TheEnd

I have been sober about 19 months now. I went to treatment for 3 months and adopted the AA culture. I haven't finished my steps yet and really don't feel like it at this point. I'm on step 6. I have been in therapy for the past 2 1/2 years and feel that I have solved or learned how to deal with many of the problems that drove me to use substances.

I have never really gone to meetings all that much, maybe averaged about one a week. Lately it's become 2 a month and when I do go, I feel inundated with the same stories of despair or recovery. I'm basically tired of hearing about how people have done it, or can't do it, or don't want to do it.

I feel like taking break and not even attending AA meetings anymore for awhile. And if I start to slip back into my old ways, maybe go back again. At this point I feel I have the tools to keep me sober, my serious dedication to endurance sports is also a source of support and I just know what I want and don't want out of life right now.

Am I headed down a wrong path or have other people gone through this?

candi7

I've been feeling this way myself and a little about 3 1/2 months sober. But, I've gotta force myself to go... I'm on my 4th step and need to finish it up so I can go on to the next steps. I had a spot where my car was broke down (and I couldnt find a ride to meetings), now it's fixed, I'm fighting it. But my sponsor's been on my butt. And last night I was craving again. I'm good today-but I've gotta carry my butt to a meeting tomorrow.. And I've gotta get back into regular meetings.. (just speaking for myself-not meant to say you need to do the same) grouphug:

tomsteve

good to see ya posts yer concerns with this. my thought is why you feel like stopping at step 6? you may have learned how to deal with problems, but are there shortcomings you dont want to get rid of? isnt there wreckage from yer past you feel should be cleaned up?
if you want to stop goin to meetings that is your choice, but IMO you already know you will start slipping back into your old ways and it could very well lead to a drink. i would just hopre you catch it before you drink.

the BB says
It is easy to let up on the spiritual program of action and rest on our laurels. We are headed for trouble if we do, for alcohol is a subtle foe.
through personal experience, i found this true for me. i didnt get drunk, but i sure was dry.

DayTrader

Maybe your "no-AA" experiment is worth a try. Maybe you don't need meetings. If you're halfway through the steps though, I'd give some consideration to trying the whole deal out first. Leaving now might be like leaving a restaurant before your enter arrives.

RobbyRobot

I don't think its worth examining if your're going down a wrong path. Doing the right things time and again have brought you 19 months of sobriety. I hesitate to say you have AA sobriety, and I say this because you would not be stopping your program if you did in fact have AA sobriety, imo.

If not making meetings causes you to slip back into your old ways, then you've for sure not achieved a level of satisfaction in your sobriety.

These are the kind of experiences that can only be tested to know what is what. Unfortunately, all too often, members are told they are already in the wrong as soon as they talk what you are talking about. I don't agree that you're going down a wrong path -- unless -- you can show to yourself how you are being dishonest with wanting to move on and away from AA.

Are you having any desires to drink? Do you wonder about drinking? After 19 months, are you satisfied with your progress about never drinking again? Is your alcoholism in your face, or is it behind you?

The answers to those questions are worth much more then wondering if you are going down the wrong path, imo.

If I may ask, why haven't you already completed the program before 19 months?

Wifi

I'm with you... I was big into AA for a long time I managed to rack up about 5 years at one point but I went out last month after 1.5 years... I'm still doing 1 meeting a week (a small intimate group that I like) but I have been staying away from the large men stag meetings we have on Sat mornings mainly because I think having to stand up and embarass yourself when you go out is BS... Just my opinion... I have always had issues with being powerless because I beleive that we can do anything we set our minds to. I've been looking into other programs and we'll see where it goes. I really do love the friends and the fellowship though as I have met a lot of good people in AA...

Regards,

WIFI - Currently on Day 4 (again)...

2granddaughters

Let us know how this works out for you.

All the best.

Bob R

miamifella

After a while meetings for me got to be like paging through a glossy magazine and feeling ugly, fat and poor. Hearing about how wonderful everyone's life was day in and day out made me feel like a failure and a loser.

I have to admit to a touch of envy. Hearing about "how people have done it, or can't do it, or don't want to do it," is what I wanted, but such shares were frowned on as too negative.

