oh2exhale

Alcoquit ((hugs))
Just wanted to encourage you today to keep coming back to this site, we all DO care for you. Sometimes the truth seems harsh but only those who truly care will be honest with you. Take good care of yourself.

tornbetweendays

Stay with us buddy, we all need to support each other here. It makes us stronger in our resolve to stay quit. If you should ever relapse just come here often and get back on track.

Many people here know how long I have tried but I am still trying, that is the key to eventual success.

KDL

Alcoquit-

I wish you well. I know I am struggling greatly with the never drinking again concept.

My AA friend said something like this to me last night that helped me. "If you find a way to drink successfully, what would you gain? If you fail, what will you lose."

For me, the high probability that I will fail because I am an alcoholic, WINS this round.

alcoquit

Thank you all. I did have the drink. Something was different though. I did not like the drinking instead I enjoyed cooking and talking. Today is a new day. I'm not feeling guilty or remorseful that I lost my 75 days and was not sober. I'm glad I figured out, that I did not like drinking any more. I did drink quite a few with my friend (around 12 beers) during 1 day and 2 nights, watching movies, cooking, playing games and talking. We never drank more than 1-2 beer in a span of 1 hour, and of course there were gaps and it was not continuous. We both were cautious about not drinking too much, yet somehow we both had to drink. I had my reasons and he just had a good company in me.
The drink was just there and I had fallen out of love. I knew back of my mind that if I did not fall out of love with drinks I would go into heavy drinking once gain.
We also had a small bottle 375 ml. of single malt. I only drank two 30 ml. from it.
It was funny how the pouring into the glass and as I took the sip I was thinking about all the things people like that I had also experienced in the past and read in this forum. It was simply not there, I was laughing inside and realized the "hype" first hand. At that point, I knew I had fallen out of love with alcohol.

From today I still plan to stay sober. I guess this was my relapse. I hope to make this sobriety a longer one. I'm not sure if I will be sober for life, I don't believe in 100% certainty. I'll definitely try to make it as long as possible. As I make this run a longer one, I know that soon I will be away from alcohol for good. It will be like that odd food that I despise and don't eat even when offered and not like I want to drink and I'm holding back because of I'm afraid of consequences or any other reasons.

LosingmyMisery

I don't think you have fallen out of love with alcohol. What's changed? You drank when the opportunity came. You could have changed the situation or approached the situation differently. You did what you wanted to do which was to drink. I will say that is very typical. We make excuses and try to condone our actions. I did the very same thing. I continued to drink until I made the complete commitment. From that point on, I never wanted to drink again and meant it. Life is about choices. Some things I have zero control over and some I do. Those I do, I can count on 100% certainly of succeeding as long as I make the right choice for me.

alcoquit

Actually I created the opportunity. The thing that has changed is previously when I used to drink I used to be at the forefront to buy "more" alcohol. I wanted to have more. This time around I didn't want more..and didn't enjoyed drinking. Might sound a bit of excuse here and it might be. But I am trying something different. My next run for sobriety has to be more than 75 days..and I will again relapse once..and I will continue this cycle.
If you don't have any non-alcoholic company then you've to follow this step. I could be wrong but for me staying alone for 75 days was just too much.
Ultimately after years...I will be asking this question "I drink at an interval of 75-100 days. I drink 2 litres of beer in 5-6 hour. Am I an alcoholic ? " And hopefully I get a a no..after 10 or so years.

Dee74

I tried to live my old drinking life - just with no drinking.
I was doomed to fail because my old life revolved around drinking.

I think your situation is similar. You're trying to make a deal with the Devil here.

When I decided I needed to get into recovery I changed my life - it was hard, painful and took a lot of effort - but I'm glad I did it.

I think you've convinced yourself you can't change - and your addictive side is perfectly happy with that - because it means it's still in control.

If there's things you don't like about your life sober change them- if you don't have any non alcoholic company find some AQ...it's got to be a better bet than this dice roll.

D

Ready2Bmeagain

AQ, I know the story that your alcoholic voice is telling you seems very reasonable to you, because mine and I'm sure everyone else's here, have convinced us of the same things before. Please don't listen to that voice and instead listen to all of the voices of experience and support from your friends here on SR.