one day I will make a week.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Actually, you might be surprised to find AA in your region. I went last year to the International Convention and there were AAs from every country imaginable--including Third World countries.
Here's a link to find meetings outside the U.S./Canada. Just so you know, AA is much more than just meetings. The program itself is set out in the Big Book, and online copy of which is here. In addition, AA operates a "Loners-Internationalists" service, which connects people who live in areas not presently served by a group with people who volunteer to participate as sponsors or group members. Here's a link for info about Loners.
And, of course, you have SR, which can be a great help, as well. Obviously we have members who have attained good, solid sobriety without AA. But for some people, AA is effective when nothing else is.
If nothing else, I suggest ordering the book--the first 164 pages completely describes the program of recovery, and the personal stories will undoubtedly include some you can relate to.
Here's a link to find meetings outside the U.S./Canada. Just so you know, AA is much more than just meetings. The program itself is set out in the Big Book, and online copy of which is here. In addition, AA operates a "Loners-Internationalists" service, which connects people who live in areas not presently served by a group with people who volunteer to participate as sponsors or group members. Here's a link for info about Loners.
And, of course, you have SR, which can be a great help, as well. Obviously we have members who have attained good, solid sobriety without AA. But for some people, AA is effective when nothing else is.
If nothing else, I suggest ordering the book--the first 164 pages completely describes the program of recovery, and the personal stories will undoubtedly include some you can relate to.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 3,677
Until you stop believing that setting up obstacles for yourself where you "have to" quit drinking is going to work, you are going to look towards those obstacles as "the answer" to getting sober. People rarely quit drinking because the have "something coming up that is going to require a lot of my attention, and is going to require me to be sober." In fact, I used those very situations as a "good reason" to drink as much as possible beforehand, because this was my "last chance". I took full advantage of those "last chance" moments for many years.
The only thing that will get you sober is the decision to redefine yourself as a non-drinker. Avoidance, obstacles, none of that is going to stop you from drinking. All of us here can see straight through every speck of logic you just tried to use as your "plan".
I wish you the best. I really do. But the other huge part of this is that you still need convincing you have a drinking problem. That means that you still have an internal argument in progress with your "addict brain", as though what your "addict brain" has to say has any merit at all.
I don't want to beat up on you either. You aren't "weak", and you aren't "bad", so don't define yourself as those things either. None of us who are sober are any less "weak" or "bad" than we were before we stopped drinking. We just found the reasons that mattered to us an individuals, and we no longer needed convincing.
Ft
The only thing that will get you sober is the decision to redefine yourself as a non-drinker. Avoidance, obstacles, none of that is going to stop you from drinking. All of us here can see straight through every speck of logic you just tried to use as your "plan".
I wish you the best. I really do. But the other huge part of this is that you still need convincing you have a drinking problem. That means that you still have an internal argument in progress with your "addict brain", as though what your "addict brain" has to say has any merit at all.
I don't want to beat up on you either. You aren't "weak", and you aren't "bad", so don't define yourself as those things either. None of us who are sober are any less "weak" or "bad" than we were before we stopped drinking. We just found the reasons that mattered to us an individuals, and we no longer needed convincing.
Ft
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
Originally Posted by InsertNameHere 
I am hesitent to pick up an AA book to be honest as I am not one to accept that I have no control over a situation unless I am literally tied down with a gun to my head but thanks anyway. I might read it just to see if there is any information that I can gleen that will work.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,313
I'm not an AAer INH but the powerlessless thing is not actually something I have trouble with.
I looked at it this way when I got here to SR...
if I'm here, for example, to stop drinking, and then I drink anyway - where's my control?
D
I looked at it this way when I got here to SR...
if I'm here, for example, to stop drinking, and then I drink anyway - where's my control?
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Between Meetings
Posts: 8,997
I agree Dee...You don't have to be in AA to figure that out. I knew I was out of control before I knew what AA was.
When I say out of control...I mean I couldn't control when I drank...And when I started I couldn't control when I stopped.
