So sick Of Being Judged???
I notice the title of the thread is in the form of a question. The answer to that question, for me, when I was still drinking was yes. I was tired of being judged. But here's the thing: no matter how sick I was, I eventually had to face the fact that if everyone (even my drinking & drugging friends!) were judging me, they couldn't all be wrong. Didn't matter that I was alcoholic. I couldn't do anything about that. I'm still every bit as alcoholic now as I was almost nine years ago. What I could do was admit that I had worn out everyone's impatience with my behavior. I could admit that I couldn't get better alone. I could admit (and accept) that there was no way I could have even just one drink safely. And then I could take the necessary steps to get better.
When I was willing to do more than talk about it, I began getting better -- and I haven't taken a drink since.
Good luck, sweetie. Be a damned shame if you have to fall flat on your face before you'll do anything but talk.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
When I was willing to do more than talk about it, I began getting better -- and I haven't taken a drink since.
Good luck, sweetie. Be a damned shame if you have to fall flat on your face before you'll do anything but talk.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Pinkfirefly,
Your posts are mostly at midnight...
Are you talking about your immediate family judging you? Maybe they see things you don't see and they don't know what to do..
Get to an AA meeting, you aren't alone in your struggles!
Your posts are mostly at midnight...
Are you talking about your immediate family judging you? Maybe they see things you don't see and they don't know what to do..
Get to an AA meeting, you aren't alone in your struggles!
I've been known to do that.
Sometimes I use this place to vent.
I see myself in Pink, honestly. I remember being in that mentality. And I remember the folks who never gave up on me. And I realize that at any point in time I can go back to that 'state'. I stay on my toes. I hope I never forget.
Pink, hope you find sobriety.
Pink,
One thing you should always remember, is there are people on this site who don't care how many times you post or that you disappear. They're obviously still willing to, and do, post encouraging messages.
Clearly, you're still in the thick of your addiction. What I don't get is how it seems that some have forgotten all to well how our addicted minds are ruled by erratic emotions, thoughts, actions and not logic. We read, and some have gone through, loss of families, friends, homes, ended up on the streets or have died because of this disease. We all know that you can't help those who don't want it or aren't ready, and how we have to hit our own bottom.
I was stuck, just where you are, for years. Years of being in a bottomless pit. No answers, no understanding, self-pity, dying to be well but still not ready to give it up. It's a horrible place to be. The constant battle within yourself is enough to make you go crazy!
People here, getting "frustrated or angry" with someone because they're still actively battling their demons is a bit cynical..IMO.
I know there are many personalities on here, therefore many opinions, but what good is a post if it doesn't offer positive, constructive advice, here in the one place where that's all people should receive.
It's baffling that people feel the need to post how "there's nothing new" going on here or point out that it's all part of Pinks "cycle" and express frustration with insenstive remarks all while being fully aware of Pinks pattern. It's like sitting in front of the couch, complaining about what's on TV, while holding the remote. Makes no sense and there's no point.
Pink..I don't know if you remember that I was the one who posted that letter to you a while back. I said then, and I say it again now..post away. Vent. I know how lonely it is to be with these horrific thoughts and not have anybody understand. Especially loved ones. Being an addict is a very lonely place to be, mentally.
I can't say anything that hasn't already been said as far as seeking help. What I can do is send you thoughts and prayers. I hope you find your happiness soon.
For you, your children and your family's sake.
One thing you should always remember, is there are people on this site who don't care how many times you post or that you disappear. They're obviously still willing to, and do, post encouraging messages.
Clearly, you're still in the thick of your addiction. What I don't get is how it seems that some have forgotten all to well how our addicted minds are ruled by erratic emotions, thoughts, actions and not logic. We read, and some have gone through, loss of families, friends, homes, ended up on the streets or have died because of this disease. We all know that you can't help those who don't want it or aren't ready, and how we have to hit our own bottom.
I was stuck, just where you are, for years. Years of being in a bottomless pit. No answers, no understanding, self-pity, dying to be well but still not ready to give it up. It's a horrible place to be. The constant battle within yourself is enough to make you go crazy!
