M Jordan

I haven't had a drink in 3 months today and I have increasingly found myself starting to wonder if I was just in a bad place and I would be okay with drinking now. Maybe I could handle social drinking now. I question if people are able to drink again and not go back to their old ways? I am not ready to try it, but I keep getting this urge to believe I am okay with drinking. I can say that I would have a hard time letting anyone know since my friends and family are aware that I stopped. Guilt is a pretty good deterrent. I tried to change my life; no friends, AA, safe places, SR, faith, but since I stopped going to AA and started looking for answers in other programs things still haven't really improved. I have all the same problems I was facing a month ago, but they seem to be things I just deal with now. I have began to see some old friends (they encourage me staying sober) and I feel that sometimes I may be the one who made all my problems and now I have a better perspective on a limit. Although I vividly remember being told once someone like me starts there is no stopping. Then why do I feel I could? I don't want to go back to the person I was, but I can't say I have been that plesant since I stopped. With all the confusion and frustration in my head I am sure has worn people thin. I am sure drinking and me will never be good agian, but I sometimes keep thinking it might be. I don't even crave alcohol itself, that is what is odd.

Pinkcuda

My personal belief is this is the number one cause of relapse over and above anything else. I don't know whether you can or can't however, that's up to you to decide. It took me years to finally come to the realization that I'm not one of the ones who can.

Rob B

Can I be a social drinker? Absolutlely,If you are not alcoholic.

Set aside what your mind tells you for a moment and look at your relationship with booze. Could you control the amount you drink?every time, or when you start drinking do you loose all control. Why did you stop in the 1st place, was it outside circumstance or the inner voice guiding you, what happened with AA? Was it the God stuff? Let us know how we can help you, maybe you are not alcoholic, I am willing to help you find your truth.

Signal30

Now only you can determine if you are an alcoholic or not, but I can't help seeing two big things that caught my attention in your thread.

1) You only tried to change your life "AA".

When changing your life you cannot try, you must DO. Trying fails, otherwise if you succeeded in anything you would of DONE it.

2) Things still haven't improved in your life since you stopped going to AA. May I suggest you go to a meeting?



Half measures avail nothing. I think I can drink again to a alcoholic, is a precursor to relapse. Put 100% towards sobriety and AA, and you will find the answer to the question if you think your an alcoholic or not. Everybody I know who has had a decent amount of sobriety in AA are not trying it, they are doing it. As long as we do our absolute best in AA (and our lives for that matter), we WLL stay sober.


Tom

CarolD

Glad to see you here again Matt..

Are your 3 sober months better
than the last 3 drinking months?

Here is the link to your 1st post

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...here-goes.html

Why begin to pour more toxins down?

I found my healthy lifestyle and
my sober AA friends fill me with purpose and joy.

Wishing you the best as you continue to progress

reed

I don't see the point in drinking unless I'm going to get drunk. There is no point in having just one drink. I gotta get sh*tc*cked. So if I do drink again, I will drink to get drunk, even if I start socially-I know I will finish the job solo if needed. The question is, will I awake the next morning craving vodka? Will I get drunk everynite again. Will I wanna hit the slopes? Will I drink 24/7 again? Will I become physically addicted again? If you decide to drink again let me know what happens. I'm quite in the wonderings on this matter. I will be sober three months on the 15.

f911

For me, I cannot drink again. I abstained many times for several weeks only to convince myself, "see, I'm not an alcoholic". I would then go from a drink or 2 a day to drunk 24/7 over a period of a few weeks. ALWAYS HAPPENED, over and over and over. This went on for YEARS!

Finally got smart, I was an alcoholic and couldn't drink--at least for today.

jane

nandm

Congrats!
This sounds quite familiar to me. During my 20 year drinking career I had periods where I would stop drinking for one reason or another. I even spent one year of not drinking to disprove my ex-husband's statement that I was an alcoholic.

