Woke up in some random's guys apartment
I looked like that holdin beer
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 627
If he was sober, it is not your own fault. I can't imagine being sober and taking advantage of someone like that.
Sweetheart, you are going to need to talk to your loved ones, maybe your parents, but not the grizzly details- perhaps. But maybe you can tell your mom everything? I don't want to see you go through this without total support.
Can you just call your mom?
Sweetheart, you are going to need to talk to your loved ones, maybe your parents, but not the grizzly details- perhaps. But maybe you can tell your mom everything? I don't want to see you go through this without total support.
Can you just call your mom?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 579
I'm really sorry this happened, Fenway. I know the guilt, shame, and self-loathing you're feeling right now. It's a lousy way to feel, but it will get better with time. Please take care of yourself. You are not a bad person--you made a mistake. You're not the first, and you won't be the last. We've all done things we regretted afterwards because of drinking. The key is to use this as a launching pad to changing behaviors that don't work for you. Really, that's why we're all here.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Notheast US
Posts: 524
FF:
I found that trying to be a sponge and soaking up everything I could about alcoholism really helped me to open my eyes much wider to the problem and face up to it.
Reading, watching videos on youtube, episodes of Intervention, SR, whatever, to saturate my brain to the point where I could not ignore things or plead ignorance anymore. I now know that I cannot and will not drink any more.
You are still young. Many of us here would love it if we could turn back the clock of time and begin our sobriety at your age. The longer you drink, the harder it gets to stop and the more damage is done to the body, mind, emotions, relationships, etc. To keep drinking will only bring you more pain, shame, guilt and self-loathing. You can turn the page on a new life by getting sober and seeing clearly all that life has to offer.
One day at a time sounds good right now, if that means not drinking.
Slim
I found that trying to be a sponge and soaking up everything I could about alcoholism really helped me to open my eyes much wider to the problem and face up to it.
Reading, watching videos on youtube, episodes of Intervention, SR, whatever, to saturate my brain to the point where I could not ignore things or plead ignorance anymore. I now know that I cannot and will not drink any more.
You are still young. Many of us here would love it if we could turn back the clock of time and begin our sobriety at your age. The longer you drink, the harder it gets to stop and the more damage is done to the body, mind, emotions, relationships, etc. To keep drinking will only bring you more pain, shame, guilt and self-loathing. You can turn the page on a new life by getting sober and seeing clearly all that life has to offer.
One day at a time sounds good right now, if that means not drinking.
Slim
Member
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Albany NY
Posts: 1,212
The simple truth in the matter is that after drinking alcohol, your inhibitions and judgement landed in the chitter...That's what alcohol does. You became vulnerable, and there are plenty of people with less than good intentions around to take advantage of other people's vulnerability.
Alcohol rendered you defenseless.
I've been around that block a few times myself. I clearly remember sitting in the detox unit and wondering if they were going to send me to the psych ward or whether they were going to put me into inpatient rehab. They placed me in rehab.
I hear people on this board say all the time that they cannot envision a life without alcohol, or that they are afraid they will fall apart when they put the bottle down. I still see them posting, and they are DOING it. They work very hard, every day, to keep the bottle from their lips, and it gets easier to do as time goes on. Sometimes it is two steps forward, and one step back, but they are progressing to an alcohol-free life.
We're not meant to be victims in this life, but that is the where my alcohol abuse kept me for years and years. I played a large part in what happened to me by living every day without any sense of inhibition or judgement because it was skewed by alcohol, and every day I stayed in that stewed condition, the shame grew, the anger grew, and progress in my life came to a complete standstill. Everything in my life hit critical mass. Not a good place to be.
I'm sorry you went through this. I know that sickening feeling when you return to consciousness all too well. Empower yourself by doing whatever you need to do to get alcohol out of your life. Lots of good suggestions on this forum for recovery methods. I used AA.
All my best...
Alcohol rendered you defenseless.
I've been around that block a few times myself. I clearly remember sitting in the detox unit and wondering if they were going to send me to the psych ward or whether they were going to put me into inpatient rehab. They placed me in rehab.