People here, getting "frustrated or angry" with someone because they're still actively battling their demons is a bit cynical..IMO.
I know there are many personalities on here, therefore many opinions, but what good is a post if it doesn't offer positive, constructive advice, here in the one place where that's all people should receive.
It's baffling that people feel the need to post how "there's nothing new" going on here or point out that it's all part of Pinks "cycle" and express frustration with insenstive remarks all while being fully aware of Pinks pattern. It's like sitting in front of the couch, complaining about what's on TV, while holding the remote. Makes no sense and there's no point.
Pink..I don't know if you remember that I was the one who posted that letter to you a while back. I said then, and I say it again now..post away. Vent. I know how lonely it is to be with these horrific thoughts and not have anybody understand. Especially loved ones. Being an addict is a very lonely place to be, mentally.
I can't say anything that hasn't already been said as far as seeking help. What I can do is send you thoughts and prayers. I hope you find your happiness soon.
For you, your children and your family's sake.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 1,237
I think sometimes people who have been recovery for long periods, forget how hard it really is to recover... I even catch myself at times not showing compassion for people who are constantly "quitting" but we ALL have to remember we were there once upon a time.... it's our duty as fellow "humans" to pick one another up...offer support or just listen...I think the saying two ears and one mouth applies to not only this situation but in all areas of life.... sometimes we all just need to vent...
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Hi everyone.....
SR is for peer support....if you can not find it in your heart to share from that POV you are not required to reply to any thread.
Please do go find another member who is struggleing ....perhaps your message of recovery will assist them.
:
.
SR is for peer support....if you can not find it in your heart to share from that POV you are not required to reply to any thread.
Please do go find another member who is struggleing ....perhaps your message of recovery will assist them.
:
.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: WI
Posts: 228
Pink, when you gonna **** or get off the pot?
I can talk, and complain, about my problems at length, and wish things were different. But, if I don't take any kind of action to seek a different way of life, a different solution, then nothing will ever change.
Good luck, hope you actually do something this time.
I can talk, and complain, about my problems at length, and wish things were different. But, if I don't take any kind of action to seek a different way of life, a different solution, then nothing will ever change.
Good luck, hope you actually do something this time.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: -
Posts: 37
I'm Not somebody to give advice, as I am still struggling with my own addiction, but I just wanted to comment because I've been reading Pink's posts for a long time also. I can relate to Pinkfirefly, in a lot of ways, because I've been there. I do not think she really WANTS to quit drinking right now. ;O( You really need to Want it, with all your heart & soul. There is nothing anybody can do, until she does truly want it. You good people on this forum are going round & round with her for months now, and it's falling on deaf ears, sadly enough. She posts when she is already XX drinks under and feeling the addiction.... When we really Want to recover, I think it's a very strong, "gotta have it" feeling. I have friends that have been through it and have succeeded. It's a mindset, you're just going to do it, change your life, and Nothing will stand in your way. Pink is feeling guilty about her drinking, probally hates it, momentarily wants to quit, but keeps thinking "I'm not that bad", especially when the urge strikes. She's not playing you guys, she's in active addiction, totally in denial, sadly enough. ;O( I love this forum, btw. ;O) I'm on here so much, reading, learning, trying.... Good luck to you Pink, you've been given so much good advice, I hope you will truly do some serious thinking soon, while sober.... The best years of your life are ahead of you, you just need to want it bad enough.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Brussels, Belgium
Posts: 272
Here's my take on the Pink Posts: they're not about Pink any more.
Now don't get me wrong - I feel hugely for this girl, my heart goes out to her. I truly sincerely hope she gets something out of all of this. It takes as long as it takes. So be it. I, for one, will not stop responding (for hopefully Pink's benefit, if not hers then maybe someone else's). Who cares if it annoys me? Who cares if it's frustrating? It's not about how I feel about it.