When I say out of control...I mean I couldn't control when I drank...And when I started I couldn't control when I stopped.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Philly PA
Posts: 814
INH - I'm not doing AA but I keep telling myself that I cannot have a drink - I really really can't.
And I'm new in stopping but I'm all for the distraction - reading The Hunger Games series now. After that I'll get something else until the obsessive thoughts stop. I did this with smoking as well. sometimes take a shower for no reason.
Good luck - you CAN do this
And I'm new in stopping but I'm all for the distraction - reading The Hunger Games series now. After that I'll get something else until the obsessive thoughts stop. I did this with smoking as well. sometimes take a shower for no reason.
Good luck - you CAN do this
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
I understand how we make efforts in the beginning. I will try this and not do that. It should work. The problem being, it didn't work. I never knew it wouldn't. What I did know I was making an effort, something new for me. We have to go to the store eventually, can't avoid it forever. We gotta eat and alcohol is everywhere. Keep trying, keep reading and hopefully you can hook up with an online meeting soon. I wasn't to keen on the idea in the beginning, but I had to do something. My way wasn't working and alcoholism is progressive. I was well on my way to drinking myself into my grave. You mention how you made the conscience effort and your drinking got work. I can totally relate. It is insane how it works. There is no logic when it come to alcoholic. The entire scenario is insane and it continues to get worse. There is no way around it. The only way to avoid it is to quit entirely. For myself, I had to learn to quit. I had to step outside of my comfort zone and enter into a new arena. I fought it, didn't want to do it, but had to. It was the only way I was going to beat it and turn myself into a nondrinker. It wasn't easy, but well worth it. Good luck and keep trying. We've all been there and can relate to your struggle.
Random Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
Holy Cow that is a lot to respond to I suppose that is what I should expect when living on the other side of the world as I am posting while you all are asleep, but anyhow here goes.
@ Lexicat Thank you for the information I will definitely look into it and see if they do, I really doubt it and if they did I am sure they won't be in English, but if nothing else the "Loners-international" sounds like a good option. At least that way I could talk to someone about this that has gone through it and can offer up a little more experienced opinion/support, which is what SR is all about as well but every little bit helps right.
(I just clicked on the link it didn't work for me but I will try it from home)
@FailedTaper I know exactly what you are talking about when you say people use times when they are not going to be able to drink as an excuse to go all out, I have been there a few times. This is not one of them. After my last crazy rant (see last post on previous page) I have decided that I simply cannot drink. I know this sounds similar to a previous statement of mine and it is, but I have been sticking to it. I just keep saying I do not drink. Notice I don't say anymore, now, today, or that I am quitting all I say is "I do not drink". I am being as firm with this resolution as I know how.
@Sapling Thanks I have, since joining SR changed my original opinion with regards to AA. I don't know what it was but there is a stigma about it or at least there was in my mind, something akin to, the only people that go to AA are losers that can't handle their own problems in life and have to turn to the invisible man behind the curtain and admit finally that they are powerless in order to be brainwashed into a set of ideals that were never theirs in the first place to replace the addiction of alcohol with that of idea that God has cleansed them and for a new addiction out of their religion. Please don't take offense at that as it was an extremely ignorant opinion I have never been to AA and don't know anyone that has, so I had no room to judge, yet judge I did. But as I said since joining I have read a lot of differing opinions about AA and have to say what has been said has not been what I expected. It sounds like it would be something that I would be willing to examine, while not throwing myself into it just to see what it is like. "Test the waters" so to speak that is one of the reasons why I "cracked open the big book" the other day just because I thought, "you know maybe there on to something here and I am just being stubborn".
@ Dee Hey you were one of the first people that I remember reading a comment from on SR and it was short and to the point like most of yours are but it told me about how you quite without AA but not without a struggle. In my head you made me go "YES YOU SEE IT IS POSSIBLE!" thanks for that.