I hear people on this board say all the time that they cannot envision a life without alcohol, or that they are afraid they will fall apart when they put the bottle down. I still see them posting, and they are DOING it. They work very hard, every day, to keep the bottle from their lips, and it gets easier to do as time goes on. Sometimes it is two steps forward, and one step back, but they are progressing to an alcohol-free life.
We're not meant to be victims in this life, but that is the where my alcohol abuse kept me for years and years. I played a large part in what happened to me by living every day without any sense of inhibition or judgement because it was skewed by alcohol, and every day I stayed in that stewed condition, the shame grew, the anger grew, and progress in my life came to a complete standstill. Everything in my life hit critical mass. Not a good place to be.
I'm sorry you went through this. I know that sickening feeling when you return to consciousness all too well. Empower yourself by doing whatever you need to do to get alcohol out of your life. Lots of good suggestions on this forum for recovery methods. I used AA.
All my best...
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: California
Posts: 39
I absolutely promise that AA will help you.
It helped me. I got a year sober 9/19. I too drank daily and couldn't stop. Some how the obsession to drink was removed when I accepted the fact that I was an alcoholic, changed my lifestyle and went to AA. I promise your life can change. I didn't think I could ever live my life without alcohol too. But I'm sober.
I've had the exact same experiences with random men and the shame is crippling. The freaking out whether or not a condom was used and if I contracted something was frightening. You don't have to live your life like this Fenway. Take care of yourself.
It helped me. I got a year sober 9/19. I too drank daily and couldn't stop. Some how the obsession to drink was removed when I accepted the fact that I was an alcoholic, changed my lifestyle and went to AA. I promise your life can change. I didn't think I could ever live my life without alcohol too. But I'm sober.
I've had the exact same experiences with random men and the shame is crippling. The freaking out whether or not a condom was used and if I contracted something was frightening. You don't have to live your life like this Fenway. Take care of yourself.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 122
I used to blame everyone amd everything as a reason I drank. I had to swallow my pride and admit I drank because of me.
It's not our ExABFs fault you drink.
Im not being mean. Im hoping and praying I can help you not follow my foot steps.
It's not our ExABFs fault you drink.
Im not being mean. Im hoping and praying I can help you not follow my foot steps.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 39
I am very sorry this happened. That's a very scary situation, to wake with a stranger and not remember how you got there or what happened. I hope you will go to Planned Parenthood like others have suggested. I used to go there in my 20s for birth control and they do work with people on a sliding scale. I wish you the best.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
when the alcohol was no longer working to block out my past, whne the pain of getting drunk exceeded the pain of reality, when it was get help or take another drink and kill myself, i walked into a meeting of AA.
i had to put in a lot of footwork lookin at my past ehavior and finding out what makes me tick, then footwork to change me and my attitudes, but it has been worht it.
my past no longer haunts me. when it comes up i can say," yup, i did that. i am very glad to know i was a sick man then and greatful i'm not that man any more."
all it took for me to walk into an AA meeting is to get some courage. that didnt mean i didnt have fear. it meant i wanted to do something to help me in spite of fear.
i hope and pray that you get some courage and get into action to stop drinking and change you.. the alternative doesnt read very good.
i had to put in a lot of footwork lookin at my past ehavior and finding out what makes me tick, then footwork to change me and my attitudes, but it has been worht it.
my past no longer haunts me. when it comes up i can say," yup, i did that. i am very glad to know i was a sick man then and greatful i'm not that man any more."
all it took for me to walk into an AA meeting is to get some courage. that didnt mean i didnt have fear. it meant i wanted to do something to help me in spite of fear.
i hope and pray that you get some courage and get into action to stop drinking and change you.. the alternative doesnt read very good.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Ireland
Posts: 1,641
((((Fenway)))),
I am sorry you are where you are now.
Don't be in denial about the pregnancy possibility.
Go to PP now. Get that taken care of.
We know you can do this. You have before.
So much wisdom here. I am reading it and taking it in myself.
Nearly 2 years off drink and I still feel like drinking.