Strip away the (likely) drunkenness, self-pity, attention-seeking, whatever, and what you are left with is a girl stuck in ambivalence. No worse place to be. She wants to quit (but she's scared). She wants to drink (but she feels bad, guilty and depressed). This type of mental tension is almost untenable. Quitting and the difficulties it brings is hard enough. Drinking and the misery it leads to, even worse. Imagine both at the same time.
Not that she'd be the first to experience that. Far from it. Which is why it's not about Pink personally. It's about every person in this hell. (Pink might consider giving that some thought).
If I post on her threads it is not because I want to 'indulge' Pink, or participate and engage in her navel-gazing and so on. It is because I see it as a 'hook' that might help others and (who knows?) maybe even Pink herself.
This is not 'tough love' - we are beyond that with Pink. It is not the point any more. She knows what she needs to do. If she doesn't, she only has to ask here and millions of excellent practical answers will be forthcoming. As evidenced by her many other threads.
"The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.." (Milton, Paradise Lost).
I am in no way belittling her situation, her struggles and her pain. I have huge compassion for her. I relate to her. People can only do what they can do.
Which is why I say - I will keep trying with Pink. If she benefits, great. If she doesn't, maybe someone else will.
Pink has what it takes - she just doesn't believe that yet. She doesn't have the confidence or the self-love or the faith to leap into the unknown (and incidentally, neither do I, neither do many). A very little step for her would go a long way. If only she would take it.
Pink, if you are reading, do this: forget about feeling judged, forget about what you think people think, forget about how hard it is (though it is) - strip all of that away and get to the brass tacks. You. Your husband. Your kids. Your life. What the hell else matters, honestly?
I am not experienced enough to know what practical advice to give you (others have done that much better than I ever could), except for this: get out of your own way and do something. Too depressed? See a doctor and get anti-depressants. One thing at a time. But do something. Success breeds success. Please, girl, act.
BB
Now don't get me wrong - I feel hugely for this girl, my heart goes out to her. I truly sincerely hope she gets something out of all of this. It takes as long as it takes. So be it. I, for one, will not stop responding (for hopefully Pink's benefit, if not hers then maybe someone else's). Who cares if it annoys me? Who cares if it's frustrating? It's not about how I feel about it.
Strip away the (likely) drunkenness, self-pity, attention-seeking, whatever, and what you are left with is a girl stuck in ambivalence. No worse place to be. She wants to quit (but she's scared). She wants to drink (but she feels bad, guilty and depressed). This type of mental tension is almost untenable. Quitting and the difficulties it brings is hard enough. Drinking and the misery it leads to, even worse. Imagine both at the same time.
Not that she'd be the first to experience that. Far from it. Which is why it's not about Pink personally. It's about every person in this hell. (Pink might consider giving that some thought).
If I post on her threads it is not because I want to 'indulge' Pink, or participate and engage in her navel-gazing and so on. It is because I see it as a 'hook' that might help others and (who knows?) maybe even Pink herself.
This is not 'tough love' - we are beyond that with Pink. It is not the point any more. She knows what she needs to do. If she doesn't, she only has to ask here and millions of excellent practical answers will be forthcoming. As evidenced by her many other threads.
"The mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heaven of hell, a hell of heaven.." (Milton, Paradise Lost).
I am in no way belittling her situation, her struggles and her pain. I have huge compassion for her. I relate to her. People can only do what they can do.
Which is why I say - I will keep trying with Pink. If she benefits, great. If she doesn't, maybe someone else will.
Pink has what it takes - she just doesn't believe that yet. She doesn't have the confidence or the self-love or the faith to leap into the unknown (and incidentally, neither do I, neither do many). A very little step for her would go a long way. If only she would take it.
Pink, if you are reading, do this: forget about feeling judged, forget about what you think people think, forget about how hard it is (though it is) - strip all of that away and get to the brass tacks. You. Your husband. Your kids. Your life. What the hell else matters, honestly?
I am not experienced enough to know what practical advice to give you (others have done that much better than I ever could), except for this: get out of your own way and do something. Too depressed? See a doctor and get anti-depressants. One thing at a time. But do something. Success breeds success. Please, girl, act.
