3rd day
Member
Join Date: Aug 2010
Location: Chicago
Posts: 166
Originally Posted by sleepie 
Day three. Holy depression. I have not heard about the job interviewed 4 times for. I got on the scale this morning, I weigh more than I have in my entire life and I turn 37 in a few weeks. I'm old and fat. I hate my life. I don't lose weight when I quit drinking either, I know from the past. Lonely, single, fat and old. F***.
Fat and sober is way better than fat/sick/ and drunk.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
Thanks all for hearing me out and those of you that imparted kind words. I will get back when I get a week, so that I don't look like an a** with "day one" or "day 3" posts. I do beg to differ though- I think 3 and 4 months is something. Not the world, but not a total zero accomplishment, especially from where I'm currently standing.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
Alcoholism is an obsessive/compulsive disorder: obsession to drink followed by compulsion to keep drinking once we start. All these other things--overeating, undereating, overexercising--are symptoms, just as drinking is a symptom. Maybe they don't manifest in the way we've been taught to see OCD from television and movies, but it's still shades of the same thing. We stop one behavior and funnel the impulse into another.
I'm sorry that you're feeling crappy about your weight. I was so malnourished that I gained thirty pounds in rehab, and I hated the way I looked when I came out. I was tempted, like you, to severely restrict my calories to make the weight come off. I was also wheelchair bound, so any exercise that would burn significant calories was out of the question. My doctor convinced me to work towards healthy rather than aim for instantly skinny--I cut sugar, most simple carbs, and I ate a lot of fruits and vegetables. It took about five months, but the weight came off and I was much healthier.
Thing was, in order to do that, I had to address the underlying cause of my obsessive/compulsive behavior. What I did to treat my alcoholism also worked to get me out of the OCD cycle of the other behaviors--eating, spending money, sex, anything that created in me an emotional high and the illusion of control (meaning--"I can use this and it will make me feel better about that").
And you already know what I used -- the steps. Not saying cognitive therapy or other means aren't effective. I'm just saying that they weren't effective for me where the steps were.
Glad to hear you have a few days sober.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
I'm sorry that you're feeling crappy about your weight. I was so malnourished that I gained thirty pounds in rehab, and I hated the way I looked when I came out. I was tempted, like you, to severely restrict my calories to make the weight come off. I was also wheelchair bound, so any exercise that would burn significant calories was out of the question. My doctor convinced me to work towards healthy rather than aim for instantly skinny--I cut sugar, most simple carbs, and I ate a lot of fruits and vegetables. It took about five months, but the weight came off and I was much healthier.
Thing was, in order to do that, I had to address the underlying cause of my obsessive/compulsive behavior. What I did to treat my alcoholism also worked to get me out of the OCD cycle of the other behaviors--eating, spending money, sex, anything that created in me an emotional high and the illusion of control (meaning--"I can use this and it will make me feel better about that").
And you already know what I used -- the steps. Not saying cognitive therapy or other means aren't effective. I'm just saying that they weren't effective for me where the steps were.
Glad to hear you have a few days sober.
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
(((((Sleepie)))))
When I first quit drinking I gained over 25 pounds and it was really frustrating me. However, my sponsor and others in AA (I know you don't like AA, but these folks became friends over time) kept telling me not to worry about it, that my body would 'settle down.'
I wasn't sure I believed them, did start consciously eating more salads at the meetings after the meetings (instead of cake or pie) in the coffee shops and kept going. Slowly the larger size pants and tops I had had to buy were getting too big.
By the time I reached my first year sober, I had lost the original weight gain and another 10 pounds beside and was at my appropriate weight for me and I was 37 years old.
So there is hope, it just didn't happen when I WANTED IT TO, lol
I have also seen the same thing happen with many others over the years, so maybe giving sobriety another try and getting past 4 months, you too might start to see some changes.
