Do I really have to hit rock bottom?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 6
Do I really have to hit rock bottom?
I can't understand why I continue to relapse. My life is still very good and I don't want to lose everything, but I feel like maybe I have to get that desperate to finally stay sober. Its been almost 2 years of 30-60 days sober then drinking for a few days and then right back to the program to do it all over again. Feel like I'm stuck in an endless cycle. I am very capable of stopping, but I still haven't really made any progress and gotten any real time under my belt.
I went to a wonderful treatment program and have been to more AA meetings than I can count...I have all the tools. 2 meetings a day, 90 in 90, take direction, get a sponsor, do as your told and it will work. It really isn't that hard. I really like AA, I'm not fighting it....but what I have learned is it only works if you want it and want it bad and are ready. I get it....its not like before I knew better...I know I can't have one drink, I am an alcoholic and I will never be able to control my drinking. I know what to do but for some stupid reason maybe I just don't want it badly enough...I really want to want it.
Sober life is so much better, intellectually I know it 100% and honestly I like being sober. But for some stupid reason I continue to take that first drink and things invariably go to hell quickly. I'm just hoping and praying that one of these days it will stick.....I have to keep trying, I'm well aware of what the alternative is. There is no other option. Jails, institutions and death....it is very true. Being sober is the only way for me. How I can know it, understand it, accept it but then not do it is incredibly frustrating and confusing to me.
I wonder if anyone else has had the same experience. Sometimes I feel like all the other people in the rooms get it and stay sober and for some reason I can't. When I came into the rooms I finally felt like I found my people...found where I fit in....felt comfortable and safe and not alone. Then I can't stick with it and all of a sudden I'm different again, not normal. Thats the addict in me talking.
I went to a wonderful treatment program and have been to more AA meetings than I can count...I have all the tools. 2 meetings a day, 90 in 90, take direction, get a sponsor, do as your told and it will work. It really isn't that hard. I really like AA, I'm not fighting it....but what I have learned is it only works if you want it and want it bad and are ready. I get it....its not like before I knew better...I know I can't have one drink, I am an alcoholic and I will never be able to control my drinking. I know what to do but for some stupid reason maybe I just don't want it badly enough...I really want to want it.
Sober life is so much better, intellectually I know it 100% and honestly I like being sober. But for some stupid reason I continue to take that first drink and things invariably go to hell quickly. I'm just hoping and praying that one of these days it will stick.....I have to keep trying, I'm well aware of what the alternative is. There is no other option. Jails, institutions and death....it is very true. Being sober is the only way for me. How I can know it, understand it, accept it but then not do it is incredibly frustrating and confusing to me.
I wonder if anyone else has had the same experience. Sometimes I feel like all the other people in the rooms get it and stay sober and for some reason I can't. When I came into the rooms I finally felt like I found my people...found where I fit in....felt comfortable and safe and not alone. Then I can't stick with it and all of a sudden I'm different again, not normal. Thats the addict in me talking.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,439
Welcome blueginger 
Your problem is the exact same one I had
You can do what I did - continue to do that until you lose everything and everyone, and nearly die - or you can get off the downward elevator now.
I really believe bottoms aren't events - they're a decision - a decision not to live our old way of life one more day, and a determination to do whatever it takes not to take that first drink.
I finally realised I can be who I want to be, and have the kind of life I want...or I can continue to drink.
I can't do both.
D
Your problem is the exact same one I had
I continue to take that first drink
I really believe bottoms aren't events - they're a decision - a decision not to live our old way of life one more day, and a determination to do whatever it takes not to take that first drink.
I finally realised I can be who I want to be, and have the kind of life I want...or I can continue to drink.
I can't do both.
D
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
. Its been almost 2 years of 30-60 days sober then drinking for a few days and then right back to the program to do it all over again. Feel like I'm stuck in an endless cycle. I am very capable of stopping, but I still haven't really made any progress and gotten any real time under my belt.
There are plenty of folks who have tried again and again, and their approach failed them. It is so unfortunate that they decided that the failing was inside of them, because that stopped them from looking for another solution that worked for them.
Wipe your slate, and try again, but this time try something different. There are many paths to sobriety, blueginger, and all you need to do is try a different one. Take a look at another forum here called Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information. Your answer may be there. Mine was.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,095
blueginger,
Isn't your pattern of not drinking for 30-60 days, then drinking again, over a two year period, really a description of powerlessness over alcohol? If so, then maybe you need to find some power greater than your own.
