ArtofChange

Hello everyone. First time poster here. I'm here because I have a problem. I binge drink every time I get a chance to drink, whether it be social events, football games or going to the local bar to see friends every 4-6 weeks. I dont drink every day, I dont even think about drinking every day. To be honest, it feels like I NEED to drink every now and then just to do so.

Yesterday, after shopping with my wife for a few hours, I decided to stop down at the bar because I hadnt seen any of my friends for several weeks. I left the house at 4:00 in the afternoon and didnt get home until around 1AM. I got plastered, I got into a small altercation that got me kicked out of the very bar that I have been frequenting for the last few years. I spent money that I needed to use for Christmas gifts, I just really screwed up and now I am dealing with the depression that I get the next day after a binge.

I want to stop. I always want to stop. And then after a day or so of feeling better, I'm back to believing that everyone does it and so I am just normal. I will go for a couple of weeks without a drink and then hit it hard for a day.

I went to AA a couple of years ago. I didnt feel like I belonged there because everyone was talking about their daily drinking habits. I felt stupid when I told them I only drink once or twice a month. I think I went to 3 sessions.

I want to quit this. I have a family now and a general feeling of the need to finally grow up.

Thanks for listening and I am welcoming any advice or thoughts.

ArtofChange

Dee74

Hi Art of Change

Coming here is a good start

I started as a binge drinker and ended up a daily drinker...I think my drinking habits and my mindset were the same throughout. From my experience, it's a different manifestation of the same problem.

You'll find a lot of support here - I hope we can help you find the right face to face support too

welcome to SR!
D

ExNavyInHouston

There are many ways to be an alcoholic.

It's not how often you drink, but what happens to you and your brain when you drink that helps you make that determination.

Once you accept your way of drinking is the same, but only different, it helps you stop thinking "next time I will do better."

Some of us just don't have the brain chemistry to process alcohol properly, just like some people get sick and die if they eat peanuts.

24hrsAday

ArtofChange: welcome to SR! i Never drank Every day untill the Very End of my Last Week Long Spree.. i was a 4 day a week man for Years.. this is a good site you will find support Here!

ArtofChange

THanks for the replies and offers of encouragement and support. I leterally feel like crap today. I'm not sick or hungover, I am just deeply depressed. I talked to my wife earlier today and told her that I have to quit doing this before I hurt myself or someone else. She stated that she has tried to intervene at football tailgates, etc. when it is obvious I just cant stop but I get angry with her because I feel she is trying to wtop me from having fun.

I have over the past few months, slowed down quite a bit. But I tolod my wife that slowing down is not enough. Every time I drink, I drink to get drunk and then keep drinking. I have a problem. I have no control over myself when this happens. She is backing me which is good. Its hard for me to admit to her that I have a problem, even though she can already see it.

I think that by posting on this website I can keep an informal journal of my progress, leaving behind evidence like this that I can go back and read and remind myself of why it just isnt worth it to drink.

McGowdog

Welcome to SR Art.

You describe binge drinking pretty darned good. Whether you are an alcoholic or not, IDK. It sounds that complete abstinence would be a good solution for you. If it turns out that you are an alcoholic and not a hard drinker/potential alcoholic, then I hope you find this out for yourself as soon as possible and find a way to do that without further drinking.

A lot of people talk about their drinking in A.A. and I don't identify. But when I take that A.A. book and go through it, it's a whole different deal. Maybe some in here can help you to see your truth in your drinking. I think I could if given the shot because I am a binge type drinker myself. Very seldomly in my drinking past did I do "continuous hard drinking". Did you know that "continuous hard drinking" doesn't necessarily make you an alcoholic?

I'm an alcoholic because once I drink a few, let's say, I change my plans and drink until that bout is over. That may mean me getting kicked out of the bar, me blacking out and continuing to drink until I pass out or my continuing to drink until I get thown in jail, or a hospital, or a psych ward, or my own bed. That's the physical craving part.

But, then I can rise from that and be remorseful and not drink again for days, weeks, even months. But the bottom line for me is, there will come a time or place where I think I can safely drink again and I do. I can't stay away from the 1st one. That's the mental obsession part. So... you can go to the 12 Step Subforum and the left "1" icon up top and see if you identify with some of us, or perhaps, get that Big Book and read up to page 43 and see if anything stikes you there.

Hope that makes sense to you.

Welcome to SR!

24hrsAday

Good to have you here Art..

CarolD

At some point....I never knew what drink or which day....my social
drinking slid into alcoholism.
My brain and liver enzymes no longer processed
the toxin alcohol correctly.

Blackouts began to happen. I started to act in ways that
were risky and embarrassing when I drank.
Everytime I got into trouble....I had been drinking.

Perhaps that is happening to you.

Yes....you are posting in the correct Forum....
We do understand and many of us are winning over alcohol.

Blessings to you and your wife
Welcome to SR and our Alcoholism Forum.....

ArtofChange

I'm already scared of events that are coming up in the next few weeks that people will be drinkning at. I have to learn to have fun around that without participating.

Does anyone have any tips as to identifying the reason and/or feelings that lead me up to this? I know there is'nt a magic solution and everyone is different, but I would like to figure out my thought process.

