Mark75

I think I get what you people are talking about... "this moment" or tightrope, or whatever... and how this relates to sober time.

I remember somewhere around nine months, which was a pivotal time for me, for a lot of reasons, becoming very uneasy, counting months... and I began to question... what is it exactly that I am counting toward? Is there some kind of endpoint? When am I done with this countdown? T-minus and counting... Must... get... there... hmmmm.... where is "there" exactly? LOLOLOL

I then began to understand why these sober anniversaries can bring on relapse.

I had to learn to relax. Life happens and now I don't use or need alcohol or pills. There is no prize, except that I am not putting myself in harms way anymore. It's both more and less than it seems.

jamdls

"To celebrate a sober anniversary necessarily gives the old life some recognition."

My sobriety anniversary definetly does not give my old life recognition, quite the opposite it is a celebration of the new life I chose for myself. I never counted days or even months but I am very aware of my annual anniversary, after the first 2 years I didn't even mention it to anyone outside of SR but my father continues to send me a card on Sept 1st each year as a congratulations, he understands. I also quit smoking earlier this year and hopefully I will have another anniversary to celebrate each year.

Sugah

The deepest pain of early sobriety for me came from the thought of all the time I had wasted. All of my adult life, all of my teens, and a chunk of my childhood -- twenty-five years, all of it tainted by alcohol and drugs. How could I be content with a life that began at 34? I gave birth to two children in those years. Must all my experiences mothering them be tainted?

In addition to clearing away, as best I could, the wreckage I created in the lives of others, I had to clear away the wreckage in my own memories. I had to accept and forgive myself for my drunken debauchery. In doing so, I realized one of our "promises" -- that I no longer regretted the past or wished to shut the door on it. Yes, I give that old life recognition. Every bit of suffering I experienced or inflicted has become useful. It has become a kind of spiritual currency with the newcomer -- those who feel that they'll never get sober because of a horrible childhood or an established record of dishonesty and disrespect. I can say, "Yes, you can because this happened to me, too, and it doesn't rule my life anymore. It doesn't drive me to drink."

My old life is as much a gift as my new life is. Remembering my anniversary, counting years now and not days, is marking the crossing over.

Though I haven't thought about it in these terms (thank you, by the way), I do recall becoming aware that I was still seeing certain fears as useful -- like the whole "remembering the last drink." I wasn't looking it as something useful, my "bottom," the moment I accepted without reservation that I would never be able to successfully use again. I was still seeing it as a cautionary tale, and how silly/stupid/naive that is! I'm alcoholic! Cautionary tales don't mean **** to me!

I don't know if it was a hurricane or if it just felt like it, but I do know the moment I knew I had to surrender this last, so-called-by-me "useful" fear. I was almost four years sober, trying to get a dropper full of liquid morphine into my dying father's mouth. Cancer had spread to his brain, and as much pain as he must have been feeling, he fought me, and as he turned his head, most of the morphine missed his mouth and spilled down the palm of my hand and my arm. When my concern for him was trumped by the panicked thought that the morphine might well be absorbed through my skin and into my bloodstream, I knew the fear was no good. I'm pretty sure a little later, on my parents' porch, in the middle of the night while chain smoking cigarettes and praying like I've never prayed before, I finally made myself willing to let go of that fear. I've been able to go places and do all sorts of things that should be out of reach of an alcoholic still afraid of liquor and its substitutes. Took almost four years and, if not a hurricane, at least a tropical storm, but I found freedom.

I might disagree about the prize, but then most days, I'm as giddy and amazed as a three-year-old.

Harm's way...what is harmful has changed for me. Makes me think of "the wisdom to know the difference." Or that sixth sense thread going on now in the AA forum.

Peace & Love,
Sugah

CarolD

Hmm.....
I'm so glad I quit drinking....I'm grateful to help anyone forward

If they keep their time a secret...I can't be doing that...darn shame.


sooo please do keep posting your time and I will keep with you.
I'll be shareing next 4-25 and hope you will help me celebrate then.

lilotto

Curious why you are so concerned. If you are not someone suffering from the disease of addiction you will never understand the importance placed on another day of sobriety. If you are a binge drinker what is it that is so great that you drink to oblivion and who knows what damage you do on the way. Why do you celebrate your birthday when in truth it signifies that you are one year closer to death and the grave. We do it because that's what people do. On the other hand alcoholics and addicts celebrate another day living a full and rewarding life. Wow what a concept to celebrate life.

I truly hope you find your answers.

Terminally Unique

Addiction, which meant living between fixes, was certainly a tightrope. Getting out of that prison and never looking back doesn't feel like one. The original meaning of one day at a time, which comes from the Serenity Prayer, was a reference to living in the moment, to diffusing the time factor, so to speak. It has been perverted to mean quitting one day at a time, which, yes, would be a tightrope.

Terminally Unique

FWIW, while choublak's question was provocative, I do believe that it has merit for all. The type of discussion that is developing here would help her, and us, better understand than an outright dismissal of her question simply because it came from someone who was never addicted.

