Time to give up for good
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 8
Time to give up for good
Hi, this is my first post and a bit of a rant. I've also got a bit of a fuzzy head, so I apologise if its not coherent. I've been lurking for some time now and this site has really helped put things into perspective.
I've always been a problem drinker, to the point where I was actually proud of my drinking prowess - how sad is that!! But the last 3 years have seen me turn from someone who drinks too much, into someone who can't control their drinking.
I just can't believe it's taken me so long to realise what an evil substance alcohol is. There have been so many times this year I have managed to give up for a week or two, thinking that my drinking really isn't a problem. Only to start drinking again harder and longer than before.
Alcohol has robbed me so much of my life but I keep going back to it and I don't know why. I used to be confident, have a great job and a great group of friends. I now get anxious talking to people, rarely meet up with friends and I'm out of work, being supported by my partner.
When I stop drinking my confidence does slowly return and I'm proactive and get things done. To the point where I feel I have achieved something and deserve a drink, which puts me back to square one.
I've always thought I can beat alcohol but alcohol is seriously whipping my ass and I now know I can't do this alone. I've never really liked the idea of AA but I'm so desperate now that I plucked up the courage and called the AA help line and had a great chat with the guy. He took my details and said a local AA person would be in touch, which they did, but I missed the call - I was drunk
One of the biggest problems I have is getting my partner to understand. She's very loving and supportive and hates my drinking and can see what it does to me. But she doesn't take the fact that I need to give up for good seriously. Because I can give up for a week or so every now and then, seems to blind her to the fact that when I start drinking again, I drink twice as much as before and find it incredibly difficult to stop. I have spoken to her and she knows how I feel but I think she secretly harbours the idea that one day I will be able to drink sensibly again, which I know I won't be able to do. Has anyone else experienced this? She can take or leave alcohol but I don't think she likes the idea that we will never share a glass of wine again.
I think this post has gone on long enough. If you've got this far - thanks for reading and your support.
I've always been a problem drinker, to the point where I was actually proud of my drinking prowess - how sad is that!! But the last 3 years have seen me turn from someone who drinks too much, into someone who can't control their drinking.
I just can't believe it's taken me so long to realise what an evil substance alcohol is. There have been so many times this year I have managed to give up for a week or two, thinking that my drinking really isn't a problem. Only to start drinking again harder and longer than before.
Alcohol has robbed me so much of my life but I keep going back to it and I don't know why. I used to be confident, have a great job and a great group of friends. I now get anxious talking to people, rarely meet up with friends and I'm out of work, being supported by my partner.
When I stop drinking my confidence does slowly return and I'm proactive and get things done. To the point where I feel I have achieved something and deserve a drink, which puts me back to square one.
I've always thought I can beat alcohol but alcohol is seriously whipping my ass and I now know I can't do this alone. I've never really liked the idea of AA but I'm so desperate now that I plucked up the courage and called the AA help line and had a great chat with the guy. He took my details and said a local AA person would be in touch, which they did, but I missed the call - I was drunk
One of the biggest problems I have is getting my partner to understand. She's very loving and supportive and hates my drinking and can see what it does to me. But she doesn't take the fact that I need to give up for good seriously. Because I can give up for a week or so every now and then, seems to blind her to the fact that when I start drinking again, I drink twice as much as before and find it incredibly difficult to stop. I have spoken to her and she knows how I feel but I think she secretly harbours the idea that one day I will be able to drink sensibly again, which I know I won't be able to do. Has anyone else experienced this? She can take or leave alcohol but I don't think she likes the idea that we will never share a glass of wine again.
I think this post has gone on long enough. If you've got this far - thanks for reading and your support.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Good morning, sobercompton.
Recognizing that alcohol is a problem is good first step. Try calling the AA line again and get to a meeting. It took me a while to accept the fact that I was more than a heavy drinker- years, in fact. I'm glad you found us here. There are lots of people here that can help you out. Keep posting, keep reading, and give the AA hotline another ring. Meetings are held all times of the day. Try not to pick up that first drink today.
Blessings be, my friend.
LRH
Recognizing that alcohol is a problem is good first step. Try calling the AA line again and get to a meeting. It took me a while to accept the fact that I was more than a heavy drinker- years, in fact. I'm glad you found us here. There are lots of people here that can help you out. Keep posting, keep reading, and give the AA hotline another ring. Meetings are held all times of the day. Try not to pick up that first drink today.
Blessings be, my friend.
LRH
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 51
Welcome, sobercompton!!
Congratulations on reaching out...it takes courage to call AA, and you did it!
