Weibe did it 24 hours!!!!!
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Join Date: May 2003
Location: Northern CA
Posts: 1,432
Originally posted by Ninerfan
And just how many more steps do you need to take before you stop completely? If that is what you intend to do?
And just how many more steps do you need to take before you stop completely? If that is what you intend to do?
This seems like a pretty simple question, which might be a good way to start what I was talking about in my last post.
My suggestion:
1. Choose a date in the near future. Announce it. Enlist the help of friends, online and at home. If meetings would help (online or face to face), great. Talking to others who are also quitting can be helpful.
2. Get rid of all the beer. Take a look at the last one and say goodbye to it. Make that act symbolic and memorable.
3. Plan for the "withdrawal" by getting the right kinds of food in the house, plus herbal teas, massage oils, candles....
4. Plan for the urges by getting activities scheduled for the afternoon and evening of the first couple of days, preferably including some moderate exercise (see #3).
5. Review your list of the costs and benefits of alcohol, updating it to your current situation. Post it on the refrigerator, and add to it often.
6. Make up some simple "slogans" which will help you keep your resolve in the face of urges or temptations. Write these down and carry them around with you. Say them out loud, several times a day.
7. "Just do it."
Don S
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi Weibe how are you today?
I hope you consider what Don has said. Make a plan and set that date. Then stick to it. You know that it can be done because you have already done it for a few days. So you have proved to yourself it is possible. Now you just have to continue the abstinance long term, for life if your ready to do it. The progress thus far has been awesome, and you should be grateful and I know you are for this little yet mangnificent accoomplishment.
Like Don and I have both said, don't go to the store to buy the beer and if it is around ask yourself the benefits you plan to achieve by opening it and then consuming it. I have a sense you still need that crutch in your life, I don't think your drinking to oblivion anymore but what benefits do you receive when you do drink? What are you feeling about yourself as you drink? Do you enjoy knowing you want to quit and plan to yet have that argument with yourself as you take that next sip? What's the point your find releaving in drinking in moderation? Because you can? Utlimatly you have to decide, but I agree with Don your moderation technique will be short lived and you'll eventually be back to where you started, and this I don't want for you. None of us do. Your gf is still growling at you right? She is awesome and patient with you don't risk loosing her by this continuation of moderation, especially because I want you to be happy with yourself.
I am your number one fan and rooting you on 24/7! Have a beautiful day!*hugs*
I hope you consider what Don has said. Make a plan and set that date. Then stick to it. You know that it can be done because you have already done it for a few days. So you have proved to yourself it is possible. Now you just have to continue the abstinance long term, for life if your ready to do it. The progress thus far has been awesome, and you should be grateful and I know you are for this little yet mangnificent accoomplishment.
Like Don and I have both said, don't go to the store to buy the beer and if it is around ask yourself the benefits you plan to achieve by opening it and then consuming it. I have a sense you still need that crutch in your life, I don't think your drinking to oblivion anymore but what benefits do you receive when you do drink? What are you feeling about yourself as you drink? Do you enjoy knowing you want to quit and plan to yet have that argument with yourself as you take that next sip? What's the point your find releaving in drinking in moderation? Because you can? Utlimatly you have to decide, but I agree with Don your moderation technique will be short lived and you'll eventually be back to where you started, and this I don't want for you. None of us do. Your gf is still growling at you right? She is awesome and patient with you don't risk loosing her by this continuation of moderation, especially because I want you to be happy with yourself.
I am your number one fan and rooting you on 24/7! Have a beautiful day!*hugs*
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Small Town, IL
Posts: 27
Hey you guys, I see what your getting at. I got lost, I did a double check and this isn't the AA board. That's why some of this dialogue isn't jiving with me either, Niner. I respect that Niner has a voice here just like everyone elses reply.
I can offer no real advice in this instance because I am working the program through the AA angle.
I wish the best to you weibe and hope that you make a commitment to live life sober inand find tools that work for you in order to do that. I guess if this threaded discussion is a tool for you than it will be interesting to see how it pans out. The fact that your here and actively drinking amazes me, because when I was actively using, I would avoid any thing that made me feel accountable. So I commend you on the fact that your still reaching for help. I didn't think I could do it at first, but the rewards are endless.
Jesica
I can offer no real advice in this instance because I am working the program through the AA angle.
I wish the best to you weibe and hope that you make a commitment to live life sober inand find tools that work for you in order to do that. I guess if this threaded discussion is a tool for you than it will be interesting to see how it pans out. The fact that your here and actively drinking amazes me, because when I was actively using, I would avoid any thing that made me feel accountable. So I commend you on the fact that your still reaching for help. I didn't think I could do it at first, but the rewards are endless.
