Trying
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 5
Trying
Hi, I've spent the last four weeks drinking from 15 to 20 beers a day, all day long and during this binge have had such intense feelings of self loathing depression over a wasted life, that I just can't stand it anymore. This has been my fourth relapse in the last ten months, since I've been trying to quit, and I've had more sober days in the last ten months then I had in the previous 8-9 years. Depression/Anxiety was always a by-product of my alcoholism and also fed it as well, but it's never been this bad before.
Since the first three or four days of quitting has always been so hellish, I'm trying to taper off before i quit. Right now this is my first day, and I'm just trying to hold out as long as I can before i have a beer and then hold out again. It's only been thirteen hours since my last beer and i've got slight shakes, an upset stomach and a head ache. I'm going to a meeting in an hour. And I'm just hoping if I could get a few kind words from folks. Thanks.
Since the first three or four days of quitting has always been so hellish, I'm trying to taper off before i quit. Right now this is my first day, and I'm just trying to hold out as long as I can before i have a beer and then hold out again. It's only been thirteen hours since my last beer and i've got slight shakes, an upset stomach and a head ache. I'm going to a meeting in an hour. And I'm just hoping if I could get a few kind words from folks. Thanks.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,868
(((Murray))) Welcome to SR! You can do this, hun. It's very simple, but it's not easy. Your life isn't wasted because your life isn't over. It's never too late to make positive changes in your life. Stopping drinking and going to a meeting are both extreme positive changes. You can do this...hang in there and just take it one day at a time.
Again, welcome to SR! Do a lot of reading on the forums. Lots of knowledge and good experiences here.
Again, welcome to SR! Do a lot of reading on the forums. Lots of knowledge and good experiences here.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Phitsanulok Thailand
Posts: 39
My last couple of years drinking were such desperate affairs as well. I would get a few days sober but then end up back drinking again. My life was such a mess, and I loathed myself for being so weak. I didn't think that relapse was a normal part of recovery, and I still don't. After years of battling relapse I managed to stop three years ago. Then staying sober just felt so easy. I really hope that you can manage this soon too, because living sober is such a great way to live.
Forum Leader
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
Posts: 23,031
Hey Murray, always good to see new people testing the waters of recovery. This can be the beginning to a great life, keep reading and posting, you'll see the many ways we achieve sobriety.
grateful to be here
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 426
murray i'm so glad you are here --- this is the place for supportive folks, i can tell ya that from experience. and you definitely have my support. keep stretching it out farther and farther. make sure to read anything and everything on this board that interests you (make sure to check out older posts and the sticky posts at the top of individual sections too) there is such a wealth of knowledge and more importantly unlimited supplies of wisdom here from people who know, people who have been where you are and went forward step by step. congrats on making your first step on doing something about it. keep coming back, keep posting, keep us up to date on how you are doing 
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome to SR and our Alcoholism Forum...
I too returned to drinking after I decided to stop.
Depression is why I began AA.
Please keep trying ...we do understand how
difficult early sobriety can be.
I too returned to drinking after I decided to stop.
Depression is why I began AA.
Please keep trying ...we do understand how
difficult early sobriety can be.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Posts: 525
Originally Posted by murray99 
...and during this binge have had such intense feelings of self loathing depression. Depression/Anxiety was always a by-product of my alcoholism and also fed it as well, but it's never been this bad before.
so now you're at the point where drinking won't calm you. In fact, it will make you worse. So you'll know that every time you take another drink, you're not solving the problem, you're enlarging it.
not a bad place to start your recovery.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by AcceptingChange
yep, alcohol helps calm us for a while, and then it starts to become the problem we were using it to solve.
so now you're at the point where drinking won't calm you. In fact, it will make you worse. So you'll know that every time you take another drink, you're not solving the problem, you're enlarging it.
not a bad place to start your recovery.
so now you're at the point where drinking won't calm you. In fact, it will make you worse. So you'll know that every time you take another drink, you're not solving the problem, you're enlarging it.
not a bad place to start your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Indianapolis
Posts: 161
murray99... thank you for posting that. I too am where you are. Booze has made me actually not like myself at times. I know that's unhealthy but it's the truth. A year ago I was about as happy as I had been in years and guess what (i hadn't drank in almost 30 days). So I went back out, and have steadily been digging my hole so I can die ever since. I want to stop digging. I want to be happy too. Booze is not the solution. I just hope I can learn that before it kills me....
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 5
Originally Posted by hughs dad
murray99... thank you for posting that. I too am where you are. Booze has made me actually not like myself at times. I know that's unhealthy but it's the truth. A year ago I was about as happy as I had been in years and guess what (i hadn't drank in almost 30 days). So I went back out, and have steadily been digging my hole so I can die ever since. I want to stop digging. I want to be happy too. Booze is not the solution. I just hope I can learn that before it kills me....
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