sobergirl77

I need to keep this as short as possible because I feel terrible physically right now...

But to make a long story short, I have finally and truly realized and admitted that I have a problem with alcohol - a serious one. After doing so well for a while last fall, I spent the last few months in one binge after another.

I'm having problems finding resources for detox... I'm trying to wean myself from alcohol right now like I've done before and this time around it is not going so well. I am constantly sick and anxious and beyond miserable... I called my local chapter of AA and they were supposed to call me back with detox info but never did. I'm going to try again today but... I don't know. I absolutely cannot go to the hospital because my business and livelihood depends on me working every day. (I'm self-employed with a web-based business). I have a horrifying fear of going to a hospital and being treated like a lame drunk... it's happened to several people I know. I can't leave the house for too long because I get shaky and weak, as I think my blood sugar is completely messed up over this.

Does anyone know what I can do? Any suggestions on how to feel better? I'm drinking vitamin shakes 2 times a day, drinking milk, etc. Who I can call? I'm in the Tulsa, OK area and I don't think I can take much more of this.

sobergirl77

I should probably add here that I desperately, desperately want to get sober. I never, ever want to even look at alcohol again. I feel like a prisoner to it right now. If I'm slowly cutting back one drink per day, is it going to kill me? Like 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, none? I have been trying that so far and I just feel sick and terrible every single day.

I need some reassurance from someone that this will go away and that the withdrawals will stop...

CarolD

Have you called your doctor?
That would be wise.

Call your local salvation Army.
They may have a de tox facility.

A teaching hospital often has de tox too.

Go to an AA meeting and ask for help.

Please read this for info...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

I never tried to quit by cutting down.
From what I understand
most find it does not work.


Hope this helps.

sobergirl77

I am too sick to go to an AA meeting right now, or I would. (In additional to withdrawal symptoms, I have a bad chest cold).

I'll try some of your other suggestions... weaning has worked for me two times in the past (to get me sober, it didn't keep me sober but got me physically away from alcohol which is what I desperately need right now). This time around I feel so horrible though, I never felt this way before.

Rimmy

Do you have a friend or family member (or someone from AA in the past) you could trust to drive you to a doctor, or a Walk-in-Medical, or Salvation Army? You could just say you are sick and want to go to the doctor... the chest cold might cover the detox to at least just get a ride somewhere from anyone.

I'm not one to talk, but if you are that sick, you should try to seek some remedy.

Regarding weening, just try to know the cut-off where the drink might aleviate some of the anxiety/pain, but is also prolonging your healing. I really hope you are feeling better and/or can get some help.

sobergirl77

OK, a quick update: I've decided that I can't do this on my own. I called a local detox/treatment facility and found out they have an outpatient program, so I'm going to do that. I am SO relieved... the day I get completely sober again, I will cry with happiness.

Rimmy

Good for you! Just knowing there is some help out there to make you feel better will hopefully take away a good portion of the anxiety. That alone is a lot! Get well soon.

GlassPrisoner

De-tox was the easy part, relatively at least. And, I later found out, the least of my worries. (Well, except dieing. But at the point, dieing would of been OK with me)

What I had problems with was staying sober after de-tox. They referred me to outpatiend after the inpatient, and I didn' go. They said I should get toan AA meeting the same day I left, I didn't.

Guess what happend ?

sobergirl77

OK, update again... posting here is helping keep me sane when I feel like I am on the brink of insanity. Apparently I was misinformed, there is no such thing as outpatient detox. I've spoken with several facilities on the phone today and they all require you to go in and stay in for at least 5 days. As much as I'm opposed to it, I think I may have to do it... I'm hurting so bad and feeling so awful that I'm willing to do anything to feel better. (Except drink). I'm in agony because I also have a caffeine addiction, and the caffeine withdrawal headaches are kicking in. But when I drink coffee it makes my alcohol withdrawal symptoms 100X worse.

I may be in agony now but... I'm thankful for it. I will always, always remember this hell. As soon as I can go through a detox I plan to attend an AA meeting every single day for at least 90 days. I need help, I am a horrible mess and I now have an absolute disgust and hatred of alcohol.

CarolD

I am sooo glad you are making wise plans!
Keep letting us know how you are doing please.

Drink oodles of water...aspirin for aches but use as directed.
I suspect your cold is also making this more difficult.

NoMoBeer

Although your messages sound "desperate," they are SO encouraging, and you will see that when you look back...