Jesica
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 2
I just wanted to let everyone know how much this thread has helped me. I haven't posted since I was having a horrible home detox from alcohol - and I think I posted about that in the newcomer's section. Well, I went back out again within a few days and managed to end up drinking more than I had ever done before.
This time, I am using a combo of smart and aa. I have had to cut down on my own because the doctor said my only other alternative was to go to inpatient, and I have no insurance and not enough funds to take care of that kind of thing. I have been cutting down on consumption, been planning for withdrawals and urges, and have set my date for October 4. And yes, I have been reading the BB, listening to tapes, and attended a couple of aa meetings. I'm not sure which path I will choose from here, but there is no harm in combining the two for now.
Wiebe, if you are reading this, I think there are some aa slogans you might be interested in - "Keep coming back", "Progress, not perfection", and "You are not alone." Thank you for posting your progress, and thank you to everyone who contributed to this thread.
Emmie
This time, I am using a combo of smart and aa. I have had to cut down on my own because the doctor said my only other alternative was to go to inpatient, and I have no insurance and not enough funds to take care of that kind of thing. I have been cutting down on consumption, been planning for withdrawals and urges, and have set my date for October 4. And yes, I have been reading the BB, listening to tapes, and attended a couple of aa meetings. I'm not sure which path I will choose from here, but there is no harm in combining the two for now.
Wiebe, if you are reading this, I think there are some aa slogans you might be interested in - "Keep coming back", "Progress, not perfection", and "You are not alone." Thank you for posting your progress, and thank you to everyone who contributed to this thread.
Emmie
Member
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 763
Oh my goodness, if you miss a few days, what a lot of catching up to do!
Hi everyone in this thread, especially Weibe, and Don S. and Chy,
Weibe, don't you dare go away! You are very important to my sobriety, and I always look for your posts. Don S., yours is one of the most helpful voices I have found at this site, as is yours, Chy, and this all has made for most interesting and helpful reading.
I do think we all have to do what we have to do. I have spent 20 + years in and out of AA (mostly in) and I can say that it is the best thing that ever happened to me. However, long term, I needed to make the decision not to drink from my own mind, and what I know of this disease and my interaction with it, and... with the certainty that comes from experience. (How I wish that I could have done the simple path, rather than the complicated one!)
After the school of hard knocks (and I do feel lucky to have survived) I know that I cannot keep those synaptic connections fed, such that they always make me think of drinking, so for me, I now truly believe that abstinence is the only road. I won't speak for others. We are here to share our knowledge and experience, and mine is only one experience-I never want to forget that! It is worth noting however, that there is an almost unniversal commonality of experience among us that controlled drinking, while it may seem to work for a while, never does for long.
But, that is what makes these message boards so wonderful for me: that there is commonality of experience and individual experience that we can talk freely and openly about here. For me, the strongest suit in AA always was the "meeting after the meeting"- the coffee hour where a smaller group of us enjoyed each other's company and shared information. This forum is to me, much like that, and of the same great value.
Weibe, just remember, all these things that are said are "suggestions" in the lingo of AA (probably one of the reasons that the program works so well). There have been many "hard line" people I have run into in all those years, and while much of what they have to say is invaluable, they also tend to fall with a resounding crash when they do. Many embrace AA with a fervor that stops there, and ignores what I think is the true nature of the program, that it is a plan for living. Alcohol is a wall behind which most of us hide from life. Re-entry into life is not easy and requires an open mind and a stout heart. Let's keep those minds open and offer courage to one another. The best of this site does that very well!
Day 26 begins,
Gianna
PS. 60 degrees here, slight ripple on the water, bright sunlight, in short, a perfect day for a sail. Couldn't do that before. Too tipsy.
Hi everyone in this thread, especially Weibe, and Don S. and Chy,
Weibe, don't you dare go away! You are very important to my sobriety, and I always look for your posts. Don S., yours is one of the most helpful voices I have found at this site, as is yours, Chy, and this all has made for most interesting and helpful reading.
I do think we all have to do what we have to do. I have spent 20 + years in and out of AA (mostly in) and I can say that it is the best thing that ever happened to me. However, long term, I needed to make the decision not to drink from my own mind, and what I know of this disease and my interaction with it, and... with the certainty that comes from experience. (How I wish that I could have done the simple path, rather than the complicated one!)