What I found was that each time I quit there would come a point where my mind would start to say "well, maybe you don't really have a problem", "remember all those times when you were able to drink just a few?", "since you've gone this long without a drink, you must not be an alcoholic", "one drink won't hurt, I can do that", and on, and on my head would go until finally I would pick up the drink once again. My experience has been though that once I picked up that drink again it wasn't long before my drinking was worse than it was before I had stopped. With each successive dry period my alcoholism just seemed to get stronger. Ultimately I wound up no longer able to stop drinking without some extreme help. I did not know how to live without drinking but could not go on living drinking. That was a miserable place to be.

The thing that stands out to me here is "I stopped going to AA". Why did you stop going to AA? Did you work all 12 of the Steps of AA? Did you find your life getting better with the application of the program (steps and principles) of AA? I ask these as rhetorical questions and do not expect you to answer them here. I ask because my experience is that until I worked all of the steps and learned to apply them in all aspects of my life, I did not see a lasting change in my life. I was desperate enough to stop drinking to do whatever was suggested by the program (Big Book) to help me. There are many times I don't feel like going to a meeting, don't feel like meeting up with other people and helping them but what I have learned is that when I just go ahead and do those things I do feel better and my life gets better. I had to not only be open to change but put one foot in front of the other to find that change in my life.

For many years prior to my accepting I had a problem with alcoholism other people saw I did. I had someone believing I was an alcoholic when I was 21 years old. Funny thing is they turned out to be right, it just took me 15 more years of drinking and screwing up before I figured out that they were right. Ironically, I tried over and over to not be an alcoholic. If willpower had anything to do with not drinking I would have been sober with no problem after my first few years of drinking. But although I was able to apply my will power to everything else in my life, alcohol was one thing my willpower had no control over. I am sure that today, I could go pick up a drink after nearly 7 years of not drinking and maybe just have one or two. But what I do know from my experience is that eventually that one or two becomes 6 or 8 and then 12 to 30 then who cares how many as long as I drink until I pass out.

I don't know if any of what I have written makes sense to you. It is just my experience of how alcohol has affected me and what it took to live without it. I do hope you are able to find peace with all that is going on with your right now. I would suggest considering going back to AA and applying the steps and see where that takes you before you go back out and try the drinking again. Either way, I wish you the best.

laurie6781

You know Matt I have been sober and clean a real long time now, almost 27 years.

I say this because, once in a while, when out to eat I will see someone at another table having A glass, yes just 1 glass of wine, and not even finishing that. My first thought is usually a "oh that looks good." Followed by a "why do they even bother, what in the h**l is the point in drinking a 1/2 glass of wine."

Nope, no way that:

I drank almost to death, alcoholism is progressive, and no way would this alkie ever pick up a drink. I know where it would take me.

So, the next time you have one of those thoughts, think the drink(s) through to the end. Think what happens to you when you drink. Think it all the way through to the awful awful hangover. Think how it destroyed your ambitions, didn't allow you to give your employer or your school courses your best effort.

I will also say, no matter what recovery program you choose, SMART, Life Ring, AA, etc....................None of them will work unless you give them your all and WORK THE PROGRAM. This is not something you "try", this is something you "do." You are playing Russian Roulette with your life.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Dee74

Everyone, and I mean EVERYONE here, has thought this at some time or another. Kept me enslaved to the booze for years.

For the vast majority of us, the answer is - no. we can't. We just can't.
not one drink - ever ever again.

D

chip

Hello Matt,
First off, congrats on 3 months! You should feel good about this accomplishment.

I'm not qualified to answer your question, but I can tell you some things about alcoholism. It's not a reversable condition. Once a person is an alcoholic, there is no return to "normal" drinking. This has been proven time and time again. Apparently certain heavy drinkers can go back to moderate drinking, but I'm not sure about the success rate for this. I think the safest thing to do is abstain.

Alcoholism, in many ways, is a disease of the mind. Our minds tell us it's alright. Denial is a large part of this disease. To paraphrase the big book of AA..."the idea that he can somehow control his drinking is the great obsession of every abnormal drinker". It's pretty normal for an alcoholic to convince him/herself that they can drink again after a peroid of abstainence....it's the very nature of the disease.

Alcoholism is progressive. That means that when a sober alcoholic resumes drinking, things will be the same or worse than they were when he/she quit. It never gets better.

