loveon2legs

It matters to me BIG time!!!!! I feel so grateful for my sobriety...that every minute matters to me!!!!!

DayTrader

Oh boy, given all the answers thus far, it figures I'd be the odd man out.

Really though, I had my answer before I read everyone above me.

I DON'T think it matters....much....if at all. When I was early in sobriety, first year for sure, I thought it mattered a whole lot. I thought the ppl with 10 yrs were somehow "more sober" or better at the recovery life, or "more advanced" or something like that than the ppl with 5 yrs. I thought that the more time one had in sobriety and recovery, the better a roll model they would be. Ive found that to NOT be the case.....not always anyway.

I know ppl with a handful years in sobriety that I'd recommend as sponsors to a newcomer well ahead of some folks with 2x, 3x or even 5x the amount of time. I'll take "quality" time over pure time any day. We all know that old guy (and it's usually a guy) in the meeting with a bunch of years who's always crabby, rarely has anything helpful or constructive to say, and we try to avoid him at the tables. So he's got a lot of years......so what?

So, as a measure of anything, time doesn't mean so much as what one's done with that time.

A early mentor of mine in the program, when things really started clicking for me and staying away from that first drink wasn't much of a problem day-to-day anymore, asked me how far I wanted to go in this program. He challenged me to consider what kind of life I wanted to have in recovery. He hypothesized that I could possibly go on the rest of my life the way I was, not drink again, and that'd be that. On the other hand, I could continue to dig, continue to uncover, discover, and discard as Chuck C called it, and maybe....maybe there was even more to life than I presently realize. That's what I'm looking for in recovery.

Maybe I'm off track and this isn't what you were referring to 24. And don't get me wrong, I'm proud of the time I have since my last drink....but I don't want to make the mistake of EVER thinking that that time has anything to do with me not picking up my next one. If I'm not continually moving forward in AA the days that I rack up aren't days of freedom, they're days of weight on my shoulders........weight that eventually leads to that next drink making sense again. So, from that aspect, I don't think "time in sobriety" makes all that much difference.

Antiderivative

I assume that those people are emphasizing the 'one day at a time' aspect of AA, which is a crucial part of the program. AA likes to emphasis the present. All we have is today. We can learn from the past and look forward to the future, but today is what really matters.

However, time does matter. Recovery takes time and effort. Time (along with other components) is needed to make those correct mental, emotional, and behavioral modifications which are so important for long term sobriety.

I am sure those people recognize the importance that experience, positive change, and stability that occurs over time, but are just emphasizing the 'one day at a time' aspect.

littlebluedog

A drunk is a drunk, and the only thing time gives you is experience. It's also important to remember that some people get complacent with time. So be vigilant about your sobriety and reach out to other alcoholics, no matter how long it's been since your last drink.

24hrsAday

Yes.. becoming complacent is a sobriety killer IME..

Bugzer

This is what I gather from this question since I ask a lot of people in AA questions.

my first 2 months for me were hell, others I've talked to said they were
really messed up at 4 month 6 or even at a year, so everyone is different.

We're all on the same path some take longer to heal some less, I got a lot
of 'you seem to be doing really well' type of comments considering I'm
almost at 4 months. And I've gotten a lot of comments from men and
women who have said they weren't as calm and chilled out as me when
they were at 3-4 months.

I guess I'm doing something right so I take those comments as compliments.

There's a new guy I met in AA just recently and he just got to a month
and in my perspective he's doing as well as I was at 2 months, I guess
it all depends on the person and the length of their addiction.

Boleo

IMNSHO time is an an ancillary issue. My personal experience is that I failed to stay sober the first dozen or so attempts at sobriety, because it never got any easier as a result of time.

It was not until I began to experience the promises of recovery, that I began to, feel comfortable enough in my own skin, to experience a release from the obsession.

My experience is that all spiritual growth is the result of struggle followed by surrender. Not just once, but deeper and deeper levels of surrender.

This process (and it is a process) takes some time, but the time involved varies with effort more than anything else, including calendar days.

SoberNVa

time isnt everything. I have 7 years sober and I wouldnt wish what i have on my worst enemy. the sad thing is,I dont care anymore.**** it.

24hrsAday

Not My Experience at all.. but.. i don't have 7 years (Yet)

Antiderivative

I just found an old 24 hour coin that had a Sanskirt Proverb on it and it reminded me of this thread. It says, "Today well lived makes every yesterday a dream of happiness, and every tomorrow a vision of hope".

The entire poem is below:

Look to this day:
For it is life, the very life of life.
In its brief course
Lie all the verities and realities of your existence.
The bliss of growth,
The glory of action,
The splendour of achievement
Are but experiences of time.