BB
If you have something borne from experience to share, I think it's best to address the OP.
Otherwise I think Carol's post says it all.
This thread is about Pink - not about this thread itself, or any other thread...or your opinions of other members here, or anything else.
thanks
D
Otherwise I think Carol's post says it all.
This thread is about Pink - not about this thread itself, or any other thread...or your opinions of other members here, or anything else.
thanks
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Brussels, Belgium
Posts: 272
I'm not sure if that is directed at me, but if so I apologise if I caused any offence.
I was trying to direct the thread away from Pink-bashing and towards the fact that many others are in a similar miserable situation. And therefore there is, as you say, no need to focus on whether she does or does not read/reply/'thanks'/post more-of-the-same. And there is no need to labour the fact that she comes and goes. When she comes, we need to help her. Without expecting a 'return'.
I had Pink in mind when I posted, not the thread or any other posters.
Pink is exactly my point. If I put thought into posting, it is for her primarily.
When I say 'it is not about Pink' I mean (though I didn't say it well, I'm afraid) that it is not only about Pink, it is about Pink and much more than Pink.
See, I do truly believe (based on her posts, obviousy I don't know her) that she has a lot of strength (hell, she is raising kids while battling with all this) and I'd like her to believe that she can tap into this to help herself.
I do sincerely apologise if I over-stepped the mark. My intentions were good - and for the OP. I hope I don't sound defensive here, but I very much respect you Dee, and I hope not to be mis-understood.
On the other hand, maybe your comments were general and I am being too sensitive/selfish/paranoid/arrogant LOL :-)
I wouldn't dream of intentionally harming anyone on here - it's been a life-saver for me. Thanks for pointing me in the right direction, if I messed up.
BB
I was trying to direct the thread away from Pink-bashing and towards the fact that many others are in a similar miserable situation. And therefore there is, as you say, no need to focus on whether she does or does not read/reply/'thanks'/post more-of-the-same. And there is no need to labour the fact that she comes and goes. When she comes, we need to help her. Without expecting a 'return'.
I had Pink in mind when I posted, not the thread or any other posters.
Pink is exactly my point. If I put thought into posting, it is for her primarily.
When I say 'it is not about Pink' I mean (though I didn't say it well, I'm afraid) that it is not only about Pink, it is about Pink and much more than Pink.
See, I do truly believe (based on her posts, obviousy I don't know her) that she has a lot of strength (hell, she is raising kids while battling with all this) and I'd like her to believe that she can tap into this to help herself.
I do sincerely apologise if I over-stepped the mark. My intentions were good - and for the OP. I hope I don't sound defensive here, but I very much respect you Dee, and I hope not to be mis-understood.
On the other hand, maybe your comments were general and I am being too sensitive/selfish/paranoid/arrogant LOL :-)
I wouldn't dream of intentionally harming anyone on here - it's been a life-saver for me. Thanks for pointing me in the right direction, if I messed up.
BB
Hi Pink.
Things got much better once I stopped drinking. I gave people less negative fuel for their judging fire. Plus I like me again. I stopped by just stopping. . . by using my own take on AVRT. Rational Recovery helped me, and SMART too. I truly hope you get this thing behind you. There is a whole big word out here thatyou can enjoy as a sober person. My world pretty small when I was drinking.
Peace.
Things got much better once I stopped drinking. I gave people less negative fuel for their judging fire. Plus I like me again. I stopped by just stopping. . . by using my own take on AVRT. Rational Recovery helped me, and SMART too. I truly hope you get this thing behind you. There is a whole big word out here thatyou can enjoy as a sober person. My world pretty small when I was drinking.