The 12 Steps were a path to that power for me. Once I knew the truth about my powerlessness over alcohol, a truth gained through my own continued failures at staying sober, the 12 Steps let me tap into a sufficient power so that I've never drank again.
Isn't your pattern of not drinking for 30-60 days, then drinking again, over a two year period, really a description of powerlessness over alcohol? If so, then maybe you need to find some power greater than your own.
The 12 Steps were a path to that power for me. Once I knew the truth about my powerlessness over alcohol, a truth gained through my own continued failures at staying sober, the 12 Steps let me tap into a sufficient power so that I've never drank again.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 6
You both hit the nail right on the head. The problem is not with the program, the problem is with me. I'm a little bit afraid that maybe I don't want to get off of the downward elevator....and as I said, I'm well aware of where it goes.
I'm not really sure what makes me happy and where to find purpose and fulfillment in life. Without that I don't know that I'll ever have a reason to stay sober.
I'm not really sure what makes me happy and where to find purpose and fulfillment in life. Without that I don't know that I'll ever have a reason to stay sober.
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
No, one doesn't have to hit rock bottom in order to get sober. In fact statistically more get sober that still have a support system, friends, family, job, etc. than those that don't. As mentioned by someone else it is merely the simple fact that you continue to take the first drink which keeps you from staying sober.
I guess the key for me is finally when I realized that the reality was that drinking was always the same. It offered nothing. Sober however there was an unlimited world in which I could participate. It is this reaching out and participating that keeps me wanting more of the same, i.e. sobriety.
I too worked steps, did meetings, prayed, begged and once again drank. it is when I finally realized that there was not being supernatural or natural other than myself that was going to move toward sobriety that I was able to do just that. Drinking is really not that big a deal other than misery, but sobriety, now that is the big deal.
I guess the key for me is finally when I realized that the reality was that drinking was always the same. It offered nothing. Sober however there was an unlimited world in which I could participate. It is this reaching out and participating that keeps me wanting more of the same, i.e. sobriety.
I too worked steps, did meetings, prayed, begged and once again drank. it is when I finally realized that there was not being supernatural or natural other than myself that was going to move toward sobriety that I was able to do just that. Drinking is really not that big a deal other than misery, but sobriety, now that is the big deal.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: WI
Posts: 228
I had to hit a bottom. I had to be beat into a state of reasonableness where I could throw up my hands and say "I can't do it, I cannot not drink. No matter what I do or say I pick up that first drink, even if I don't want to, even if I shouldn't for various reasons."
I had to drink myself to the point where it was clear I was powerless over alcohol. For me, this occurred as I found myself drunk after being physically separated from alcohol for 8 months. I knew I shouldn't drink, I was well aware of the things I had lost due to my drinking, I was knowledgable about my physical condition and my poor health caused by drinking, I was painfully aware of my failed relationships and the things I had lost due to my drinking, but none of that entered my mind. I was in a strange mental blank spot where these things did not matter. I could not "think the drink through", I could not "put the plug in the jug", I could not "just say no", I could not "do XYZ instead". For me I needed something else, some kind of power to keep me from picking up that first drink as I clearly could not do it, I had lost the power of choice over alcohol long ago.
For me, after exhausting everything available to me at the time I landed in the rooms of AA where I was offered a solution. I was confronted by people who I could identify with in regards to their powerlessness, but I could also see that they had power in their life now. They described to me, showed me, how they used the program of Alcoholics Anonymous to achieve their solution and regain some power in their lives.
But, my willingness to consider the proposition they offered hinged on my admission of defeat in regards to alcohol. This is not about fighting the drink for me. It is about surrender. And, like I said, I had to drink myself into that willingness.
I had to drink myself to the point where it was clear I was powerless over alcohol. For me, this occurred as I found myself drunk after being physically separated from alcohol for 8 months. I knew I shouldn't drink, I was well aware of the things I had lost due to my drinking, I was knowledgable about my physical condition and my poor health caused by drinking, I was painfully aware of my failed relationships and the things I had lost due to my drinking, but none of that entered my mind. I was in a strange mental blank spot where these things did not matter. I could not "think the drink through", I could not "put the plug in the jug", I could not "just say no", I could not "do XYZ instead". For me I needed something else, some kind of power to keep me from picking up that first drink as I clearly could not do it, I had lost the power of choice over alcohol long ago.
