I dug a hole for myself
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 36
I dug a hole for myself
There is this friend in town. One of the few friends I've here. I'm not sure if he is a drinking buddy or not. We often chat on the phone, talk about politics and stuff. We also used to drink together, and whenever we drank we used to drink large amounts. Today we chatted for a while, he said let's meet up since we hadn't met for a long time ( I was avoiding everything for the past 2 months).
I said let's meet this friday and I'm pretty much sure we will get drunk that day. How do I avoid this ? Deep down I still have that desire to drink. I have this desire that I would stay sober for few months and drink couple of days and then again stay sober for another few months ....and may be this triggered me to commit to him that I'll be there at his place on friday.
He even said I'm not an alcoholic because I was able to quit for almost 70 days now (I don't buy that though).
I said let's meet this friday and I'm pretty much sure we will get drunk that day. How do I avoid this ? Deep down I still have that desire to drink. I have this desire that I would stay sober for few months and drink couple of days and then again stay sober for another few months ....and may be this triggered me to commit to him that I'll be there at his place on friday.
He even said I'm not an alcoholic because I was able to quit for almost 70 days now (I don't buy that though).
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I said let's meet this friday and I'm pretty much sure we will get drunk that day. How do I avoid this ?
When I quit it meant a lot of tough choices - one of those choices was not to hang out with guys with whom I used to drink large amounts with anymore.
I'd plan to drink for the night and end up drinking months away.
In the end, the stakes were simply too high for me to fool around with that kind of half hearted in/out deal any longer.
Aren't they pretty high for you too, alcoquit?
D
12 Step Recovered Alcoholic
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 6,613
From an AA point of view, "we learned that we had to fully concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives. This is the first step in recovery. The delusion that we are like other people, or presently may be, has to be smashed." Perhaps this lesson has yet to be learned?
I appreciate your honesty about deep down still wanting to drink. Being honest with yourself like that is what it takes to get sober.
I appreciate your honesty about deep down still wanting to drink. Being honest with yourself like that is what it takes to get sober.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Maybe go for breakfast or brunch instead alcoquit ;-)
Going out with an old drinking buddy on Friday sounds like a bad idea to me. Please try to remember what brought you here, you can do this but you need to change things up my friend.
I just read your first post, maybe you could read it again too.
All of the best in your recovery. Cheers ~ NB
Going out with an old drinking buddy on Friday sounds like a bad idea to me. Please try to remember what brought you here, you can do this but you need to change things up my friend.
I just read your first post, maybe you could read it again too.
All of the best in your recovery. Cheers ~ NB
Originally Posted by alcoquit 
I am usually a heavy drinker and have lots of food with drink. Up until now I've been thinking this was not a problem as I can handle it. I'm also a binge drinker and don't drink daily.
For the past week or so I hadn't been sleeping and eating properly due to deadlines. Friend's wedding, I had too much to drink, blacked out, to my shock ended up in ER with an IV. I had fallen down and hit my head somewhere on the road after creating a scene at the party and leaving alone. Somebody thankfully called the ambulance. The nurse said I had super high level of alcohol in my blood, released me at 3 am when I sobered up. I still have headaches post-concussion.
I'm living alone(family in another country), and really hoping to quit drinking completely. Not drinking daily is not the problem but when there is a party or anything and I get a sip of alcohol I drink a lot.
Hoping to sober up for life this time around.
For the past week or so I hadn't been sleeping and eating properly due to deadlines. Friend's wedding, I had too much to drink, blacked out, to my shock ended up in ER with an IV. I had fallen down and hit my head somewhere on the road after creating a scene at the party and leaving alone. Somebody thankfully called the ambulance. The nurse said I had super high level of alcohol in my blood, released me at 3 am when I sobered up. I still have headaches post-concussion.
I'm living alone(family in another country), and really hoping to quit drinking completely. Not drinking daily is not the problem but when there is a party or anything and I get a sip of alcohol I drink a lot.
Hoping to sober up for life this time around.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 36
In the end, the stakes were simply too high for me to fool around with that kind of half hearted in/out deal any longer.