Peace.
heartofamama
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 70
hello again friends.
i'm not in agreement about alcoholism being a disease, nor about willpower being the best cure. those statements are man made & close the door to the real answer.
i'm sure different things have worked in each case, & not always permanently.
but the underlying cause of dysfunctional behaviors in people is always a sense of loss & disconnect, worthlessness or failure.
whether it be pills, nighmares, gambling, porn, alcohol, buyingstuff, overeating, ect
the basic need we were created with is unmet in all addictions.
the need for safety & love.
belonging to people isn't a good substitute for belonging to God.
once you've realized & embraced God's unbiased, unconditional Love 4 u,
you have new freedom to go beyond the limits set by man,& partial truths we believed.
it's not a quick download i assure you, but getting your 'fix' from God does satisfy.
we can't see Him so it's easy to ignore Him, but not at all with good results.
the sooner you get off your high-horse & cry out to a Loving God--
the sooner you'll be on the real road to recovery, no matter what ails ya.
greetings & blessings from new york state, m.l.
i'm not in agreement about alcoholism being a disease, nor about willpower being the best cure. those statements are man made & close the door to the real answer.
i'm sure different things have worked in each case, & not always permanently.
but the underlying cause of dysfunctional behaviors in people is always a sense of loss & disconnect, worthlessness or failure.
whether it be pills, nighmares, gambling, porn, alcohol, buyingstuff, overeating, ect
the basic need we were created with is unmet in all addictions.
the need for safety & love.
belonging to people isn't a good substitute for belonging to God.
once you've realized & embraced God's unbiased, unconditional Love 4 u,
you have new freedom to go beyond the limits set by man,& partial truths we believed.
it's not a quick download i assure you, but getting your 'fix' from God does satisfy.
we can't see Him so it's easy to ignore Him, but not at all with good results.
the sooner you get off your high-horse & cry out to a Loving God--
the sooner you'll be on the real road to recovery, no matter what ails ya.
greetings & blessings from new york state, m.l.
hello again friends.
i'm not in agreement about alcoholism being a disease, nor about willpower being the best cure. those statements are man made & close the door to the real answer.
i'm sure different things have worked in each case, & not always permanently.
but the underlying cause of dysfunctional behaviors in people is always a sense of loss & disconnect, worthlessness or failure.
whether it be pills, nighmares, gambling, porn, alcohol, buyingstuff, overeating, ect
the basic need we were created with is unmet in all addictions.
the need for safety & love.
belonging to people isn't a good substitute for belonging to God.
once you've realized & embraced God's unbiased, unconditional Love 4 u,
you have new freedom to go beyond the limits set by man,& partial truths we believed.
it's not a quick download i assure you, but getting your 'fix' from God does satisfy.
we can't see Him so it's easy to ignore Him, but not at all with good results.
the sooner you get off your high-horse & cry out to a Loving God--
the sooner you'll be on the real road to recovery, no matter what ails ya.
greetings & blessings from new york state, m.l.
i'm not in agreement about alcoholism being a disease, nor about willpower being the best cure. those statements are man made & close the door to the real answer.
i'm sure different things have worked in each case, & not always permanently.
but the underlying cause of dysfunctional behaviors in people is always a sense of loss & disconnect, worthlessness or failure.
whether it be pills, nighmares, gambling, porn, alcohol, buyingstuff, overeating, ect
the basic need we were created with is unmet in all addictions.
the need for safety & love.
belonging to people isn't a good substitute for belonging to God.
once you've realized & embraced God's unbiased, unconditional Love 4 u,
you have new freedom to go beyond the limits set by man,& partial truths we believed.
it's not a quick download i assure you, but getting your 'fix' from God does satisfy.
we can't see Him so it's easy to ignore Him, but not at all with good results.
the sooner you get off your high-horse & cry out to a Loving God--
the sooner you'll be on the real road to recovery, no matter what ails ya.
greetings & blessings from new york state, m.l.
What if she's an athiest, what's she meant to do then?
I'm not going to open the whole religious debate, and if people want to believe strongly in all of that and it HELPS them, then fair play to them, i'm glad it helps them.
Personally, it wouldn't have helped me.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Update.....once again Pink started a thread and has not returned to read it.
I'm hopeing she will return with good news the next time she loggs in.
This thread is closed.
I'm hopeing she will return with good news the next time she loggs in.
This thread is closed.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)