Based on your posts, I gather that alcohol has caused you some problems in your life. Wouldn't it be best to leave it alone altogther? Do you feel you are missing out? I'll bet that you don't want to return to the misery booze has already caused in your life.

I work in a bar, and I know all sorts of drinkers.

Social drinkers don't "train to become" social drinkers...they are just that way without any effort. We don't see any social drinkers in AA or on these internet forums....they don't have issues with alcohol. A social drinker will never debate with themselves about when to stop....they can take it or leave it without much thought. Social drinkers don't ask other people for advice about their drinking. As a general observation, no one ever decides to "become" a social drinker....unless they really are a problem drinker in denial.

I personally crossed a threshold of tolerance for alcohol. Once I crossed that line, I could never go back. I'm not sure where the line was, but I certainly wouldn't be on this forum if I hadn't really crossed it. I'd say it's a safe bet that you would be best off to continue to abstain from alcohol. Even if you arn't an alcoholic, the chances that you can drink successfully decrease with each problem that alcohol has caused in your life. If it's caused you problems, then it is a problem. I encourage you to stay sober.
chip

Tazman53

M_Jordan first congrats on the 3 months sober!

I felt like that many times, for may years, I feel it is part of my disease talking to me, I refer to my disease as the beast! The beast is like a chameleon with me. It used to be that I would quit for a while (One time for a year and a half) and the beast convinced me that there was no way I was an alcoholic, an alcoholic could not go without drinking, so I would reward myself with a drink, in no time at all I was right back to drinking just as much or more then I was when I quit.

The beast used to drive me crazy if I did not drink, it was an obsession for me, in the end it was actually a physical need as well as an obsession that was destroyinh my very soul.

When I finally hit my bottom, I went into detox and then AA, the beast came right along with me!!!! In AA the beast got really sneaky, it let me feel for the first few months that I had her tamed, then I started thinking along the lines you are thinking now again.

The beast was really trying to justify to me that I could drink again, yet I kept looking at my record with booze and knew if I drank again my next stop was a slow alcoholic death. I kept hearing folks in meetings sharing how by working the steps the obsession to drink was lifted from them and as long as they maintained a fit spiritual condition they never even considered drinking.

Well I grabbed a sponsor and I worked the steps, sometime whil working the steps the obsession was lifted. I work and live my program the best I can, I am well aware of my record with alcohol and no longer obsess about alcohol.

I would suggest to "Check your record", have you quit before and started again? Were you able to "Drink Socially" again?

Ask your self this question:

Do non-alcoholics wonder if they can drink socially?

I will always be an alcoholic, so I have 2 choices:

1. To drink and die!

2. To work my program one day at a time every day and be free of the obsession of alcohol and be a happy and productive person.

If you are an alcoholic today you will always be an alcoholic. I use a program of recovery to maintain a happy sobriety. I chose AA, but no matter what program I chose in order to stay happy and sober I need to WORK the program of my choice, not with half measures, because when it comes to alcoholism there is no good long term results to be gained from half measures.

For this alcoholic I have to work it all the way or be drunk all the way!!!!

For me that is part of my disease, when I would quit drinking I would with time lose the "Craving" but would still be thinking about drinking, that for me was the obsession, the obsession was in my head. Once the obsession had convinced me to have a drink, once I started to drink that drink the craving would kick in, I know from my record that the second I have a drink, before I am finished with it I am already craving that second drink, from there on I have no idea where it will end.

I am an alcoholic, as a result I know I can never drink like a normal person, I could drink socially and become very drunk in public, but normal people do not get drunk every time they drink socially.

If you are not an alcoholic then drinking socially should be no problem at all.

I would suggest that you look at your record, decide if you are or are not an alcoholic first.

If you decide you are an alcoholic then you need to decide do you want to learn all about the progression of the disease by drinking or do you want to recover?

If you want to learn about the progression of the disease then the answer is very easy, drink!

If you want to recover then you need to take action!!!!

Choose a course of recovery and work it!

Keep in mind that drinking alcohol is merely a symptom of the disease of alcoholism, in order to recover from alcoholism an alcoholic must change!!!