Walking is an excellent way to start 'firming' up. Even at 65 1/2 now I walk almost every morning with my dogs (at least 2 miles), it is great for my heart and my arthritis and keeps my joints moving. I also try and go 3 times a week to the natorium at the university so I can do my arthritic aerobic exercises in the pool (less stressful on my joints doing the exercises in water, but very beneficial).
Hang in there, I just know you can do this.
Love and hugs,
When I first quit drinking I gained over 25 pounds and it was really frustrating me. However, my sponsor and others in AA (I know you don't like AA, but these folks became friends over time) kept telling me not to worry about it, that my body would 'settle down.'
I wasn't sure I believed them, did start consciously eating more salads at the meetings after the meetings (instead of cake or pie) in the coffee shops and kept going. Slowly the larger size pants and tops I had had to buy were getting too big.
By the time I reached my first year sober, I had lost the original weight gain and another 10 pounds beside and was at my appropriate weight for me and I was 37 years old.
So there is hope, it just didn't happen when I WANTED IT TO, lol
I have also seen the same thing happen with many others over the years, so maybe giving sobriety another try and getting past 4 months, you too might start to see some changes.
Walking is an excellent way to start 'firming' up. Even at 65 1/2 now I walk almost every morning with my dogs (at least 2 miles), it is great for my heart and my arthritis and keeps my joints moving. I also try and go 3 times a week to the natorium at the university so I can do my arthritic aerobic exercises in the pool (less stressful on my joints doing the exercises in water, but very beneficial).
Hang in there, I just know you can do this.
Love and hugs,
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
I don't think you counting your sobriety days is the right thing. It's like a broken record over and over. Day 2.... Day 1.... Day 3. I would quite focusing on the days and get sober already.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 8,614
How is that a helpful comment? "Get sober already"? If it were that easy, don't you think I would? And calling me a "broken record"? Fine. So sorry to post. I know I'm the ONLY one who's ever bothered the site with repeat attempts at sobriety. I won't be back. Not that anyone forces you to read my posts.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Sleepie,
This has happened before, too. You get upset over something someone says and then leave the forums and come back because you've been off drinking somewhere, probably feeling mad and misunderstood.
Try sticking it out. You can ignore unhelpful posts, too, just as you tell others to ignore yours if they bother them.
Nobody wants you to leave. We want to see you succeed.
This has happened before, too. You get upset over something someone says and then leave the forums and come back because you've been off drinking somewhere, probably feeling mad and misunderstood.
Try sticking it out. You can ignore unhelpful posts, too, just as you tell others to ignore yours if they bother them.
Nobody wants you to leave. We want to see you succeed.
Its time for bed
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Undisclosed Location
Posts: 343
Originally Posted by Justfor1
I don't think you counting your sobriety days is the right thing. It's like a broken record over and over. Day 2.... Day 1.... Day 3. I would quite focusing on the days and get sober already.
Show a little respect before you spit on the member. Post on Sleepie!
1000 Post Club
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: Midwest USA
Posts: 2,284
When I was on day 2 of sobriety I was in life threatening DT's from alcohol withdrawal. I was living in a dumpster in an alley stealing rubbing alcohol to stave off the withdrawals. I just don't see where posting a few days of sobriety is helpful. Do something different.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 197
Originally Posted by Justfor1
When I was on day 2 of sobriety I was in life threatening DT's from alcohol withdrawal. I was living in a dumpster in an alley stealing rubbing alcohol to stave off the withdrawals. I just don't see where posting a few days of sobriety is helpful. Do something different.
I think sleepie should stop drinking. She's been around long enough now to know what the whole point of being here is. if it's not her time to quit yet and she doesn't want to then maybe that's why it's not happening.
At any rate, i would like to drink as much as sleepie does. hell yeah. but i can't because i made the decision to quit.
It sucks sleepie. It's boring for me but I know i would be dead in 5-10 years if i kept going.
Put your feet down on a sturdy rock and make a stand.
I probably shouldn't have posted any of this, but I'm just trying to help.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
I recommend to everyone...if you find posts or posters push your buttons - make use of the ignore function - use the pull down menu under the posters name.