ElvisInASkirt

I know that I shouldn't use the Sober Time Calculator on the SoberRecovery site but I can't help myself at times.

I'm not wishing my days away either. It's cool kinda seeing the days fly by without feeling any stirrings from my addiction inside.

That said I'm checking the days less and less now. I'm only waiting for 90 days so that I can get a tattoo on my forehead that reads 'YOU LOSE, BOOZE'.

Or maybe not.

Plus I love that my first day of total sobriety was 4th July. It gives me the excuse to hijack Independence Day!!!!!!!

So yeah, I enjoy celebrating my freedom from the slavery of booze

Terminally Unique

For many, the countdown is toward their next drink. Part of them realizes that if they are indeed never going to drink again, that counting time may be putting that into question. IE, "Why am I counting if I will never do it again? Am I counting because I think that this is extraordinary? That it is out of character for me, and that it's just a matter of time before I go back to normal?"

The resulting relapse anxiety is what makes them uneasy.

Precisely.

sable1

Because it's a really hard thing to do, I guess. I have people in my family with alcohol problems, and they are amazed at my sobriety because they can't imagine a life without drinking.
I feel like it's everyones personal thing to keep track on, but for anyone who has been addicted to something, we all know how impossible it seemed at one point to live without it. So I think it's a big deal. I mean, I'm amazed at people who have 10 or 20 years sober. That is almost unreal to me.

Someone said something about counting the time to the next drink, and that made me think... I hate to admit it, but a part of me thinks like that. If I truly realized I could never drink again, and didn't want to, then I might not even take notice of my time sober... but a part of me thinks that when I have a really long sobriety time under my belt, then I'm gonna reward myself with a drink. Then I can finally be a normal, social drinker. I wonder when that thought will go away.

Supercrew

I don't really look at it as an accomplishment as much as a starting point of my new life. I use the sober calculator every couple of weeks just to remind me how good the last, (how many days), have been. I don't feel the need to let everyone know how long, (in early sobriety I would inform my wife.."you know it's been 100 days honey"...)but now it is just information that makes me feel happy that I was able to make a major change in my life and stick with it.

Terminally Unique

Don't worry, you can rest assured that you are not the only one. Many others simply won't admit it. :-)

BackToSquareOne

This thread got me thinking, if you consider yourself to be recovered and the obsession is truely lifted, gone, another page in the history books and you went to a party and got wasted would the obsession be rekindled? If it would be then were you ever really cured? Was the obsession just put on hold through abstinence and are you just one bender away from ending up right back at square one again?

Supercrew

I think it depends on the person. When I first started I had about 4 months sober, and the obsession was gone. I made a conscious decision to go out and try to moderately drink which worked for about a month or so, but then I fell back into the heavy binging for a couple of weeks. Once I realized the moderation thing didn't work as planned I was able to quit without any mental obsession to drink again. My moderation plan failed, and the obsession was still gone. What I learned was once alcohol enters my system I have a hard time controlling my actions, but once alcohol was gone and the obsession was gone it was easy to not start the cycle if I didn't have the first drink.

BackToSquareOne

I honestly don't know if I'd be back off to the races again or not. After a little over 3 years off the stuff an experiment might be a bad idea.

sable1

I've been wondering the same thing. I tell myself that when I'm truly "cured" I wont even think about drinking, because I wont need it anymore. But do you ever get to that point? Or is it like they say, once an alcoholic always an alcoholic?
I have to admit, I'm curious as to what will happen if I pick up a drink after years of sobriety. Would I be indefferent to it? Or would my old obsessive, addicted self emerge again?
Not something I should be thinking about right now anyway.

soberlicious

I am recovered. I don't drink, nor do I want to, nor will I ever.

But damn ya'll...can't a girl just love cake? Celebrating my yearly clean date works for me. So, I'm sure no matter which side of the fence you're on...or even if you're on the fence...you will celebrate with me in february when I hit the 5 year mark. We are having cybercake...mark your calendars. Especially you, TU

Terminally Unique

This is a pernicious belief, which can keep you trapped in addiction, constantly afraid and counting down to your next relapse. You can think about something and yet not need it. Thoughts and desires cannot hurt you any more than your own sex drive can hurt you. Not unless you act on them. When you are in a committed relationship, for example, do you go around considering yourself sick every time you find someone else attractive? This notion that desire is "bad" is a mind-trap.

Supercrew

I think and experiment would be a bad idea, but I learned the tools I needed during my first go around, so I was able to see which direction I was going and fix it. I recognized the problem once I was back in, but I knew what I had to do.

exquisitered

I just have to say this

I'd just like to point out that they are sick too and maybe not the best judge of who is manipulating. Sorry, no offense, but my husband manipulates plenty and he doesn't drink at all.
I'm not saying alcoholics don't. Because we do. I am very guilty of manipulation. I know that.
But I think some people are very angry (with good reason usually) and it kind of influences how you view things.

It is an accomplishment anytime ANYONE does something to make their life better. Alcoholic or not. If counting the days helps them, why not?