Your story reminds me a lot of mine. My drinking got progressively worse over the years, and like you, I could quit for a little while, only to "reward" myself with a drink and find myself worse than ever. My husband had a hard time with the idea of me quitting - he didn't see it as a "problem" and he actually told me he would miss his "drinking buddy".
I went to my first AA meeting, scared to death, but saw in the people there something that I wanted - happiness, serenity, laughter, and HOPE. I kept going back, and two years later, I am truly a new person (that my husband enjoys much more than the "old me", incidentally). I still struggle, but now I have people to call and instructions to follow to help me lead the life that I was meant to lead.
Please keep posting, and call AA again today. We're glad you're here!!!!
Congratulations on reaching out...it takes courage to call AA, and you did it!
Your story reminds me a lot of mine. My drinking got progressively worse over the years, and like you, I could quit for a little while, only to "reward" myself with a drink and find myself worse than ever. My husband had a hard time with the idea of me quitting - he didn't see it as a "problem" and he actually told me he would miss his "drinking buddy".
I went to my first AA meeting, scared to death, but saw in the people there something that I wanted - happiness, serenity, laughter, and HOPE. I kept going back, and two years later, I am truly a new person (that my husband enjoys much more than the "old me", incidentally). I still struggle, but now I have people to call and instructions to follow to help me lead the life that I was meant to lead.
Please keep posting, and call AA again today. We're glad you're here!!!!
Member
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Green,green grass of home
Posts: 600
Hi and welcome,!!!!
find out when they are having the next AA meeting and walk in.You are no longer all alone.You will meet others who have travelled this road,and have found solutions!!!
Nothing to fear by going.Those in the rooms are there for the same reason as you are.They understand,
find out when they are having the next AA meeting and walk in.You are no longer all alone.You will meet others who have travelled this road,and have found solutions!!!
Nothing to fear by going.Those in the rooms are there for the same reason as you are.They understand,
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: green hills of Vermont, USA
Posts: 251
Hello, Sobercompton:
Welcome. If you really meant what you said in your post, you've taken the first step. Wow, it takes me back. Today I don't have that pain and confusion because I was so lucky to find AA, hard as that was, and have been sober One Day at a Time for a few 24hours. When you realize alcohol has you beaten to a pulp, you just might be open to the fact that there is One who can help (your Higher Power as you know it), and be willing to turn your problem over to that entity.
I found I couldn't do that alone; I needed the people in AA. Luckily, I got there, where I found people who actually understood because they'd been through it. Nobody claims it is easy, but it is so worth it. And there is Alanon for your girlfriend. We think in terms of staying away from a drink only for the 24 hours we're in. Otherwise it is overwhelming.
Blessings from the Snowgoose.
Welcome. If you really meant what you said in your post, you've taken the first step. Wow, it takes me back. Today I don't have that pain and confusion because I was so lucky to find AA, hard as that was, and have been sober One Day at a Time for a few 24hours. When you realize alcohol has you beaten to a pulp, you just might be open to the fact that there is One who can help (your Higher Power as you know it), and be willing to turn your problem over to that entity.
I found I couldn't do that alone; I needed the people in AA. Luckily, I got there, where I found people who actually understood because they'd been through it. Nobody claims it is easy, but it is so worth it. And there is Alanon for your girlfriend. We think in terms of staying away from a drink only for the 24 hours we're in. Otherwise it is overwhelming.
Blessings from the Snowgoose.
Coffee Drinker
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Lobstah Land
Posts: 1,122
Please call the AA line again and get to an AA meeting.
There you will meet real people who have solved their alcohol problem and they will be more than happy to show you the way.
It works for me!
Ted
There you will meet real people who have solved their alcohol problem and they will be more than happy to show you the way.
It works for me!
Ted
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Welcome!
I suggest you start with the 2 sticky post at the top of the page.
And seeing your doctor before stopping abruptly is a wise move.
I was single when I began recovery so I did not have your situation
Glad to see you are looking for a healthier sober life!
I suggest you start with the 2 sticky post at the top of the page.
And seeing your doctor before stopping abruptly is a wise move.
I was single when I began recovery so I did not have your situation
Glad to see you are looking for a healthier sober life!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 410
"I've always been a problem drinker, to the point where I was actually proud of my drinking prowess - how sad is that!! But the last 3 years have seen me turn from someone who drinks too much, into someone who can't control their drinking."
"When I stop drinking my confidence does slowly return and I'm proactive and get things done. To the point where I feel I have achieved something and deserve a drink, which puts me back to square one."
