Cow

Sarge, I total relate. I grow up in environment that make nearly impossible to ask for help. I think is burden to other and foreign to me. Is hard for me to even accept help. I type that total rather die in my bed of flu than call somebody to get me some soups. And I feel I has more than exasperate kindly peoples of SR site for well over year with failure after failure to make any progress whatsoever. But, you know what, thing is, they still rooting for me. And I is final making progress. And I rooting for you.

Soberpotamus

Well, here's a short version of my story:

I first got sober in 2002 or so - for a year. Didn't use any program, but I was in therapy. Later, I tried Smart online meetings & workbook sometime around 2003. Got sober a few months and went back to drinking. Moved to another city, met an alcoholic and was in a six year relationship with this guy... my drinking worsened, of course. We were just a horrible mix because of our drinking. I tried getting sober a few times but they were short lived.

In 2010, after my mom died (addiction related suicide, btw) I went through a brief moment of craziness and decided to end my relationship with my alcoholic boyfriend. I made him leave. I figured if he couldn't be respectful to me about my mom's death and allow me to properly grieve, he didn't deserve to be with me. Her death really threw me for a loop for a while. And it was actually a positive thing for me. I questioned my entire life. I am very grateful that it affected me this way. I had toyed around with Moderation Management since 2008-2009, and it just was never going to work.

So, fast forward to 2011 - I joined this site. And I had also just met the guy I'd end up marrying as well! All in that same year. I relapsed once after joining the site. Then, I checked myself into IOP for a 20 day outpatient in 2013. I thought of this as my "formal" attempt to get sober, with the help of others, in a group setting. It turned out to be just the thing I wanted/needed. I have been sober since. I was able to grieve my mom's death in a group setting and deal with my addiction, with the help of the counselors and other addicts. I went to 10-15 AA meetings, at the suggestion of the rehab facility. I found a sponsor. We worked steps 1-3 together. At that point, I knew she wasn't a good fit for me. I finished the steps on my own with the help of some books. I use SR nearly daily. I started meditating and am currently taking a meditation course and have my own teacher/mentor to guide me. I adopted two Beagle dogs and have been training them. My husband and I are paying off our smaller debts and are in a 3-5 year plan to build a cabin on some land (far away from a subdivision!), and rent out our mortgaged home to some college students. We want our privacy

My life is generally back on track and looking better than ever at 1.5+ years sober.

Sarge... why not look into a few of those programs and figure out which ones might interest you? I don't follow a formalized plan, but I've used 4 different ones (Smart, WFS, AVRT, and AA) in the past several years, so now I have taken parts of each of them, and have my own little hybrid mix of them, and it works