For me, after exhausting everything available to me at the time I landed in the rooms of AA where I was offered a solution. I was confronted by people who I could identify with in regards to their powerlessness, but I could also see that they had power in their life now. They described to me, showed me, how they used the program of Alcoholics Anonymous to achieve their solution and regain some power in their lives.
But, my willingness to consider the proposition they offered hinged on my admission of defeat in regards to alcohol. This is not about fighting the drink for me. It is about surrender. And, like I said, I had to drink myself into that willingness.
Adventures In SpaceTime
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Ottawa, Canada
Posts: 5,827
Originally Posted by EricL 
They described to me, showed me, how they used the program of Alcoholics Anonymous to achieve their solution and regain some power in their lives.
But, my willingness to consider the proposition they offered hinged on my admission of defeat in regards to alcohol. This is not about fighting the drink for me. It is about surrender. And, like I said, I had to drink myself into that willingness.
But, my willingness to consider the proposition they offered hinged on my admission of defeat in regards to alcohol. This is not about fighting the drink for me. It is about surrender. And, like I said, I had to drink myself into that willingness.
I too drank myself into the willingness of surrender. I finally chose to not die drunk more than I simply chose to live sober. My new fight to get sober was to not surrender to my alcoholism by drinking anymore, but by surrendering to how completely destroyed I was by my alcoholism. I fought against anything that prevented me from surrender. I fought to embrace the truth of my alcoholism. I fought to be open to a spiritual life. I fought to be honest with myself.
I did not fight against my want to be drunk. I fully accepted that I wanted to be drunk even as I fully accepted that I didn't want to die drunk. In that surrender I found AA sobriety. Its been many years since those early days, and looking back yeah, I drank myself into either die drunk or don't die drunk and get sober. Its been 30 years now of lasting sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 737
I do understand that cycle. It is so frustrating. It seems so easy to not pick up that first drink but it's not. Your thinking changes to adapt to your surroundings, habits, stress and interactions with people. Once I became aware of my thoughts, habits and choices, everything got a lot easier.
I didn't stop relapsing right away but with practice I learned when I was in the danger zone and I would come post on SR and find ways to be grateful about my sober life. I was way deep into self-sabotage with loads of defeating behaviors. But I kept coming back to SR and I guess I took my sobriety seriously because I studied what people said and read what they read and did what they did. I don't have to drink, I can't drink. I'm done. And I'm grateful.
I didn't stop relapsing right away but with practice I learned when I was in the danger zone and I would come post on SR and find ways to be grateful about my sober life. I was way deep into self-sabotage with loads of defeating behaviors. But I kept coming back to SR and I guess I took my sobriety seriously because I studied what people said and read what they read and did what they did. I don't have to drink, I can't drink. I'm done. And I'm grateful.
Late stage optimist
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Auburn, WA
Posts: 306
Hi, Blueginger:
Regarding the question that is the subject or topic of your post: I did not have to hit rock bottom to reach recovery. I had not lost everything. I had three cars, three motorcycles, a boat and a home when I entered recovery, and I had money in the bank and I had not lost my job. God willing, I will celebrate 18 years in April. It has not been a cakewalk, and I have had more bad things happen in recovery than my entire life prior to entering recovery. But that is a topic for some other thread.
We are all of different makeup in our minds. What works for me may not work for you. I can tell you I had a lot of tools I acquired prior to getting into recovery that turned out to help me reach continued success, at least up to now. Tomorrow is guaranteed no one, and the odds are always stacked against all of us who are in recovery. We only have today, and today is all we have to handle sober. Tomorrow is not here yet, and yesterday is already gone, so I can't dwell on what might have been or what went wrong yesterday.
Multiple relapse is not something there is a formula to apply to solve it. I have friends who have struggled with alcoholism and drug addiction for many, many years. They get sober, they stay clean and try to work a recovery program, but they always have something happen or they do something that gets them off track. They are caring, loving, hard working people with families.
Sometimes there is a co-occurring mental health issue that has to be diagnosed and treated to get the person on track in recovery for their addiction. Sometimes it is something else that is not revealed to treatment professionals. Sometimes it is denial over some element of the person's own alcoholism or addiction. Sometimes it is unknown. But I am one who believes that regardless of why, you do NOT have to reach rock bottom to get better.
