A time to grow..willing to see what's wrong with me.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Metro Boston
Posts: 26
A time to grow..willing to see what's wrong with me.
I'm glad I found this forum. Power of google search. I've been tossing and turning in my bed since 10 pm. I made a couple of phone calls to some AA'ers in my network but at 10pm, it's a little late. Thankfully I use the tools in the last couple of hours. I physically hit my knees and asked god for guidance. I am looking at what I am responsible for and what my part is in this uncomfortable situation. Like step 10 talks about, I am not qualified to distinguish between justified or unjustified anger. When I am disturbed there is something wrong with me.
I had a disagreement with an AA'er tonight and I was told I was a sick person in need of help, I was told unsolicited, after he overheard a conversation I was having with another AA'er about something private but aa related, not concerning him at all. The most uncomfortable part was, I put in 8 hours of Plumbing and Heating work at this AA'er house earlier in the day, finished the work, got paid, and now he is telling me I'm sick. I still can't believe what happened. I immediately told him that was uncalled for and he jumps in his vehicle and speeds away and beeps. I'm in awe. I dialed his cell phone, left a message. He calls back and apologizes but justifies what he did..
..My pride got in the way and my feelings were hurt. I took that check and ripped it up in little pieces and told him to keep the money. Now he gets pissed and wants a man to man talk...:wtf2....I guess it's not wise to mix work and aa together because of the conflict of interest. It's my first time ever doing work for an AA'er and the last. This guys is in my home group. I could have used the money, too, as I will get the material bill and have to pay it now, but I feel like this money is dirty in some way, my pride will not let me take that money, even though I earned it....I guess at 5 years sober he has everything together, I'm glad at over 15 years sober, I can say I need even more help today, just like I did when I first came into AA. I was taught, that if you cannot help an alcoholic, don't hurt one. I guess that does not apply to everyone.
Right now, I'm just trying to get my own house in order, practicing the steps and minding my own business. The problem is, I'm hurt by that comment right now and it makes me feel sad. I feel sick, useless, and all those old tape's are playing again...I know I have a thinking problem and can admit that I am not my best in AA right now, but I still have physical sobriety and I have a shot as long as I do that. It hurts most because I feel like I was kicked when I am already down, after I shared some stuff earlier with that guy. What a stupid risk I took. Who can you trust?
When I was 13 years sober I stopped going to as many AA meetings. Little by slow I reduced my attendance at AA to no meetings. Thankfully I stayed sober and I did make it back to AA 2 months ago. @ 26 years sober, my friend took his own life after battling severe depression. His death brought me back to AA. I belong here. I feel like I need aa more now then when I first came. I've been going to 1-2 meetings a day, I'm active in my group and going on commitments, back in another step meeting, improving my contact with god, and I'm making myself available to a new comer.
So, at 1am right now, I'm getting back on my knees and I am going to do step 10 again, and find out what is wrong with me. I refuse to point fingers at someone else. I refuse to tell another AA'er, that they are sick. We are the ones that hold that sick card. Just like our disease, if you can't see something wrong you can't make changes. Maybe that guy is right, I am sick, We all have thinking problems, that's why we are in AA..lol...but there is a way of doing things and a code of conduct.
I feel better now that I got to say what I did above. I'm feeling better already. I just want to do the footwork, get better, keep coming to meetings and get my inside back in order and get right with god.
J.L.
Metro Boston.
I had a disagreement with an AA'er tonight and I was told I was a sick person in need of help, I was told unsolicited, after he overheard a conversation I was having with another AA'er about something private but aa related, not concerning him at all. The most uncomfortable part was, I put in 8 hours of Plumbing and Heating work at this AA'er house earlier in the day, finished the work, got paid, and now he is telling me I'm sick. I still can't believe what happened. I immediately told him that was uncalled for and he jumps in his vehicle and speeds away and beeps. I'm in awe. I dialed his cell phone, left a message. He calls back and apologizes but justifies what he did..
