mirage

Art...that last paragraph of your last post is EXACTLY how I feel. I've only stopped drinking 29 days ago..I binge drank, too...but 5 nights a week. I try not to think of "forever"..it's overwhelming. I come to this site every day and read a lot..it helps me stay focused. Re-read your posts..it'll help remind you where you don't wanna be.

You said.."That's just how its always been and I've adapted to it." Me too. Now I'm adapting to NOT drinking. For me, part of it is re-training myself. The more I don't drink, the more that becomes who I am. It can be done..and I think it gets easier in time. I'm banking on that. Best of luck to you!!

Kjell

I echo the thoughts of all - only you can determine if you're an alcohalic or not.

...but boy you could have written this about me. I was the same way, I didn't drink everyday, but when I did, it was very unpredictable and only getting worse with time. My "fun" was really becomming dangerous and I knew it. Everyone seemed to know it, but me. This is a progressive disease and it only gets worse, never better.

22 months ago, when I first walked into an AA room, I thought they were all crazy and that I was somehow better. I didn't think I belonged, even though I thought I may, possibly, just maybe, be an alcohalic.

From that time to today, I lost my girlfriend of over 2 years, got fired from a great job of over 11 years, had to move from a town and state I loved. I still thought I'd be ok, still didn't want to accept it, then the blackouts started and I got two dui's and totalled two cars. All this in 22 months!

I hope you're different. I hope you're not an alcoholic.

joedris

How do you keep motivated tomorow morning? Start going to AA meetings again. Everyone's talking about AA except you. Start living in the solution, not the problem.

ArtofChange

Well, it is day 2. Things are a little different this time around. I have been so overwhelmed with thoughts of the stupidity behind my actions, I left the house and forgot enough things to warrant turning around and coming in to work a few minutes late.

I'm ashamed of myself, thats the bottom line. And the sick thing about it is, I caught myself thinking that it will be ok if I continue to drink every now and then. See, even though I am bothered by my actions when I was drunk, I'm still looking past the fact that being drunk was the problem. In my mind this morning, drinking is the norm, its my behavior when I drink that is not. So I should just try to act normal when I drink right?

I know the answer to that. I am just trying to project my thoughts. I need to reprogram my life I think. Well, at least that part of it. I have to learn that the party is OVER. I'm out of the military. I'm out of college and I am married to the woman of my dreams.

I've been to AA before. I just didnt feel right there. I was surrounded by people who drank every day, non-stop. I felt bad complaining about my problem that occurs every other weekend for one night.

24hrsAday

Have a Great Sober Day #2 Art!

north

I never drank daily either, and in my own case, even with drinking frequencies as low as once a week, my problem was going overboard in about 20-25% of the time I did drink. Rather than focus on other former alcoholics who differ from you because they drank daily and you don't, try and focus on the common points. Namely, that you're not able to control your drinking and that it's causing more and more harm to you in numerous ways.

Wolfchild

Welcome to our Sober Recovery community!

ArtofChange

Did you go to AA north? I'm glad you posted, now I know that I am not over reacting.

I would say that I'd go overboard about 80-90% of the time. If I couldn't drink to get drunk, I wouldn't drink at all. Why else would you have a drink? That is my thought process about it.

mmeat

Thats the one thing that separates us alcoholics from the rest of the " normal" people! I would get so frustrated when after work on Fridays..(military too)...we would all head to the Junior ranks club to have a couple of beers to end the week. Of course most of the guys would have 2 beers, get in their cars and go home for the weekend. Not me, or one or two of my alcohoic buddies. We would have 2 beers.....get that magical buzz on, then shift 'er into high gear and proceed to get snotfaced. Why can't I just have 2 beers and stop??? I get bad headaches if I stop at 2 beers
We'd be hammered by suppertime and while my buddies were single they could go out and keep the party going, I'd have to go home to my wife and kids. Of course I'd have to pick up more beer on the way home....drink a few more then proceed to blackout. Boom. Friday night ruined. Saturday would be a huge hangover while looking after the kids, being cranky and miserable, waiting for the wife to come home so I could get back into the drinking.
Sick sick sick isn't it? I did that for years until I changed my workplace and got into a routine where I didn't hit the bar Fridays. Unfortunately now that means I usually pick up beers and just get drunk here at home all night. Without buddies.
I'm getting better..mostly cause I've been in a bad car accident and appreciate life and my health more...but the cravings are still there. I know if I have one or two, I'm going to just give in and get hammered. So I'm just trying to abstain, and it's going pretty good so far.
Anyhow...sorry to highjack your thread, it just feels good to share. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone, and you have tons of support here from people who know EXACTLY how you feel. Keep posting...keep trying and keep reading.
Have a good one.

ArtofChange

no need for apologies as you didnt highjack anything.

