one day I will make a week.
Random Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
Well it’s Tuesday and I haven't drank since Thursday so I made it through the weekend. I have been staying up until 6 AM and then going to sleep because I can't seem to get to sleep earlier. my house is much cleaner than it has been in a while, it still needs some work but I hate doing stuff like that and barley did any of it if I was drinking. I would start out doing something but by beer 6 I would usually quit. I am trying to take pleasure in the things that I used to do while drinking without it its been difficult but doable. so all I have to do is make it through the work week and I will have made it my week. I have no reason to think that I won't and so far what is helping me is the thought from my post about beer pong. sure I can drink tonight I can maintain or I could drink on Wednesday I have nothing going on early in the morning Thursday, but what happens after that? I know what happens after that and I don't want to go there again. It took me a month of stopping and then starting again to get that but I think I got it now.
@ZZ I don't get that bad of withdrawals besides a little of the shakes and anxiety the first day and problems sleeping that I have always had even before I started drinking. and meetings and groups are not an option for me in the country I am in. I could do online meetings and would if the damn company would get me some &^*#$ internet at my house. But yeah professional help is a little unavailable right now but thanks anyway.
I called the Fam this weekend I think that a couple of them might suspect I have a problem but I haven't been around them in years and never all that often so they really wouldn't know the scope of it anyway so I didn't mention anything about quitting as I don't want to disappoint them if for some reason this doesn’t stick. I know that is a self defeatist attitude but that is honestly just how I am. I describe it as I assume that whatever I attempt to do I am going to fail miserably at. That drives me to try harder to not fail at it and when I don't I am relieved, however if I do fail then I don't get as disappointed I can just say "well I thought that was going to happen.".
Anyhow I think that I just need to remind myself of this last month and before that even to defeat the cravings that have driven me to fail lately. just remind myself where that first beer takes me. I wish that the books I ordered would get here a little sooner but I am like the store in the movie 'O' Brother Where Art Thou, "Well ain't this place a geographical oddity two weeks from everywhere."
Have a good week everyone.
INH
@ZZ I don't get that bad of withdrawals besides a little of the shakes and anxiety the first day and problems sleeping that I have always had even before I started drinking. and meetings and groups are not an option for me in the country I am in. I could do online meetings and would if the damn company would get me some &^*#$ internet at my house. But yeah professional help is a little unavailable right now but thanks anyway.
I called the Fam this weekend I think that a couple of them might suspect I have a problem but I haven't been around them in years and never all that often so they really wouldn't know the scope of it anyway so I didn't mention anything about quitting as I don't want to disappoint them if for some reason this doesn’t stick. I know that is a self defeatist attitude but that is honestly just how I am. I describe it as I assume that whatever I attempt to do I am going to fail miserably at. That drives me to try harder to not fail at it and when I don't I am relieved, however if I do fail then I don't get as disappointed I can just say "well I thought that was going to happen.".
Anyhow I think that I just need to remind myself of this last month and before that even to defeat the cravings that have driven me to fail lately. just remind myself where that first beer takes me. I wish that the books I ordered would get here a little sooner but I am like the store in the movie 'O' Brother Where Art Thou, "Well ain't this place a geographical oddity two weeks from everywhere."
Have a good week everyone.
INH
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Location: « USA » Recovered with AVRT (Rational Recovery) ___________
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by InsertNameHere 
I have ordered "Rational Recovery" and "The Easy Way To Stop Drinking"
Random Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
Thanks TU I will.
So far I am pretty calm about the whole situation just acknowledging that I can't drink anymore because it takes me back to drinking every night till I pass out and shirking otherwise necessary duties that I would convince myself weren't important but there will be concenquences for down the road. But I have been here before and caved. I want it to be diffrent this time and am constantly trying to ensure that it is.
INH
So far I am pretty calm about the whole situation just acknowledging that I can't drink anymore because it takes me back to drinking every night till I pass out and shirking otherwise necessary duties that I would convince myself weren't important but there will be concenquences for down the road. But I have been here before and caved. I want it to be diffrent this time and am constantly trying to ensure that it is.
INH
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,071
Hi INH. How long do you usually make it before going back to drinking? What's the best you've done, and why did you go back to drinking? I think you have a good attitude - that is really crucial.
Also, yeah, no more beer pong. It's not something I would give my life for though, lol.
Also, yeah, no more beer pong. It's not something I would give my life for though, lol.
