GrouchoTheCat

Hi need to be,

I am sober today and today is all I have.

Oh, I'm a bit over a month, but I only worry about today now.

I had over 5 years sober about 15 years ago, but.... Does that really matter today?

Some relapse, some don't. My sponsor has been sober over 20 years, and hasn't relapsed yet!

Me, I've relapsed more times than I can remember.

AA works for me, today.

Just today....

Ted

BP44

The hardest thing I ever had to learn was that I don't know. And it was what finally got me back in AA. In 1991 I went from assisting cardiac surgeons to spending 4 months in a treatment center. I couldn't stop drinking early enough each evening to keep from reeking on rounds at 5:30am in the ICU. By the time we were operating I would be sweating, anxious and irritable. By noon I would be obsessively planning the evening's drinking. After repeated warnings, they decided that my grand services were a liability and I thought a stay in treatment might be helpful in saving my career. So I stumbled into the asylum with my golf clubs and a bunch of medical books. I was gonna bone up on some procedures while getting healthy and hopefully get in a round or two. I was amazed when they confiscated it all. And then they locked the doors behind me. Thus started this long road. Within 3 days I was at the 12th step and ready to heal all of the rest of you people who were obviously in greater need than me. I just knew I could figure this stuff out. After all, I'm an intelligent guy, I make good money, and I'm educated. I can learn this stuff. All of these suggestions these people made in AA just didn't seem justifiable. I mean, isn't this just a bit much? I was told that I think too much and that it was gonna get me drunk and then it was gonna kill me. And I didn't believe it. Not for a minute. And eventually, I got drunk again. And then I became a little more willing, and a little more openminded, but still with a lot of reservations. I stayed sober for a longer period of time this time, and then drank again. This time I stayed out there for a long time. When I finally made it back to AA I was broken. I hadn't lost the things I lost in the past. I didn't lose a job, wreck a car or get a DUI this time out. What i lost was dignity and self respect. This time I lost my soul. By now I was out of answers. I was out of arguments. I was in no position to argue about the nature of my condition nor the solution. I was finally beaten into a state of reasonableness. I was and continue to be teachable. And I believe that it has saved my life. It gets better each day as long as I follow directions. It doesn't matter what I think, it matters what I do. My thinking is for entertainment purposes only. I was told by one of those alcoholic's that keeps me grounded last night as I was trying to discuss my thinking with him...." I'm not going to crawl into your insanity with you" He then said, " Take a deep breath and relax and while you're relaxing this evening why don't you see if you can find and episode of "The Simpsons" on TV....it'll make a helluva lot more sense than whatever you're thinking". Guess what....in an instance, I was grounded in reality once again. In the program of Alcoholic's Anonymous I always get just enough and just in time. I wish you well on your journey.

Jhana

Hi Need,

Yes it is a good day to be sober. Long about the 5th day (tomorrow for you I think) you will feel pretty great...

As for me I addressed a lot of the "triggers" this week and that has helped me get past a danger zone, I think.

Jhana

needtobefree

Thanks again :0) Still here too Jhana - 5 days over. I'm tired and a bit cranky but generally ok. I saw my addiction counsellor today and he said really I should be taking it easy for a bit but I'm at Uni and can't afford to miss any time. It's a good thing I think, it keeps me busy which is really helpful. How are you doing now?

To the AA ppl out there - here's a quote from the big book that I found interesting :0)

"When the man is presented with this volume it is best that no one tell him he must abide by its suggestions. The man must decide for himself."

That about sums up where I'm at, too much enthusiasm from AA supporters will send me running but I do appreciate that the ppl here are trying to help :0)

stone

Hi Needto.

CarolD

Hi Need...good to see you are still sober.

Hmmm... our Alcoholism Forum is not only for AA
but we are sharing from our experiences.

You can use the Ignore User button if you wish.

I can not share on any recovery method
I have not used. Nor do I debate recovery.

Please check out ...

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...r-connections/

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-programs.html

Take care...we can win over alcohol

Tazman53

NTBF congrats on day 5, I certainly hope you do not feel I am ramming AA down your throat as the only way to get and stay sober.

I know for a fact that it can be done without AA, my father did it, he stayed sober for 19 years, went to his grave sober. My little brother did it on his own. So yes I know some folks can do it all on there own, with me I was far more pig headed then my dad or little brother, I drank for a lot more years then they did before I even started to think it was a problem for me.

All I can share is what worked for me, AA. I am more then aware there are other ways, but at this point in time AA I know has saved my life, I also know that anywhere I go in North America, Europe, & many other places in the world I have a family and support, all I have to do is grab a phone book and a phone, no paper work nor waiting, just people who have walked in my shoes at one time and are willing to support and love me.

RufusACanal

Thank you Taz!

Needed,

While I read your last piece and as you mentioned the cultish feel because of your experiences, when encountering those who are more direct in their AA opinions, like myself, I had immediate thoughts of several incidents in my life. I would like to share one with you.

In the late 80's, I had come off a binge and came to from a blackout in St.Louis. I was broke, but had several piece of luggage and I was sitting in the downtown Greyhound Station. No ticket and no idea why I was there. Somehow I got to the downtown Salvation Army Shelter; It was fregging cold I remember and I had a bottle of vodka in my coat; no idea where it came from.