I guess the grass is always greener. I left the program because I needed to learn more about how to recover rather than hear boasts about how great life is in recovery. If I had been to meetings like yours I might have continued on in the program.

silly

I don't think you should worry so much about what other people say will happen to you if you do or do not do something. What do you think will happen and what is important to you? If you aren't interested in moving past step 6, that's cool. That doesn't make you a bad person or a less sober person. And if you'd rather pursue sober outlets other than AA, that's great. Lots of us on SR do.

Good luck in whatever you decide!

Taking5

Have you tried any big book or step study study meetings? I find these to be focused on the solution - the 12 steps - and not full of drunkalogs and drama. This is much better for me than discussion meetings.

omegasupreme

"But we soon discovered that while we weren't alone anymore in a social sense, we still suffered many of the old pangs of anxious apartness." 12x12 pg. 57

I went through something similar around the same time period in sobriety as you...I played it up and made it way more dramatic though...turns out it was though...I nearly died behind suicide. I don't have to take a drink for this thing to kill me. If you are interested in the details scroll about half way down to the bottom at this link to another thread in 12 step land...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...a-speaker.html

mfanch

Unfortunately, the solution in AA is taking the steps. If you are not interested in taking the steps, then AA is not for you.

"Am I headed down a wrong path or have other people gone through this?"

I cannot tell you your path. I CAN tell you that for me, every time I left AA, I returned to active addiction save for AVRT/RR (where I was miserable). For me, a spiritual experience and a complete psychic change was the only solution for me. For me: "Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps....." and thank goodness I didn't quit before it happened.

I changed sponsors and got one who KNEW the BB and HAD a spiritual experience. The STEPS in the BOOK are the solution. I agree about BB studies and Step Study meetings. I would really get into that book.

TheEnd

To answer your questions, no I am not having any desires to drink that is the furthest thing from my mind. My alcoholism is not in my face at the moment, it is behind me, but I'm not naive enough to think it will never rear its ugly head again.

I haven't completed the program after 19 months because I work full-time and I'm working on my PhD in Counseling full-time along with a slew of other things.

TheEnd

I live in Miami, so I'm sure we have attended some of the same meetings.

TheEnd

I feel like the steps are just a plan for you to work on yourself. Well I have been working on myself for 2 1/2 years through therapy and will continue to go to therapy and work on myself. I don't see why working "steps" is better than therapy.

CarolD

Are you saying therapy. is better than living in the steps?

Why not use both resources instead of picking only one?

I've never quit being an advocate of regular AA meetings
however you are already attending rarely
. I'm always pleased to see people come back around ...

All my best whatever you decide TE

Sapling

If I hadn't worked the steps and was only attending two meetings a month I wouldn't have made it two and half years in AA....I know that. Sounds to me like your therapy is what's keeping you sober....Not AA. I really don't see how not making two meetings a month will really make a difference. Congrats on your time....If you like what you are getting...Keep doing what you are doing.

youbetcha

When I saw the title of your post I could identify and had to check it out. It took me 14 years in A.A. to start to feel like you say you're feeling, in the 7 years since then I've slowed down w/meetings. I'm still accountable, still pray, still "turn it over" every chance I get, and I still believe A.A. "works if you work it," but I agree w/some of what TheEnd said about the depressing stuff, the living in the problem at meetings etc., and just find that sometimes I actually feel worse after going to a meeting. Maybe its just a phase I'm going through or something. That said; 19 months is fantastic, but it's still pretty young in recovery, be careful.

Huey

It was the miserable self deprecating, depressing stories repeated again and again and again. . . That helped to drive me away forever. I used to go to meetings feeling pretty upbeat, and leave with other peoples problems by virtue of osmosis Perhaps have a look at AVRT ? You'll never have to attend another meeting again.
There's no such thing as a 'dry drunk'. Just a 'self recovered' one.

sugarbear1

I've witnessed many people relapse who get stuck or stay stopped on a step (4-9) and who don't complete the steps. The freedom and relief is real, once the steps are completed.

I've committed to 2-3 meetings a week and I meet that goal by attending 3 serious meetings, sometimes I can only get to 2 of them. It's my relationship with my higher power that is essential to my life and I keep in touch with the friends I've made in the fellowship regularly. Meetings don't keep me sober. Spending one night a week with my sponsor is also important to me!

I avoid the "group therapy" meetings and the "whiner meetings" that I've been to previously. Meetings that stick with how one has overcome or worked through a difficult time using the steps are the meetings I prefer over the "dump it and feel better meetings."

Do what you feel is best for you! Stay strong and stay stopped!

Love & hugs,