@Tigger 41 The distractions I am trying to use for the time being to get me away from what I and I am sure others would call dangerous situations. I know they won't work forever as LMM pointed out after you but I am hoping that they can work at least for the time being until I get used to being sober a little more and start to see the true benefits of it so thanks if nothing else then for letting me know that I am not the only one dreaming up stuff to keep them busy while they get these first few days under their belts.
@LosingMyMisery I know that I will one day have to go to the store and say (see above)I do not drink as I pass the liquor aisle, I know that I can't avoid it forever actually I have to be around it at least a couple of times a week just for my job. But I don't want to have to go back to the exact place that started (well it started in my head, but as far as physical location) started me drinking the last two times. I just think that avoiding it for at least a little while is a good idea. I am convinced right at this current moment that I do not drink, but what is the point in tempting fate and going to the store when I don’t have to and the last two Fridays I did just that which kicked off the drunken weekends.
So thank you everyone for your advice and encouragement. I can say that I made it through volleyball yesterday fine, I had a couple fleeting moments where I thought about beer because it was there, but just said "wait, I do not drink" and grabbed my bottle of water. I spent last night pretty much the same as the last two. I.E. made some food, drank a soda and played games till one in the morning then tried to go to bed. Didn't sleep more than a couple of hours I am honestly not sure if I slept at all but if I did it was filled with just as much restless lying down. but with a redbull and some tea in the morning i am feeling alright.
I am supposed to bring an appetizer to the trivia game tomorrow and I had almost convinced myself this morning that I was going to have to go to the store to make the deviled eggs that I want to bring but then went wait a efin second I said I wasn't going to the store and I meant it damn it. so screw em I will show up without an appetizer, hell its not like anyone really expects the single guy to bring anything other than beer right? But all there getting from me is cherry coke, I might bring something if I can figure out how to make it with what I have on hand.
I have the thing tonight where it is going to be hard not to drink at but once again it is public and I have to drive afterwards so hopefully I find something else to occupy my mind. If the going gets rough I plan to dip out the side door with a book and only step in intermittently, so say high and make my presence known then step out again.
Sooo yeah that is me right now (wow this ended up long), thank you all for the replies I will keep you informed.
INH
@ Lexicat Thank you for the information I will definitely look into it and see if they do, I really doubt it and if they did I am sure they won't be in English, but if nothing else the "Loners-international" sounds like a good option. At least that way I could talk to someone about this that has gone through it and can offer up a little more experienced opinion/support, which is what SR is all about as well but every little bit helps right.
(I just clicked on the link it didn't work for me but I will try it from home)
@FailedTaper I know exactly what you are talking about when you say people use times when they are not going to be able to drink as an excuse to go all out, I have been there a few times. This is not one of them. After my last crazy rant (see last post on previous page) I have decided that I simply cannot drink. I know this sounds similar to a previous statement of mine and it is, but I have been sticking to it. I just keep saying I do not drink. Notice I don't say anymore, now, today, or that I am quitting all I say is "I do not drink". I am being as firm with this resolution as I know how.
@Sapling Thanks I have, since joining SR changed my original opinion with regards to AA. I don't know what it was but there is a stigma about it or at least there was in my mind, something akin to, the only people that go to AA are losers that can't handle their own problems in life and have to turn to the invisible man behind the curtain and admit finally that they are powerless in order to be brainwashed into a set of ideals that were never theirs in the first place to replace the addiction of alcohol with that of idea that God has cleansed them and for a new addiction out of their religion. Please don't take offense at that as it was an extremely ignorant opinion I have never been to AA and don't know anyone that has, so I had no room to judge, yet judge I did. But as I said since joining I have read a lot of differing opinions about AA and have to say what has been said has not been what I expected. It sounds like it would be something that I would be willing to examine, while not throwing myself into it just to see what it is like. "Test the waters" so to speak that is one of the reasons why I "cracked open the big book" the other day just because I thought, "you know maybe there on to something here and I am just being stubborn".
@ Dee Hey you were one of the first people that I remember reading a comment from on SR and it was short and to the point like most of yours are but it told me about how you quite without AA but not without a struggle. In my head you made me go "YES YOU SEE IT IS POSSIBLE!" thanks for that.
