The myth of an HFA
Member
Join Date: Apr 2010
Posts: 426
At some point in my drinking career I saw other people/neighbors who you would see toting aroung a beer most of the time at night or on the weekend, always quick to offer a neighbor a drink if walking around, etc. I saw those people as cool, not because they drank, but because it appeared that they drank as they wanted, and were never drunk, a mess, etc. and seemed to be able to stop at one or two beers and think nothing of it.
I tried to be like them, figured I could do it too, although I ended up drinking alone being that guy, not offering any drinks to people, for fear that they would cut into my stash to much. Then I accepted it, and tried to become that HFA and keep it all together while the disease took over. It is amazing what you can hold together even though you are hungover, etc most of the time.
I must say in reality trying to be a HFA just slowly eroded away at how well I was functioning. EVERYTHING was suffering in reality and I did not realize it. Now I am trying to repair years worth of damage in a short time, before loved ones give up on me......then I will have nothing....but be sober......what a disaster.
I tried to be like them, figured I could do it too, although I ended up drinking alone being that guy, not offering any drinks to people, for fear that they would cut into my stash to much. Then I accepted it, and tried to become that HFA and keep it all together while the disease took over. It is amazing what you can hold together even though you are hungover, etc most of the time.
I must say in reality trying to be a HFA just slowly eroded away at how well I was functioning. EVERYTHING was suffering in reality and I did not realize it. Now I am trying to repair years worth of damage in a short time, before loved ones give up on me......then I will have nothing....but be sober......what a disaster.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 411
"I believe they who call themselves that are in denial and do not like the "shameful alcoholic" alone label."
Definitely disagree -- It's not a value judgment, it's a way for those of us who are/were HFAs to get over the first step and appreciate that HFA is really just a stage in the progression of alcoholism... it's a very short and one-way road to NON-functional alcoholic.
When I first started in AA I heard some crazy drinking stories. It would have been easy for me to say, "I'm must not really be an alcoholic, I'm not that bad." I'm a professional, have never lost anything because of alcohol, never gotten a DWI, never done anything publicly embarassing because of alcohol (I was mostly an alone-at-home drinker), but I was still an alcoholic -- I had to drink every night, was unable to temporarily stop for even a week on my own, and obsessed over it.
It's a way for those of us with that sort of experience to recognize that we can be "high-functioning" -- but that the key part of that descriptor is still "ALCOHOLIC" -- and we need to stop before it (inevitably) gets worse.
GG
Definitely disagree -- It's not a value judgment, it's a way for those of us who are/were HFAs to get over the first step and appreciate that HFA is really just a stage in the progression of alcoholism... it's a very short and one-way road to NON-functional alcoholic.
When I first started in AA I heard some crazy drinking stories. It would have been easy for me to say, "I'm must not really be an alcoholic, I'm not that bad." I'm a professional, have never lost anything because of alcohol, never gotten a DWI, never done anything publicly embarassing because of alcohol (I was mostly an alone-at-home drinker), but I was still an alcoholic -- I had to drink every night, was unable to temporarily stop for even a week on my own, and obsessed over it.
It's a way for those of us with that sort of experience to recognize that we can be "high-functioning" -- but that the key part of that descriptor is still "ALCOHOLIC" -- and we need to stop before it (inevitably) gets worse.
GG
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