TwelveSteps

No one is judging, most people are just angry at themselves (or at least, I'm speaking for myself) for not finding the strength to seek help earlier. Life is so much easier without alcohol, and we're frustrated that you can't see that or listen to the myriad of great advice that has been offered to you.

GG

Elisabeth888

Twelve, you said what I was thinking. I wish I had stopped before I had created such a mess.

SSIL75

This was one of the first lies I had to tackle. Telling yourself that is just giving yourself permission for the next drink.

I really do not think you can simultaneously be an active alcoholic and a good mother. 4 years of my son's life, 2 years of my daughter's.

My new baby will never smell alcohol on my breath. Give your children that gift if nothing else.

Mark75

I have four kids, mostly grown now... I like to think I never put them in harms way, but I did, I know that now.

No one here will judge you more harshly than people who are in authority... Stop this now before you have to learn some very difficult lessons, ones that I, and I am sure, others here, have had to learn first hand.

Take care... Do whatever it takes... Like listening to some of the suggestions you have been given here over the last several months.

Lenina

(((((Pink))))))

Are you feeling guilty? It seems to me you're judging yourself. I know you love your children, but what happens should they get one of those bad fevers in the middle of night? Are you emotionally available to the kids while you're suffering a hangover?

Please, please get some real help. Babies grow up so fast. Please let them have good memories.

And please, as a courtesy to those of us here on SR who take the time to reply to your posts, answer back or at least say thank you. Let us know you are at least reading what we have to offer.

Love,

Lenina

eJoshua

Sorry you feel this way. I wanted to blame everyone and everything for my problems because I didn't want to take personal responsibility. In the end I had to accept the fact that most of the problems in my life were my own flippin' fault.

I hope you find the strength to start addressing your issues. Best wishes

Soberpotamus

You remind me a lot of my mother here... I have lots of her old journals. It's sad to read the parts where she states, just as you have here, "no one believes in me but i will prove it to every one."

I hate knowing she left this world feeling that way. And that she never understood that all that matters is that you believe in yourself. It doesn't matter that no one around you believes in you, not at all.

babycat

Pink, I know how you feel. I really do. I am going through what you are this very second.
But come on girl, enough with this victim stuff.
Don't tell me about addiction. I don't know what I am going to do myself. But I do know whining is not going to help.

BennyHill

Pink,

Don't prove anything to us, your wellbeing is up to you.
I can't speak for anyone else, but I have never judged you, and I know how hard this disease is on people. It's different for everyone.

Don't beat yourself up, and if non-alcoholics or sober alcoholics give you a hard time, fcuk 'em.

Your sobriety is about you.

Good luck and warm regards!

Frustriert

Pink,

I'm also in Central WI. There is an AMAZING recovery community here. I will be at my home group meeting at 6:45 tomorrow morning. There are people here that will help, it definitely isn't easy. PM me if you want more info.

JimE

Tough love may be best given face to face than online but either way the words are meant to help you in the long run. I hated it when people gave me tough love as I struggled to stay sober but if they hadn't pulled my covers and called me on my shite I may have deluded myself even longer.

Beebizzy

So sick of every one being so judgmental and harsh.

No-one is being judgmental or harsh.

Alcoholism is a disease. once you are addicted, its not so easy to stop.

Of course - by definition.

it isn't just like you can use your will power and just stop.

Some have - but its not the 'easiest' way.

I have been addicted for the past couple years, and i have some family members who are addicted as well. and they call me crying, and saying how they truly want to stop but they can't. they feel so trapped in this world of drinking. and i know exactly how they feel.

And how do you respond to them?

it isn't easy. i feel so stuck.