And I also am one who believes that relapse does NOT have to be part of recovery. The true courage you will find is during those moments in sobriety that you must deal with painful emotions or difficult crises without picking up the bottle or drug. That is when you find your way out.
Regarding the question that is the subject or topic of your post: I did not have to hit rock bottom to reach recovery. I had not lost everything. I had three cars, three motorcycles, a boat and a home when I entered recovery, and I had money in the bank and I had not lost my job. God willing, I will celebrate 18 years in April. It has not been a cakewalk, and I have had more bad things happen in recovery than my entire life prior to entering recovery. But that is a topic for some other thread.
We are all of different makeup in our minds. What works for me may not work for you. I can tell you I had a lot of tools I acquired prior to getting into recovery that turned out to help me reach continued success, at least up to now. Tomorrow is guaranteed no one, and the odds are always stacked against all of us who are in recovery. We only have today, and today is all we have to handle sober. Tomorrow is not here yet, and yesterday is already gone, so I can't dwell on what might have been or what went wrong yesterday.
Multiple relapse is not something there is a formula to apply to solve it. I have friends who have struggled with alcoholism and drug addiction for many, many years. They get sober, they stay clean and try to work a recovery program, but they always have something happen or they do something that gets them off track. They are caring, loving, hard working people with families.
Sometimes there is a co-occurring mental health issue that has to be diagnosed and treated to get the person on track in recovery for their addiction. Sometimes it is something else that is not revealed to treatment professionals. Sometimes it is denial over some element of the person's own alcoholism or addiction. Sometimes it is unknown. But I am one who believes that regardless of why, you do NOT have to reach rock bottom to get better.
And I also am one who believes that relapse does NOT have to be part of recovery. The true courage you will find is during those moments in sobriety that you must deal with painful emotions or difficult crises without picking up the bottle or drug. That is when you find your way out.
Self recovered Self discovered
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: Toronto Canada
Posts: 5,148
BlueGinger, hoping is not going to take you where you need to go. You must decide that you are capable of letting your survival instinct prevail over that addict inside, that you are stronger than any drive to drink. You are stronger than addiction in every moment in which you fight for the life you deserve to have.
Please keep trying, and keep posting. We are pulling for you.
Please keep trying, and keep posting. We are pulling for you.
Member of SMART Recovery
Join Date: Mar 2010
Posts: 1,722
blueginger: No, you do not have to hit "rock bottom". In fact, the notion that one HAS to "hit bottom" is one of my pet peeves about recovery lingo because it suggests that the decision to quit drinking must arise out of some sort of catastrophe.
As others have suggested, the critical thing is not catastrophe, it's the simple "Aha!" moment when we realize that drinking simply doesn't work for us, never has, never will.
It sounds like you are struggling to get to that point. I know you are in AA, that you like AA, and given those things I think you should continue to attend. But, understand that the AA program basically starts at the point where you've decided to quit. AA does not provide motivation (e-AA Group : Alcoholics Anonymous). Now really, NO program can actually PROVIDE motivation; that's an inside job. But SMART Recovery does provide tools and strategies for increasing motivation; in fact, Enhancing and Maintaining Motivation is Point One of the SMART Recovery 4-point program. Many SMART members utilize SMART alongside AA and find the combined approach useful. You might find the same thing.
To learn more: SMART RecoveryŽ | Self Help for Addiction & Alcohol Abuse
As others have suggested, the critical thing is not catastrophe, it's the simple "Aha!" moment when we realize that drinking simply doesn't work for us, never has, never will.
It sounds like you are struggling to get to that point. I know you are in AA, that you like AA, and given those things I think you should continue to attend. But, understand that the AA program basically starts at the point where you've decided to quit. AA does not provide motivation (e-AA Group : Alcoholics Anonymous). Now really, NO program can actually PROVIDE motivation; that's an inside job. But SMART Recovery does provide tools and strategies for increasing motivation; in fact, Enhancing and Maintaining Motivation is Point One of the SMART Recovery 4-point program. Many SMART members utilize SMART alongside AA and find the combined approach useful. You might find the same thing.
To learn more: SMART RecoveryŽ | Self Help for Addiction & Alcohol Abuse
Member
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Maryland
Posts: 259
Originally Posted by blueginger
Thank you all for your thoughtful responses. I hope that one of these days I am able to get serious and fight for my life.
