another thought suddenly charged to the front of my mind. 'this is not where you should be.'

and so i'm back home, tomorrow will be a new day 1, and i'm not going to sweat what's happened in the past week. i've come a long way but i'm not perfect and i take this to be proof of that. i'm looking ahead, to calm and contentedness, and i'm planning my tickets to the old neighborhood. because that is probably where i should be right now.