Sarge1CD

Lots of crap going on in my life. Good and bad. I will give you a brief rundown of my alcohol life...I never started drinking heavy until I got back from Iraq in 2004. Alcohol came into my life and has stayed there...I know it is destroying my body, I want to quit and I have quit for weeks and months at a time. I have been seeking help with the VA...I finally opted for pills (which I have always been against.) These pills sound like they will help me with my anxiety and depression. Everyone says how pill mess up your liver...but I would rather take these **** than to self medicate myself...which causes the came organ issues. Anyways I guess I am starting this post because the past few months I have been non stop drinking. The wife is leaving me partly because of drinking, but mostly because she is younger and doesn't want to miss out on her younger years. That being said...We have been together for over 5 year, got married 7 months ago, made a life together with pets and bills. I had a good job where I was paying for 90% of everything.(which I didn't care about) then along with my PTSD/depression/anxiety crap started getting bad.(I am also a disabled vet with physical issues) I hated going to work, I worked graveyards. I dealt with scumbags. Work started cutting my back hours while I was trying to go to school (to get a good career) The wife stated getting upset because the same money wasn't coming in. I had to pull out of school because I was falling too far behind and if I didn't the GI bill would have charge me the money. The wife didn't like that. About a month later (present time) She is leaving me to do her young thing and I am pretty much job less with these 90% of bills to pay. My pills should be here in the morining and I WILL NOT drink with them. My mom died that way. I guess I started this post as a question....but now I am just venting in hope for support. It feels good to talk about it...I am sorry if I came off desperate. I am just in a very low point in my life. No money, jobs looking bad and my wife is leaving. Thanks for listening. -Sarge

Dee74

Welcome to SR Sarge
You'll find a lot of support here

I'm not American or ex-military but I know that your VA Dept. offers a lot of help - have you looked into any of that?

D

CarolD

Sorry to know of these difficulties
Welcome back...

Thank you for your milatary service...I have disabled vets in my immediate
family and yes....all 3 are on med's.
Thankfully they do not drink...I'm the alcoholic...

Glad you won't be drinking with your med's....that sure can be double trouble.

Are you useing a structured program . method or concept to
address your drinking?
I'm in AA and it works great for me...there are other ways too if you are interested.

All my best as you continue to heal...

Sarge1CD

Thanks for the reply. I have been trying to get my butt into Celebrate Recovery. It is kind of like AA...Just every Saturday when the meetings are held, I make excuses to not go. I know I would benefit from going...I just don't. I am seeking therapy and other treatment through the VA. Just seems like a slow process.

Impurrfect

(((Sarge))) - Welcome to SR!

Hugs and prayers,

Amy

Hevyn

Welcome Sarge. Thank you for serving - it is appreciated. So sorry you have had a rough go of it since returning.

In spite of everything, you have a good attitude and seem ready to prevent things from getting worse. Maybe this Saturday you'll feel ready to try Celebrate Recovery. You said it feels good to talk about it - I agree - I was so relieved to no longer be alone. Keep talking to us - we care.

artsoul

Welcome!

I want to also thank you for your service. My cousin is in the military (he's in Bahrain right now). I'm sorry the system is so slow - it seems to be that way everywhere. Have you ever thought about inpatient treatment? I mention that because I remember seeing some treatment centers that said they waved fees for vets....... just a thought.

I'm sorry you've gone through so much lately..... When we're at our lowest it's hard to imagine things getting better. Coming here gave me a little bit hope when I didn't have any, and it grew into a new life. It really is possible to get sober and rebuild. Glad you're here!

awuh1

You’ve got a lot on your plate. I can relate. Sometimes it seems like the alcohol can provide relief but it just seems to help dig an even bigger hole. I would work very closely with a doctor about how to stop the alcohol. It’s best to seek professional help with detox. Be honest with them and focus on your sobriety and things will eventually fall into place. I found AA to be an enormous helpful in staying sober. My best to you.

SamanthaIam

Sending you hugs and prayers, Sarge. Glad you're here.

crewisms

Hi Sarge. I spent 8 years in the Marine Corps way back when. Thank you for serving, and thank you for having the courage to post. I'm from Oregon, too.

You didn't come off desperate. Not at all. It takes guts to lay your life on the line, both on the battlefield and in a forum for recovery. Hang in there with us, will ya? We have your back. Semper Fi, brother.

UpperbucksAAguy

Being Military I assume you are accustomed to following direction. How are you with suggestions?
If you trust the VA- Treatment plus Alcoholics Anonymous may work best for those with drinking problems

If celebrate recovery is more to your liking due to common belief in God that is great. As a Military member you understand service in ways no one who hasn't served ever will.

Do you realize that when you go to one of those meetings and ask for help you are actually serving them?

It is the same as pulling them out of a burning building. I know that may not make sense, but coming from one who has worn the cloth of the Nation I am asking you to trust me.

PM coming your way

Sarge1CD

Thank you ALL for this enormous show of support. I had no clue this many people would support a stranger on a forum. The hardest part for me right now is all the worries on my mind along with my anxiety. The worries make my anxiety worse and the only current way I know how to slow my mind down is to drink. I feel like a powerless idiot with every sip I take. I am scared to quit because I will start worrying about EVERYTHING on my mind with no way to stop it. The VA is being slow on the pills (which is surprising) because they want to make sure my organs can take the abuse of the pills. So I am stuck until they give me the green light to take the pills. This forum seems like the only safe place I have to go right now. The wife is always fighting and when she is packing up her stuff to leave on the 6th it just makes me want to drink the feelings away. I know this post doesn't make sense because my mind is all over the place...but thanks to everyone again for taking me in. I have never felt so loved my strangers. Talk to you all soon.

-Sarge

Sasha4

Sending thoughts your way.

I'm sorry for the troubles you have. You have an awful lot on your plate and I understand your anxiety.
Do you have anyone else you can speak to or confide in face to face?
Maybe a friend or family member?
Can you maybe move somewhere else until your wife has left? Would that help?

We are all here for you.
Please keep us informed how you go

xxxx

Sarge1CD

Day 5 going on 6! It has been rough but I am managing! The wife left early morning on the 6th. I was so scared that I was going to get depressed and start drinking. But I powered through the urges. I am thank God that I got passed day 3-5 (DT days) because that was driving my anxiety up. One day at a time.

chiquen81

It's sounds like you are really taking charge of your life and making the right steps. So you can be really proud of that! Also, you fought the urge and you were successful so you are obviously a strong person.

Dee74

way to go Sarge!

D

Sarge1CD

I am trying so hard to stay strong. The thoughts in my head are trying to sucker me in, because I been sober. Like hey a few beers wouldn't hurt you. You went 6 days...Just gotta punch those thoughts in the face!

foodie1

Welcome to SR Sarge, glad you're here

Thank you for your service and I'm sorry that you're going through such a tough time right now.

Well done in taking these first steps, they're some of the hardest, so get through them and then just keep going.

Sarge1CD

Day 8! I almost failed yesterday. Thank got I was able to resist the beer isle! One day at a time!!!

CarolD

By now the alcohol is gone from your body and mind...

That thinking is not true...Just one...or 3....is not going to help
a darn thing...

Early on I found keeping a journal useful.
I used a pen and paper...Page 1 I listed all the bad things
where drinking was a factor.
Page 2 ..a list of my new goals and what I could do about them.

I made a point of writing each day...so I could gage my
progress and see what areas I could improve.
For me...not everything was easy or fixable...but with a
sober brain...I could make healthy choices..

This helped me get real and I could then move into sobreity...

Good to see you here again....8 days into your new sober future..