Random Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
Day five,
Didn't drink again last night, wasn't really tempted to either, well a little when I first got in the car but I squelched that pretty quickly. Went home put a duck in the slow cooker watched a movie and eventually went to bed. I am starting to sleep a little better, and by that I mean that I am actually attempting and I think last night I may actually have gone to sleep before midnight. woke up a couple of times and noticed that at least one point I had night sweats. I know that one thing that woke me up was the fact that I was dreaming. I don't know if you don't dream when drunk or if you just don't remember them but this is something that I haven't done in a while is wake up because of a dream and actually have somewhat lucid memories of it for a few minutes after. I know that dreams fade from memory fairly quickly even in a sober mind so that isn't bothering me and neither is the fact that I am now dreaming it is just something I felt like mentioning. I don't think that I will have any temptation that I can't beat back again tonight so I should be fine.
@GirlfromCO, First of all I am envious I have been in CO for a couple of weeks mainly the Salida and Buenavista area but also made it up to Colorado springs absolutly beautiful country out there. To answer your question honestly I have only been at this for about a month maybe a little longer now. Right around my join date is the moment that I started to think that I actually have a problem. Before that I made all kinds of excuses for my drinking, I live alone so I wasn't affecting anyone but me, I don't drink and drive or do anything else wrong, I still function as a capable member of society, things like that. So in this past month I have learned a lot especially when I thought well if you have a problem just stop, and tried, and failed miserably. The most that I have made it so far is five days which I have now tied. I started on the long weekend this time because I had a really low day Friday morning, and the weekends have every time so far crushed me utterly. There were some social functions this last weekend that I had to go to (damn the holidays) but the last one that I went to beat me as well so I thought if I can just make it through these events and this weekend then I have proven to myself that I can do it, and I did. so I hope to make it through this week and the following weekend, rinse wash repeat ad infintium.
As for why I went back to drinking..... I am really not sure, habit, the feeling of that first drink, well maybe not the first but the third through fifth. The sad fact of the matter is that I like being drunk I really do. But it has deffinetly gotten out of control and I don't like it enough to loose my job, health and or sanity. I read some posts here that mentioned it as a progressive addiction and that the fact that I haven't let it interfear with my life (well lets be honest it has just not in ways that made much of a diffrence to me at the time) and that "woke me up" to where this was going. Really I remember and wrote a post about it buying beer one time recently and there was so much angst and apprehension behind standing in front of it in the aisle that I stood there for a while walked away a couple of times and then went back finally and bought what I new I had gone there to buy. I guess really what drove me back to it was addiction and the fact that I have gotten so accustomed to drinking on a daily basis that I didn't really know what else I could possibly do. As I said in a diffrent thread the things that I did for fun before I became a daily drinker were the things that I continued to do with drink and now don't find quite as entertaining, but I am trying to change that. I don't know where this is going but isn't that part of the point? I mean that I don't know what i am going to do without alcohol but I know that I am going to have to find out I guess.
Wow I ramble sorry about that but once I get started on a roll I don't always know when to stop. Thanks for the questions it makes me investigate myself and the reasons behind my actions in ways that I wouldn't have done without someone prompting the thought.
INH
Didn't drink again last night, wasn't really tempted to either, well a little when I first got in the car but I squelched that pretty quickly. Went home put a duck in the slow cooker watched a movie and eventually went to bed. I am starting to sleep a little better, and by that I mean that I am actually attempting and I think last night I may actually have gone to sleep before midnight. woke up a couple of times and noticed that at least one point I had night sweats. I know that one thing that woke me up was the fact that I was dreaming. I don't know if you don't dream when drunk or if you just don't remember them but this is something that I haven't done in a while is wake up because of a dream and actually have somewhat lucid memories of it for a few minutes after. I know that dreams fade from memory fairly quickly even in a sober mind so that isn't bothering me and neither is the fact that I am now dreaming it is just something I felt like mentioning. I don't think that I will have any temptation that I can't beat back again tonight so I should be fine.
@GirlfromCO, First of all I am envious I have been in CO for a couple of weeks mainly the Salida and Buenavista area but also made it up to Colorado springs absolutly beautiful country out there. To answer your question honestly I have only been at this for about a month maybe a little longer now. Right around my join date is the moment that I started to think that I actually have a problem. Before that I made all kinds of excuses for my drinking, I live alone so I wasn't affecting anyone but me, I don't drink and drive or do anything else wrong, I still function as a capable member of society, things like that. So in this past month I have learned a lot especially when I thought well if you have a problem just stop, and tried, and failed miserably. The most that I have made it so far is five days which I have now tied. I started on the long weekend this time because I had a really low day Friday morning, and the weekends have every time so far crushed me utterly. There were some social functions this last weekend that I had to go to (damn the holidays) but the last one that I went to beat me as well so I thought if I can just make it through these events and this weekend then I have proven to myself that I can do it, and I did. so I hope to make it through this week and the following weekend, rinse wash repeat ad infintium.
