SomeCallMeTim

My friend this disease is an allergy of the body and an OBSESSION OF THE MIND! You are dealing with the mental aspect right now. If you are an AA'er and have a sponsor CALL them! Hit a meeting! Don't be so hard on yourself. It's the disease talking. It's not who you really are. You are a good person with a bad disease. Please remember that. :praying

keithj

What just happened is this, from AA's Big Book, Ch.3,1stEd

"The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink."

There are a couple of stories in that chapter that describe exactly this sort of thing. You're not pathetic. You're just an alcoholic who has not recovered.

shelly009

I know how that feels. Almost like, if you buy it then you already failed right.

Buying the bottle doesnt mean failure, drinking it on the other hand is a whole different story.

IN FACT, I would say that buying a bottle of booze and then dumping it is the oppisite of failure, its victory!!! How many people could do that!

SexyCeloryStick

sorry everyone.... I am back at square one.... I did watch the Rain in my heart video..... maybe that will be me one day

The support of this forum is amazing and inspiring, however it isnt enough for what I need. This relapse tells me I need more help then signing onto a board whenever I feel weak. Inside me I was sure that drinking would be a thing of the past afer being sober so long...

Somewhere out of the blue, almost 3 months later. BAM... an urge so strong I said "F my marriage, F my respect with the family, F what I just learned after my first DUI, and almost after almost three months sober... I ruin it.

Iit only takes 1/4 the alcohol to get me drunk... it gives me that feeling again, the one that I had when I was 17 drinking in my parents barn.

Then, I was just being a teenager, now, I am just concerened about my problem, and how good it feels.

Here i am, sitting on the kitchen floor typing this all... wondering if my wife will come down catch me, and sooner or later give me teh papers for a divorce...

Wolfchild

As long as your still able to breath
it's never to late to stop drinking.

TakingCharge999

I am sorry the hurt and suffering you have lived has not been enough and you are looking for more of it. I hope you remember you are a valuable person that deserves joy. I hope you realize that by your choices you are creating the next loss - so do not act surprised when it happens.

Bamboozle

An urge is just an urge. Urges never have to be acted upon.

I had to find it within myself to stick with sobriety even when I felt that being sober was the last thing I should do. You don't have to "feel" recovery to do recovery. The bad feelings and urges always pass by. I simply ride them out no matter how horrible they are.

In my experience being sober has gotten better over time. It also helps that I'm in therapy and on meds for depression...something I should have done a long time ago...but at least I'm taking care of that now. Glad you checked in.

c49

Sorry to hear about the relapse... but thank you for posting.

Seriously, I am still tinkering with the idea of having one more drink. I even made plans for it to occur on Thursday but I went to a meeting instead. I despise AA as much as anyone except it works on those cravings.

I relapsed like you did many times over... virtually the same monologue too. What you posted will help me through today and get me to 5 weeks.

Thank You.

NeverLookinBack

This sounds like me.....except I usually am only able to go a few weeks before I get a really bad hankerin' for the hooch. At least you have not had any of that bottle. I hope you are able to throw it out. Think about how good you will feel weeks from now knowing that you didn't drink and kept up your sobriety. You will feel a LOT better about yourself. I think we have all tried to fool ourselves into thinking we can drink again, only to horribly regret it the next day. Like you said, you would have to start from scratch again. I'm pulling for you.