No you do not have to hit rock bottom, I never did and have been sober for over 11 months, and much happier and more productive now than this time last year. It has not easy and I have had to face some very unpleasant realities about my self and past behavior, and still have a lot more to address.
Wishing you the best of luck and success in whatever path you choose..
Ethanol Intolerant
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Cascadia
Posts: 665
My heart goes out to you blueginger. I had a real bottom event, and I still was not able to get it. I would string together a few days and then a few bottles. This cycle went on for a month or so, then I made the 'decision'. I believe that 'decision' is the 'psychic change', 'spiritual awakening', 'aha moment', that many of us describe regardless of treatment program. The moment where everything is the same, and yet everything is different. A shift in perception where the 'something it is like' to be me was subtly different.
For me, the phrase 'rigorous honesty' triggered a realization of the impossibility of lying and being who I really wanted to be. If knew that if I knew, then someone else knew, or God or the universe knew, or maybe my knowing would always affect my next though or action. Whatever the truth is, the deception is always incomplete and unsatisfactory.
The above probably does not make much sense, it does not have to, it is not a logical or intellectual thing it is a 'knowing' thing. Once you 'know' something reason becomes an aesthetic. I hope you find your moment of knowing blueginger.
For me, the phrase 'rigorous honesty' triggered a realization of the impossibility of lying and being who I really wanted to be. If knew that if I knew, then someone else knew, or God or the universe knew, or maybe my knowing would always affect my next though or action. Whatever the truth is, the deception is always incomplete and unsatisfactory.
The above probably does not make much sense, it does not have to, it is not a logical or intellectual thing it is a 'knowing' thing. Once you 'know' something reason becomes an aesthetic. I hope you find your moment of knowing blueginger.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: Virginia Beach, VA
Posts: 28
You said you like AA?
I don't know if this is inappropriate for this particular forum, and I apologize if it is.
Read the story about Jim in Chapter 3 of the Big Book. Right around page 35. It's important to note, that Jim was doing well for a short time. He'd done steps 1-2 and was making a beginning on 3. "But, he failed to enlarge on his spiritual life. To his consternation, he found himself drunk half a dozen times...." Which means he failed to do steps 4-11.
There are many people that are AROUND AA for many years, but they don't get sober until they are IN AA and LIVE AA.
I was taught a technique by an old timer called "slapping someone sober" which involved doing steps 1-8 in one day. The next day is spent making what amends can be made in that one day. The 3rd day is work on 10-11. It's worked on some tough cases.
But, ANYTHING will work if you are WILLING.
I don't know if this is inappropriate for this particular forum, and I apologize if it is.
Read the story about Jim in Chapter 3 of the Big Book. Right around page 35. It's important to note, that Jim was doing well for a short time. He'd done steps 1-2 and was making a beginning on 3. "But, he failed to enlarge on his spiritual life. To his consternation, he found himself drunk half a dozen times...." Which means he failed to do steps 4-11.
There are many people that are AROUND AA for many years, but they don't get sober until they are IN AA and LIVE AA.
I was taught a technique by an old timer called "slapping someone sober" which involved doing steps 1-8 in one day. The next day is spent making what amends can be made in that one day. The 3rd day is work on 10-11. It's worked on some tough cases.
But, ANYTHING will work if you are WILLING.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 567
I find the key I use every day is in the doctors opinion of the big book.
It reminds me every day.
Not so much what is written, but how it's written and I found a set of considerations/questions and the answers, if answered honestly then there is no denying my truth on alcohol and alcoholism.
The truth is, I can never safely drink alcohol. Dr Silkworth describes this.
So right off the bat, it goes to physical craving,
Then he goes on to say,
This statement helps me to not worry what others think that drink and I don't.
It's no longer a choice, I just don't drink.
It reminds me every day.
Not so much what is written, but how it's written and I found a set of considerations/questions and the answers, if answered honestly then there is no denying my truth on alcohol and alcoholism.
The truth is, I can never safely drink alcohol. Dr Silkworth describes this.
Of course an alcoholic ought to be freed from his physical craving for liquor,
Then he goes on to say,
the action of alcohol on these chronic alcoholics is a manifestation of an allergy; that the phenomenon of craving is limited to this class and never occurs in the average temperate drinker. These allergic types can never safely use alcohol in any form at all;
It's no longer a choice, I just don't drink.
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