Lets all remember why we're here.
I believe everyone who posts here on SR is trying to help....but a little extra thought into how to best present that help is always useful too....
lets all chill and move on...
thanks everyone
D
Lets all remember why we're here.
I believe everyone who posts here on SR is trying to help....but a little extra thought into how to best present that help is always useful too....
lets all chill and move on...
thanks everyone
D
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: East Coast
Posts: 1,906
Originally Posted by Justfor1
I just don't see where posting a few days of sobriety is helpful. Do something different.
when you have a more quality of sobriety you tend to try to lend a hand to the suffering instead of trying to tell them to stop doing something they find to be very helpful in their time of need.
more than that, after you start to understand this disease and you really start to work a program you also find that when someone is really truely trying..... that baby steps to get them to the next day or hour or minute serves the suffering alot more than taking their inventory.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Toronto, ON
Posts: 1,591
I think I find a lot of use in Sugah's reaction, because it ties into things you have talked about before, Sleepie. She says her way of making significant headway came about thanks to working on the Steps. I don't know what yours will be. I also agree with the idea of latching on to some kind of certainty to "make things better" through the brain chemistry and how all the examples of addictions are like fingers on the same hand. And frankly, when I think about your experience as I am learning about it, I can see how that saying "alcoholism is but a symptom" really means something.
I have thought about myself and what seems like a desire to lean toward negativity and keeping dark clouds within reach, like there's supposed to be some kind of pleasure in them. I don't have the patience to read about the science behind it - or get it checked - but I suspect the pull to the negative stuff is all about wanting to feel secure in some familiar sensation in the brain and not have to deal with the surprises.
Have you tried looking at yourself as a parent would? Sometimes I try to do that, so that I coach myself out of my negative behaviours and thinking. And it makes me ask myself whether I am being correct in my handling of emotions. Think of it this way: if you imagine yourself a parent, do you want to be an abusive one? Do you want to make it so that little Sleepie doesn't have anything precious to cling to besides her sad time to herself? Or do you want to advocate Sleepie and make sure she is getting what a human being needs, like a responsible parent who is not afraid to show her face? If the latter, what are the rules you would set up for Sleepie? She can't drink, and she can't treat her body like garbage, and she has to have good options put in place for her. She can't dwell on notions that she is not going to be on a good path. The parent is going to see to it.
If there really is no one else that is helpful enough, and you are still capable of judging what you need, then maybe you have to develop your own version of my self-parenting analogy. I criticize myself for my part in "I am all that I've got"; I also credit myself for what I can do with it. If you are quite alone with your predicament, then you have to find your way of mastering your progress. Getting rid of alcohol is only a piece of it. I'm a work in progress, post-quitting.
I have thought about myself and what seems like a desire to lean toward negativity and keeping dark clouds within reach, like there's supposed to be some kind of pleasure in them. I don't have the patience to read about the science behind it - or get it checked - but I suspect the pull to the negative stuff is all about wanting to feel secure in some familiar sensation in the brain and not have to deal with the surprises.
Have you tried looking at yourself as a parent would? Sometimes I try to do that, so that I coach myself out of my negative behaviours and thinking. And it makes me ask myself whether I am being correct in my handling of emotions. Think of it this way: if you imagine yourself a parent, do you want to be an abusive one? Do you want to make it so that little Sleepie doesn't have anything precious to cling to besides her sad time to herself? Or do you want to advocate Sleepie and make sure she is getting what a human being needs, like a responsible parent who is not afraid to show her face? If the latter, what are the rules you would set up for Sleepie? She can't drink, and she can't treat her body like garbage, and she has to have good options put in place for her. She can't dwell on notions that she is not going to be on a good path. The parent is going to see to it.