@Tigger 41 The distractions I am trying to use for the time being to get me away from what I and I am sure others would call dangerous situations. I know they won't work forever as LMM pointed out after you but I am hoping that they can work at least for the time being until I get used to being sober a little more and start to see the true benefits of it so thanks if nothing else then for letting me know that I am not the only one dreaming up stuff to keep them busy while they get these first few days under their belts.
@LosingMyMisery I know that I will one day have to go to the store and say (see above)I do not drink as I pass the liquor aisle, I know that I can't avoid it forever actually I have to be around it at least a couple of times a week just for my job. But I don't want to have to go back to the exact place that started (well it started in my head, but as far as physical location) started me drinking the last two times. I just think that avoiding it for at least a little while is a good idea. I am convinced right at this current moment that I do not drink, but what is the point in tempting fate and going to the store when I don’t have to and the last two Fridays I did just that which kicked off the drunken weekends.
So thank you everyone for your advice and encouragement. I can say that I made it through volleyball yesterday fine, I had a couple fleeting moments where I thought about beer because it was there, but just said "wait, I do not drink" and grabbed my bottle of water. I spent last night pretty much the same as the last two. I.E. made some food, drank a soda and played games till one in the morning then tried to go to bed. Didn't sleep more than a couple of hours I am honestly not sure if I slept at all but if I did it was filled with just as much restless lying down. but with a redbull and some tea in the morning i am feeling alright.
I am supposed to bring an appetizer to the trivia game tomorrow and I had almost convinced myself this morning that I was going to have to go to the store to make the deviled eggs that I want to bring but then went wait a efin second I said I wasn't going to the store and I meant it damn it. so screw em I will show up without an appetizer, hell its not like anyone really expects the single guy to bring anything other than beer right? But all there getting from me is cherry coke, I might bring something if I can figure out how to make it with what I have on hand.
I have the thing tonight where it is going to be hard not to drink at but once again it is public and I have to drive afterwards so hopefully I find something else to occupy my mind. If the going gets rough I plan to dip out the side door with a book and only step in intermittently, so say high and make my presence known then step out again.
Sooo yeah that is me right now (wow this ended up long), thank you all for the replies I will keep you informed.
INH
Today's Muse
Join Date: May 2007
Location: West end
Posts: 1,081
Oh, I totally understand about not tempting fate if you don't have to. The first few weeks of sobriety I relinquished my car keys so I couldn't sneak away in a weak moment and stock up on my favorite poison. It takes time to reprogram our way of thinking. The good news is...it can be done.
Random Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
Monday, I have good news and bad news. I made it through Friday night just fine, the gathering had me tempted on a couple of occaisions but I stuck to my water. then I couldn't sleep so I just cleaned the house for hours and hours until five in the morning then I could sleep as I was really tired by that point. got up at around noon made the deviled eggs with what I had on hand, and went to the other event. I did not realize how much alcohol would be involved in that as well unfortunatly. I had brought tea but after a couple of hours I caved. I don't feel good about it at all. I am fine I didn't do anything wrong and it was a good time had by all but I don't think that I was prepared for how much drinking was going to be a part of that, and I don't think that I was ready to say no in that situation. So that is what happened over the weekend. I am going to have to start again. Damn it I was really looking forward to starting a new thread with "I made it my week" as the title. oh well at least this weekend there wont be any of that nonsense as people will undoubtly be spending christmas with thier families or on the phone talking to the families.
INH
INH
Random Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
Alright many people have told me I need to get a little something more for this to work. I can't do AA (see previous posts) but I can educate myself a little more. I have ordered "Rational Recovery" and "The Easy Way To Stop Drinking", I remember seeing a thread that had a list of books that were helpfull for people but can't seem to find it right now. I will keep looking and order what looks helpfull off of that once I do.
