Growing apart from AA
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Dallas, TX
Posts: 325
I've been sober for 21 months and understand a lot of what you are saying. Right now, I go to 1 or 2 meetings a week, but up until about 3 months ago, I was only making 1 or so a month. All I can say is that my sobriety and life were really difficult when I wasn't going to to AA and talking with other alcoholics regularly.
Like most of us in sobriety, life has been coming at me fast since I started recovery. New relationships, jobs, friends, hobbies, while awesome, all come with a whole new set of challenges that other alcoholics know how to get through. When I was trying to figure out all of the good and bad things happening to me in sobriety without AA, things got really hard, really fast.
Sobriety seems easy to us when not much is going on, but things can turn quickly for the good or the worse. Having a support group of alcoholics is very key to making good choices for all that comes at us. I've heard too many stories of those who "got it" and didn't need AA or support when things were going smooth, and then picked drinking back up over a period of time after. I don't want to fall into that trap, so I make a point to still go to meetings and try to help other alcoholics, even when it feels like I don't need them at the time.
Like most of us in sobriety, life has been coming at me fast since I started recovery. New relationships, jobs, friends, hobbies, while awesome, all come with a whole new set of challenges that other alcoholics know how to get through. When I was trying to figure out all of the good and bad things happening to me in sobriety without AA, things got really hard, really fast.
Sobriety seems easy to us when not much is going on, but things can turn quickly for the good or the worse. Having a support group of alcoholics is very key to making good choices for all that comes at us. I've heard too many stories of those who "got it" and didn't need AA or support when things were going smooth, and then picked drinking back up over a period of time after. I don't want to fall into that trap, so I make a point to still go to meetings and try to help other alcoholics, even when it feels like I don't need them at the time.
sobriety date 5-2-12
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Midwest
Posts: 903
Originally Posted by onlythetruth 
I agree. I too went to therapy at the same time as I was active in AA. I found this confusing and even painful, because what I was learning about myself in therapy (and was working for me in my life), so often contradicted what I was expected to believe in AA. The idea that an outside force provided the power to recover--when I always knew it was me (although I believe in God)--was probably the most obvious contradiction, but there were others.
I struggled with this for years before eventually deciding what you've decided, and I think I know why you're here asking if it's okay. Because you keep hearing that it isn't. But I am here to tell you that it is. It is okay.
This is not to denigrate the recovery of those who do find AA helpful, simply to say that if it is the wrong path then there is nothing wrong with saying so and moving on.
I struggled with this for years before eventually deciding what you've decided, and I think I know why you're here asking if it's okay. Because you keep hearing that it isn't. But I am here to tell you that it is. It is okay.
This is not to denigrate the recovery of those who do find AA helpful, simply to say that if it is the wrong path then there is nothing wrong with saying so and moving on.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
If I look for negetive things in any program...I sure can find them.
Equally true...I can find something positive in any approach.
Our members here are sucessfully doing all sorts of things.
That is why SR is a vital resource for recovery...IMO
There is no one way to find recovery
Equally true...I can find something positive in any approach.
Our members here are sucessfully doing all sorts of things.
That is why SR is a vital resource for recovery...IMO
There is no one way to find recovery
I looked like that holdin beer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 627
TheEnd
"Am I headed down a wrong path or have other people gone through this?"
When you ask yourself that question, what is your answer?
I find for myself, I usually have the answer. I just need to answer myself honestly, ya know?
"Am I headed down a wrong path or have other people gone through this?"
When you ask yourself that question, what is your answer?
I find for myself, I usually have the answer. I just need to answer myself honestly, ya know?
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Originally Posted by aeo1313
I was pretty much told I would the same thing. If I go it alone I will relapse. That is so far from the truth. Maybe I was just never "alcoholic/addict" to begin with. Oh well. I'm sober and happy. Listen to your heart.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Dry Drunk
Only $2.65, hardly a pint of beer, enjoy...debate over:-)
The Dry Drunk Syndrome -- Hazelden
Only $2.65, hardly a pint of beer, enjoy...debate over:-)
The Dry Drunk Syndrome -- Hazelden
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
Originally Posted by yeahgr8
Dry Drunk
Only $2.65, hardly a pint of beer, enjoy...debate over:-)
The Dry Drunk Syndrome -- Hazelden
Only $2.65, hardly a pint of beer, enjoy...debate over:-)
The Dry Drunk Syndrome -- Hazelden
Those symptoms are not specific to alcoholics by any stretch of the imagination. I could see how anyone who actually did all of the things in the steps would come out better for it but how many people are actually going to do all of that?
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
I have a couple of friends have several years of sobriety & have stopped going to meetings or only attend a few times per year. Some folks assume they went "back out there" but they are happy with their lives. I plan on graduating from AA after I get a few years of sobriety also. I see folks with double digit years of sobriety & still need to attend daily. That is kinda scary to me & I do not want to do that.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
Originally Posted by Justfor1
I have a couple of friends have several years of sobriety & have stopped going to meetings or only attend a few times per year. Some folks assume they went "back out there" but they are happy with their lives. I plan on graduating from AA after I get a few years of sobriety also. I see folks with double digit years of sobriety & still need to attend daily. That is kinda scary to me & I do not want to do that.
Anyway, FWIW, one of the most important things I heard in AA was: "Take what you need and leave the rest."
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Originally Posted by BackToSquareOne
Self-defeating thoughts and behavior are everywhere. There are probably many labels psychology, psychiatry, therapists or whoever could hang on the syndrome. AA chose "Dry Drunk", don't know why but it's an annoying term.
Those symptoms are not specific to alcoholics by any stretch of the imagination. I could see how anyone who actually did all of the things in the steps would come out better for it but how many people are actually going to do all of that?
Those symptoms are not specific to alcoholics by any stretch of the imagination. I could see how anyone who actually did all of the things in the steps would come out better for it but how many people are actually going to do all of that?
I totally agree with you that one does not have to be an alcoholic to exhibit this behaviour and i have met plenty of people that don't need a drink or drug to exhibit pretty awful "dry drunk" living!
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