Aren't they pretty high for you too, alcoquit?
Aren't they pretty high for you too, alcoquit?
I guess the question I'm asking myself is, I want to get sober but is it worth it at the cost of friends. This is difficult for me because up until now the deepest relationships I've had is with my friends. I don't get along well with my family on many levels including them being theist and not respecting my thoughts as an atheist.
And deep inside I also agreed to this Friday because I *know* for a fact that when I leave this foreign land and go back home, things are so different I will be drinking again; it's rooted in the culture.
To sum it up, being sober for life literally means starting a new life for me, replacing all my relationships and culture. This is hard on many levels
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Thats the big leap of faith we all come to...
You know the damage drinking is doing to you - but still you're unsure and afraid about what your life would be like without it.
You find yourself making excuses for your life as it is and excuses why change is impossible anyway.
We've all been there.
The thing is - if you drank like I did,you'll have to come back to this choice again and again and again.
All I can tell you is I've never regretted making the choice for change, AQ.
I love the life I have now. All the changes turned out to be good ones.
I'm back in touch with the real me, not the compromised me I invented to fit into my drinking life.
I wish I'd made the leap sooner.
D
You know the damage drinking is doing to you - but still you're unsure and afraid about what your life would be like without it.
You find yourself making excuses for your life as it is and excuses why change is impossible anyway.
We've all been there.
The thing is - if you drank like I did,you'll have to come back to this choice again and again and again.
All I can tell you is I've never regretted making the choice for change, AQ.
I love the life I have now. All the changes turned out to be good ones.
I'm back in touch with the real me, not the compromised me I invented to fit into my drinking life.
I wish I'd made the leap sooner.
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by alcoquit
If I go for a non-drinking friend, I'll have to re-create my whole life and friend circle, at 27 I'm not sure I can do it.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 36
It's Friday and I have to give a huge presentation (which I was coaxed into). People seem to use me all the time regardless of I'm drunk or not. I am just not able to see myself not drinking tomorrow. I know saturday will be a new day, but still...I'm sacrificing this 2 month in order to not be lonely. I need some energy to deal with studies and other stuff. Sad I'm saying this after all those incidents...
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I found if I wanted an excuse to drink I could always find one alcoquit - and it never solved one problem I had - ever....
I was still just as lonely or stressed or bored or depressed or whatever when I sobered up.
I really hope you change your mind - you already know where drinking leads you - you've done that for years...what about giving the alternative more than 2 months?
give it & yourself a decent chance.
D
I was still just as lonely or stressed or bored or depressed or whatever when I sobered up.
I really hope you change your mind - you already know where drinking leads you - you've done that for years...what about giving the alternative more than 2 months?
give it & yourself a decent chance.
D
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
It's Friday and I have to give a huge presentation (which I was coaxed into). People seem to use me all the time regardless of I'm drunk or not.
this is an example of how i used to be. when i got into recovery, i found out nobody used me or "coaxed me" into anything unless i let it happen. people pleaser to the extreme. it was a way for me to build up my self esteem and it didnt work.
my drinking friends were only there when i was drinking. when i decided i was going to get sober, they stopped coming around. it was a blessing.
just as sapling, when i got into AA, i found out what friends are all about and have made new ones. it all took T.I.M.E.
and i was 36 at that time.
this is an example of how i used to be. when i got into recovery, i found out nobody used me or "coaxed me" into anything unless i let it happen. people pleaser to the extreme. it was a way for me to build up my self esteem and it didnt work.
my drinking friends were only there when i was drinking. when i decided i was going to get sober, they stopped coming around. it was a blessing.
just as sapling, when i got into AA, i found out what friends are all about and have made new ones. it all took T.I.M.E.
and i was 36 at that time.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 36
You only have two choices...Do you want to keep drinking?...Or not?
I'm trying a self-made 2 month thing...I only drink once in 2 month and that too in moderation. I'm wondering many alcoholics relapse (and by relapse I mean drinking heavily) because they have this daunting day to day task. By keeping it at 2 month I am hoping I will not relapse. And still it's not mandatory to drink at 2 months..but I'm allowing myself to. I will see how this goes for the next year.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I'm not just spouting hot air here.
