Jay1980

This is the unfortunate path I took took. I'm 30 and in the past 2 years have lost three homes, a woman that I was going to marry, 4 jobs, my license, my car, friends, trust. I should have been dead dozens of times over and I still didn't learn. It's not easy but I'd try to do something sooner rather than later.

Saliena

I was in an AA meeting the other and someone talked about the word "botton" and how it meant so many things to so many people. For me I thought I has hit so many bottoms... I thought I had hit bottom when I got each one of my DUI's, I thought I had hit bottom when my wife left me ... large part due to my drinking, I thought I hit my final bottom when I ended up in detox then jail.... but, each time I turned back to drinking. I was in AA and kept drinking...

But, this guy talked about a bottom as being the spiritual space where you feel like you can not go on... like you have given up, taking away, people, places and things, aren't a bottom... a true acholic will find a reason to keep drinking through all of these... but, when you have been spiritually defeated... and there is no place to turn... that is when you will start truly working a honest program.

Good luck...! I hope you find that place sooner rather then later!

Saliena

Of course that should have said "bottom" not "button"... hitting buttons is another topic all together!

blueginger

This makes complete sense and also scares me. I hope I find that place sooner rather than later too.

Lifebeyond

when i came to believe the solution was in my higher power and not within me it helped.

When I stopped using benchmark days "if I can just get to this date....." that eased my mind...the committee..Its not a day at a time otherwise,

When I thought people had "got it" I didnt realise there really wasnt really any such thing, we were all only doing this a day at a time no matter how long someone had under their belt.

Not sure if any of this helps. Take care xxx

awuh1

I found it useful to try to understand what I was thinking/feeling and how that was related to WHY I picked up that first drink. Then I forced myself to find another way to deal with that same situation should I find myself there in the future. I never made a list of it all but in looking back it would look something like this,

I cannot take these withdrawal symptoms …. ……………. I need to go to detox or see my doctor.

“I’m not really an alcoholic” …………………………….. THINK IT THROUGH! What happens a few hours or days after you just have ONE drink.

F**K IT. I don’t care anymore………….. When I say that it really means I don’t care about anyone ELSE. Time to call someone or at least go to a meeting if there is one in the next 30 mins.

Later in sobriety things got a little easier. A sort of “preventative maintenance” of my spiritual condition went a long way in preventing me from going to the brink.

DayTrader

To me, you're describing the difference between recoverING and recoverED. As far as "why," unfortunately, you may be an alkie of the hopeless variety and you simply do not have the power/ability to keep yourself sober.

Most of those things sound good and they help many ppl, but you won't find most of it in the AA book that describes what we did/do to recover from alcoholism. I say "most" because "take direction" only works if the direction is good. Lots of ppl with a lot of head-knowledge and no experience are chuck-full of well-sounding advice that almost never works in reality. I'll save the rest for the 12-Step forums if you care to post down there but AA, and AA's process of becoming a recoverED alcoholic doesn't have a whole lot to do with rehab, meetings, lots of meetings, tons of meetings, knowledge OF the steps/program, etc.



I've not found that to be true. I know several ppl who reeeeeeally want "it" (sobriety), like their recovery program, and know a LOOOOT about the process......yet they go back out and drink again (or drug again). Truth is, if you go back out, you never really truly GOT sobriety. Sobriety, being of sane mind and sound judgement, doesn't permit relapse. Its not possible to be "sober" and relapse.....unless you're using a different definition of relapse - aka "not drinking" which, imo, isn't "sobriety," it's "being dry at the moment" or "abstaining." What I have found to be true, and I'm a perfect example of it, is that even if you DON'T want it, it still works IF you do the work. IF you take those steps, apply them to your life, and practice DOING them (not learning them, knowing them, understanding them), you WILL change, you WILL recover, you WON'T drink again.....


Ah....this one even hurts me........ Intellectual knowledge has nothing to do with sobriety & very little to do with true happiness or real joy. Unfortunately, for someone like me who loooooooves to "think," recovery DEMANDS action. Hell, you don't have to understand the action, like the action, or even believe the action will work......but if you DO the action......it will work. Personally, I like to "think" a whole lot better than to do and boy I'll tell ya' what, my lack of action has damn near CRUUUUSHED me more times (even in sobriety) than anything else. Most emotional bottoms I've hit and every other bottom (in relationships, financial bottoms, bottoms at work, bottoms with physical exercise, etc) have ALL been the result of me KNOWING better but not ACTING better - ie, lack of action. But ya see, I'm selfish and self-centered and I don't WANT to be moving, I want to be thinking......so I selfishly do what I want......and it kicks my a$$$$$$$........lol........then, after I've taken all I can take and can't go any longer.........finally.......I'll pick up the pace and get moving. Every time I've started the action......I get, almost immediately, better.

Knowledge is awesome.....it's fabulous........but it won't keep you sober if you're an alcoholic. Heck, just hang around these boards - lots and lots of smart ppl (smarter than average, I'd say) who can't get/stay sober either vs about a gazillion dummies out there in the world who seem to have no problem controlling alcohol, avoiding alcoholism, and so on. Heh, if anything, I'd say knowledge "feeds" alcoholism.....but that's just IMO and half-in-jest.

DayTrader

If you've got questions about AA, the program, what you may have missed, etc..... I suggest hitting up the 12 Step section of the forum here ----> http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-step-support/

Lots of folks in there and many with some darn long-term sobriety (5yrs.........10yrs.........20yrs......and more). They'll be your best bet if you want to know what to do to get that much time without relapsing.

ddrayer

I think that comment enough should show that you're close to a bottom of some sort. Its amazing that alcohol can make comments like this make sense. I have had that exact same conversation with myself; thinking "my life isn't bad enough to quit yet." It is frightening! I wish you luck!