As for why I went back to drinking..... I am really not sure, habit, the feeling of that first drink, well maybe not the first but the third through fifth. The sad fact of the matter is that I like being drunk I really do. But it has deffinetly gotten out of control and I don't like it enough to loose my job, health and or sanity. I read some posts here that mentioned it as a progressive addiction and that the fact that I haven't let it interfear with my life (well lets be honest it has just not in ways that made much of a diffrence to me at the time) and that "woke me up" to where this was going. Really I remember and wrote a post about it buying beer one time recently and there was so much angst and apprehension behind standing in front of it in the aisle that I stood there for a while walked away a couple of times and then went back finally and bought what I new I had gone there to buy. I guess really what drove me back to it was addiction and the fact that I have gotten so accustomed to drinking on a daily basis that I didn't really know what else I could possibly do. As I said in a diffrent thread the things that I did for fun before I became a daily drinker were the things that I continued to do with drink and now don't find quite as entertaining, but I am trying to change that. I don't know where this is going but isn't that part of the point? I mean that I don't know what i am going to do without alcohol but I know that I am going to have to find out I guess.
Wow I ramble sorry about that but once I get started on a roll I don't always know when to stop. Thanks for the questions it makes me investigate myself and the reasons behind my actions in ways that I wouldn't have done without someone prompting the thought.
INH
Member
Join Date: Mar 2010
Location: Colorado
Posts: 1,071
Cool, that's why I asked. It helped me a lot to start to see patterns in what I did instead of thinking about drinking like it was something that just happened to me. That's when I began to realize things like I get uncomfortable in social situations, whereas before I just thought of myself as liking to have a good time at a party. Once I started to get those insights, I could ask myself about other ways to cope with something I didn't like other than by drinking... and then anticipate situations which would normally trigger me and make a mini-plan for the evening or weekend or whatever.
Random Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
I think that I started to drink because it was just what everyone around me did and because of depression/confidence issues, but then I started to drink on a daily basis because i moved to somewhere new, was depressed, lonley and uncomfortable in social situations. then I continued to drink after I no longer considered myself depressed as I had worked out a majority of my issues not all but the major ones, because I liked it and I was accustumed to it at that point, it was what I did, a part of who I was, I was a drinker. Now that I was not what I would consider depresed, I had and have some issues sure but who dosent, I continued to drink and depend on drinking for "normalcy" or what I considered normal anyway. This progressed until I was drinking when innapropriate to do and it has started to cause problems in my life that even I had noticed and didn't like. Then I read about the progression of this addiction and it made me realize that i might have a problem. I tried to quit and failed and this proved to me that I have a problem. So I think that it is time that I say good bye to the old friend that has become a bad hanger on, I don't need you anymore, in fact, I never did, I just wanted you around, but now I don't, goodbye.
Random thought for the day, I was starting to think about drinking this evening and just wanted to say something about it.
INH
Random thought for the day, I was starting to think about drinking this evening and just wanted to say something about it.
INH
Random Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
Just checking in no real change to report I am doing fine didn't drink and wasn't really tempted to just thought about it yesterday before getting off of work. Tonight (when I don't drink) marks one week from the last time that I drank! WOOO! (non sarcastic)
INH
INH
Random Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
I made it my week! I made a new thread because I said I would once I did that. It is here;http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post3222534
I just wanted to say thank you to whoever checks up on this thread and not the other one for your advice and encouragment.
I am looking forward to another one.
INH
PS: Also wanted to say that I will not be forgeting what was said here I read through it all yesterday, my posts and the responses to them it helped keep me in check so to speak to remind me of what was going through my head not all that long ago.
I just wanted to say thank you to whoever checks up on this thread and not the other one for your advice and encouragment.
I am looking forward to another one.
INH
PS: Also wanted to say that I will not be forgeting what was said here I read through it all yesterday, my posts and the responses to them it helped keep me in check so to speak to remind me of what was going through my head not all that long ago.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Canada
Posts: 1,247
Hi InsertNameHere...That is excellent. I am just catching up to your post. great news!
I am reading the 'easy way to stop drinking'. I also want to read 'rational recovery'. Please keep posting about your continued success. I am also interested to know what you think about the 2 books. You can sent me a pm if you like.
Best wishes
Jim
I am reading the 'easy way to stop drinking'. I also want to read 'rational recovery'. Please keep posting about your continued success. I am also interested to know what you think about the 2 books. You can sent me a pm if you like.
Best wishes
Jim
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