I tried everything alcoquit...every permutation you can think of to try and keep alcohol in my life...everyone does.
And everyone thinks they'll be different and 'beat it' too...
You're walking in well trodden footsteps here AQ.
I don;t give a darn about scientific studies or anything else...the only thing that worked for me is quitting - because every time I drink I change and cede control.
All the best intentions about only drinking one night, or drinking responsibly or only drinking every 8 weeks mean nothing to me after that first drink.
Recovery took a period of readjustment - and that took longer than 2 months - but I've never been happier in my life and myself not drinking.
I really hope you'll come to experience that too AQ...but I believe the only way to do that is to keep moving forward...with no doubling back just to check if things have changed....
you already know drinkings not optimal for you or you wouldn't be here.
We have to stop drinking - and stay that way.
D
I tried everything alcoquit...every permutation you can think of to try and keep alcohol in my life...everyone does.
And everyone thinks they'll be different and 'beat it' too...
You're walking in well trodden footsteps here AQ.
I don;t give a darn about scientific studies or anything else...the only thing that worked for me is quitting - because every time I drink I change and cede control.
All the best intentions about only drinking one night, or drinking responsibly or only drinking every 8 weeks mean nothing to me after that first drink.
Recovery took a period of readjustment - and that took longer than 2 months - but I've never been happier in my life and myself not drinking.
I really hope you'll come to experience that too AQ...but I believe the only way to do that is to keep moving forward...with no doubling back just to check if things have changed....
you already know drinkings not optimal for you or you wouldn't be here.
We have to stop drinking - and stay that way.
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 173
Hi AQ- Remind yourself what brought you to this site to begin with. Someone told me that I would only have to change one thing to get sober - and that's everything. I ditched my "friends" and realized later that once I got sober they didnt want to hang out with me - so the only thing we had in common was drinking - that is not a true friend. I started hanging out at the AA meeting place more and met people who had sobriety in common...
This thing is not easy, but if you want it you know what you have to do. None of your friends here on this site want you to go back to where you were when you got here.
Stay around those who want to see you recover and run from those who dont.
Keep keepin' sober today!!
This thing is not easy, but if you want it you know what you have to do. None of your friends here on this site want you to go back to where you were when you got here.
Stay around those who want to see you recover and run from those who dont.
Keep keepin' sober today!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 173
You posted this earlier, is this what you want to go back to?
I woke up in ER few weeks ago. The nurse said the ambulance brought me there. I was totally out, I hope the police didn't give me anything. Also my address on the identification card was wrong so I've been checking up on this friend who is living in my old apartment for any ambulance bill. I'm crossing my fingers I won't get anything from the police. According to the nurse my head had hit concrete and I was on the floor. I'm in Canada
I woke up in ER few weeks ago. The nurse said the ambulance brought me there. I was totally out, I hope the police didn't give me anything. Also my address on the identification card was wrong so I've been checking up on this friend who is living in my old apartment for any ambulance bill. I'm crossing my fingers I won't get anything from the police. According to the nurse my head had hit concrete and I was on the floor. I'm in Canada
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 36
Thank you guys. I'm so glad you guys are supportive.
Here is this thing with me (and maybe everyone). Wouldn't we all want to be cured, if there was a cure ? If you could take a pill and the next day you became normal drinker, how many of us will take the pill ?
I might be pathetic, but after reading so many posts on this site I am still hopeful that there is such a pill. I still feel if others couldn't do it doesn't mean I cannot do it.
And, here is this thing. People say after having a few drinks it all went downhill, they were drinking again on a daily basis (or whatever their pattern is). I want to experiment if I drink now will I go that path. If I do, I really am an alcoholic. Otherwise, that ER incident might be an isolated event that taught me never to mix caffeine and drink, my body can't handle it.
