LaFemme

Ok, I saw this topic on another thread and it got me thinking. (Btw, flutter was the one who said this first). I often see in the forums, where we refer to ourselves as having been an HFA, I know I am guilty of it myself. Yet as was pointed out, how well are you really functioning if you are an alcoholic? Just because we still have a job or a house or whatever, there really isn't that much seperating us from the poor homeless guy begging for money.

So why do we emphasize how well we are doing despite our disease? Does it make us feel better? Superior? Less of an alcoholic?

Curious to hear what others think...and btw, it seems to be most prevalent, imo, amongst us newcomers.

pongo

None of us will ever know what we might have achieved had we NOT been drinking. Our level of functioning, high or low, is judged by a relative standard.

penny74

Ther is a very thin line between having a house, a job and living a "normal life" and being forced to live on the street because of your addiction.
You can lose everything in a very short time.
l was in detox 2 weeks ago, there was a man there who just lost his marriage, his children , his sportschool ( with bar) and will have to go to prison, because he was his own best customer at the bar.

suki44883

Pongo just said what I was thinking! Also, I think some of us use that phrase to convince not only others, but ourselves, that we don't really have that big of a problem. The thing is, alcoholism is progressive. Many people went years without it noticeably affecting our jobs or family life. It's also interesting when people finally admit to their families and loved ones that they have an alcohol problem, they are shocked to realize that they knew it all along. Even HFAs aren't as good at hiding their problems as they think they are.

GettingStronger2

I have never described myself like that, but I oculd have given the way most people use it. However, just functioning is not a life for me. I want more than that, and alcohol robs it from me. Besides, eventually, anyone who believes they are high functioning will see themselves slide down a sometimes very steep slope.

I think people may use the term to try to demonstrate that not all alcoholics are the "Skid Row" type -- at least not outwardly. I think we are all a heart beat away. I am no better or different than any other drunk.

LexieCat

I think it is a useful concept if only to reach others who think that because they haven't lost the job, the home, the family, never got a dui, etc., that they are still in control.

I was hanging on, but my nails were bleeding from the effort. And I had a feeling that the nails were about to give out and I was headed for a BIG fall unless I did something about it. Usually the "high functioning" part refers to what we present to the outside world. Most of us don't do as good a job of hiding it as we think we do, but I believe a lot of people who knew me at my worst would be shocked at how I was falling apart inside.

Alcoholism is progressive, and it progresses faster for some than for others. You can also be at a "plateau" for quite awhile and then suddenly take the big plummet. And you might not even see it coming.

I don't feel superior to anyone else. It takes what it takes for each of us.

ElegantlyWasted

Curious... What is HFA? Seem to me that you're referencing some kind of stagnation... Just living And getting by w/out meaningful fulfillment?

suki44883

HFA = Highly Functioning Alcoholic. It's a term some people use when they don't see much downside to their drinking. They still have a great job, great cars, great family, go on vacations, yada yada yada.

Ceres

I considered myself a HFA. No real consequences. Never missed work. I Excelled at work. I would say my work ambition was much higher than it is now. Appearances was everything. So, from the outside, I had it all. I was in my 20's, had my own place in a great neighborhood, had a great job. I *appeared* to have it all together.

In materialistic matters, I had everything and never had a consequence.

But that's as far as a HFA goes. Materialistically. Inside, of course, I was in shambles.

Now I'm sober and have no job, no car, but I'm faaaarrrr above highly *functioning*. I'm "living".

Wilde10

I have never used the term HFA... I gess you can only know the expression, to start with, when you have become and alcoholic yourself. I do not think any of my sober peers would know what it means. I do believe I have decided to stop somewhere in the 'early/middle' stages of alcoholism, when I can still get dry days. I also know I have been in a 'plateau' for a very, very long time, with long periods of 'dryness' in between due to pregnancies and breastfeeding.

HOwever, I cannot see a single reason to be the big exception in the alcoholism world. Like, everybody else gets worse but I will just stay at this level of alcoholism killing myself slower than the others and managing to keep a 'normal' life for the outside world to see. In my case, the very few people I have informed about my decision to stop because it is becoming an issue have looked very surprised. They did not have a hint. I do not think this is proving I was a HFA or whatever. It proves that I was hiding it so well that nobody would have tried to warn me until it was really, really late.

