Tetra

Also I have been told by various members of my family that if I ever drank again it would kill my father. I feel so alone

Dee74

I'm sorry your family situation is stressful.

Maybe it's not a good idea to go today - it certainly wouldn't be a lie to say you weren't feeling well.

I hope you will find a new therapist - talking to someone really helped me to sort out my complex family dynamic.

I used to think more of what my family would think than I did of my own welfare.
Please do make changes in your life Tetra - but remember to make them for you...you're important

D

Tetra

Well here is an update: my aunt who is a GP got me a hospital appointment with a psychiatrist today (Sunday) in the local hospital. He said I should go back to my addiction therapist. Also I am moving out of my flat for a while and in with my gran, who lives with 3 of my aunts, as apparently I am not to be trusted to stay alone. My dad was shocked today, he said I was "out of it" on the phone yesterday. Also my brother hates me now. I don't think my mother knows yet. I am so upset, crying on and off.

NYCDoglvr

Soooo, did it help to get drunk?

Tetra

No, but I am not the only person who has had a relapse, and I am trying to make changes in my life.
"Mistakes are a part of being human. Appreciate your mistakes for what they are: precious life lessons that can only be learned the hard way. Unless it's a fatal mistake, which, at least, others can learn from".
Al Franken, "Oh, the Things I Know", 2002

Dee74

I hope seeing your addictions counsellor will help.

Like I said before maybe it's best to focus on you for a bit and less on what your family does or doesn't think.

I'm a bit confused by the narrative here to be honest....no doubt my limitations...but if you feel this move in with your gran and aunts is a good idea go for it...but if you feel forced into it, or you feel it may not be beneficial for you, then as an adult you don't have to do it, T.

D

Tetra

Well I was becoming quite isolated in my attic apartment. The psychiatrist thought it was a good idea, at first I wasn't so sure but then I warmed to the idea. However when I went home to pack some clothes and books in a bag, I was away too long and my aunt rang me to come back. When I walked into the house she said "I hope you were not using this time to drink".

theaocp

I love the feeling of being able to tell my wife that I have not been drinking and know it's the truth. I truly have nothing to hide. I hope you can or do feel the same way. Good luck.

Tetra

Thank you

Dee74

You can mend reputations Tetra - I was the neighbourhood drunk by the end, but people trust me again now.

This is one of those times when actions speak louder than words

D

Tetra

I hope so

Tetra

Well that's the first day over with, roll on day 2. Am going to bed, got no sleep last night. Thank you all for your help. Goodnight everybody.

Tetra

"Let every day be the first day of the rest of your life, but especially let today be a new beginning".

Tetra

Day 3

stigblack

1.27am Day 3 for me too. Did you get any more sleep last night?

Tetra

Yes, I have slept better the last two nights. But I am very restless and feel this constant need to be out of the house as much as possible.

BackToSquareOne

Tetra, keep in mind that if you drink you get a brief period of sedation followed by a period of hypervigilance which will make depression/anxiety much worse. Stay strong and may your journey going forward be filled with happiness, joy and peace of mind.

Tetra

Well I have an appointment to see my addiction counsellor tomorrow morning and to see my psychotherapist on Friday. Here we go again.

Tetra

"No matter where in life you are right now, no matter who you are, no matter how old you are - it is never too late to be whom you are meant to be". (Esther and Jerry Hicks)

Tetra

Well I bared my soul to some family members tonight. My heart feels much lighter and they told me some home truths. I also picked up the courage to bring my brother back to my flat to collect some empties - 4 bags full. He did pass a remark about 4 years ago it was mostly wine bottles we were collecting, now it is vodka bottles. But my heart and soul feel more free even though this is just the tip of the iceberg and there is a long road ahead to travel. Day 3 almost over, looking forward to day 4. Thanks to everybody here for all their encouragement. Sleep well everyone. Goodnight and talk tomorrow.