After the school of hard knocks (and I do feel lucky to have survived) I know that I cannot keep those synaptic connections fed, such that they always make me think of drinking, so for me, I now truly believe that abstinence is the only road. I won't speak for others. We are here to share our knowledge and experience, and mine is only one experience-I never want to forget that! It is worth noting however, that there is an almost unniversal commonality of experience among us that controlled drinking, while it may seem to work for a while, never does for long.
But, that is what makes these message boards so wonderful for me: that there is commonality of experience and individual experience that we can talk freely and openly about here. For me, the strongest suit in AA always was the "meeting after the meeting"- the coffee hour where a smaller group of us enjoyed each other's company and shared information. This forum is to me, much like that, and of the same great value.
Weibe, just remember, all these things that are said are "suggestions" in the lingo of AA (probably one of the reasons that the program works so well). There have been many "hard line" people I have run into in all those years, and while much of what they have to say is invaluable, they also tend to fall with a resounding crash when they do. Many embrace AA with a fervor that stops there, and ignores what I think is the true nature of the program, that it is a plan for living. Alcohol is a wall behind which most of us hide from life. Re-entry into life is not easy and requires an open mind and a stout heart. Let's keep those minds open and offer courage to one another. The best of this site does that very well!
Day 26 begins,
Gianna
PS. 60 degrees here, slight ripple on the water, bright sunlight, in short, a perfect day for a sail. Couldn't do that before. Too tipsy.
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: Small Town, IL
Posts: 27
Hey, you know what else is a suggestion? To go out and try some controlled drinking. That's what the Big Book says. So when I think about whether I want to try that suggestion, or try the suggestion that the steps are just suggestions, I think, No, I'd really like to work the program. My sponsor has 27 years of AA and its not because she is wishy washy and let's me choose which guidelines I want to follow out of the big book.
Although I agree, listening to others advice can be taken as all suggestions. Mine included. I totally agree with that part of the above post. I also believe its important in recovery to really remember to identify with someone who is successful in the sobriety and has what you want.
Thanks all-
Jesica
Although I agree, listening to others advice can be taken as all suggestions. Mine included. I totally agree with that part of the above post. I also believe its important in recovery to really remember to identify with someone who is successful in the sobriety and has what you want.
Thanks all-
Jesica
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Now don't rub it in Gianna, still in the 90's here and I am so sick of it!
Your doing so good Gianna *big hugs* keep up the good work, I see you growing in sobriety every post. Your beautiful! Are you going to meetings? If so you'll be getting that 30 day chip soon! So proud of you!
IT CAN BE DONE IF YOU BELIEVE!
(smiling at Weibe)
Your doing so good Gianna *big hugs* keep up the good work, I see you growing in sobriety every post. Your beautiful! Are you going to meetings? If so you'll be getting that 30 day chip soon! So proud of you!
IT CAN BE DONE IF YOU BELIEVE!
(smiling at Weibe)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: the Netherlands
Posts: 141
Good morning everyone. Thanks for the posts. Over the last months a lot has changed here. I've broken out of the continuous drinking cycle and every week is better and more sober than the last. A big thanks for all the help, especially from Don & Chy. I plan to continue with precisely what has worked so far to completely eliminate booze from my life whether that takes weeks or even months. Ninerfan, if I take the negative things out of your posts then I basically have to agree that this thread may be sidetracking people. So, in fairness to everyone when I post a thread again it will be with "7 days". In the meantime I hope we all keep in touch, and I will keep checking in on the boards. Gianna, when you get that chip, how about starting a thread? If you do I'll see you there.
Take care,
Wiebe
Take care,
Wiebe
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Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 763
Hi Weibe,
Great to see you this morning, and thanks for the 30 day idea; I will do that.
Re: Ninerfan's negative things, and this thread "sidetracking" people, I emphatically do not agree! We need honesty like yours here. Look at all the great posts on this thread, one of the best that I have encountered. Why is that? Because you throw it all out there and everyone who posts here has had a strong message because of that. I feel it is so important to be able to be truthful. You have given me courage to do that, and I have gotten "negative" feedback as well. I say that in parens because I don't think any feedback is negative; it is food for thought, and I have gotten the best messages from contemplating the "worst" messages as it were. Gives me a chance to check my own thinking and revise if necessary.
Part of the problem I have always had in AA is that when you are doing well, it is very tempting to accept the pats on the head and not let people know what's really going on. This becomes even more the case when you have years sober, I think. Sponsors, of course, are supposed to keep you on the straight and narrow, and if they are good, they do, but still that raw truth is hard to share. In this thread you gave Don S. and Chy and Ninerfan all a chance, a foil, for their own commentary that has been invaluable. Boy, I am going to miss it if you don't keep sharing what is going on.