Tell me about it - I was stuck for 17 years.

i am doing things to try to stop drinking and really making the effort.

such as? that's not a challenge but a genuine question - I know you mentioned counselling at one point.

but then people get to me so bad, when they judge, and say how easy it is to just stop.

and so what? are they you? are they living your life?

and how selfish i'm being.

it's not about selfish.

you know, just because i'm a mother, doesn't make my problem any less easier.

i don't know whether you are saying your problem is easier or harder - the latter i suppose. being a mother makes it more important to solve. end of.

and i do never put my kids in harms way, no matter what any of you think.

you already are.

my kids are very well loved.

i don't doubt it. it's clear that you love them and care for them. and you are likely doing the best that an alcoholic can do. but imagine you weren't an alcoholic, or were a recovering one - how much better could it be for your kids?

no one believes in me

says who? millions of posts here say otherwise.

but i will prove it to every one, i will show em all. that i can over come this, and be a stronger person for it.

excellent. i look forward to some posts from you demonstrating this. i know you can do it.

and un like a lot of people out there, i will never judge another person and think i'm better than them.

good for you - i should hope not. i've not yet read anyone judging you, but no matter. perhaps that's not what you were referring to.

i will be there for them, to support them and love and understand.

Great! I think you have lots to offer. We have yet to see it in the form of any replies to our posts 'supporting and understanding' you, but we can have faith and patience. I have seen some very kind replies from you in other people's threads, so I know for sure you can.

How about a bit of support, love and understanding for yourself from yourself?

How about you step out of your own way, and take action no matter how you feel about it?

I am concerned that you underestimate yourself. Of course no-one knows your exact situation or is in your exact situation. Again - so what? Only you can do this so it really doesn't matter what you imagine anyone else thinks of you. Would we be helping if we said 'Poor Pink, it's so hard, go ahead and drink'. Not really.

Sometimes the best thing anyone can do is allow you to help yourself.

I fully fully believe you can do this. You know why? Because you've done harder things. You have.

No-one's saying it's easy. No-one's saying it's impossible.

Go for it girl. We are here, we are trying to help (which would be easier if we weren't labelled as judgmental, mean, nasty whatever) but still we are here. That at least is something you've got.

I wish you the best of luck. You have a lot going for you - you are clearly compassionate and caring. Capitalise on that and extend some of it to yourself.

BB

Bamboozle

People judge because that's what humans do. Maybe it is a way to 'one up' someone, or maybe they do it because they see themselves in the person they judge. I see a lot of posts made out of frustration because the person they're posting to 'doesn't get it'. These folks may have forgotten what it's like to be in a place of 'doesn't get it'...or maybe what they're reading is triggering for various reasons.

I hope you can find a way to stay sober, Pink. The trick for me is cutting out the noise around me and in my head.

Fandy

For me, the most frustrating part here is Pink comes in starts a thread, makes a dramatic post and then disappears for another week or two, lather, rinse, repeat. it's hard to communicate this way or get any sense of what she is doing to stay sober.

Beebizzy

I hope that she is reading our responses.

But if not, maybe someone else is and maybe they will be helped (I was).

Idk.

Sigh.

Muunray

Yeah....I see nothing new here.

twilli59

The beauty of finding this site at this point is another one of those eerie "coincidences" that seem to happen in early recovery. After three years of half-measures, I finally understood surrender and made a decision - the first of which was to follow suggestions (directions, more like it, with the sponsor I've got! ;-) What I'm beginning to see and believe is that we don't have to stay stuck....actually, we won't stay stuck. It all passes. And for me at this point, it's all going in either one way or another - toward recovery or toward using. Those insidious thoughts are starting to become identifiable to me earlier! It may help to just KNOW that it seems we just have to pass through these stages.

MattM316

To be fair, some people don't hang around forums for too long sometimes.
I don't mean just forums like this, ones about any kind of subject.
I myself found in the past that you get all motivated to start posting on a forum and then after a few days you just lose the motivation to continue checking it or posting.

Plus I think the tough love argument is a bit iffy, because it certainly doesn't always work and can actually have a really negative effect.

For me personally, if I had the tough love method i'd have told them to f*ck off and just got even worse, whereas just an understanding and helpful method would have been alot more helpful.
Different for everyone tho I suppose.

yeahgr8

Get some face to face help and recover:-)

Muunray

Again- whatever works...and anyone can use anything for an excuse. I feel so much better away from that poison I was drinking, I hope you can find what it takes Pink- it's a beautiful thing being sober!