nataliegreen

Hello. I have been drinking on and off since I was 16, I am 26 now. I have ruined 2, almost three relationships with my drinking. I'm a mean drunk most of the time, about 73 percent of the time. I'm a name caller, sometimes physical if I am drinking whiskey and very depressed and remorseful every morning after. My hangovers are terrible, painful and I am almost suicidal after every binge. My father is 15 years sober, although has binged in between a few times. My mother left him when I was 3 and moved me to Los Angeles. Thankfully, my current partner is staying with me as this time I have PROMISED to stay sober and be the woman I am when I am not drinking, which I am a generally responsible person, hold down a full time job, am a mother, etc. I'm a fun drunk around most people I am partying with, but when it comes to my partner, I always take out my depression and aggression on him. I need some help.

MycoolFitz

Welcome to SR, thanks for the post. So what's your plan for keeping your promise?

nataliegreen

Jesus, I have no ******* idea. I can go weeks on end without drinking, but whenever a party arises or I am having a good time with my friends, it all goes to ****. I know I can do this. Mostly I am just looking for people to talk to who are in my exact same position, because none of my friends have this problem. Sometimes I am so selfish that I wish they did, so they wouldn't have to judge me or look down on me when things like this happen.

johnh123

Congrats on admitting some of your challenges!! I know for me it was really hard to admit to myself that drugs and alchohol had made me someone other than myself. Best wishes to you on your new Goals.

Have you been to any AA meetings around your area????

nataliegreen

I've been to a few. Maybe I should try, I think I may be more in need of a therapist as well.

newwings

Welcome to SR, Natalie. I'm glad you are posting this thread, because it was exactly how I was.

I used to be the life and soul of the party when I was drinking with my friends - but home was where my hubby would get the brunt of my mean side. I'd say nasty, sneery snide comments. I'd over-react to anything we were talking about. I have physically hurt him on two occasions. I've also destroyed his property in fits of drunken rage, and I have felt disgust at myself for all of those things.

My friends, on the other hand, have had the fun, giggly, outrageous girl, who wouldn't argue with anyone. The happy drunk.

Talk about Jekyll and Hyde. That was over four months ago, and I'm pleased to say I am pretty nice now, for about 99.99% of the time. The only thing I did to change that outcome was quitting drinking. I hope you can manage it too.

sugarbear1

Stay sober! I can tell you from my experience (same as your story when I WAS 26 and fighting AA) what can and DID happen to me these last 25 years (I'm 50 now)....IT'S A HORROR STORY! Wanna hear about it?

Stay sober, work the steps, and your LIFE WILL BE BEAUTIFUL!!!

twilli59

Welcome! In recovery terms, it was explained to me as "the moment of clarity." If it seems pitiful, unbelievable, humiliating...oddly enough, that may very well be where you are willing enough to surrender. Surrender for me meant the old ways were played out...time for a new adventure. People here can help.

nataliegreen

Thank you for all the kind responses. I always wonder what is going on with me and why I turn like that? I feel as if I may have a mental illness which just intensifies with the drinking. Sugarbear, I'd love to hear your story.

nandm

to SR.

There are many here with similar stories to yours who have found sobriety.

I know that my drinking destroyed many relationships which included partners, husbands, friends, family including my children. I did a lot of damage over the 20 years that I drank. Although it has been 10 years since I stopped drinking my children still tell me how happy they are that I am sober. I only wish I could have stopped while they were still young rather than teenagers. The things that I missed in their lives because I was drunk are irreplaceable.

Finding sobriety is possible and you will receive a lot of support here at SR. Take care and I do hope you find what you are seeking

nataliegreen

My daughter is 14 months old. I'd say I've had an episode 8 or 9 times but I am committed to being sober for the rest of her life.

sugarbear1

I have out lived my 3 men I've loved. One, A, was my true love. He chose cocaine over me. I thought we might hook up one day, but he had a tragic accident with a tree limb (May 1999-he was almost sober, never thought he'd see the age of 40 due to overdose of coke, but died at 39 anyway)....my husband, whom I divorced, committed suicide March 17, 2008, 2 months after Dwayne) I met him in AA, now our son won't know him, and my fiancée (husband to be) lost the use of his kidneys, became increasingly ill and passed January 2008.

I was introduced to crack at the age of 38, lost career, home, vehicle,and son went to live at my brother's...kept drinking after I gave up crack, son still there 10 years later....

No, this isn't in chronological order...

I survived a major auto accident 2 years ago, lost mine & Dwayne's chevy blazer, hip hurts, no witness info taken, police inept, $ 8000 medical bills cause my mind was fuzzy from getting high & drinking at night...was on my way home from work, not drunk, but not right...

My higher power, Life, was sending messeges to stay stopped from drinking. As long as I didn't listen,
things got worse and worse. But, I'm alive today! I want no sympathy, but get some kind of messege from my story. Stay sober.

I will be doing my 8th step Friday, just spoke with my sponsor, and today, I am well I have hope and much gratitude and I'm ok with me. No anxiety, no anger. All is just as it should be!

Dee74

Welcome to SR Natalie

D

CarolD

Welcome to our Alcoholism Forum...

Hevyn

Hi Natalie! I found that alcohol turned me into a person I didn't even recognize. What had once been fun & relaxing made my life a living hell. I'm glad you see that it's time to stop the rollercoaster.

You'll find wonderful, supportive people here who understand exactly how you feel. Please let us know how it's going, and welcome to the family.

least

to the family. You've come to a great place. There's a lot of support here from people who care.


Your sobriety date is my birthday.

twilli59

Natalie, I struggled with that dual issue concern for 6 years - then found the 12 Steps address the entire malady...and - almost everyone in the program wondered the same thing! I found it's very hard to be unique here - thankfully!

twilli59

Oh, but I had to have all of that addressed/diagnosed by doctors. Just in my particular case, the other symptoms are subsiding as I'm doing the work in the program. And it's so amazing how they "subside" - like my obsession to drink/use, they just sort of fade away more than I have to fight them off - as a byproduct of the work.

mhealer3

hi nat, other friends.
i'm often struggling w my personality & i don't even get drunk or high...
(my past was w ah for 22 yrs, & handicapped kid--as i went to al-anon.)
my advice is: don't ignore the spiritual part of yourself, which is hungry for a relationship w our Creator.
God's not angry @ you for any of it dear,
please believe that He Loves u & wants to b part of your life.
as we feed the spiritual hunger, we get a lot more balanced--
because God will compensate 4 anyone in your life who has hurt you.
for me it was my mom--who has not treated her mental illness & alcohol issues.
instead she tormented me & still tries to.
i'm not angry anymore, but i'm still a little afraid of her harsh words.(and i'm 51 yrs old).
we're not meant to live apart from the Love of God which heals all.
invite Him in & b blessed.
greetings from new york state....

OceanSize

look back at my posts. i'm female and literally in the exact same position but not entirely sure if my partner is standing by me.

same stuff. the anger, etc. I'd write it out again but if you look back at my last 3 posts or so...you'll see it.

Right now I am dealing with shame, and really realizing for the first time ever that my lame 2-drink solution is not a solution, and if i don't fix this now i will ruin my life. I'm hopeful and deeply engaged in prayer that my partner will stand by me, even though he is so very hurt by me (with reason) and needs space and time. i do, of course, miss him terribly. and so here i am. and it's helping to be here - and to meet you.