I remember sitting on a cot in a huge room with other homeless men and someone asking me for a cigarette and telling me to watch my bags; they would be stolen if I was not careful. There was a older man, dirty and wearing tattered clothes next to me in his cot, talking to a plastic doll the size of my hand. The man talked to that doll as if he were talking to his daughter. He would laugh and wait for a response and begin again. I vaguely remembering him stopping and asking me if I was alright. I do not know how I answered. I was in that mood of desperation and depression; where were I go, who could I call, I needed more to drink, what was my plan, god, was I in a Salvation Army shelter? I passed out.

Morning comes early in a shelter; like 4:30 AM. I guess they want us out so we boys can get on the streets to beg from the morning work traffic, while they have time to scrub the vomit and crap out of the place. As I got my eyes open and realizing my head was the size of Texas, I noticed the doll on the floor next to the older man. When I looked up, he was dead; I knew death well at this point as I had witnessed other alcoholic deaths, but nothing hit me like this man's demise. I stared for the longest time at him. What a peaceful look he had that morning. I slipped the doll into his hand and it was still warm and just sat there in a daze. Someone eventually noticed and shouted that another one was gone. As I slowly looked around the massive room, I saw two more sheets pulled over the bodies of men.

Later as I was coming to with my first drink of the day, I knew the man had run through the DT's; whether it was lack of booze or just his time I still do not know. It didn't occur to me that I was well on my way to the same experiences, just short of death.

These AA principles are suggested. My apologies. I justify my position based my own experience and the death of so many others. I am sure there are other ways, hell in many respects I found another way, but the steps and principles were ingrained into my conscious and whether I liked them or not, I have found a measure of peace.

I applaud the fighter, I never acknowledge the fool. At some point the diminishing returns of investing time and energy in those who do not want to change and have all of the answers is just not worth it; they simply need more pain. In closing, I do appreciate your frankness, hell I love it, because I believe that frankness is a true form of honesty. Maybe you should ask yourself what you truly want in this life, what will solve your current issues and what you are willing to do to get whatever that is accomplished. Maybe the answers are not so distant and not so indigestable as you may think. Take care.

PS, If I didn't give a s***, I would not give the time!

Jhana

Hi need,

Just checking in with you today. You have many friends here,

Jhana

Jules62

Hey needtobe!

I've been away these past 4 days.Interesting to catch up on your thread......

Thank you for your response to my post.I just hate seeing people shot down when all they're trying to do is recover.We slip sometimes-but it's not over.

I hope you're hanging in there.

Someone once said to me-I don't think change comes about by being criticised-it is far more powerful when we love and accept people for who they are and they decide they WANT to change because of it.

I want to be like that.

I wish you well,

Julesxox

needtobefree

Hiya, still here on day 7 now.

Hiya Stone :0)

Tazman - you're cool, thanks for your posts, I do appreciate them.

Rufus - it sounds like you've had a really hard time, I'm glad AA is working for you and I do appreciate that you are trying to help

Jahana - thank you too, it's great to know we have support here isn't it.

Jules, thank you too, wanting to change is the key eh. I find the hardest part is getting past the cravings. I'm hoping the Revia will help when I start it early next month.

stone

Hi Needto!

Congrats on 7 days hun! Keep it up.

Tazman53

Congrats on lucky #7!

GrouchoTheCat

Congrats on 7 days,

Just be aware that this can be a dangerous time. That little voice is going to tell you that there is nothing wrong with you. You stopped. See, if you really had a problem you never could have stopped. One won't hurt!

DON'T LISTEN to it!

I speak from experience.

I find that AA meetings amoung other things, keep reminding me that I can't drink in safety.

Wishing you the best,

Ted

needtobefree

Thanks folks - still here and on day 9 now, it's going quite quickly because I'm so busy with studies thankfully :0)

stone

Hi needto, glad things are going ok.

Tazman53

Congrats on day 9!

rach28

congratulations, im new so u wont know me BUT

keep going, i did 9 days , longest in 8 yrs i think, mannaged a family party with no booze 4 me, surrounded by drunks, 3 days later i had few in pub, an ended up trashed, just couldnt or wouldnt stop, so im bk to square 1, well trying to pull it together to do it again, at least this time the withdrael will not be as dangerous, only been drinking lightly for 4 days since i stopped, but again im trying to decide when is a good time to stop, now shud b good enough time but my heart is hurting at moment, no excuses i know, but please dont give in an be tempted, keep as busy as u possibly can, i hope to join u all on the ol wagon, xx

good luck

pointmagnet

rach28, I too relapse from time to time... But I haven't gotten drunk in my relapses - for example, on Monday, I just had a couple of glasses of wine with a nice steak.

I figure this is an improvement over 3-4 drinks (minimum) every single day.

Good luck!

rach28

can i ask how long have u been sober or can u moderate an control, 4 me i ad a few but ended up in about 16 pints wine, an drugs, an making 1 of the most awful guilt ladden mistakes ever, i hope 1 day i can gain control, but 9 days out of 14 years of ridiculous drinking, progressed in last 6/7 yrs to drinking 6 beers b4 work, i need a long time out to retrain my brain,

i have not been drunk since mon, but the cans r creping bk up, so 2night ill take me tablet an not drink, had 3 already today, but fri nights is bf s lets get trashed nite as he has no work in morning, so ill change my habbit pattern, an get bk on with being sober, buggr him if he want s to stay drunk it s his choice, i know mine, thanks 4 the hope,
xxx