..My pride got in the way and my feelings were hurt. I took that check and ripped it up in little pieces and told him to keep the money. Now he gets pissed and wants a man to man talk...:wtf2....I guess it's not wise to mix work and aa together because of the conflict of interest. It's my first time ever doing work for an AA'er and the last. This guys is in my home group. I could have used the money, too, as I will get the material bill and have to pay it now, but I feel like this money is dirty in some way, my pride will not let me take that money, even though I earned it....I guess at 5 years sober he has everything together, I'm glad at over 15 years sober, I can say I need even more help today, just like I did when I first came into AA. I was taught, that if you cannot help an alcoholic, don't hurt one. I guess that does not apply to everyone. Right now, I'm just trying to get my own house in order, practicing the steps and minding my own business. The problem is, I'm hurt by that comment right now and it makes me feel sad. I feel sick, useless, and all those old tape's are playing again...I know I have a thinking problem and can admit that I am not my best in AA right now, but I still have physical sobriety and I have a shot as long as I do that. It hurts most because I feel like I was kicked when I am already down, after I shared some stuff earlier with that guy. What a stupid risk I took. Who can you trust?
When I was 13 years sober I stopped going to as many AA meetings. Little by slow I reduced my attendance at AA to no meetings. Thankfully I stayed sober and I did make it back to AA 2 months ago. @ 26 years sober, my friend took his own life after battling severe depression. His death brought me back to AA. I belong here. I feel like I need aa more now then when I first came. I've been going to 1-2 meetings a day, I'm active in my group and going on commitments, back in another step meeting, improving my contact with god, and I'm making myself available to a new comer.
So, at 1am right now, I'm getting back on my knees and I am going to do step 10 again, and find out what is wrong with me. I refuse to point fingers at someone else. I refuse to tell another AA'er, that they are sick. We are the ones that hold that sick card. Just like our disease, if you can't see something wrong you can't make changes. Maybe that guy is right, I am sick, We all have thinking problems, that's why we are in AA..lol...but there is a way of doing things and a code of conduct.
I feel better now that I got to say what I did above. I'm feeling better already. I just want to do the footwork, get better, keep coming to meetings and get my inside back in order and get right with god.
J.L.
Metro Boston.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Hi
I am certain if my sponsor read that he would say get yourself a sponsor and go back and work through the steps, have you been doing the steps once a year as suggested by some etc...
He has a sponsor who is 40 years sober and he has 24 years sobriety...
Hope that helps:-)
I also hope you some sort of resolution with the other guy in AA, maybe he needs a trip through the steps again too, sounds like some character defects are still hidden nicely away waiting for 'justifiable' returns to the surface?
My sponsor also says that i will be learning for the rest of my life and he is too, so thats all good!
I am certain if my sponsor read that he would say get yourself a sponsor and go back and work through the steps, have you been doing the steps once a year as suggested by some etc...
He has a sponsor who is 40 years sober and he has 24 years sobriety...
Hope that helps:-)
I also hope you some sort of resolution with the other guy in AA, maybe he needs a trip through the steps again too, sounds like some character defects are still hidden nicely away waiting for 'justifiable' returns to the surface?
My sponsor also says that i will be learning for the rest of my life and he is too, so thats all good!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Metro Boston
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by Dee74 
Hi JL
I'm not in AA but I do know sobriety makes very few of us saints.
Welcome to SR
D
I'm not in AA but I do know sobriety makes very few of us saints.
Welcome to SR
D
I know there are AA'ers here who identify with me. I'm never alone even though for a couple of hours tonight, I felt alone. That's on me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Metro Boston
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by keepcominback
We make a mess, we clean it up. (Even though I understand, you feel your part in this, is so not equal to his, I get that!!!) Do it anyway. Practice the principle of love. 
To be honest, right now I can't think about "love" towards that fellow AA'er. I don't have it in the tank. I don't even have resentment right now, as much. I just want to process what happened, find what I have in it, and pray for, what god would want me to do.
I don't want to hate, I don't want to resentment...I'm an alcoholic who wants peace and love. But I don't have much love right now for those who wrong me today. lol...I'm gonna pray.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Metro Boston
Posts: 26
[QUOTE=keepcominback;2503723] Thanks, I agree. I had no one up to call in my network. It's 2:20AM here now and I'm getting help and feeling better. 
Originally Posted by AABoston
I know there are AA'ers here who identify with me.
Welcome, and I just also wanted to share that there are many members in AA that post, and follow under the 12 step forum...listed under the alcoholism forum.
There are many awesome people here, so keep coming back! It's especially good I find, when it's too late to call people, and I am spinning out, I can post, get immediate feedback, advice, what a gift this Sober Recovery site is because of the people here that share.
Welcome, and I just also wanted to share that there are many members in AA that post, and follow under the 12 step forum...listed under the alcoholism forum.