Being an alcoholic is a very humbling, and then, empowering experience, and I think the great benefits come from having a clear mind, the self-esteem that comes from grappling with the devil (we never conquer alcohol but we hold it at bay) and the community we share. Within this community is really the only place I can show my frailty and weaknesses, as well as my strengths. Early in sobriety I did that, as I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. Then I marched along racking up chips, sposoring people, starting meetings, doing esteemable things in my life. Soon I started believing that all this good stuff had to do with ME. I must be pretty together now, right? Just look at how far I have come, and all the friends I have...etc. Then life dealt me a not so nice deal: I found out my husband was cheating on me (while letting me support him), and to make a long story short I came back to New York to rid myself of him and forge a new life. Did all that, BUT I lost my community, my support group, and I didn't see it, since on the surface my life looked better than ever. Then Thanksgiving several years ago I walked into a party I had been invited to, someone shoved a glass of champagne in my face and said, "You're just in time for the toast". Well, you can guess....
Getting awfully long-winded here, but suffice it to say, that honesty is what I lacked. Through people like you I am learning that skill, and that is a biggy for a newcomer to see. Anyone here who goes to AA knows that the people everyone likes to focus on are the newcomers, and the most interesting of those are the recalcitrants. Personally, I think it is because those people who are fighting openly get all our juices flowing as we examine our own sobriety in their harsh light. The big caveat here, is that we also know the awful things that can happen to people who don't deal with their alcoholism, and that is why we try as quickly as possible to get them to the shelter of sobriety and keep them there. Love of fellow (suffering) man. When drink talks, bad things happen.
Back to you. When I logged on that night, that miserable night 28 days ago, yours was the message I focused on, and the one that got me to come back. I was feeling horrible, and the fact that someone many many miles away was stuggling took me out of myself long enough to get a grip.
Stay around Weibe,
Gianna
Great to see you this morning, and thanks for the 30 day idea; I will do that.
Re: Ninerfan's negative things, and this thread "sidetracking" people, I emphatically do not agree! We need honesty like yours here. Look at all the great posts on this thread, one of the best that I have encountered. Why is that? Because you throw it all out there and everyone who posts here has had a strong message because of that. I feel it is so important to be able to be truthful. You have given me courage to do that, and I have gotten "negative" feedback as well. I say that in parens because I don't think any feedback is negative; it is food for thought, and I have gotten the best messages from contemplating the "worst" messages as it were. Gives me a chance to check my own thinking and revise if necessary.
Part of the problem I have always had in AA is that when you are doing well, it is very tempting to accept the pats on the head and not let people know what's really going on. This becomes even more the case when you have years sober, I think. Sponsors, of course, are supposed to keep you on the straight and narrow, and if they are good, they do, but still that raw truth is hard to share. In this thread you gave Don S. and Chy and Ninerfan all a chance, a foil, for their own commentary that has been invaluable. Boy, I am going to miss it if you don't keep sharing what is going on.
Being an alcoholic is a very humbling, and then, empowering experience, and I think the great benefits come from having a clear mind, the self-esteem that comes from grappling with the devil (we never conquer alcohol but we hold it at bay) and the community we share. Within this community is really the only place I can show my frailty and weaknesses, as well as my strengths. Early in sobriety I did that, as I had nothing to lose and everything to gain. Then I marched along racking up chips, sposoring people, starting meetings, doing esteemable things in my life. Soon I started believing that all this good stuff had to do with ME. I must be pretty together now, right? Just look at how far I have come, and all the friends I have...etc. Then life dealt me a not so nice deal: I found out my husband was cheating on me (while letting me support him), and to make a long story short I came back to New York to rid myself of him and forge a new life. Did all that, BUT I lost my community, my support group, and I didn't see it, since on the surface my life looked better than ever. Then Thanksgiving several years ago I walked into a party I had been invited to, someone shoved a glass of champagne in my face and said, "You're just in time for the toast". Well, you can guess....
Getting awfully long-winded here, but suffice it to say, that honesty is what I lacked. Through people like you I am learning that skill, and that is a biggy for a newcomer to see. Anyone here who goes to AA knows that the people everyone likes to focus on are the newcomers, and the most interesting of those are the recalcitrants. Personally, I think it is because those people who are fighting openly get all our juices flowing as we examine our own sobriety in their harsh light. The big caveat here, is that we also know the awful things that can happen to people who don't deal with their alcoholism, and that is why we try as quickly as possible to get them to the shelter of sobriety and keep them there. Love of fellow (suffering) man. When drink talks, bad things happen.
