Jules62

At the risk of answering on needtobe's behalf-it's good she's back because-:

1. We can't do this alone. Also....

2. We don't shoot our wounded.You seem unfamiliar with this concept.I think your post was really harsh too.

Why did she drink after 29 days sober?

Um-why do any of us relapse?Because we're alcoholics.It isn't a necessary part of recovery but it happens quite a bit.But we keep coming back-and that is a brave thing and something to be admired.

I wish you all the best needtobe.(and apologise if I've put words into your mouth here-not my intention-just felt a need to respond) Well done on getting back to it!

Much love,

Julesxox

Dee74

I've noticed recently what I can only describe as condescension towards people who relapse here...

we can quote the BB all we like but the fact is sometimes people relapse and like it or not we are ALL a drink away from were we started from.

This forum is for everyone with a sincere desire to quit, not just committed AAers or old timers.

I for one, needtobefree, do think it's good you're back. very good.

D

needtobefree

Thanks Jules and Dee, I really appreciate your posts. You didn't put any words in my mouth Jules, :0) and Dee, it took guts to start this thread for those reasons, I didn't come here to be judged, I got a bit wobbly when I read some of the replies.

Two days over, I'm off to bed now, day 3 next. At least this time the withdrawals haven't been so bad :0)

Dee74

I'm glad for that needtobefree...

I just think this should, generally, be a place of *support*. If you don't feel that support, and don't come back for another go, IMO we all fail.

D

SaTiT

hi needtoBrfree

That's pretty good to recognize self sabatage behaviors in 28 days.
It took me a while to figure out my developed pattern.

me?..i went to AA drunk. i was wacked, but it was my first steps
of many steps to break away from self sabatage pattern.
It's a good thing they told me to keep coming back no matter what.
Yeap..I took that and left the rest.

Jhana

Hi Need,

I might as well be on Day 1 because I have all the symptoms: a big move, quitting a job to start a business, no friends in this new community (although I have discovered a daily noon AA meeting that I will start attending next week), feeling isolated...

So I hope it is Day 2 for you and I will hang in here too,
Jhana

stone

Well I just came pretty damn close to relapsing today. So it looks like I was being cocky!

I have been to the dentist and he needed to give me a lot of anaesthetic and it seemed to kick some kind of craving off and I was starting to think those BS thoughts like 'it will just be a one off' etc.
I managed to stave it off by reminding myself of all the reasons why not and I also told someone how I felt, that really helps for some reason.

Hi Jhana, keep hanging in there! It does get easier, I just had a little scare today.

Tazman53

I have found that as long as I am learning (teachable) I am doing okay.

needtobefree sadly there are people that are judgemental here & the rooms of AA, for me I have found that the statement "Take what you need and leave the rest" to be of a huge benefit here and in the rooms.

I do not care where we go in life or what program we use for recovery, there are always going to be a sprinkling of jerks....... think about it, are we not all sick? We are all working on getting better and helping others get better as well.

I had to look up the word "Slip" and found the definition interesting:

From the definition above it looks like a gentle way of saying a "Minor relapse".

Kind of like a serial killer decides to abstain from killing and after a few months of abstaining he kills just one person on only one day, was that a relapse or a slip?

Do not get me wrong to me there is a difference between a relapse and a slip, but in my humble opinion if I had a beer tonight and did not have any more I would call that a slip and adjust my sobriety date.

Why would I adjust my sobriety date? Because I am in AA and in AA when someone is asked their sobriety date that date is considered the date of their last drink, not thier last drunk. That does not mean I have not gained the experience of the time I was sober before that, it is simply me being honest with myself and others. I could not look some one in the eyes and lie about my actual sobriety date or anything else now.

I was a liar to the world when I was drinking, for me in order to stay sober I have to stay honest.

Stone it amazes me as well how just talking to someone about it helps. I have a feeling it puts a degree of accountability into the equation thereby getting us out of the isolation mode.

RufusACanal

Yes, I can be harsh. I know alcoholism and I know it kills good people every hour and since you mentioned it, I do know you if you are one of us. In early recovery, wrestling with the insane proposition of a new life, I tended to look for what separated me from my fellows, not what we had in common. I was scared and angry and flat out nuts. No one is unique needtobefree and if you consider my expressions too stern or without worth then I apologize. Let me end with this. I do not write here or offer my experience, strength and hope because I am enamored with my writing skills or my cosmic thoughts. I do this out of love, because I know deeply the loss of innocence, the loss of freedom and the loss of anything good and pure from beverage alcohol. I know because my name is Ron A. and I am an Alcoholic.

Best to you my friend.

stone

I agree it is something to do with it bringing us out of isolation mode. It works anyway!

snowgoose

Best wishes to you, ntbf and thanks for the update. I'll be hoping to see more.

needtobefree

Thanks again folks :0)

SaTiT - the self sabotage is a pattern across my whole life unfortunately, I get to where I want to be, well almost and then screw it up by dropping out. I need to care enough for myself to not self sabotage, I'm getting there slowly. :0)

Tazman - I definately think that I just had a relapse, it was a couple of weeks + of drinking two litres of red wine a night again, more in debt on my credit card etc etc, all those things that relate to the unmanageability.

Jhana - I'm still there with ya, how's it going for you?

stone - I'm glad you managed to avoid it, gawd it sneaks up on us eh.

