binarygymrat

Good job pouring out the vodka. Getting rid of the remaining stash isn't easy to do. Try to block the guys number and just focus on you and your recovery.

Lenina

((((Fenway)))). I hope youre feeling a little better. Have you done any kind of program before? Rehab? You might give rehab some thought. I've never regretted going. I was really beat down mentally, physically and just couldn't do it again. I pretty much cried the first four days. But it was so worth it. Give it some thought.

Love from Lenina

instant

My thoughts are with you

Addiction is a very powerful thing. Alcohol addiction is complex. In retrospect I realised I believed the lies that alcohol told me.

I feared the worst. Despite my dire predictions life without alcohol has been easier and fun. I can now brush of "stress" that would send me running screaming for the bottle.

Do you think you are coping with life now?

johnnyringo

aeo33- congratulations on your 4 months. i can't imagine being 4 months sober - i think if this feeling were to continue for 4 months i would eventually not be able to tolerate it! tell me, at what point does this unreasonable but powerful desire to drink start to give way? i can't imagine anyone continues to feel these cravings and stays sober 20 years?!? or even 4 months, right? thanks

773niki

Listen Fenway, I'm 30. Female and have been in your shoes as well. Worse off, in fact. It took me 10 years, countless blackouts, a 30-day rehab program, and a lost job to even begin to think about getting my **** together. I'm from Chicago but moved to Boston when I was 25 for a guy I had met twice. TWICE! I signed a lease with him in Boston, he was from Vermont, I quit my job in chicago, found a new one (better one too, thank goodness) in Boston, packed my stuff in a UHaul, drove out to Boston ALONE and the guy never ever came. Never saw him again actually. I wanted this fake life so bad I would've done anything to get it. So, then, my 5-year-in-functional-but daily-vodka-drinking lush stayed there for 3 years, but the buzz never came the same...got fired for having a water bottle filled with vodka at my 9-5er, went to a 30 day rehab program, stayed sober 4 months, moved back home, drank again and have been playing the on/off game since.

This time, i'm almost 30 days sober. taking a pill called antabuse that will make you sick as **** if you drink, even one beer, and I can drink 750 ml of vodka pretty easily. The pill has a shelf life, so even if you take it monday, you can't drink Friday, or saturday...this helps ME tremendously.

think about it. It takes the "choice" out of it because I have no discipline but if I'm left with no other choice (and I tried to drink on it once - never, ever again. Thought I would die, worst feeling ever) I remain sober. I know this is a temp. fix, but it's getting me to a point of getting used to sobriety.

OneLessLonely

Hey Fenway, I had been following this thread, just wondering how you're doing.

CarolD

Welcome johnnyringo...

Please click on the line below ..I started a thread for you

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...2-hi-help.html

Early sobreity was difficult for me too..but by staying in
recovery focus each day was a bit easier ...

Yes you too can overcome cravings and learn to live sober.

FenwayFaithful

Hey,
Sorry I've fallen of the face of the Earth a bit.

I'm honestly just trying to forget this happened and bury myself in other things. Which I realize will probably come back to bite me in the ass.

I've tried to go to 2 Al-Anon meetings and 3 AA, I've only been successful with one AA. The other 4 I haven't been able to find. It's really frustrating. They're mostly on one of the college campuses in the area in a building I can't find and two of them are at this church that has several entrances and I can't find the correct one for where the meetings are located and I'm too embarrassed to ask anyone. It's different if they're in AA themselves but I feel strange asking secretaries or people on campus etc.

I'm sure eventually I'll figure out where they're located, I just need to get there early and give myself the time to really look. It's been wicked humid the past few days so I got over-heated quickly and decided s**** it and left.

Anyway I'm honestly kind of numb to everything right now. I'm just trying to keep myself distracted. A friend of mine just found out she's pregnant with he ex's child and is really having a tough time so I've been focusing a lot on her. I may be going back to Boston this weekend in order to see her, we haven't decided yet. That and now that school has started I have tons of reading and assignments.

Hopefully I'll start getting into the habit of going to meetings more and learning to deal with things instead of drinking.

Thank you all so much for your continued support, advice, compassion, sharing of your experiences and understanding. This board is seriously life saving, it is one of the few places where I can be truly honest about who I am without feeling as I'm being judged or ridiculed. I appreciate each and every one of you for taking the time to reply and check in with me. Seriously, you guys are amazing!

GirlFromCO

Not necessarily - as long as you bury yourself in healthy activities and don't drink. You don't have to dwell on it if you're making a permanent change. It sounds like you realized that you made a really dumb mistake, one that a lot of other people have made, and you learned from it and you're not going to let that happen again. If you meant that you're trying to forget it happened and just doing business as usual that would be different. It sounds like you sort of had a wake up call there though. Good on you

instant

Posting everyday on SR has served an important connection for me. The daily support thread that starts every month was a life saver for me. I was part of the June 11 group. September 2012 is probably up and running on the new comer section. Just touching base everyday really helped.

My thoughts are with you.

blakezly

Well, if i wasnt married id probably be in the same spot..... instead i drink at home to relax. Because i struggle with how to handle my life other wise....... 2 nites ago i woke to my husband yelling at me as i was peeing on the floor next to our bed....... i had no memories of it in the morning...... none till he told me what id done..... i was life wtf no really??? How is it we are so powerless??? I dont know either, but the support here is awesome, and its helping me everyday.......

redneckrecovery

FF keep posting and rambling. Sometimes in a meeting i'll ramble for 10 minutes. No one minds and it helps me with my thoughts and helps put them in a linear fashion. You're doing great. Keep it up. You're not along, you're never alone.

regeneration

Fenwayfaithful, I really feel for you at the moment. You're doing the best thing though staying sober and coming on here. Sometimes, the early days of sobriety dealing with life and feelings can really suck.

Keep putting one foot in front of the other to get through the day. It can and it does get better. Once booze is removed from the equation and you start looking at things (whether that is AA, another program or therapy) things get a lot better. I was drinking to self-medicate. When I stopped I didn't feel better overnight, but reaching out on message boards, going to meetings, then therapy and other things helped.

I've also lost my way to meetings (do they seem to hide the entrances behind magic doors or something ;-)). You can give someone call from the AA helpline I think, someone can come with you initially. Or get there early as you say. You can always then help set-up and chat to people.

Good luck.

Sunny27

Hi FF

Just to say, I have been there too and in timethe shame will subside.

You need a bit of perspective - you did not kill anyone.

Use this as the wake-up call you need to change your life.

I used to get myself in similar situations you describe. The shame was so bad that I would drink and the cycle would start again.

I broke the cycle and so can you.

If AA is not for you, that is OK. I quit on my own too and am now at9 months andhave no intention of drinking again. AA does not have a 100% success rate so if it is not for you,look for other ways.

Be strong. I finally love and respect myself.... took quitting drinking to get to this place.

Take care and remember - perspective