I don't know how to make those two comment "quotes", but I wanted you to know that I relate greatly to both. I've always been drinking, since I was 14 or 15. Then was just weekends, then every night in college, every night after work. But that was workable. I even opened a sign shop in my garage about 10 years ago, so I started earlier and earlier. With few checks and balances, I was drinking earlier and earlier. Now I'm 34 and was drinking morning till night heavily. But like me, you have been trying which will make you see yourself honestly, so I think you can do this. Once you admit you can't control, you have your own check & balance and it's inside of YOU.
And believe me, I don't even look for support from my better half. She has no idea and is not the person I lean on for support. If anything, she's tired of hearing about how I quit again, knowing/thinking I'll be at it again soon. So I'm not really talking to her about it. I'm doing it for myself, not for her, and it seems easier this time.
Best of luck... wait, it's not luck, it's YOUR choices. I hope you are able to make the right ones. I hope that I will be able to also. I'm sure we will!
"When I stop drinking my confidence does slowly return and I'm proactive and get things done. To the point where I feel I have achieved something and deserve a drink, which puts me back to square one."
I don't know how to make those two comment "quotes", but I wanted you to know that I relate greatly to both. I've always been drinking, since I was 14 or 15. Then was just weekends, then every night in college, every night after work. But that was workable. I even opened a sign shop in my garage about 10 years ago, so I started earlier and earlier. With few checks and balances, I was drinking earlier and earlier. Now I'm 34 and was drinking morning till night heavily. But like me, you have been trying which will make you see yourself honestly, so I think you can do this. Once you admit you can't control, you have your own check & balance and it's inside of YOU.
And believe me, I don't even look for support from my better half. She has no idea and is not the person I lean on for support. If anything, she's tired of hearing about how I quit again, knowing/thinking I'll be at it again soon. So I'm not really talking to her about it. I'm doing it for myself, not for her, and it seems easier this time.
Best of luck... wait, it's not luck, it's YOUR choices. I hope you are able to make the right ones. I hope that I will be able to also. I'm sure we will!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
To make something a quote, start with "quote" and end with "\quote", but put brackets around each like so: []
Sobercompton, I assume you are in Compton, CA. If so there are gazillions of AA meetings in SoCal, you just need to find one you like. Hang in there and let us know how you are doing.
Sobercompton, I assume you are in Compton, CA. If so there are gazillions of AA meetings in SoCal, you just need to find one you like. Hang in there and let us know how you are doing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 8
Many thanks to everyone for all the kind posts.
I have contacted the AA again, which was really hard to do sober and suffering with some nasty anxiety from all the booze. I'm just waiting for someone to get back in touch with me - a call that I will not miss this time round.
dgillz - I'm actually from the UK. I know my profile says California but I'm not sure how to change it.
I have contacted the AA again, which was really hard to do sober and suffering with some nasty anxiety from all the booze. I'm just waiting for someone to get back in touch with me - a call that I will not miss this time round.
dgillz - I'm actually from the UK. I know my profile says California but I'm not sure how to change it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Livingston, Texas
Posts: 7
sobercompton- I know exactly how you feel. I actually had that same conversation w/ my guy this morning. He doesnt get that I can't jsut cut back and learn moderation. If I could do moderation there are hundreds of things I wouldn't have done in college or drunk in general. I am turned off of AA and you all make it sound like the only way to go. I think I am not into it b/c it will hold me accountable... which I should be anyway. Today is only day 1 for me though.... maybe I will change my mind. I am only midway through the day and I am already depressed about not being able to drink soon.
Rimmy- I totally understand what you mean.. I am self employeed too and noone notices when I am drinking either. It is bad but going back to having a real boss seems worse. Maybe that will help in motivating me further.
Good luck everybody and thanks for the support.
Rimmy- I totally understand what you mean.. I am self employeed too and noone notices when I am drinking either. It is bad but going back to having a real boss seems worse. Maybe that will help in motivating me further.
Good luck everybody and thanks for the support.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 410
Originally Posted by delilahz 
Rimmy- I totally understand what you mean.. I am self employeed too and noone notices when I am drinking either. It is bad but going back to having a real boss seems worse. Maybe that will help in motivating me further.
Good luck everybody and thanks for the support.
Good luck everybody and thanks for the support.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Murrieta, Ca
Posts: 2,683
I am turned off of AA and you all make it sound like the only way to go. I think I am not into it b/c it will hold me accountable...