Since I can remember, drinking was a "norm" for the people I had to associate with every day. High school, military, college, etc. Now it isnt the norm as I am married and stay home every night but one or two a month. But it's that one or two nights that get me into trouble. It's almost like, well it is like I feel obligated to get drunk at least every now and then to stay normal.
I get bored, I meet friends out. Just like I always have.

mmeat

...I hear ya. And with a busy household/working wife/3 kids...I usually feel like I " deserve" a night out with the boys. Crappy part about that, is that it usually turns out into coming home at 4am having spent tons of money I should'nt be wasting on booze/cabs...having made a fool of myself at some stupid club I don't belong...having conversations with aquaintences and having to call them the next day asking if I made an ass of myself or said anything bad. Then having my whole next day ruined because of the massive hangover and feelings of remorse and withdrawls. Yay alcohol...

ArtofChange

Man, you sound exactly how I am thinking. Have you stopped all together, and if so do you have any pointers? Did you have a discussion about this with your wife and if so, what did you say and is she supportive?

Sorry for all the questions! :-)

mmeat

..lol..I was thinking the same thing. Hey, I wish I could tell you that I've stopped drinking, but I can't. I have cut back ALOT though. I was in a really bad vehicle collision a few weeks ago, so I've been more preoccupied with my health, and getting better....spending time with family etc.
But lately the craving is coming back. More and more I find myself wanting to go out and get drunk. I saw some pics on facebook of my buddies at a Christmas party and I wanted to be there so much.
My wife sees how much I drink but she never says anything. The only time she has issues is when I used to go out all the time on Fridays after work and get bombed. She is somewhat naieve(sp?).....and says if I become an alcoholic she would have to leave. So I tend to hide the amount that I really drink. If I go out, I'll tell her I had 6 or 7 beers....when it was probably 12-15. Then suffer in silence the horrible hangover I will have.

bg1971

Your drinking sounds very much like mine. I wouldn't have it every day, some days I would have one or two and be fine, other days i would keep going until I woke up the next day not remembering when the night ended. It was so scary, and I was miserable. My wife was angry at me all the time, and I was depressed and unmotivated. I was not addicted to alcohol but I knew that I was abusing it. I got a great start on my recovery at AA, and even though I don't go anymore I still use the daily suggestions that I was given the first day I walked in. I think it is the best place to at least start.

ArtofChange

I went through a period that I would just take a 6 pack with me and when it was gone, it was gone. I used to drink every other night and the entire weekend. Then I got married and slowed it down considerably. But I still get that urge to get drunk about once a month. Then the guilt and disgust with myself keeps me out of the bar for another month.

I jsut need to start ignoring the urge I suppose. I'm hoping that I can come on here and read my thoughts the next time I get the urge so I know what the results will be if I were to go through with it.

I think at this point my wife thinks I am going a little overboard with my thoughts and worries although she can see exactly where I am coming from. It's so tough. I mean, I would be hard pressed to find a friend or acquantance that does not go out and have drinks with the guys every month, at a minimum. I just think this is a personal decision that I am making so that I dont screw my life up. I realize I lose control when I drink. I push it as far as I can push it just to..well, just to see how far I can go. What are my other buddies doing then? Just having some drinks to visit, get a buzz and go home?

ArtofChange

FEeling somewhat better this evening. I apologized to everyone that I believe I may have offended Saturday evening. I still feel pretty ashamed. I really went off on one of my best friends and apparently said some horrible stuff. I guess the good thing is that I have no interest in showing my face in that bar again after making an ass out of myself. THats the only bar I go to and I dont drink at home, so those are a couple of things working in my favor.

I think I can do this. I think I can change.

mmeat

..good man....Keep positive!

north

Yes - I went to AA and they really helped especially for the first two weeks of my sobriety when I purposely declined all social invitations. And, when I started to go out again, it was good to know there was a support group out there just in case. It's not perfect but it's the only support group I know for people who want to stop drinking that can be found in almost any corner of the world.

As far as the incidence rate of going overboard, even that 20-25% rate concerned me. I was afraid that one day I would do something terrible and irreversible. "Did you hear about North?" "Yeah, I heard he got drunk and ran over a bicyclist. Killed her instantly." "Are you sure? North?! I don't recall him as a problem drinker or anything..." "Ah, you haven't been around him enough. Sometimes he gets really wrecked. Doesn't even know his own name. Sounds rough though."

I also did some of the same things you indicated in this thread. My wife was also equally naive about my drinking and would believe me when I indicated I only had "5 or 6 drinks" when I had consumed well over 12 or 15 (who really keeps count?). As a result, she believed I had a very low tolerance for alcohol, and would tell her friends "North is such a lightweight! 4 or 5 drinks and he's drunk!"

ArtofChange

Being afraid of doing something irreversable is the biggest reason I want to quit. Someone referred me to a tacked thread that talked about going out and looking around your car to see if you had hit anything on the way home the night before. Well, I did that prior to finding this website. I just about vomitted when I read that on here.

My wife isnt really naive. She knows whats going on. She is just afraid to confront me about it because I get mad when I drink. I never hit her or even call her names, but I insist that she is trying to prevent me from having fun. In reality, she is trying to prevent me from killing myself or someone else. She and I had a long discussion about all of this on Sunday which was a first for me. I opened up to her, and told her my thoughts about my actions, etc. She will help me through all of this, that I am thankful for.

mmeat

It's great you can be honest with your wife. Oh god....how many mornings did I look out into the driveway at the car perfectly parked and not have a damn clue how I got home