For yesterday is but a dream
And tomorrow is only a vision;
And today well-lived, makes
Yesterday a dream of happiness
And every tomorrow a vision of hope.
Look well therefore to this day;
Such is the salutation to the ever-new dawn!

SoberNVa

You have 3,which is nothing to sneeze at! congratulations,and I hope you continue to do well

kiki5711

what do you mean? you'd like to drink again?

SoberNVa

No,I can honestly say I dont want to drink again.I guess what I mean is that Im in such a bad place spiritually,mentally,and emotionally that I dont care enough to try and do what I know i need to do to stay sober. I know Im headed for a relapse eventually,and cant seem to care enough about AA or anything to do what I need to do. Im seeing my doctor on Wednesday to get back on meds for depression. Perhaps that will help.

Zencat

What matters the most for me is the accumulation of sober experiences. With that experience I can learn how to continue living drug free and gain more sober experiences. That dose take time to do....so it matters.

AlwaysGrowing

"does your "time" sober matter? "

Interesting question for sure..I think this could go both ways,, or even more than that..

For me it matters as today as it is more about others today, with little sober time it was about me.

If I had a week I might be very worred about company parties, now it is about making sure people get home OK.

Yes, one day at a time still is present for me today somedays more than others. Somedays at work I think this day will end at some point and please let it be soon.

Most 'blurbs' like that can be taken many ways, but I would ask what 'context' was that taken out of.

Yesterday was 19 years sober for me. I am one drink away. About 1/2 mile drive(nothing in the house). Friday night was a company function. Wine everywhere, rounds of shots. My glass had coke and the other coffee. It wouldn't have taken much as the guy with the shot tray asked me. Longer time can equal better understanding. Still Friday night it wasn't 1/2 mile away but about 2 feet. I wouldn't put myself in that position with 30 days... 'Context'...
AG

Supercrew

The first month of my sober time mattered alot. It allowed me to come to the sober realization that I no longer wanted to drink. My second month sober was important because I was able to really get myself healthy and in the right mindframe to evaluate what my last 20 years of drinking had done for me. Now I have no urge to drink and I wonder why I allowed myself to live for alcohol for so long. Now my sober time doesn't really matter at all because I am living my life the rest of the way out sober. I'm only sad it took me 20+ years to come to that conclusion. We only have a limited time here, so what is the purpose of me thinking back to the time I have wasted. Patting myself on the back because I finally overcame my immaturity and ignorance seems like a daily, weekly and monthly reminder of how I let 20+ years slip away. I think if I still wanted to drink but I was constantly battling the urge it would be a positive thing like counting the miles while running a marathon, but there is no need to count miles if there is no finish line.

RobbyRobot

Sorry to hear this news, SoberNVa. Of course you're right nonetheless, time is not everything in sobriety, and your plight brings me back to revisit my own experiences with early struggles whenever I hear someone with years of sobriety share that they just don't care anymore. I'm always learning from others experiences, and in turn sharing with others makes all the difference. I hope your challenges bring out your best and you get thru these present troubles safe and sober. Thanks for your open honesty. It's very refreshing.


I hope it does help. Depression is an illness and so requires some important and essential interventions beyond just "feeling better", as I'm sure you very well know. I want to say, imo, that you have a great grasp of how rigorous honesty works in shares, and in dialogue, so I'm really saying please use those gifts of introspection and continue on your journey without giving up by being transfixed by the horror of a possible future relapse. Sometimes we scare ourselves with fears of our own making, if you know what I mean. You can discover you care enough again. You can. I've been where you are in my own experiences, and my despairs totally overwhelmed me. But I didn't drink, and with your 7 years, neither have you. Good therapy helped. Daily sharing with other alcoholics helped the most, for me. You can get past this, ((((SoberNVa))))

I'm sorry guys if my post seems out of line with the original intentions of the thread, seeing someone with 7 years be so plainly straight-up honest about her thoughts on sober time just brought me back to my own early years of struggles, and I just had to share something. Kudos to 24hrs for creating this thread.

We can all do this sobriety thing. We can.

Cheers!

Robby

24hrsAday

Meetings W/other Alcoholics are Important as well.. think i will go this Morning!

DayTrader

Wow, tough spot. I don't know that I have the words to get you to WANT to re-do the work. I guess I can just say some prayers that you don't die in the process of finding your truth again.

leo21

It matters to me and motivates me to never give up. Stopping was the hardest thing I think I've ever done and it takes a real effort everyday but it's an effort that is rewarding, positive, and necessary. I don't want those old days ever again. So, yes I put an 'X' every day on my calendar and I post here each time I get to give a shout out that today is another sober day.