I absolutely hope and pray that you stop. Just plain stop!
That is the first step. Everything else will come right.
NOTHING will work while you are drinking.
It is a depressant and heightens anxiety. Fact.
Go to AA. Get into sober thinking. One day at a time.
Least has 1000 days. She started at day one like everyone else.
Big hugs and prayers for you.
Anne
I am sorry you are where you are now.
Don't be in denial about the pregnancy possibility.
Go to PP now. Get that taken care of.
We know you can do this. You have before.
So much wisdom here. I am reading it and taking it in myself.
Nearly 2 years off drink and I still feel like drinking.
I absolutely hope and pray that you stop. Just plain stop!
That is the first step. Everything else will come right.
NOTHING will work while you are drinking.
It is a depressant and heightens anxiety. Fact.
Go to AA. Get into sober thinking. One day at a time.
Least has 1000 days. She started at day one like everyone else.
Big hugs and prayers for you.
Anne
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
It’s Day 2 of not drinking.
I haven’t spoken a word to anyone all day.
My roommates are all German and keep to themselves.
I don’t really have friends here.
A guy who has liked me for a while continues to text me about hanging out. He is a friend of a previous roommate of mine and lives nearby.
The thought of being anything more then friends with a guy makes me sick right now. Especially after what just happened.
I honestly fee like never being close to a guy again.
I am feeling really disgusted. This guy texted me asking me when he gets to “hit it again”
Disgusting.
I am very anxious and not sleeping and I feel lonely and bored and ashamed. My classes start Thursday, maybe it’ll help to have distractions?
Maybe not. I don’t know.
I almost drank tonight, I had a little vodka left but poured it down the drain.
That’s good right?
Now I just have to resist the temptation until the packie closes.
I tried to go to a 6:30 meeting but I ended up getting lost and couldn’t find it…my GPS didn’t seem to recognize the location given on the website.
And just for the record I do not in ANY way blame me my EX ABF for my drinking. This has been a problem LONG before him. I'm not sure if I gave off the impression but...I sure as Hell don't blame him. I 100 percent blame myself.
And I took Plan B today. Hopefully this makes it impossible for me to get pregnant.
I haven’t spoken a word to anyone all day.
My roommates are all German and keep to themselves.
I don’t really have friends here.
A guy who has liked me for a while continues to text me about hanging out. He is a friend of a previous roommate of mine and lives nearby.
The thought of being anything more then friends with a guy makes me sick right now. Especially after what just happened.
I honestly fee like never being close to a guy again.
I am feeling really disgusted. This guy texted me asking me when he gets to “hit it again”
Disgusting.
I am very anxious and not sleeping and I feel lonely and bored and ashamed. My classes start Thursday, maybe it’ll help to have distractions?
Maybe not. I don’t know.
I almost drank tonight, I had a little vodka left but poured it down the drain.
That’s good right?
Now I just have to resist the temptation until the packie closes.
I tried to go to a 6:30 meeting but I ended up getting lost and couldn’t find it…my GPS didn’t seem to recognize the location given on the website.
And just for the record I do not in ANY way blame me my EX ABF for my drinking. This has been a problem LONG before him. I'm not sure if I gave off the impression but...I sure as Hell don't blame him. I 100 percent blame myself.
And I took Plan B today. Hopefully this makes it impossible for me to get pregnant.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: NYC
Posts: 1,225
You took great steps today. Seriously. The intent to get to a meeting, pouring the alcohol down the drain. Do you realize how huge that is?
The shame will fade. I've been there. I know how gross and violated you feel, having done similar things. But it was the alcohol acting, not you. Please try to remember that.
Even though you can't get to a meeting, can you call AA? Maybe they can have someone just talk to you. We've all been where you've been, and knowing your not alone can bring relief from the shame and anxiety you have
The shame will fade. I've been there. I know how gross and violated you feel, having done similar things. But it was the alcohol acting, not you. Please try to remember that.