There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—that principle is contempt prior to investigation.” – Herbert Spencer
Last edited by GlassPrisoner; 08-14-2007 at 12:30 PM. Reason: dope ! stupid spellling mistakes
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Canada
Posts: 84
A glass of sparkling grape juice is great to celabrate something or to start off a romantic evening with your girlfriend. Remember, there was life before alcohol and there will be life after it. think of all the things, you liked before, even when you were i kid growwing up. bike riding, hiking, sports, etc. Life is so much better sober and clean...and do you know the best things of it is...you can look at yourself in the mirror and smile because you can remember the whole day. Since my husband and I have entered AA, Al and NA, we have found great friends....Surprising..last sunday I went to my first ever BBQ with no drinking, and I had a great time, I didn't miss it a bit. You want this bad enough you can do it, and don't be afraid to reach out for AA, the AA family is great. Try a Open Speaker meeting in your area, both you and your girlfriend can go, it is an eye opening experience. Take care of yourself.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 8
Spoke to my local AA guy last night and had a good old chat, before arranging to meet up on Thursday, to head off to my first meeting. I had the option of going to a meeting tonight (Wednesday) but I know I need a couple of days off the booze to function half normally - I don't want to freak out, never to return.
So I'm now 1 day sober and will not drink today. I’m looking forward to the meeting tomorrow, albeit a little scarred.
Hope you are all having a great day!
So I'm now 1 day sober and will not drink today. I’m looking forward to the meeting tomorrow, albeit a little scarred.
Hope you are all having a great day!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: green hills of Vermont, USA
Posts: 251
Hi, sobercompton:
Good on the chat with your AA guy and plans to get to your first meeting. Please know that those first meetings were incredibly tough for all of us but we made it through and are here to tell you about it and support you with our Experience, Strength and Hope. If we did it, so can you. There's nothing easy about admitting that you are an alcoholic and that it has beaten you to a pulp. Working the twelve steps of AA is not easy but they are designed to help you stay away from a drink One Day at a Time. It's simple but we won't try to tell you that it is easy. But for me, it's a lot easier than the pain I knew because I couldn't put down a drink.
Blessings and don't let anything - ANYTHING! - deter you from getting to that meeting and to many, many more.
Good on the chat with your AA guy and plans to get to your first meeting. Please know that those first meetings were incredibly tough for all of us but we made it through and are here to tell you about it and support you with our Experience, Strength and Hope. If we did it, so can you. There's nothing easy about admitting that you are an alcoholic and that it has beaten you to a pulp. Working the twelve steps of AA is not easy but they are designed to help you stay away from a drink One Day at a Time. It's simple but we won't try to tell you that it is easy. But for me, it's a lot easier than the pain I knew because I couldn't put down a drink.
Blessings and don't let anything - ANYTHING! - deter you from getting to that meeting and to many, many more.
Guest
Posts: n/a
That's a great start! Day 1's can be a little unnerving- I've had my share of them. I'm glad that you got to talk to someone from AA and will be going to a meeting. You'll meet some new friends there, I'm sure. This forum is a great place, but for me at least nothing beats that face-to-face chat.
Best wishes to you.
LRH
Best wishes to you.
LRH
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: WI
Posts: 180
Originally Posted by sobercompton
One of the biggest problems I have is getting my partner to understand. She's very loving and supportive and hates my drinking and can see what it does to me. But she doesn't take the fact that I need to give up for good seriously. Because I can give up for a week or so every now and then, seems to blind her to the fact that when I start drinking again, I drink twice as much as before and find it incredibly difficult to stop. I have spoken to her and she knows how I feel but I think she secretly harbours the idea that one day I will be able to drink sensibly again, which I know I won't be able to do. Has anyone else experienced this? She can take or leave alcohol but I don't think she likes the idea that we will never share a glass of wine again.
I think this post has gone on long enough. If you've got this far - thanks for reading and your support.
I can see bits of myself in your story. I am slowly learning to socialize again, without the assistance of alcohol. It's a long, hard haul.
We have similar situations where our partners are concerned, too. Mine, like yours, can take acohol or leave it. A beer can last her half the night! Amazing. I was afraid, like you, that she would be upset that I would not be enjoying wine with her during dinners or special occasions- I was wrong. She knows that I can't drink like regular folks and she really just wants me to be happy and healthy and not struggling. One thing she did that was so thoughtful and kind was to go out and purchase all sorts of interesting sodas...now, I reward myself with a hand crafted root beer or ginger beer. Another thing my partner has done is to keep the house booze free, which has really brought home to me just how supportive of this endeavor she is. Maybe you should sit down with your partner and have a very honest and frank talk. I bet that if you tell her you really need to stop drinking, period, she will be supportive of you...good luck.
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