"I've always been a problem drinker, to the point where I was actually proud of my drinking prowess - how sad is that!! But the last 3 years have seen me turn from someone who drinks too much, into someone who can't control their drinking."
"When I stop drinking my confidence does slowly return and I'm proactive and get things done. To the point where I feel I have achieved something and deserve a drink, which puts me back to square one."
I don't know how to make those two comment "quotes", but I wanted you to know that I relate greatly to both. I've always been drinking, since I was 14 or 15. Then was just weekends, then every night in college, every night after work. But that was workable. I even opened a sign shop in my garage about 10 years ago, so I started earlier and earlier. With few checks and balances, I was drinking earlier and earlier. Now I'm 34 and was drinking morning till night heavily. But like me, you have been trying which will make you see yourself honestly, so I think you can do this. Once you admit you can't control, you have your own check & balance and it's inside of YOU.
And believe me, I don't even look for support from my better half. She has no idea and is not the person I lean on for support. If anything, she's tired of hearing about how I quit again, knowing/thinking I'll be at it again soon. So I'm not really talking to her about it. I'm doing it for myself, not for her, and it seems easier this time.
Best of luck... wait, it's not luck, it's YOUR choices. I hope you are able to make the right ones. I hope that I will be able to also. I'm sure we will!