Even though you can't get to a meeting, can you call AA? Maybe they can have someone just talk to you. We've all been where you've been, and knowing your not alone can bring relief from the shame and anxiety you have
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
yes, dumping the vodka was the right thing to do.
in my experience, "distractions" like school, work and such didnt help for crap. sorry you missed the meeting. how bout lookin for another? iffen yer in boston then theres gonna be a meeting 1st thing int he morning somewhere.
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yes, you feel disgusted right now. AA has a great solution for that. yer not a bad person, fenway, yer a sick person. but theres a solution!!!
in my experience, "distractions" like school, work and such didnt help for crap. sorry you missed the meeting. how bout lookin for another? iffen yer in boston then theres gonna be a meeting 1st thing int he morning somewhere.
Search Boston AA meetings by Day|Town|Code|Handicap
yes, you feel disgusted right now. AA has a great solution for that. yer not a bad person, fenway, yer a sick person. but theres a solution!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Boston
Posts: 547
I’ve taken these steps before.
More then once. More than twice actually.
It seems like it doesn’t last long.
The bar across the street and the packie around the corner seem to be calling my name.
I am really struggling right now. Yesterday was easy when the shame was fresh and I was so hung over I could barely keep down water…
Now IDK I am really struggling. I don’t even have a friend to call who I can just see because I need someone. It’s been pouring all day so I couldn’t go on a run. I tried reading a book but I couldn’t focus on that.
I really need a friend right now but they’re all two hours away back in the city. From the looks of it there are a couple meets a day here, one of which is in my actual town the others are in surrounding areas. I do not know this area well so… it can be tough.
I kind of can’t help feelng like a bad person, IDK I mean I’m doing this to myself. I’m the one choosing to pick up the drink. I keep telling myself if I wasn’t so lonely I wouldn’t but it’s ********.
I always fine a reason to drink. I seriously always do. ALWAYS.
This is the first time I’ve felt a real physical need for in a couple years but this is also the first time I’ve been on such an intense bender. I haven’t gone more than a day without drinking in almost a month and before that I was drinking several times a week.
I lie so much about it to everyone I can’t even remember anymore.
I HATE lying about it. I’ve already seen what my EXABF’s lies have done to his Mom and to me and to everyone cares about him and yet I sit here and do that same thing…maybe I’m not commiting crimes but I’m going home with random guys and acting as their ***** for the night so is that really any better?
The packie closes in 2 hours. I have to resist until then. And then it all starts all over again tomorrow.
I just feel like my best friend is locked up in jail…and alcohol is my other best friend. And not being able to have either one is SO hard.
Sorry I am rambeling I just feel like I'm going a little crazy. My heart is racing my body can't decide if it's freezing or breaking out into a sweat my anxiety is through the roof I feel sad lonely desperate and a strong urge to just drink that all away.
I did block his number, but the 2nd message on FB I don't even know how he found me there. But he's blocked on FB and texting now.
Dee- I am just going to answer your question in an edit. I considered it and tried to get into Rehab two years ago. They said I didn't qualitfy. I could go to a Detox program but that was just 5 days. Anything more long term is over-crowded and very difficult to "qualify" for. At least in MA. Unless there are other options I didn't explore
But like my parents would never go for it...they're the ones paying half my rent and for graduate school. They're guarantors on my rent signing meaning my landlords come after them if I don't pay and I already signed a year lease... and my semester has already been paid for...IDK they would just tell me I'm being ridiculous that I don't need Rehab and they would be SO angry at me...they're already so mad and blame my EXABF for everything and they would undoubutbly blame him again and blame me for not listening to them about him
They don't understand that this is a bigger problem and that it always has been and it's deeply routed in other issues I have. For me drinking is ALL about self medicating.
More then once. More than twice actually.
It seems like it doesn’t last long.
The bar across the street and the packie around the corner seem to be calling my name.
I am really struggling right now. Yesterday was easy when the shame was fresh and I was so hung over I could barely keep down water…
Now IDK I am really struggling. I don’t even have a friend to call who I can just see because I need someone. It’s been pouring all day so I couldn’t go on a run. I tried reading a book but I couldn’t focus on that.