RufusACanal - I appreciate you are trying to help but if I were a new member here and this was my first time posting I would find your posts and a few others that are "big book bashing" (for want of a better expression) very offputting, in fact I'd run a mile in the opposit direction.

It's like the fundemental Christians insisting that there's only one way to G*d. I used to be in a cult years ago, (not that they realised or accepted that they were a cult), they were very black and white and all or nothing, I managed to get out of it but to be really honest with you your posts put me in mind of them. Do it my way or it's the highway (to hell, of one sort or another). My stuff I know, but I thought you'd appreciate my frankness.

snowgoose - I hope to see more of you too, thank you for your support. :0)

~ 0 ~

BP44

Here's the thing, and there's no real easy and soft way of getting around it. I really didn't want to be told the truth about myself and my disease. It was bad enough to admit I was an alcoholic, but when you told me that all I knew how to do was get drunk and that I was insane, well that was just about the limit. And when you told me you really didn't care what I thought or what I felt, that it really didn't matter, I just didn't understand. I couldn't comprehend that I was getting exactly what I needed. See, for this alcoholic the " take what you need and leave the rest" actually was not possible cause I didn't know what I needed. As it turns out, I needed a variety of alcoholics in my life. I'm a high maintenance drunk, so I need some that are reassuring and encouraging, reinforcing that I am on the right path. Then I need some who remind me frequently that the odds are against me, that I'm a drink away from certain death and that I had best stick to the basics. These are the people that let me know that there's a tiger about to jump on my back. This network grows everyday for me as I put myself into the program. Anchoring it is a good sponsor who has a sponsor that has worked the steps with that sponsor. This network doesn't come to me, I had to be willing to go out and get it. These are the people who are willing to tell me the truth about myself, and thank God I was ready to hear it.

stone

Hi needto.

redbear

Are you in AA, the program helps and getting a sponser can be a life saver. I have only been going to Al-anon for a bit, NA and open speakers for a bit. And one thing that I have noticed when listening to open speaker meetings, if the speaker speaks of his/her slips most all say, I slipped when I stopped going to meetings. It may take someone a couple of trys to quit cigs, don't get down on yourself, you can do it, take it one day at a time. If you are sober today, it was a good day.

needtobefree

Thanks BP for your post.

When I checked out AA last month it was because there is very little in the way of support here in NZ, unless I drive a bit of a way in the dark, which I really don't enjoy.

I'm still looking for other options, everything in me really does want to run the other way from AA but it seemed to help some people so that's great. I think that's the thing that annoys me, I'm not against AA but the ppl in AA seem to be against every other option out there.

See the thing is I do know what's best for me, I don't need telling, we aren't all the same (yeah I know there's similarities but please don't try to rob me of my individuality!) and I am capable of getting the help I need when I need it.

I don't need to convince anyone here any of this but I'll say it anyway. I'm an intelligent woman with foresight, it's where my addiction will progress that worries me, I'm trying not to hit rock bottom, I've got too much to achieve. I'm a mature degree student with a plan, I'm the mother to a 9 year old whose father died at the end of October last year, my mother died suddenly in Easter this year, life's a huge challenge at the moment, but I'm so determined not to go to the bottom, I'm doing my own intervention here. Give me some bloody credit would you, lol. (btw - I do have a sense of humour ;0)

redbear - yeah I'm still sober today - day 3 nearly over. The one thing I've taken from AA is that I can do this one day at a time, I get that now which is great. I do intend to go back, and take what I need and leave the rest :0) Thanks for your post too.

barb dwyer

yeah, me too.
Except I'm a published author, illustrator, and a few other self - propelled things.

botched suicide a year ago.

and the point is?

I never thought I was too smart for AA.
I went to AA because I had no where else to go.
I always managed to keep my public face as well.
Then ... I didn't manage.
Then .. I died.
No drama - just fact.

I was humbled.

And I was welcomed.
And am repairing.
And I am not better than any single person in the Program worldwide.
Nor am I one iota worse.
I'll be 'back' one day, and you'll say to yourself , wow - that ws 'barb dwyer' from SR ... or is it?
The difference this time is - I'm no longer Self - propelled. My HP is my motivation. My wealth. My comfort. And my biggest fan.

I was no longer at a place where I couldn't stop drinking, unless I could stop on my own terms and with my self importance intact. It's turned out to be the most incredible thing to happen for me in this long lifetime.

I am glad I wasn't too smart for AA.
My commonality ... has saved my life.

I've sat in the rooms with PHD's and with paupers.
And not once ... was I unwelcome.

An advantrage to AA is ... it's at hand. Maybe check out a few meetings, while scoping other alternatives. Otherwise, you're just sitting still ... doing nothing ... waiting for something 'better' to come along. That's NOT smart. That is NOT self-contained.
That can be fatal.

My apologies if this comes off as harsh, as well ... perhaps I misunderstood something along the way here. An alcoholic death is harsh as well, unfortunately.

needtobefree

Argh, I'm not saying I'm too smart for AA at all Barb, just that there are different horses for courses. I'm glad it worked for you, as I am anyone.

barb dwyer

ok then, I apologize for being harsh.

My relapse lasted five years, so you've got way better choices going on than I had.

My apologies. I misunderstood.

December15

29 days is great needtobe. I relapsed last night after only five days. Have been nursing a crushing hangover all day to remind me not to do it again.