If there really is no one else that is helpful enough, and you are still capable of judging what you need, then maybe you have to develop your own version of my self-parenting analogy. I criticize myself for my part in "I am all that I've got"; I also credit myself for what I can do with it. If you are quite alone with your predicament, then you have to find your way of mastering your progress. Getting rid of alcohol is only a piece of it. I'm a work in progress, post-quitting.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 411
I've been trying to get sober for a year and can make it to 30, 60 days but still haven't made it to the 90-day mark without a brief relapse (although I'm working hard to make sure this is the time it will stick!). Despite not maintaining continuous sobriety, it has all been a huge learning experience as to what my triggers are and why I have chosen to drink in the past. Sleepie, you may just still be in that learning phase and even though it's frustrating, hopefully your attempts to get sober now will provide the foundation for long-term sobriety. You're not failing, you're just a work in progress. 
GG
GG
Not waving, but drowning
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 423
Originally Posted by TwelveSteps
I've been trying to get sober for a year and can make it to 30, 60 days but still haven't made it to the 90-day mark without a brief relapse (although I'm working hard to make sure this is the time it will stick!). Despite not maintaining continuous sobriety, it has all been a huge learning experience as to what my triggers are and why I have chosen to drink in the past. Sleepie, you may just still be in that learning phase and even though it's frustrating, hopefully your attempts to get sober now will provide the foundation for long-term sobriety. You're not failing, you're just a work in progress.
GG
GG
I know it took me a lot of failed attempts to get to where i am now (>60 days, with support at SR and outside for the first time). I can't judge where anyone else is on that journey, I can only hope and if possible share experience that may (or may not) be helpful.
I certainly have gained a lot from what I've read at SR, and not all from people with long-term sobriety!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 69
Hey - I`m on day 3 and damn proud of it! (it`s the longest I have gone without drinking in a loooooong time!)
I have a deal with my SO that when I have 6 months sober we can live together. That`s 180 days - I said to him "guess how many days are left?" He laughed and said "177?" I said "yep! but I gotta start somewhere, LOL!"
After my last DUI I lost my license for 210 days which ended Oct 18th (STILL don`t have it back, but that`s another story) and 210 days sounded like an eternity! But it passed faster then I thought.
One thing about counting days in AA (I have attended many AA meetings over the years but I am not really a "member") that kinda bothers me is if a person has ALOT of sober time, say 10 years, and has a slip and drinks ONCE - they have to go back to saying 1 day, 2 days, etc...I think you should get maybe 1 or 2 "free passes" so to speak, LOL.
Hell, I`ve been trying to get a grip on my alcoholism for 20 YEARS now.
I`m proud of those 3 days!
Oh, and I feel fat now too, I`m like 15 heavier then I like to be, but I suspect that my increased appetite and decreased exercise (due to the freezing weather) is the cause.
I think it will even out (I hope) by the elimination of all those alcohol calories (I would drink anything I could, but favored wine --by the gallon, LOL)
(sorry for jumping in someone else`s thread)
PS - does the chat feature not work?
I have a deal with my SO that when I have 6 months sober we can live together. That`s 180 days - I said to him "guess how many days are left?" He laughed and said "177?" I said "yep! but I gotta start somewhere, LOL!"
After my last DUI I lost my license for 210 days which ended Oct 18th (STILL don`t have it back, but that`s another story) and 210 days sounded like an eternity! But it passed faster then I thought.
One thing about counting days in AA (I have attended many AA meetings over the years but I am not really a "member") that kinda bothers me is if a person has ALOT of sober time, say 10 years, and has a slip and drinks ONCE - they have to go back to saying 1 day, 2 days, etc...I think you should get maybe 1 or 2 "free passes" so to speak, LOL.
Hell, I`ve been trying to get a grip on my alcoholism for 20 YEARS now.
I`m proud of those 3 days!
Oh, and I feel fat now too, I`m like 15 heavier then I like to be, but I suspect that my increased appetite and decreased exercise (due to the freezing weather) is the cause.
I think it will even out (I hope) by the elimination of all those alcohol calories (I would drink anything I could, but favored wine --by the gallon, LOL)
(sorry for jumping in someone else`s thread)
PS - does the chat feature not work?
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