I really need a friend right now but they’re all two hours away back in the city. From the looks of it there are a couple meets a day here, one of which is in my actual town the others are in surrounding areas. I do not know this area well so… it can be tough.
I kind of can’t help feelng like a bad person, IDK I mean I’m doing this to myself. I’m the one choosing to pick up the drink. I keep telling myself if I wasn’t so lonely I wouldn’t but it’s ********.
I always fine a reason to drink. I seriously always do. ALWAYS.
This is the first time I’ve felt a real physical need for in a couple years but this is also the first time I’ve been on such an intense bender. I haven’t gone more than a day without drinking in almost a month and before that I was drinking several times a week.
I lie so much about it to everyone I can’t even remember anymore.
I HATE lying about it. I’ve already seen what my EXABF’s lies have done to his Mom and to me and to everyone cares about him and yet I sit here and do that same thing…maybe I’m not commiting crimes but I’m going home with random guys and acting as their ***** for the night so is that really any better?
The packie closes in 2 hours. I have to resist until then. And then it all starts all over again tomorrow.
I just feel like my best friend is locked up in jail…and alcohol is my other best friend. And not being able to have either one is SO hard.
Sorry I am rambeling I just feel like I'm going a little crazy. My heart is racing my body can't decide if it's freezing or breaking out into a sweat my anxiety is through the roof I feel sad lonely desperate and a strong urge to just drink that all away.
I did block his number, but the 2nd message on FB I don't even know how he found me there. But he's blocked on FB and texting now.
Dee- I am just going to answer your question in an edit. I considered it and tried to get into Rehab two years ago. They said I didn't qualitfy. I could go to a Detox program but that was just 5 days. Anything more long term is over-crowded and very difficult to "qualify" for. At least in MA. Unless there are other options I didn't explore
But like my parents would never go for it...they're the ones paying half my rent and for graduate school. They're guarantors on my rent signing meaning my landlords come after them if I don't pay and I already signed a year lease... and my semester has already been paid for...IDK they would just tell me I'm being ridiculous that I don't need Rehab and they would be SO angry at me...they're already so mad and blame my EXABF for everything and they would undoubutbly blame him again and blame me for not listening to them about him
They don't understand that this is a bigger problem and that it always has been and it's deeply routed in other issues I have. For me drinking is ALL about self medicating.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
fenway, yer doin good by being here and fighting the craving. i dont know how you feel about God, but it would be a good time to drop to your knees and start asking for help. say what ya want in prayer. it doesnt matter. what does is where it comes from.
there are AA hotline #'s to call,too.
there are AA hotline #'s to call,too.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,915
Fenway, I did the inpatient detox for six days, then did an outpatient program for an additional six weeks. Would that be something you might be able to manage?
As far as telling your parents, you know them better than I do, but I do know that they love you and if you were very open and honest with them about your drinking problem, I think they would understand. That isn't to say they wouldn't be upset or maybe even mad at first, but after the shock wore off, I bet they'd come around and be willing to help you.
As far as telling your parents, you know them better than I do, but I do know that they love you and if you were very open and honest with them about your drinking problem, I think they would understand. That isn't to say they wouldn't be upset or maybe even mad at first, but after the shock wore off, I bet they'd come around and be willing to help you.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 2,308
FF, huge hugs to you. I've been there too. I've said things to guys and gone home with them when I never would have done so sober.
I hope you can also go get an STD check? For peace of mind?
Don't dwell on this mistake. Block him, don't reply to texts, put it in the past. All that matters now is your choices today.
I agree rehab could help you make positive lifestyle choices. If you are stuck at home white knuckling until the store closes you gotta get out of that rut. It doesn't matter if your parents don't get it. You do, so what can you do now that you have this knowledge?
I hope you can also go get an STD check? For peace of mind?
Don't dwell on this mistake. Block him, don't reply to texts, put it in the past. All that matters now is your choices today.
I agree rehab could help you make positive lifestyle choices. If you are stuck at home white knuckling until the store closes you gotta get out of that rut. It doesn't matter if your parents don't get it. You do, so what can you do now that you have this knowledge?
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