There are plenty of programs of recovery with a course to guide one to change, none of them are easy at first, but if you work at it you can recover!

I chose AA, I worked the program, not half way or 2/3 of the way, but all of the way. I thouroughly followed the path of over a million other alcoholics who have recovered.

Today, and only today I am a recovered alcoholic.

I work my program:

I go to meetings.
I do service work.
I have worked all the steps.
I live the steps the best I can.
I pray and meditate daily.
I work with other alcoholics (Including my sponsee)
I read recovery literature.

All of the above sounds like a lot, but all of that takes less time then what I spent drinking!!!

My wife asked me a few months ago if I would drink again if I found out that I only had 3 months to live? I surprised myself with the honest answer I gave her, I said "No, I like being sober way to much!"

collinsmi

I found out I couldn't, every time I tried. I actually never wanted to be a social drinker.

1cor13

Can I be a social drinker?

I tried to drink like other people and tried to be social with it. I didn’t see the point in just having one. I think I would have liked to but it just wasn’t for me. Not to mention when I had one, like it or not a dozen or more followed. This was definitely a personal question one I had to find the answer to on my own. I’m not a social drinker. I’m an alcoholic and once I surrendered to that fact everything got a whole lot easier.

Pilgrim

Just for today, you don't have to answer that question. Just for today, go to bed sober. That's all you have to do. It's your only job today.

You already know the answer to your question. Ring your sponsor or someone in AA who could be a temporary sponsor and ask to go through Step 1 again. Then go through the rest of the steps over the next couple of weeks.

But just for today, don't drink. Maybe you can think about all that social drinking stuff tomorrow. No need to debate it today.

I pray to be shown the truth when I hear that rat voice of addiction. I am praying for you now. Some don't come back when they go and test.

Sheryl85

This is only a question you can answer. What I do know is that time and time again upon returning to AA, I’ve had folks tell me that they found out that staying sober was much easier than getting sober.

I hope you followed Carol’s suggestion and reread your original posting. Ask yourself this, if it was written by someone else and you were reading it for the first time does it sound like a social drinker to you? Perhaps before you step up to the nearest bar to try some controlled drinking, why don’t you give a few more meetings an honest chance? What have you got to lose? (Oh yeah…Your hard won sobriety that’s all.)

M Jordan

Thank you for all of your advice. I grasp,understand and believe I am an alcoholic. My actions have proven that. But after looking back at what I wrote yesterday, I am able to clarify my thoughts. In a more broad sense I am questioning the people I meet and read about. I begin to wonder someone who has 10-15-20 years of sobriety are able to have a drink and not revert to their old ways? And if so, how does the disease go way? Is it really about habit and mind set? Or is it something I will carry with me for the rest of my life? I know I can't even smell liquor without wanting to be drunk, but does that mean I will always be different? These are the questions in my head that allow me to start thinking,...can I ever drinking in a social setting again?



Also many of you have said I must work a program completely. Can't argue with that. Seems that I have been having a difficult time with finding something I am comfortable with. As for not attending AA that is my fault. I had a falling out with my sponsor, which is also a friend of mine, because I began to not focus on recovery as much as they wanted. And they are right. So I haven't gone back and started to look for answers elsewhere.

Pick-a-name

I see lots of "red flags" just in these first few sentences.....I'd say if it means enough for you to (1) know to the exact day how long ago your last drink was, (2) you did have enough trouble with your drinking in the past that you decided to stop drinking and (3) you are looking for "permission" to drink that it sounds like at the very least you will go back to whatever it was that you thought was a problem in the past.

David 1

"Cunning and baffling" - That pretty much says it all doesn't it?

Sobriety is not easy, but I would not ever have it any other way!!

Dave

reed

working the program diligently is tough, no lie in that. AA and the program doesn't seem to be a minderaser for me. Life does seem a bit more simplified though. Recovery is not my entire life & if it was it would bore on, no doubt in that. As far as drinking socially goes, its your own personal decision. Permission is not needed. If you need help again @ some point you probably know where the resources are by now.