Praying for you and pulling for you -- happy you are de-toxing with help and under supervision... and also sounds like you have hit bottom -- you KNOW the only way to go now!!!! We will be here for you as you climb and begin your journey up to recovery....

Thank you for your posts... they are helping me and many others... and yourself!

Please keep us posted when you can.

Ken

least

Medical supervision during detox is a good idea. Withdrawal can be horrible (mine was) but it does get better. It sounds like you have pretty much decided to go to the five day detox. I think that is a good idea as you will be in a safe place to withdraw from alcohol. I wish you all the best. Do drink lots of water and fruit juice. Keep us posted as to your progress. :ghug3

Tazman53

sobergirl I would highly reccommend you continue to press forward ASAP with the detox! Trust this old goat when I say it is well worth it.

In the mean time call back the local AA hotline in your area and tell them a little birdie told you that you need a 12th step call ASAP, tell them what is up and that you need a ride to some meetings before you go into detox!

Hon the only requirement for membership in AA is a DESIRE to stop drinking! I have seen more then one person be welcome in an AA meeting drunk as a skunk!!! I was one of them! They treated me with love and respect, they had been there and done that!

I know one guy who showed up at meetings for weeks drunk, then one day he showed up grinning from ear to ear, he was sober!!!!!

sobergirl77

Here's another update...

Well, yesterday was an awful, awful day. I called a few detox centers and most of them were full. The two that weren't were just too expensive and required me to be there too long.

So I decided to just keep doing what I was doing... keep weaning. I made the switch from hard alcohol to wine.

I was OK most of the afternoon and evening. But by late night, when I ran out of the alcohol I had purchased (just enough for the day, no more than that or I'd be tempted), the bad withdrawals started up again. One minute I was feeling totally fine. The next... SEVERE anxiety, panic, shakes, dizzy, vertigo, racing heart.

When I began having (mild) auditory hallucinations early this morning after a completely sleepless night, I decided it was time to go to the ER. So I took a cab because no way could I drive, told the lady at the front desk that I was in bad withdrawals and felt awful. They sent me back immediately and took my vitals, asked some questions.

Surprisingly enough, the doctor and nurses were extremely capable and kind. I was so embarrassed but relieved to finally admit to a health care professional that I am an alcoholic. My vitals weren't as bad as I thought they would be - bp wasn't as high as it had been 2 days earlier at the walk-in. They weren't bad enough for them to admit me. They didn't have a detox facility at their location or they would have admitted me to that, though.

So the doctor prescribed me some librium and gave me a list of numbers to call. (The same numbers I already called unfortunately).

Today has been a little better though, and I have yet to take the librium. I may do it shortly before trying to get some sleep because I have been unable to sleep for days.

barb dwyer

SG -

I'm relieved to read that you've taken this step.

See?
It really wasn't as bad as you were afraid it was - just like the others reassured you.

Now when you wake up today -
read all this again -
and take that next step.

Please.

I'm sure there's others in you life you may not even be aware of right now ...
who are every bit as concerned and wanting the best for you ...
as we are.

There are so many better things in this life to focus a life around ... than alcohol.

Make your life - one of those lives.

Tazman53

Day 3-4 totally free of alcohol are the worst usually, you really should not be alone at all once you totally cut out the booze, some really bad stuff can happen and you may need some one to get you an ambulance ASAP!!!!

Like Barb said, reread the whole thread and take all the actions you can.

Rimmy

I'm glad you sucked up your pride and went to the ER... Your life is worth it, and in the end, I hope it was a relief for you. As Taz said, be careful though.

I hope today leads to a better tomorrow for you

BUTTERFLY-7

Rimmy you are so right our pride is one of our worts enemies, when we are facing on the "binge of breaking down,and surrendering, and admitting, to another individual whether a professional, or regular person, or your H.P., but I'm so Happy for you sober Girl 77 you are a miracle not waiting to be happening, but its happening already,your thread Brings "Awareness into my life and the life of many people who log on on this site your war stories will Help another, and Another, God Bless you, and I'll be :praying for you.

Signal30

I'm gonna make this reply really simple.

You are NOT going to be able to have or maintain your business and livelihood if you are dead. Untreated alcoholism has a nasty condition known as death. There is no cure for death, but this specific cause of death can be prevented. (Sorry I really don't mean to sound like a smart a$$)

Focus on your priorties.


Tom

GlassPrisoner

Thanks for reminding me where I came from. YUCK. I did that probably 12 times my last year....