P.S. I did good in the presentation today. Last time I was pathetic being a non-native english speaker. I was afraid, didn't want to give the presentation. If I had stayed that way how would I have improved ? I worked on my presentation though, similarly I've to work on my alcoholism..and the rule is to drink in limit. After all that's what non-alcoholics do it right ?
Here is this thing with me (and maybe everyone). Wouldn't we all want to be cured, if there was a cure ? If you could take a pill and the next day you became normal drinker, how many of us will take the pill ?
I might be pathetic, but after reading so many posts on this site I am still hopeful that there is such a pill. I still feel if others couldn't do it doesn't mean I cannot do it.
And, here is this thing. People say after having a few drinks it all went downhill, they were drinking again on a daily basis (or whatever their pattern is). I want to experiment if I drink now will I go that path. If I do, I really am an alcoholic. Otherwise, that ER incident might be an isolated event that taught me never to mix caffeine and drink, my body can't handle it.
P.S. I did good in the presentation today. Last time I was pathetic being a non-native english speaker. I was afraid, didn't want to give the presentation. If I had stayed that way how would I have improved ? I worked on my presentation though, similarly I've to work on my alcoholism..and the rule is to drink in limit. After all that's what non-alcoholics do it right ?
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
If you could take a pill and the next day you became normal drinker, how many of us will take the pill ?
Not me - I've lived five years without alcohol and I simply don't need or want it anymore AQ.
I'm really glad the presentation went well
ps do non alcoholics *need* to limit?
D
Grievous Angel
Join Date: Mar 2011
Location: The Old Line State
Posts: 53
There is no pill.
I've looked. There is, however, a fork in the road. It sounds like you know where one way leads.
Hope you choose the right route.
-GA
Hope you choose the right route.
-GA
Originally Posted by alcoquit
Thank you guys. I'm so glad you guys are supportive.
Here is this thing with me (and maybe everyone). Wouldn't we all want to be cured, if there was a cure ? If you could take a pill and the next day you became normal drinker, how many of us will take the pill ?
I might be pathetic, but after reading so many posts on this site I am still hopeful that there is such a pill. I still feel if others couldn't do it doesn't mean I cannot do it.
And, here is this thing. People say after having a few drinks it all went downhill, they were drinking again on a daily basis (or whatever their pattern is). I want to experiment if I drink now will I go that path. If I do, I really am an alcoholic. Otherwise, that ER incident might be an isolated event that taught me never to mix caffeine and drink, my body can't handle it.
P.S. I did good in the presentation today. Last time I was pathetic being a non-native english speaker. I was afraid, didn't want to give the presentation. If I had stayed that way how would I have improved ? I worked on my presentation though, similarly I've to work on my alcoholism..and the rule is to drink in limit. After all that's what non-alcoholics do it right ?
Here is this thing with me (and maybe everyone). Wouldn't we all want to be cured, if there was a cure ? If you could take a pill and the next day you became normal drinker, how many of us will take the pill ?
I might be pathetic, but after reading so many posts on this site I am still hopeful that there is such a pill. I still feel if others couldn't do it doesn't mean I cannot do it.
And, here is this thing. People say after having a few drinks it all went downhill, they were drinking again on a daily basis (or whatever their pattern is). I want to experiment if I drink now will I go that path. If I do, I really am an alcoholic. Otherwise, that ER incident might be an isolated event that taught me never to mix caffeine and drink, my body can't handle it.
P.S. I did good in the presentation today. Last time I was pathetic being a non-native english speaker. I was afraid, didn't want to give the presentation. If I had stayed that way how would I have improved ? I worked on my presentation though, similarly I've to work on my alcoholism..and the rule is to drink in limit. After all that's what non-alcoholics do it right ?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 36
ps do non alcoholics *need* to limit?
Member
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 119
I feel for you. Quitting at 27 must be hard. By the time I quit, my friends were all married with kids. Nobody wanted to drink anymore except me. I was a lonely, pathetic alcoholic. Maybe you just aren't ready yet. You are still telling yourself the typical lies. The dishonesty will seem so absurd later in your life after you quit. You will be so surprised you fell for it. We've all been at the exact point you are at right now. So you must be one of us.
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