I drank last night in a form of "see you later" to the alcohol. I know that was not a good idea but it is done. so now it begins again. I need to continue to tell myself that I do not drink and educate myself on how to best accomplish that because thus far I have only accomplished a few days and the realization of how big my problem is and how hard it is going to be to break it. But that is better than not thinking I have a problem and continuing to go about life the way that I was I suppose. I now know that I can't keep that up without concenquences. Also I don't want to keep up my life style this last month of knowing I have a problem yet I keep going back to it.
Just my thoughts for the day.
INH
I drank last night in a form of "see you later" to the alcohol. I know that was not a good idea but it is done. so now it begins again. I need to continue to tell myself that I do not drink and educate myself on how to best accomplish that because thus far I have only accomplished a few days and the realization of how big my problem is and how hard it is going to be to break it. But that is better than not thinking I have a problem and continuing to go about life the way that I was I suppose. I now know that I can't keep that up without concenquences. Also I don't want to keep up my life style this last month of knowing I have a problem yet I keep going back to it.
Just my thoughts for the day.
INH
Random Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
I'm not completely gone just took a pause from SR for a few days. I have not done so well but have started again. Had a really low point Friday morning and started writing any and all thoughts down filled a few pages (small ones) over the course of the day. I don't know where I am going with this but I didn't drink last night and we had a Christmas Eve party at a coworker’s house. It was a wine and cheese night. Don't worry I didn't drink. I did remember one reason why I drink, most of the time I spent standing there, I was just watching everyone chatting away. Me just standing there with my pepsi and eventually water. Then there was beer pong it was a little hard not to join in because normally I would have been all over that. (it’s a really fun game, and I love almost any game) but I didn't I just stood there and made the odd comment. Explained the rules to a few people as I am intimately familiar with them, then went home. Yep this is one reason I drink because if I don't then man is life boring. I think I had one conversation that lasted more than three minutes in the almost 4 hours I was there.
I was able to remind myself that yeah sure you could drink tonight and be fine you could maintain in front of people you know how to do that, but what happens tomorrow? You know very good and god damn well that if you drink here then you are going to want to drink at home tomorrow and then you are just going to drink the next night, and the next for the rest of the week, then month, then year. I guess that is a positive but it still doesn’t make me feel any better about tonight. I didn’t think about the fact that I would never be able to play beer pong again if I quit, not happy with that. well unless I find someone that will play with me and drink my cups.
Just venting sorry it’s been an alienating, lonely, and boring night. And it’s not going to be the last. But I didn't drink wooo (sarcasm).
INH
Edit: I didn't mean sarcasm on the not drinking, just on the excited wooo. sarcasm is hard to express over typing, at least for me it is.
I was able to remind myself that yeah sure you could drink tonight and be fine you could maintain in front of people you know how to do that, but what happens tomorrow? You know very good and god damn well that if you drink here then you are going to want to drink at home tomorrow and then you are just going to drink the next night, and the next for the rest of the week, then month, then year. I guess that is a positive but it still doesn’t make me feel any better about tonight. I didn’t think about the fact that I would never be able to play beer pong again if I quit, not happy with that. well unless I find someone that will play with me and drink my cups.
Just venting sorry it’s been an alienating, lonely, and boring night. And it’s not going to be the last. But I didn't drink wooo (sarcasm).
INH
Edit: I didn't mean sarcasm on the not drinking, just on the excited wooo. sarcasm is hard to express over typing, at least for me it is.
Random Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: America
Posts: 2,034
Edit to above: I didn't drink last night (friday) and tonight which was the christmas eve party its not much but the weekends have been killing me every time so I am trying to make it through this one sober. Especially being a three day run normally I would be drinking every evening.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 432
Trying over and over is key, but trying the SAME THING over and over, and expecting different results, rarely works. You seem to be able to stop for a few days, basically long enough for the withdrawal symptoms to get pretty bad, then you re-start. Sorry I didn't read all your posts, you may have mentioned this, but have you thought about trying medical detox to get past the 4-5 days of withdrawal, followed by some group involvement, AA or otherwise?
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