Db1105

I can't say what will happen to you. For me, getting sober in AA was an 'all in' proposition. All I did for my first three months was not drink. I was one miserable SOB. Lucky for me I found a sponsor who taught me that the way to get and stay sober was to work the steps, get a homegroup, get involved is service work, and get back into life.

AA does not work through osmosis. I have to do the legwork. I know for sure that I Can go out and get drunk. I can't guarantee if I can get sober again, or stay out jail, or not be planted six foot underground. I suggest you talk with your sponsor.

FBL

My father got sober with AA. He left after about 7 years. Next April he'll have 30 years happily sober. I'm now over 3 years happily sober with no "program". Lots of options out there these days. Best wishes for whatever you decide

freshstart57

Only you can decide what you can and cannot do. Not only have you participated in extensive therapy from a professional source that has obviously been successful, you are confident in its effectiveness to the point of becoming a therapist yourself, pursuing your PhD.

What are your expectations, TheEnd, by asking this question, what answers to you hope to receive? Are you powerless over alcohol with an unmanageable life? No one here can answer that for you and tell you what is right for you.

With your experience, insight, training, you are making this your life's work. I am looking forward to learning more from you as you continue on your journey.

Sapling

There is a certain type of alcoholic they describe in the big book....That certain type of alcoholic is me. I firmly believe I suffered from an illness that only a spiritual experience could conquer. I tried the self recovered road....It led me nowhere....I was miserable. So...Having been a dry drunk myself....I have to disagree with this.

aeo1313

You don't have to be in AA to be in recovery. You do need to look at your motives behind why you don't want to be a part of AA though.

I started out in AA and loved the fellowship, but could not accept steps 1-3. I just didn't agree with them at all and they went against what I felt in my heart.

Have you talked about this with your therapist?

IMO it doesn't matter what route you take to sobriety and continued sobriety. Live an honest, sober life, and be happy. Best wishes

miamifella

aeo1313-- I had a very similar experience. I loved the 12-step fellowship but could not get past the third step. I think that I loved how positive it was, but eventually I needed to be able to talk about the negative feelings I had as well, so I had to leave.

Sapling

I was talking with an old timer yesterday about how may people don't get past step three....It's mind boggling for me...I mentioned I thought it had to do with this...

Those who do not recover are people who cannot or will not completely give themselves to this simple program, usually men and women who are constitutionally incapable of being honest with themselves.

He told me it was all about willingness....It just blows my mind how many people leave AA at step four....Because I believe....The only way to work step three....Is to work steps four through nine.

flutter

There's quite a few of us with long term recovery that haven't used the program of AA. I think we all need to find what works best for us, stay vigilant though.. complacency is a scary place!

aeo1313

Yes, I didn't get past step 3 but I am not NOT recovered.

Sapling

I'm not saying you aren't aeo....Whatever keeps you sober is more than fine with me. I'm talking about people that grow apart from AA....Which for myself...Is the only thing that worked.

miamifella

I feel that for me it was about honesty. I was not going to say that I believed something I did not. I could not figure out how to acquire a belief without being dishonest.

For me, I really liked the simplicity and certainty of the 12-step program. I still like the literature. But for me, the program WAS an easier softer way. It was a way for me to pretend to be doing the work of recovery without actually doing it.

I spent years trying to get to the fourth step. I went to churches, tried to adopt 12 step groups as my higher power. I even used a rock as a higher power when when I heard about that. But I never believed any of it. I faked it but never got to the point of making it. And I saw many people who left at step 2 or 3 as a cop out. I did not want to cop out. But eventually I had to look rigorously at myself. I think that for many people it is wrong to quit. But I think for others it is the right thing to do.

I do not regret the time I spent. I felt very alone in this search, but I also learned about myself. And what I learned made my recovery possible. So I think the steps WERE successful for me. They are (IMHO) meant to lead people toward honesty, connection, a commitment to service, and rigorous ongoing self-examination. Those are the base of my recovery outside the program as well. I could not reach the principles of the program within the program. But I learned what those principles were and went after them in a different way.

As I said earlier in the thread, I believe in the principles on which 12-step programs are built and might even have gotten there in the program if I had found a group like the one that the originator of the thread wrote about. But there are some places all the willingness in the world cannot take you. But I think honesty can.

2granddaughters

It appears that your "Higher Power" is therapy.
I had years of psychiatrists and psych wards in the 1970's and 1980's. It was only when I came to AA that recovery began to happen. In AA I found the priest, minister, doctor and police chief.

I suggest you go to YouTube and search for "Century of the Self", a 4 part BBC documentary of therapy and psychiatry. Very enlightening .....

2 1/2 years in AA (recovery) is a start and only a start. Seek out and talk to the good oldtimers with 30-40 years and you'll begin to see.

We all have our paths to walk, I wish you the best on yours.

Bob R

TheEnd

Actually my higher power is God. I believe in God, have no problems with him, and he is working in my life everyday.

Sapling

That's cool...Mine too. You said you were working on step six....Can I ask you an honest question?.....You don't have to answer. Is there something on your fourth step you are holding back?

TheEnd

No, there is nothing I'm holding back. I look at the steps as a plan for living, to me it just seems like common sense. I don't feel I need to go around saying "I'm working on such a such step." Making amends to the people you hurt is just what good people should do, it's what we teach children at an early age.

Sapling

I don't know...I got so much relief from doing my fifth step with my sponsor...As the book said I would...I did my sixth and seventh right after as the book said I should....And carried on. Sounds like you are OK with what you got....I'd say carry on!

onlythetruth

I agree. I too went to therapy at the same time as I was active in AA. I found this confusing and even painful, because what I was learning about myself in therapy (and was working for me in my life), so often contradicted what I was expected to believe in AA. The idea that an outside force provided the power to recover--when I always knew it was me (although I believe in God)--was probably the most obvious contradiction, but there were others.

I struggled with this for years before eventually deciding what you've decided, and I think I know why you're here asking if it's okay. Because you keep hearing that it isn't. But I am here to tell you that it is. It is okay.

This is not to denigrate the recovery of those who do find AA helpful, simply to say that if it is the wrong path then there is nothing wrong with saying so and moving on.

miamifella

Originally Posted by TheEnd View Post
I feel like the steps are just a plan for you to work on yourself. Well I have been working on myself for 2 1/2 years through therapy and will continue to go to therapy and work on myself. I don't see why working "steps" is better than therapy.


(Sorry, but I don't know how to do quotes)

I think this is the wrong question. There really is no general "better." There are methods of recovery that are more of less effective for an individual. But anytime someone says that their method of recovery is the "best" for everyone...well, I usually see a lack of insight.

So the question is what method is most effective for you. For many it is AA. For others it is not. You can only answer for yourself through your own experience.

Sapling

Not from me...Honest to God truth....As far as I'm concerned if you haven't had a spiritual awakening as a result of those steps....You aren't AA recovered anyway....So you really aren't leaving anything.

mfanch

This.