So I do not know if it is a myth or not. As pongo says it is very relative

LaFemme

I have jus noticed a lot of people, on introducin themselves here, take great care to poin out how "well" they are doing in life. I was kind of thinking it was a denial tool of sorts. At the end I was definitely not an HFA, but I was for a long time and I used it to put off quitting.

Mark75

Denial, yea, but also the whole shame thing, I think...

suki44883

I think denial has quite a bit to do with it, but then, they did look up the information online to end up here, so, yeah.

I've come to think of it like...if I know something is wrong with me physically, just because I don't get diagnosed doesn't mean I don't have cancer. Why wait until things get so bad that you are forced to deal with it?

CarolD

For me.....it was not about the external appearances
or the material possessions......

For years....I used to say ....
'I'm putting the fun into functioning alcoholic"

Inside I was edgeing on loseing my mind to alcohol.
That hopeless state of mind is why I quit.

And why I plan to continue to be an AA recovered
alcoholic.....

LosingmyMisery

As someone mentioned, alcoholism is progressive. I was functioning fine until I crossed that proverbial line. You aren't aware that your are waiving above the line or the fact your crossed it until it is to late. When there were no consequences to my actions, I had no incentive to quit.

Once you take the plummet, you fall fast and fall hard. I never dreamed I would sink as low as I did. When I thought I couldn't sink any lower, I did.

Beware, one day you are functioning, one day you are a complete and utter mess, and on the brink of insanity.

On a good note, there is a solution and for myself, that was to quit drinking. I regained everything I lost and much more. I found myself. That being...the woman who can manage life without depending on alcohol.

Wilde10

Lafemme,
But it happens that some people keep some kind of good life despite the alcohol... although they have ended here because they are more than worried about it. I think many of us get very worried much before we loose a house, a job, a family, etc. And I bet ALL of us have a period of denial.

However, it we must believe this is progressive it means that you do not start at the very bottom. Call it HFA or whatever, alcoholism is there for 'x' years depending on the individual and it gets worse. For a while you are still 'functioning' and alcohol is getting on the way a bit more or less. Some call it 'early stages', other call it HFA. And we all want not to be alcoholics (basically to keep on drinking), so obviously, the fact that it seems that we can still 'function' helps a lot in the denial process.

Why do you believe it is a myth to be HFA or whatever. It would be equivalent to saying that alcoholics are only those who have reached a certain point, if you see what I mean.

DayTrader

I've heard some pretty lob-bottom aa's call themselves high-bottom. I guess it's all relative to what you can take. A lot of ppl I personally know just can't fathom that I was willing to go as far as I went or get as bad as I got. I felt however, that there was still a lot more gas in the tank before I REEEALLY hit bottom. I also hear a lot of newer aa ppl claim they're "functioning alcoholics" when they first get in the program. A year or two later however, they can look back on their history with clear eyes and 99.99% of them see that they weren't quite so "high functioning" after all.

It's a moot point really. HFA, LFA, high bottom, low bottom, it takes what it takes. Bottom line is, for those of us in AA anyway, we all ended up in the same place... powerless over alcohol and living an unmanageable life. We were upset, depressed, sad, miserable, possibly suicidal and/or homicidal. That doesn't sound so "high functioning" to me.

I sometimes wish my drinking bottom was much higher that it was but, given my track record for knowing what's good and bad for me, I got the bottom I needed - we all do.

LaFemme

Hey Wilde, I think Day Trader does a pretty good job of explaining why I called. High functioning alcoholic a myth...just because you haven't lost anything overly visible doesn't mean you are actually functioning...if you are numbing yourself with alcohol to get through life that isn't really functioning...am I making any sense?

Wilde10

I see what you mean LaFemme, but I do not really agree. I do believe that all of us have been at some point 'functioning alcoholics', that is, we have been like we would have been without alcohol but already alcoholics.

I also believe that normally we do not see we are alcoholics until alcohol is interfering with our lifes and therefore, probably we are not functioning so well anymore. I do not like the expression HFA, but I think I understand what it means and to me it is the reflection of a period of alcoholism that does exist. Of course many may use it as part of denial. Still is difficult to see much denial into it since you cannot be HFA without being an alcoholic.

Dee74

I try to avoid pigeonholing other people as much as I can

I just know what I am now is a functioning human being, or as close as I'm every likely to get - what I was then was anything but functioning...

For me it had nothing to do with money or accoutrements - it was about whether I was able to hide my problem well or not...

From many and various sources, it appears now I wasn't anywhere as good at that as I thought I was LOL.

D