Back to you. When I logged on that night, that miserable night 28 days ago, yours was the message I focused on, and the one that got me to come back. I was feeling horrible, and the fact that someone many many miles away was stuggling took me out of myself long enough to get a grip.
Stay around Weibe,
Gianna
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2003
Location: El Paso, Tx
Posts: 5,862
Hi Weibe!
Please don't go any where. We really need your message just as much as anyone elses. Like Gianna said, the newcomers, those working towards sobriety are the crux of keeping people like me with a little time of sobriety focused. Your message, your story and your progress has become an infalable part of this board. So you haven't quit. But your working day by day to get there and I am confident when it's your time, like I've said many times before you will do it.
So what if your doing it your way and not getting there as soon as we'd like to see. That's not ours to judge, though we try to nudge you gently in that direction. We all know all to well no one will get you to quit completly except you. So I will continue to be here to support you, nudge you gently along towards abstinence and hopefully help you find the reason your struggling to do so.
I don't abandoned friendship so easily as I have to work hard to achieve them. (One of my defects of character, trusting and letting people in). For some reason I have found you to be a dear friend as probably intended by my HP. There is always a plan Weibe I 'd like to think the friends you have found here, helping you achieve that ultimate goal is part of your plan. So you see you have to keep coming back!
By all means... start a new thread as this was your 24 hour celebratory thread to begin with.. and what an accomplishment that was for you. I know you have a few sober 24 hours under your belt now, and your progress continues.
Progress not perfection Weibe! I sure don't want to wait around until you get to 7 days to see you again. It's only a number. Set simple achievable goals, I found when I said I am going to try to get to X number of days it didn't work. It's one day at a time, discovering the power within you to make it to the next.
Now I hope to see you post tomorrow! Many hugs and prayers coming at you Weibe.
Please don't go any where. We really need your message just as much as anyone elses. Like Gianna said, the newcomers, those working towards sobriety are the crux of keeping people like me with a little time of sobriety focused. Your message, your story and your progress has become an infalable part of this board. So you haven't quit. But your working day by day to get there and I am confident when it's your time, like I've said many times before you will do it.
So what if your doing it your way and not getting there as soon as we'd like to see. That's not ours to judge, though we try to nudge you gently in that direction. We all know all to well no one will get you to quit completly except you. So I will continue to be here to support you, nudge you gently along towards abstinence and hopefully help you find the reason your struggling to do so.
I don't abandoned friendship so easily as I have to work hard to achieve them. (One of my defects of character, trusting and letting people in). For some reason I have found you to be a dear friend as probably intended by my HP. There is always a plan Weibe I 'd like to think the friends you have found here, helping you achieve that ultimate goal is part of your plan. So you see you have to keep coming back!
By all means... start a new thread as this was your 24 hour celebratory thread to begin with.. and what an accomplishment that was for you. I know you have a few sober 24 hours under your belt now, and your progress continues.
Progress not perfection Weibe! I sure don't want to wait around until you get to 7 days to see you again. It's only a number. Set simple achievable goals, I found when I said I am going to try to get to X number of days it didn't work. It's one day at a time, discovering the power within you to make it to the next.
Now I hope to see you post tomorrow! Many hugs and prayers coming at you Weibe.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: California
Posts: 233
Wiebe, if you want to post once a week that is fine with me. If you want to post once a day, that is fine with me. What is not fine with me is your continued drinking and posting. People generally come here to get encouragement to stop drinking and in short order they try and succeed or they try and fail. But at least they try to stop. I believe you are a sincere man who means well but if you aren't going to stop drinking then why do you continue to post here. Especially if you are not going to listen to and try the suggestions of others who have gotten sober. Honesty is a wonderful thing. It is one of the essentials to recovery in AA. But, in AA at least, willingness is the key. You can be a liar, cheat, and a thief but if you have the willingness to STOP drinking then you can succeed.
You are concerned for the newcomer and I applaud you for that. And obviously you have affected people on this board. I think you acknowledge that you could also influence newcomers negatively. In that they may come away with the idea that they too can drink in moderation and postpone the day of
quitting indefinately.
Wiebe, I can only hope that you come to a final decision as quickly as possible and not drag this or other threads out 'ad infinitum'. With that said I wish you well and no hard feelings.
You are concerned for the newcomer and I applaud you for that. And obviously you have affected people on this board. I think you acknowledge that you could also influence newcomers negatively. In that they may come away with the idea that they too can drink in moderation and postpone the day of
quitting indefinately.
Wiebe, I can only hope that you come to a final decision as quickly as possible and not drag this or other threads out 'ad infinitum'. With that said I wish you well and no hard feelings.
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