falling off the wagon.
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Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Bethlehem, PA.
Posts: 1,781
Cool NC! No one lives in a constant state of bliss but it sure does lighten the load to eliminate all of the drinking chaos from your life. Having a much quieter mind that's not constantly in the throes of alcohol or drug withdrawal is priceless!
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Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Getting to where I want to be
Posts: 502
Originally Posted by Dee74 
No beat ups here...I will share something tho 
I was terrified of feeling...I was terrified of being sad, terrified of feeling lonely,of being stressed or worried or angry or bored...
I was that way from a child.
Alcohol was actually a control mechanism for me.
As the years went on I tried to control more and more feelings and situations...
As you know, the paying of the piper got more and more as well.
The only way out of that cycle was a leap of faith free fall.
The only way I ever got used to feeling those feelings...joining the rest of the human race in experiencing the fullness of the human experience...the only way I ever moved from sporadic bursts of not drinking into real recovery...was to not reach for the drink.
I'm glad I did because - no matter how hard it seemed at the time - it was nowhere near as hard as I imagined it to be.
And...I moved from a monochrome life into a full technicolour one.
I genuinely grew from the experience - and I have no regrets.
Drinking had to stop being a viable option for me.
I was weak, I was beaten, I was destitute & had been for many years,. even before I took my first drink - I had 40 years of abuse to reckon with....
If I could do it, I'm sure anyone else reading this - including you - can too
Don't lose faith - just work out a plan - make some real changes
welcome back.
D
I was terrified of feeling...I was terrified of being sad, terrified of feeling lonely,of being stressed or worried or angry or bored...
I was that way from a child.
Alcohol was actually a control mechanism for me.
As the years went on I tried to control more and more feelings and situations...
As you know, the paying of the piper got more and more as well.
The only way out of that cycle was a leap of faith free fall.
The only way I ever got used to feeling those feelings...joining the rest of the human race in experiencing the fullness of the human experience...the only way I ever moved from sporadic bursts of not drinking into real recovery...was to not reach for the drink.
I'm glad I did because - no matter how hard it seemed at the time - it was nowhere near as hard as I imagined it to be.
And...I moved from a monochrome life into a full technicolour one.
I genuinely grew from the experience - and I have no regrets.
Drinking had to stop being a viable option for me.
I was weak, I was beaten, I was destitute & had been for many years,. even before I took my first drink - I had 40 years of abuse to reckon with....
If I could do it, I'm sure anyone else reading this - including you - can too
Don't lose faith - just work out a plan - make some real changes
welcome back.
D
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 426
Originally Posted by BackToSquareOne
Cool NC! No one lives in a constant state of bliss but it sure does lighten the load to eliminate all of the drinking chaos from your life. Having a much quieter mind that's not constantly in the throes of alcohol or drug withdrawal is priceless!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 426
Originally Posted by instant
Be there more often and things will grow.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by NobleCause
i am learning, or remembering, that on some days strength isn't automatic. doesn't mean it can't be summoned, doesn't mean it's not there, just that some days are heavier than others and require a bit more effort. yesterday was heavy, and today too. i didn't pick up, and i didn't come close to picking up (thanks, avrt).
How awesome... "doesn't mean it's not there" ...
Originally Posted by NobleCause
but instead i accepted the heaviness and discomfort that i usually run from and did a lot of deep breathing and laps in the pool, and might have even felt something. basic stuff, i know. but it somehow feels important, like growth.
Basic stuff. hahaha. Yeah, basic like quantum physics is basic to the universe,
"might have even felt something"... this statement from you means so very much. When we can feel good about doing good we usually get good things done no matter the challenge before us, behind us, or even all around us.
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: San Diego
Posts: 4,451
Good stuff.
I must admit, it was a revelation to realize that the hardest days can be the most meaningful and rewarding days.
So many times I've been like, "Oh, so this is what life is like..." It's cool, though—the newness of the basic stuff. It's like being a tourist, and appreciating stuff that the locals take for granted.
I must admit, it was a revelation to realize that the hardest days can be the most meaningful and rewarding days.
So many times I've been like, "Oh, so this is what life is like..." It's cool, though—the newness of the basic stuff. It's like being a tourist, and appreciating stuff that the locals take for granted.
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Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 1,138
Originally Posted by NobleCause
on some days strength isn't automatic
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 426
Originally Posted by Deserto
...being the person I want to be takes daily work, and it takes daily work for everyone.
read your post in my office earlier today, a brutally frustrating day brimming with insane deadlines, insane colleagues, and insaner clients, and when i read, 'being the person I want to be takes daily work, and it takes daily work for everyone, i took it at first glance to mean that 'it takes daily work for everyone to make me the person i want to be.' 'that's right,' i thought, gazing past my door at the loyal but dramatic band of misfit employees that i manage, 'those suckers better shape up.' and then i read it again.
instant
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Australia
Posts: 5,711
Everybody needs to be loved. Where would we be without them (lol).
NC. It was only later that I came to realise that I was on the way to being hollowed out emotionally by alcohol. When drinking alone, at times I would suddenly cry uncontrollably, I thought it was a healthy thing. Let it all out etc etc. I now see them as periods when my emotional apparatus was being hijacked and damaged. I am grateful the damage was not permanent, but it did take a very long time for everything to get back in synch..................
and ..................I am no longer Mr Angry pants at work.
NC. It was only later that I came to realise that I was on the way to being hollowed out emotionally by alcohol. When drinking alone, at times I would suddenly cry uncontrollably, I thought it was a healthy thing. Let it all out etc etc. I now see them as periods when my emotional apparatus was being hijacked and damaged. I am grateful the damage was not permanent, but it did take a very long time for everything to get back in synch..................
and ..................I am no longer Mr Angry pants at work.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 426
Originally Posted by ReadyAndAble
Hope you're having a good day, NC, or at the very least a comfortable one.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: Toronto ON
Posts: 1,180
Nice. Just read the thread through and through. Lots of good stuff in here and I'm better for having read it.
You can count me an adoring fan with a minor investment in your success.
Have you managed a big plan yet? Making that commitment was the epiphany for me - changed everything.
Will you drink again in this lifetime?
You can count me an adoring fan with a minor investment in your success.
Have you managed a big plan yet? Making that commitment was the epiphany for me - changed everything.
Will you drink again in this lifetime?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 443
Originally Posted by ReadyAndAble
I have been chuckling to myself all day thinking about the phrase "Mr. Angry Pants."
lol, just did it again...
Hope you're having a good day, NC, or at the very least a comfortable one.
lol, just did it again...
Hope you're having a good day, NC, or at the very least a comfortable one.
(Funny, I would have never imagined my first post on a NC thread would be about having a load of poop in my pants. Go figure?)
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