24hrsAday

Art: i would Suggest Hitting your Local A.A. group and talking with people there as well..

CarolD

Art....
Please check out the links below when you have time

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

FAQs for the General Public

ALCOHOL'S DAMAGING EFFECTS ON THE BRAIN

Dee74

I'm not sure what you mean Art.

I like analysing stuff - I REALLY like analysing LOL...but 20 years of post mortem analysis after every binge, every embarrassment, did me no good at all.

Drinking, to me anyway, was entirely reactive - there was no thought - rationalisations sure, but no real mental discourse.

I had to stop drinking, and that was where I had to put all my focus.

It doesn't matter to me why I am an alcoholic, or what I was thinking before, during and after I was drinking.

It only matters to me I don't do it anymore - and the fundamental step there for me was to aim for abstinence, and committed myself to doing whatever I needed to do to make that happen.

After years of making it hard, I made it simple
D

joedris

Art, Get back to AA. Whether or not you're an alcoholic or not is your call, but it sounds to me like you're powerless over alcohol and that your life is unmanageable. This time, though, try and relate to what others say rather than compare yourself to them. Every one of us has a different story, but the theme is always the same.

Stereosteveo

Joe and Charlie answered nearly all of my questions. They explained to me in detail what happens when I drink, what happens when I don't, and why I'm an alcoholic. Thank God for Joe/Charlie.

NEOMARXIST

Hi Art, Ditto what many of the above say. When you went to AA before it may not have been your time. You probably weren't ready and were looking at excuses as to why you are different and not like the others in the rooms.

Your story reminds me of myself in many ways. I too was a binge-drinker very similar to yourself in many ways. But I could see how that would transform into 24/7 drinking eventually if I carried on. The YETS that you will hear talked about i.e- losing driving license, employment, criminal record etcetc were beginning to become a reality for me and they will come eventually if you're an alcoholic; that much is 100% certain.

24/7 drinkers didn't start out that way, many were just like you and I untill they continued with it and it progressed to losing everything and drinking 24/7. I know if I was to have continued drinking then I would have either ended up in prison, institution or more likely dead from either OD or suicide. That is the reality of my alcoholism.

I had to admit to my deepest and innermost self, but more importantly ACCEPT, that I am an alcoholic and I cannot drink. I know that 1 drink is too many and 100000 is never enough. I am an alcoholic. Maybe you are too? Only you can decide that and then take it from there.

All the best.

least

Welcome to SR! I'm glad you found us and joined the family. Lots of support and understanding here.

ArtofChange

I dont think there is any doubt in my mind that I am an alcoholic. The problem I see is that I have tapered it down so much since getting married last year. I thought I had it under control, when in reality, I was just losing control less often. While that may be a good start, its not the solution.

I've drank to get drunk since I was 15 years old. Parents divorced when I was 15 and it was pretty ugly. I stopped caring and barely graduated from high school. Then I went into the military and well, it seems that drinking is a requirement there. EVERYONE drinks in the military and most of them do it every night. I just binged on the weekends. And it has never really stopped from there. It's turned into a norm for me. I went out yesterday because I felt I hadnt been down there in a while and I NEEDED to just stop in. Hell, I was ready to go home after being there for an hour but then I think to myself, well, lets have a double that way I will feel like this the rest of the night. And from there it escalates.

About 6 months ago I would have my wife drop me off and pick me up at a certain time. While that kept it limited, I would just drink faster. I've got an issue. I'm 32 and pretty successful yet I act like a child when it comes to this. I have no control over it, this I realize.

Alcoholism runs in my family. On my mother's side, every generation had an alcoholic starting with my grandfather on back. It was normal to see him drink every time I visited. Everyone just accepted it. It's taken me up to just today to look at it differently. Now I just need to keep working from here to stop these cravings. THats what it is, it is a craving that I feel I need to feed even if its once a month. Very scary stuff.

ArtofChange

So tomorrow morning, after a night's sleep and the nightmare of last night quickly fading to a distant memory, how do I keep motivated to stop this? I mean, in the past, I will go for a couple of weeks feeling good and think I can handle it again. I dont want to do that anymore.

I'm scared of changing I think. I've played golf for several years and I've always had a slice. I cant picture myself not having a slice when I hit a golf ball. Thats just how its always been and I've adapted to it. This is exactly like that. THe same feeling. I cant picture myself not getting drunk ever again.

Dee74

For me, as I said, the only way was abstinence.
I tried 'not to slice' for 20 years - never could - so I gave up trying altogether.

Change is often difficult to face and frightening to go through - thats why a good support group is critical I think...not only here, but a face to face component seems to work well for most people - here's a link to some of the main recovery programmes

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html

D

2ndGen

Hey Art, it's classic. I remember my ex telling me I'm alcoholic so I checked definition of 6 drinks a day and I did not qualify, I drank bottle of wine on weekends and had bad overdose every couple years. Turns out I was as much alcoholic then as I am now except now I overqualify. Folks here will tell you AA is the answer. I say go for it you have nothing to lose. It does not get any better.