There are many awesome people here, so keep coming back! It's especially good I find, when it's too late to call people, and I am spinning out, I can post, get immediate feedback, advice, what a gift this Sober Recovery site is because of the people here that share.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to our recovery community....
I do find a nightly inventory and prayer immensley useful.
Good for you!
You might want to do a Step 4 on this situation tomorrow.
Yes....out of the book....in 4 colums....
I'm sorry your friend died...but glad it re started your AA work.
Forward we go....side by side
I do find a nightly inventory and prayer immensley useful.
Good for you!
You might want to do a Step 4 on this situation tomorrow.
Yes....out of the book....in 4 colums....
I'm sorry your friend died...but glad it re started your AA work.
Forward we go....side by side
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Metro Boston
Posts: 26
I got up this morning and the first thing that was on my mind was last night's uncomfortable situation. The second thing I did was get on my knees and ask god for the strength to get through a day.
I talked to my network of AA'ers this morning, and asked how they were doing?
They told me what situations and uncomfortableness they are going through. I forgot to mention what I experienced last night....this program does work.
I talked to my network of AA'ers this morning, and asked how they were doing?
They told me what situations and uncomfortableness they are going through. I forgot to mention what I experienced last night....this program does work.
Don't resist, allow
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: South East of England
Posts: 1,521
Hi and welcome to SR. Google is a great thing !
...but is that the programme working? You still will not be banking the check because you ripped it. This man now has work done by you which he is unable to pay for. That puts in a really unpleasant situation. He has to live with that now....Your pride is really causing harm here, don't you think?
I think you had good advice about actually writing an inventory on this, talking it through with a sponsor or someone honest enough to help you see the truth of how 'self' got you into this resentment, working the rest of the steps etc.
For a really stubborn resentment which keeps playing, even when the steps have been worked I follow the instructions on pg 552 (from half way down page) to the letter. It always works. Resentment cannot live in the presence of prayer.
Take care.
Originally Posted by AABoston
I talked to my network of AA'ers this morning, and asked how they were doing?
They told me what situations and uncomfortableness they are going through. I forgot to mention what I experienced last night....this program does work.
They told me what situations and uncomfortableness they are going through. I forgot to mention what I experienced last night....this program does work.
...but is that the programme working? You still will not be banking the check because you ripped it. This man now has work done by you which he is unable to pay for. That puts in a really unpleasant situation. He has to live with that now....Your pride is really causing harm here, don't you think?
I think you had good advice about actually writing an inventory on this, talking it through with a sponsor or someone honest enough to help you see the truth of how 'self' got you into this resentment, working the rest of the steps etc.
For a really stubborn resentment which keeps playing, even when the steps have been worked I follow the instructions on pg 552 (from half way down page) to the letter. It always works. Resentment cannot live in the presence of prayer.
Take care.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Metro Boston
Posts: 26
Originally Posted by intention
Hi and welcome to SR. Google is a great thing !
...but is that the programme working? You still will not be banking the check because you ripped it. This man now has work done by you which he is unable to pay for. That puts in a really unpleasant situation. He has to live with that now....Your pride is really causing harm here, don't you think?
I think you had good advice about actually writing an inventory on this, talking it through with a sponsor or someone honest enough to help you see the truth of how 'self' got you into this resentment, working the rest of the steps etc.
For a really stubborn resentment which keeps playing, even when the steps have been worked I follow the instructions on pg 552 (from half way down page) to the letter. It always works. Resentment cannot live in the presence of prayer.
Take care.
...but is that the programme working? You still will not be banking the check because you ripped it. This man now has work done by you which he is unable to pay for. That puts in a really unpleasant situation. He has to live with that now....Your pride is really causing harm here, don't you think?
I think you had good advice about actually writing an inventory on this, talking it through with a sponsor or someone honest enough to help you see the truth of how 'self' got you into this resentment, working the rest of the steps etc.
For a really stubborn resentment which keeps playing, even when the steps have been worked I follow the instructions on pg 552 (from half way down page) to the letter. It always works. Resentment cannot live in the presence of prayer.
Take care.
I feel at this time I don't owe an amends or expect one. If praying and letting go invites conversation from that party in the future, so be it, then I will address it.
I have an understanding of what my part is in the situation and now I am at peace and have an understanding of what god would want me to do. I'm letting go, cleaned house, and now it is in gods hands. Self will causes me to rip up checks. Self-will, anger and resentment are luxuries that I can't afford anymore. I'm not qualified to handle it.
Thank you for this board for the help last night, I'll be sleeping well tonight.
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